Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

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burninfidels

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Jul 16, 2009
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Seeing how he appreciates the real sneaking games (Thief) it is no surprise how he treats the Splinter Cell series. I played Chaos Theory and while it was enjoyable, it was very much mediocre. It seems to repeat and repeat all the worst flaws of the sneaker genre, as highlighted in Yahtzee's vid.
 

Low Key

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May 7, 2009
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Had I not read the book version three months before the game came out, I might have actually bought the game. And now that I know the mechanics are broken, I definitely won't be buying the game.

In case anyone cares, the book was actually pretty decent. Too bad it wasn't written by Tom Clancy either.
 

Tony2077

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Dec 19, 2007
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after chaos theory ended the series went down hill fast i was enjoying the series till double agent R.I.P :( splinter cell please
 

Nomanslander

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Feb 21, 2009
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Ghostwise said:
Dude....I want a game where I'm a tiny man riding on someones back controlling them. Sounds familiar though.....
You're thinking of Master Blaster from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome aren't you...lol
 

Vault boy Eddie

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Feb 18, 2009
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tburke0 said:
Vault boy Eddie said:
tburke0 said:
If you just ban everyone who posts in the first 5 minutes of the thread, why not just lock the thread for 5 minutes?
Because they are hoping people aren't gonna be DICKS! But small flaw with that, this is the internet. DICKS that make a new account to troll a forum will always exist, you know, cause they're DICKS!
It's a legitimate question... I've lurked around here for a while. I've seen some posts "HURR DURR I AM FIRSTANDBEST" that deserve to get yoinked...

But there are others that were right in line with other posts.. "I liked this review and that part where etc etc was funny..." they get pulled (or worse) for being posted too early. Maybe they hit the site right at noon eastern and skipped the credits?

All I'm asking is, if there's a rule that all posts before 12:05 are pulled, why not lock the thread? And yes, I waited until I could post in the first 5 minutes on a Wednesday to make my point... hurr durr...
Unless they are using some sort of sorcery, they haven't seen the video in its entirety, or skipped through it, picked a scene out, and posted just to be first. And that's frowned upon here. It's called being an attention whore, a very sad pathetic attention whore.
 

tkwelge

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May 13, 2009
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awatkins said:
Funny fucking review! ahahhhahaaha. That's how much I laughed. Comparing america with a monkey, brilliant.
How so? I'm not getting how fucking hilarious this was supposed to be. Americans are that resistant to free healthcare? Too bad there is actually no such thing as "free" healthcare, somebody has to pay for it. Europeans are dumb as shit. This whole belief that Americans (actually citizens of the US, but everybody just says "American" for some reason....) are dumber than Europeans is nonsense. Anytime I hear any opinion from outside of the US, my first thought is, "Wow, I thought that WE were supposed to be the dumb ones." I think you are just mad, because we get the video games before you. The US as a whole isn't very intellectual, but I have yet to hear an intelligent thought from anybody outside of our country. Just a lot of bullshit posturing.
 

Phantom357

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Nov 30, 2009
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I must say that I would rather live in the United States then any other country!!! I also like earning my healthcare with the money that I earn from my job. I am also not willing to have more taxes that will pay for some lazy fat gorilla on the other side of my beloved country because he doesn't want to go out and get a job.

I can't wait till this November and the Presidential Election of 2012!!! No more Obama!! woot
 

tkwelge

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May 13, 2009
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Josh_V2.0 said:
As a person who (reluctantly) lives in the States, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the 'Americans are apes' bit.
More tragic-manicheanism at work. Basically, some Americans are so stuck on their pity pot, because the world doesn't work exactly the way their agenda wishes it would, that they act as if they are engulfed in the forces of evil as the last bastion of intelligence and purity. This country doesn't work anywhere near the way that I wish it would either, but you don't see me whining like a little *****. I don't like a lot of Americans, but I don't like a lot Europeans either. I've known some really great, and really intelligent people in the US, and I just think it is a shame to disparage "Americans" or "America" when the real problem is a small number of people who happen to have a lot of wealth and power. Of course, half of the people are unhappy, because they believe that there are too many "conservative and libertardians who keep any real progress from taking place," and the other half believes that government is encroaching upon their individuality. This is why so many people in the US jump on the "Americans are all idiots" bandwagon. Both sides of the political spectrum pretend that they are the beleaguered carriers of the flame of truth, fighting desperately to protect it from the hordes of "stupid Americans" trying to snuff it out.

