Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

[DanRSL]

Definitely feels like a return to form for me. And although I doubt my previous post was even read, let alone meaningfully considered, your end result of this week's review addressing a more unknown game and steering clear of obvious critical "gimmes" makes me feel great. Please keep that up.

Although please, don't even dignify the people requesting a Mario Kart review with a response. If they want one, then here
MKWii-
-far too derivative of previous games
-unnecessary and sometimes unlikeable characters
-designed without skill in mind
-once again a Nintendo product contradicts the mission of the Wii by being much better with a Gamecube controller
-poop joke

Now read that very quickly and there's Yahtzee's MKWii review. Actually, Yahtzee, I would be honored if you used that as a 15 second review just to appease anyone still asking for an MKWii review.

But anyway, good review and I look forward to the drought of big name games which I hope will encourage more creativity and less "gimmes".

 

[twilight_dweller]

Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

You must be new here.

Not really. But your concern is touching.

I mean that.

 

[agerdemon]

I wonder if there will be a spike in sales of this game now that this has been reviewed... especially at $9.99 on Steam or otherwise incredibly cheap in a bargain bin.

You can get it even cheaper than that.

 

[agerdemon]

I never knew wot this game was about but if it is like serious sam with more violence thats good enough for me!

 

[Digikid]

Perfectly said DanRSL. Well done and very true.

 

[elpresidente]

I'm surprised to find out that many of you have never heard or played "Painkiller". It's a very good game, and despite the fact that in this game you basically just kill tons of bad minions, it has great sound and visual design - you'll love it if you value these things in games. Some of the ambient music pieces are purely genius, particularly that of the "Military base", "Factory" and "Opera house" levels. The game uses dynamic music background, which means that during fights a realty hard heavy-metal riffs kick in, but since I don't like metal I just turn off battle music and leave only the ambient.
Also, it's not simply a shooter, there is subtle message throughout the whole game, and the closest point it becomes visible is in the "Asylum" level.
Finally a review of a good game that I have played, and don't have to wait ages for it to be converted for PC!

 

[JakobBloch]

I must say you give this game far too much credit.

All right all right the weapons are great. Actually I can't really remember when I liked the weapons more in a game. There is in fact something greatly therapeutic about using these weapons and especially the painkiller made me feel good about myself.

However this is where the good stuff ends which doesn't make for a lot of good stuff. I found the levels to be samey and murky. It was just a succession of closed areas that you ran around in for a bit (that is to say till you killed everything) ending in a bossfight. Ok I admit I enjoyed the bossfights too. Some of them at least. I do seem to remember that the scenery changed from time to time but it was mostly the same dark and grey colors so I didn't really care that much.

The enemies might have been interesting with their own quirks and personalities but when you are fighting of you 100th wave of ignorant undead or whatever they are this time it doesn't really register. They are just the next dead monster in your way and your just going to treat it as such. This is luckily set on pause for some nice bossfights or I might just have turned the painkiller on myself.

Now for the story. Here I agree. It is shit. It is poorly executed and instead of drawing you in it repulses you to the point where you question yourself as to the reason for this clearly botched investment. Why all this sobstory? I can understand that in games with some substans you might want a well rounded character with motives of his own but here I would rather have had a a grizzled monster with arms like tree trunks. He should be wearing a t-shirt, army boot and pants and a gimpmask for that true heavenly hitman feel. Instead I get mister Believable. In all honesty if the story hadn't been there I might have called this an average game but with it I have to grade it down.

2x P.S: First PS: I admit I made this "review" several years after I played the game. I am now gonna play the game again (or at least as long as I dare before going insane) and if I change my mind I will come back and tell you. In the meantime I stand by this.
Second PS: I may have become a bit incoherent somewhere in there but I was distracted by some music show on TV. There was some hot chick there and I kinda got sidetracked. I am not a professional. I am allowed to get distracted by an ample bosom, broad hips and silky skin.

