Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

[Cogzwell]

Wow, I had no idea The Conduit was that lackluster. Now when my friends use it to defend the Wii, it'll be another thing for me to shoot down. Go elitism!

Hopefully not with those crappy alien guns

Another great review, but don't you think its about time Wii games stopped getting reviewed?

We all know the majority of Wii games aren't any thing to sing and dance about, and know they will have 'crappy' graphics which are no where near as good as the PS3 or Xbox360's graphics, that goes with out saying by now.

the wii will stop being pushed around when its games aren't the crappiest out there, plus last week we got Call of Juarez (or something) the only wii game reviewed in the last 4 weeks was Wii sports resort

 

[ReverseEngineered]

Talk about a roast -- well done Yahtzee! It's been a long time since I've seen him get that worked up over a game, but for him to burn it with fire and brimstone was a nice touch. As with every great review, he backed up every biting remark with reasons for his malice.

Please, keep up the good work!

 

[v3n0mat3]

I outright refuse to play this game. Because if I didn't like Metroid Prime 3, then there's no way in hell that a shoddy-looking ugly mess of a 3rd person shooter game was going to be better. Basically, Yahtzee said all that needed to be said about this game. As he normally does.

 

[Syntax Man]

LOOK AT THE DAMN CONTROL CUSTOMIZATION MENU!!!!!

damn near every complaint you had about the control could have been rectified if you weren't so fucking prepared to hate it no matter how good the game is, and once again you missed the point of the fucking game, its a multiplayer shooter, made for the sake of multiplayer and you only reviewed the glorified tutorial!

 

[Whistler777]

Wow, I had no idea The Conduit was that lackluster. Now when my friends use it to defend the Wii, it'll be another thing for me to shoot down. Go elitism!

Hopefully not with those crappy alien guns

Naww. It'd most likely be with my words, as their sheer power has often been compared to that of a .50 hollowpoint.

Seriously, though, I'm not an idiot fanboy. I'll probably end up breaking down and buying a Wii to play the new Zelda game come holiday season.

LOOK AT THE DAMN CONTROL CUSTOMIZATION MENU!!!!!

damn near every complaint you had about the control could have been rectified if you weren't so fucking prepared to hate it no matter how good the game is, and once again you missed the point of the fucking game, its a multiplayer shooter, made for the sake of multiplayer and you only reviewed the glorified tutorial!

Why hello there, obvious Wii fanboy. When's the mediocrity convention?

 

[Maginomicon]

The funny thing about this is that the inherent property of the tilt sensor functionality built into the Wii remote (that's right, MotionPlus not required) allows it to know what direction is "down". Conversely, it also allows you to know what direction is "up", and so it shouldn't be unreasonable to allow the player to point offscreen up or down and have the camera follow.

Real simple:

if( pointingAtScreen )
{
usePointerForLook();
}
else
{
if( tiltAngle > 0 ) useTiltMagnitudeForLookUp();
else if ( tiltAngle < 0 ) useTiltMagnitudeForLookDown();
else NoOnesHandIsThatSteady();
}

 

[wooty]

well done again Yahtzee, havent laughed like that in a while

 

[Artemus_Cain]

Yeah, I'm beginning to regret my Wii purchase. The few diamonds in the shit pile (No more Heroes, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3) are all but gone.

Nintendo are completly out of ideas. They're letting Sega and other 3rd parties grank out games while the main company is making things that are equal to the things hanging over cribs. I'm really dissapointed and ashamed at them. The only thing I've used my Wii for is playing all the Zelda games I could for the past month.

Of course more pissing on palin is always welcome!

 

[cyce3]

Personally i thought the conduit was good but people are entitled to their opinions. However while the storyline they present you with is rather bland and generic they actually have an amazing hidden storyline which you can find out about by finding the hidden messages and listening to the radio broadcasts.

This is a link to a forum which is dedicated to finding out the 'real' storyline

http://uk.gamespot.com/wii/action/theconduit/show_msgs.php?topic_id=m-1-50295705&pid=947068&page=0

 

[L4hlborg]

Apparently, someone else has noticed that the graphics are ugly... I saw pics in some review and I was wandering why it is said to have so good graphics.

 

[Banana Phone Man]

A great review as always. The funniest I have heard in a while.

 

[BunJ]

To quote Metalocalypse: That was brutal.

 

[Roganzar]

An amusing review as always. Just wondering, did he have a bad trip in Alaska recently? Only thing I can think of to cause the moose-hunting Sarah Palin to suddenly be a target of his bashing. Hell, we Americans have been doing it since she was allowed to speak to Katie Curic

 

[bob-2000]

nicely done, i was wondering if the conduit was as good as all of the other reviewers say.

 

[Xojins]

I thought that the range of motion would be a problem with this game...

 

[MK_Red]

I love this game design deadly sin:
"You shall not be on Wii."

As always, great review but one critisism:
I wish you had mentioned the "multiplayer" aspect of the game being best on the Wii while being s*** compared to even a mediocre multiplayer mode on PC, 360 or PS3.

 

[Cogzwell]

Yeah, I'm beginning to regret my Wii purchase. The few diamonds in the shit pile (No more Heroes, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3) are all but gone.

Nintendo are completly out of ideas. They're letting Sega and other 3rd parties grank out games while the main company is making things that are equal to the things hanging over cribs. I'm really dissapointed and ashamed at them. The only thing I've used my Wii for is playing all the Zelda games I could for the past month.

The only games on my sister's Wii I'm glad i spent money on, Paper Mario,Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Ice Climbers, Yoshi Story (i like it...), and Bubble Bobble(w00t)

 

[Amogrr]

 

[JackiJinx]

Three items on my agenda now: get Secretary on Netflix, view this [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV-HjV257XU] beautiful bugger, and restate my lack of enthusiasm for all things Wii.

Here comes the clone army, and I am second in command to a duck.

Here's a question that poses to be interesting (or not): what are your thoughts on DS games?

 

[gamepopper101]

I know Yahtzee has heard this before many times, so I'll tell him so he can here it. You are a dick. The Conduit is a great game and it is the only modern FPS I gave a crap about, and that is saying alot when I hate Halo and any game that followed it. Also, isn't pointing the Wiimote to the side of the screen a bit like pushing the analogue stick to the side? I mean compare it to Turok at least the turning is smooth and you can point to a row of aliens without spinning all around like a ballerina on a slippy floor. You people can contradict me but I think you Yahtzee are being a bit of an unjustly Nintendo Hater than an unbiased critic.