To me the real idiots are the ones who play the game. There is a major election occurring in the UK as we speak that Yahtzee could be commenting on for jokes, but I suppose that most of Yahtzee's audience hails from the US, so he figures that he'll play it safe with the "Americans are idiots" jokes that play to both sides of the US political spectrum (although Yahtzee makes it obvious which side he supports) as well as the people outside of the US. Europe, Australia, and the other modernized countries of the world can live with their coalition governments, patronage, nationalism, outdated economic doctrine, and suck on my big fat American cock while they watch themselves fall even further into irrelevance.
 

tkwelge

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May 13, 2009
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And if anybody thinks that "Obamacare" represented "free healthcare USA," they are deluding themselves.
 

jjosken

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Nov 18, 2009
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Great review, but I was a little bit confused about why you didn't even mention the co-op mode. I know that you're stance is that every single game is one that should be able to be fun in single player, but there is basically a whole other game on the disc. They decided not to make the single player as long so that the co-op mode wouldn't be just a tacked on thing. Although I will admit the story is a pretty traditional, it has a great ending (I know it's just introducing the multiplayer mode but it was still really cool to see how your friend reacted).
The second issue that you didn't really mention was the immersion of the game. I don't know about you, but the projected text and the waypoint system was great and I never had to pause the game to figure out my objectives or any other stupid things like that. I really thought that the developers really succeeded at pulling you in if you wanted to be pulled in.
The last thing I disagree with is how you just seem to be the little man on Sam's shoulder. I thought that's what games are supposed to be. If you want you're character in the game to do something, they do it and do it just as you wanted to. I think that is called good controls. The a button was a little figity at times, but all of the game's other controls worked marvelously. It allows you to do bad ass stuff without needing to think about it, like how the best trained close combat spy would do in a fight against a brainless mercenary.

Great review though!
(this is my first since this is the first game I have that I played before you reviewed it in quite some time)
 

Donttazemehbro

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Nov 24, 2009
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Im sorry to say this, but this is the first time i disagreed with you (except for mirrors edge). SSC was awesome, one of favorite games.
 

LarenzoAOG

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Apr 28, 2010
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Video made me laugh, I'm an American and I have to say the description was pretty close to the real thing, didn't agree with everything though, but I've aways been a big Splinter Cell fag (my avatar is Sam Fisher) so I guess I'm jaded.
 

Buccura

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Aug 13, 2009
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This is going to make me sound like a nerd with no life... probably because I am, but I was always a bit bugged that Splinter Cell got credit for a game mechanic Thief did first. The whole hiding in shadows and measuring how much light is on your mechanic.
 

StBishop

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Sep 22, 2009
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TheChickThatKnows said:
Hey Yahtzee (I hope I spelled it right), when you do your rating and ranting on video games could you/would you/should you please at least if your going fill-in on what the game is about please add more detail. I don't mean to flatter you, but you really do a great job, it's hard for people to criticize games and give their own opinion (like how well you do...crap I complimented you!) because their head is so chalk full of just playing it and not realizing how bad it really is! BUT, if you could, add some more detail on what the games plot and story line is instead of badgering on how awful it is (even though that's your job).

Sincerely, TheChickThatKnows
Just a thought, I don't think the comments this far back are actually read by many people.

Least of all by Yahtzee. [Edit: Never mind. I completely spaced on Extra Punctuation.] I think the reason that he doesn't discuss the actual plot and story in detail is because they are new games and it's pretty poor form to give spoilers.