Zero Punctuation: Remember Me

[QUINTIX]

[HEADING=1]required reading[/HEADING]​

the age of the convoluted blockbuster [http://badassdigest.com/2013/06/12/film-crit-hulk-smash-the-age-of-the-convoluted-blockbuster/]​

... I.E. "IT'S A PLOT!" BY "PEOPLE WHO PLOT THINGS!" AND IF YOU ACCEPT THAT MEANING THAN IT SEEMS NO ACCIDENT THAT SO MANY MODERN BLOCKBUSTER PLOTS SEEM TO BE "PLOTS!" MEANING THEY ARE ALL BUILT FROM PREMEDITATED, COLD ACTIONS, WHICH THEN UNFOLD IN A SERIES OF INTERLOCKING FATALISTIC EVENTS. MEANING A PLOT IS SO OBVIOUSLY CONSTRUCTED THAT IT'S RENDERED INTO SOMETHING MECHANICAL.

AND WHEN ONE THINKS ABOUT "STORY," WELL, ONE THINKS OF SOMETHING INNATELY MORE HUMAN. WE THINK OF EVENTS THAT MERELY UNFOLD AS NATURAL REACTIONS TO THE PROTAGONISTS EMOTIONS AND WANTS AND THE WAY THOSE PLAY OFF THE EMOTIONS OF OTHER CHARACTERS. AND THE GRADUAL BUILDING OF THESE EMOTIONS LEAD US TO AN EVOLUTION OF STAKES AND PERSONAL IMPORT. THE BEST STORIES DON'T EVEN MAKE US THINK ABOUT PLOT, THEY JUST SEEM TO EXIST. AND IT IS THIS INVISIBLE MODE OF STORYTELLING WITHOUT ALL THE CLAWING-AT-YOU TWISTS AND TURNS THAT ALLOWS US TO ORGANICALLY FALL RIGHT INTO THE STORY ITSELF. WE DON'T JUST WATCH THE FILM, WE MANAGE TO LIVE IN THE WORLD OF THOSE CHARACTERS. WE EMPATHIZE WITH THEM. WE BELIEVE THE GRAND AND BEST POSSIBLE LIE OF MOVIES: WE BELIEVE WE'RE IN IT.

...snip...​

TRUTH IS THAT THE REAL VICTIM OF THIS CONVOLUTED PLOTTING IS TRADITIONAL DRAMA. BY OBFUSCATING CLARITY IN THE NAME OF A GRANDIOSE PUZZLE, WE CAN'T HELP BUT GET IN THE WAY OF THE OPTIMAL EMOTIONAL RESONANCE IN OUR STORIES. WE MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE CONSTRUCTIONS. WE SHOW ALL THE STRINGS. AND IT'S GOTTEN TO SUCH AN OBLIVIOUS STATE THAT THIS IS BAD THAT WE NOT ONLY SHOW THESE STRINGS, BUT THEN TURN TO THE AUDIENCE AND SAY "Hey! Look at all those strings I tied! Don't they look complicated!?!?! I did that!"

SIGH.

edit:

Spoiler

now I am hungry for some soft pretzels; thanks yahtzee

Hopefully games like blood-dragon and this become evidence that even "meh" games that at least try something novel can break the ludicrous exponential correlation between metacritic scores and sales.

 

[Bbleds]

What? Realistic duck chasing physics are what I have been waiting for, and now we finally have the next generation of consoles that can handle that kind of added atmosphere.

 

[Rebel_Raven]

I'm definitely looking forward to a more fleshed out sequel to this game. Almost every good IP starts off on shakey legs.

I liked the game as it is, but it could've been more, and maybe a bit more polished, yes. Still, the visuals, especially the city itself were fairly breath taking, IMO. The rich lore was pretty nice, too.
The character designs were pretty unique, too, IMO.

I was a little scared of Yahtzee reviewing it, but I'm glad he saw the good in it, too. :3

Game's by no means perfect, but it was pretty refreshing, I'd say.

It does have somethging of a Game + mode (always a bonus with me), and lets you revisit beaten episodes on top of that.

 

[Dfskelleton]

This little red riding hood has a bucket full of kickass?

