Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

[asantas93]

Ahh...Zero Punctuation is always a nice part of Wednesdays. I enjoyed the Sarah Palin bashing.

http://s2.buzzfeed.com/static/imagebuzz/2008/10/4/1/4b95960e47e953a5509e972c88ead4aa.jpg

...so true

I'm just glad to see that The Conduit has been punished for making me mute Google Chrome while I wait for the melodramatic voice actor in the Conduit's ad to shut the fuck up and let me watch Zero Punctuation.

 

[ninjajoeman]

Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Spoiler

in the words of yahtzee
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 

[Clyde]

In all fairness, you should have seen this coming.
It was developed by High Voltage Software. They never made a good game.
It was published by Sega, which tends to publish short, bland games.

Don't get your hopes up for Silent Hill: SM either.
Climax Studios has an even worse track record.

 

[CrafterMan]

I love how people defend their console of choice's glaring flaws by slinging mud at the other consoles, reducing the entire debate into one gigantic tu quoque fallacy. It's just like politics.

Haha this is so true, it's pathetic. Replace fat and greedy politicians with angsty; acne ridden teenagers and there you have it.

-Joe

 

[new_age_reject]

Mmmm, clit piercings and The Secretary... you have good taste Mr Croshaw.

 

[mightyfoo69]

that was a pretty good review, so much for the "best" wii "FPS"
what i wouldnt give for a fps on the wii that'll let you use the gamecube controller and let you look in all directions
still i'd rather play any Fps on 360 before i play one on the wii

 

[SkylerRock]

Deleted (see below)

 

[SkylerRock]

Could someone tell me who the mystery guy that appears in a lot of ZP reviews is?

I think it would help me understand the jokes.

I think that's Tom York (or whatever you call him), he was (is?) the front man for Radiohead (<Muse).

 

[jak1165]

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.

The fact that the PS3 and 360 share like 90% of their library is not a good thing, at least for the PS3.

That doesn't make sense, exclusives are a bad thing, I want to play Heavy Rain when it comes out but can't, I bet somebody wishes they had L4D but couldn't buy it because they didn't own the right console. As a consumer exclusives are very bad, I like that they give a console identity but I'd rather be able to play any game.

But you can find ALL of them on the 360.

I can't play LBP on my 360 now can I? Unless you have played all PS3 exclusives you're being stupid to say such a thing.

Then its ironic that the flagship exclusive to the PS3 is nothing more than a lolcasualfag game, isn't it?

Aside from MGS4. But silly old me here likes to play games, not watch gigantic cutscenes

 

[DaMan1500]

Funny and, for the most part accurate. A generic fps that capitalizes on the Wii's massive vaccum of "hardcore" games. However, as usual, bringing up the Wii controls wore a little thin. Anyone playing anything on the Wii is doing it partially for the controls. That's not really a critic, that's just what people were expecting, and the game is one of the best controling games on the Wii. There is plenty wrong with that game (obnoxious enemy hatchers, bad level design, lousy bosses, invisible mines) but stop bring up the same grip for every damn Wii game.

 

[Lukeje]

I think that's Tom York (or whatever you call him), he was (is?) the front man for Radiohead (<Muse).

That's not Thom Yorke... this is Thom Yorke:

Spoiler: Radiohead

NB. the lazy eye...

 

[jak1165]

Funny and, for the most part accurate. A generic fps that capitalizes on the Wii's massive vaccum of "hardcore" games. However, as usual, bringing up the Wii controls wore a little thin. Anyone playing anything on the Wii is doing it partially for the controls. That's not really a critic, that's just what people were expecting, and the game is one of the best controling games on the Wii. There is plenty wrong with that game (obnoxious enemy hatchers, bad level design, lousy bosses, invisible mines) but stop bring up the same grip for every damn Wii game.

Pretty much this x1000. Yahtzee hates the Wii....we get it.

That being said, I enjoy his reviews immensely. He's usually spot-on. Except for the Halo review >_>

 

[Tali Mal]

These reviews have been slowing going downhill for a while, he needs to find a game that has some serious issues, not just minor gripes. That being said I liked aiming with the wii when red steel came out with its absolute shit controls, so The Conduit is a nice step up. Though why nag on graphics of all things? Kind of a stupid excuse to make a big deal over something.

 

[danztheman]

Quite possibly my favorite one yet, particularly at the end.

 

[gremily]

I think yahtzee burned the conduit a little too hard.

 

[Nazulu]

I fucking knew it! I was even considering getting this game but hey, it's Wii game, what should I expect anymore.

I wish they didn't just make it for the bloody Wii mote, I hate that thing!

 

[Zhalath]

Heh, the "bdeep" sound does get irritating.

Yeah, the levels are linear, and the plot kind of generic, but I still find some sort of appeal with the Conduit. Maybe it's actually being able to aim with the Wiimote.
Also, I really liked all the weapons in the game. Nice variety and interesting to use (except for the Warp Pistol BLARGH).

 

[Stewie Plisken]

I have no idea how good or bad that game is (and I'd much rather spend 250 Euros on hookers, instead of a Wii, or just throw them out of the window altogether), but the review was just hilarious. There are the misses, there are the hits and then there are HITS.

Surprisingly, these seem to bring about the faster response time from posters-- 9 pages already? Like the equally hilarious Halo Wars review, which I never understood why he got so much flak for, since it was one full of self-sarcastic jokes.

But I digress. Awesome review.