Well there you have it. My opinion.

 

[otterbeans]

Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

You must be new here.

Not really. But your concern is touching.

I mean that.

Hey, if he was forced to do stuff like Peggle and SSBB, he can be forced to do TWEWY.

However unlikely.

 

[the_tramp]

You can get it even cheaper than that.

Or otherwise, I simply did a quick search and that was the first thing that I saw. Forgive me if it appeared that I was advertising Steam or something, not that it *really* needs advertising does it... I would like to meet someone who's remotely connected to the Internet gaming community and hasn't heard of it.

 

[Giggsfella]

As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

[li]NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
[/li]


[li]No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
[/li]

[li] NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass![/li]

[li]SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING![/li] The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!


Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

The fact you give your opinion lots does not make you an expert in opinions. I tend to keep out of anonymous online arguments but your arrogance shouldn't pass by ignored. The only reason I visit this website is to watch Ben's reviews in the same way I flick over to paramount to watch south park. He makes me laugh which seldom happens nowadays.

I'll leave "the other forums" to those of you with a more permanent relationship with the internet.

Oh and before I forget:

1) Yahtzee is a GOD!! This review was crafted by angels.
2) but it also sucked monkey balls. He should review Mario Kart (or something equally moronic)
3) I just registered to impart note 1) and 2), both quite important messages, and will sleep better tonight content that I've educated the world..... have I missed anything??

I hope you found that irritating. wanker!

 

[Lord of Decay]

this is possiably my favorite review ever ... and i intend to get that game as soon as possible ... it appeals to my twisted sense of humour

 

[Lord of Decay]

As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

[li]NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
[/li]


[li]No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
[/li]

[li] NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass![/li]

[li]SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING![/li] The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!


Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

The fact you give your opinion lots does not make you an expert in opinions. I tend to keep out of anonymous online arguments but your arrogance shouldn't pass by ignored. The only reason I visit this website is to watch Ben's reviews in the same way I flick over to paramount to watch south park. He makes me laugh which seldom happens nowadays.

I'll leave "the other forums" to those of you with a more permanent relationship with the internet.

Oh and before I forget:

1) Yahtzee is a GOD!! This review was crafted by angels.
2) but it also sucked monkey balls. He should review Mario Kart (or something equally moronic)
3) I just registered to impart note 1) and 2), both quite important messages, and will sleep better tonight content that I've educated the world..... have I missed anything??

I hope you found that irritating. wanker!

fraid u did miss something - 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL
Dont worry tho i covered it for u

 

[Hamster at Dawn]

Forgot to comment on this earlier.
I might have to get this game just for the lightning and shurikens.
The review was average, good but nothing outstanding.

 

[thompsons]

This new videoplayer is not working good :/
Please use the old one. It worked allways.
This new one is not good for slow connections because you can't rewind to the beginning and also it does not seem to stop at the end so I could use the replay-button.

Please use the old player in the next videos.

 

[Knight Templar]

Can't decide if I like the new setup or not.

 

[m_jim]

Good review; shame we had to wait nearly 3 extra hours for it. Since I enjoyed Black (another first person shoot-the-hell-out-of-everything-er) I might consider hunting that down.

Nice to see that you can start with being positive games again too.

Can we get a sequel to Black please? That game was sweet

As much as we'd all love it and how much it was hinted, no. Said by Criterion, and not even God knows why...

I thought that Black had its moments of brilliance, with the big, loud guns and astounding particle effects. However, when you unload an entire magazine into an enemy's sternum, only to watch him walk away, it gets a bit frustrating. I do think that it is a shame, however, that after the cliffhanger ending we aren't getting a sequel.

 

[bother this nonesence]

oh my that was one that had me grinning from the beginning
the thing about mario kart was awesome

 

[Aihal]

Anybody else find the video doesn't load at all in Safari 3.1.1? Latest flash player installed etc, but all I get is a grey box where the video player should be. Works fine in Camino, though.