Yeah, that's impressively bad, even for a...

Nah, now I'm imagining Duke Nukem saying it in a really awful FPS and now it's funny, in a laughing at, not laughing with way.

I think Duke Nukem's voice can make anything funny. Example:

But seriously, that's an awful line. It's a shame about the game, though. It makes me sad when someone tries to make something a little more ambitious and doesn't succeed. I felt the same way when people reacted negatively to L.A. Noire, even though I personally enjoyed the hell out of that particular game.
Still, applause for trying to do something different.

 

[equalplatinum]

I hope in the future toast lands on it's side. That way neither side gets dirty

 

[Darth_Payn]

I'm hungry for big pretzels now. Thanks for that, Yahtzee! And for ragging on this should-have-been-innovative game. And the bit at the beginning, ripping on other critics' reviews using the obvious pun, then praising the dog from the next CoD? Are you biting the hand that feeds you?

captcha: Great for Windows 7
...that it's not Windows 8! Hey-yo!

 

[FallenMessiah88]

This game does remind me somewhat of Beyond Good and Evil. As such, I'm probably going to give it a try at some point.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

One of the best ZP episodes in a long while Yahtzee, bravo.

And, as for the game itself, pretty much what I figured. Not good enough for a full price purchase, will probably be enjoyable enough to justify picking it up in a sale though.

 

[minimacker]

So, does anyone know what that twist is?

 

[Evil Smurf]

Is the twist she is fem Jason Bourne? That's good if true, because Matt Damon is bland, women are not.

 

[isaacapeltz]

This is a twisted review, Yahtzee. I'll remember it.

 

[BurningWyvern90]

One of the very rare cases where Yahtzee reviews a game that I'm on the fence about buying (usually it's either one I know I'm gonna get or already know I have no interest in) so this was a pleasant surprise for me. I'm glad to hear it was actually not all that bad, but I'm still not going to shell out sixty bucks for it.

This. I feel more justified about my 'looks cool but maybe I should wait until it's cheaper' stance on it now.

 

[KingWein22]

This little red riding hood has a bucket full of kickass?

Yeah, that's impressively bad, even for a...

Nah, now I'm imagining Duke Nukem saying it in a really awful FPS and now it's funny, in a laughing at, not laughing with way.

I think Duke Nukem's voice can make anything funny. Example:

I LOL'D at that when I first say Jon St. John doing that.

OT: Never really played it, sounds like a twisted game...

 

[Annihilist]

Anyone else get Lucozade ads before ZP? And then see "Lucozade" around 3:40? I smell product placement.

 

[VoidWanderer]

I had high hopes for this game, I really did. I bought the game, I played it for a while and kept thinking "This combat flows like a river of bricks".

The concept was brilliant, being able to mod your combos, because you DON'T ACTUALLY MAKE THEM!!! You add what buffs you want to use (health, damage, cooldown, etc) and if you manage to get the timing down, BY WATCHING THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN TO MAKE SURE YOUR TIMING IS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING COMBAT, you get the effects...

I could barely be bothered finishing as much as I did (past the first boss) before thinking, 'Fuck it, this combat is too awkward'.

Others might enjoy it, but I am not one of them.

 

[The Lugz]

The incredible talking ass. I'm definitely going to remember that.

you know, it was a good idea and i really won't forget it but at the same time the early game was... well arguably bland and poor

the late game was really quite good imo, apart from the overly scripted sequences and the puzzles a two year old could solve

a better stealth system and a hacking minigame would have padded it out better


and i did exactly wahat yatzee said, my quick attacks were heals, my medium attacks were damage and the long ones were power resets

because, honestly why would you do anything else?

 

[gorfias]

I love a beautiful bum as much as the next guy but I'm embarrassed that the marketing world thinks us guys that transparent that they keep doing crap like this. Example when it is the other way around:

Silly, no?

 

[5ilver]

From what I have heard, the combo creator makes it ridiculously easy due to some of the available moves.

For the first 20% of the game, yes. Once the faster and more complicated enemies come into play though, you're pretty much required to abuse the hell out of the combo creator system (and you'll die a lot even then).