1. Uncharted (series) FOR playfully sarcastic banter played out amidst a bloodied landscape of bullet-riddled ethnic corpses, as well as wanton destruction of myriad cultural artifacts.
2. Far Cry 3 FOR weak-willed YOLO trust fund frat boy with Rambo-tier guerilla skills.
3. Tomb Raider (reboot) FOR emotionally fragile wreck survivor with Rambo-tier guerilla skills.
4. Mortal Kombat FOR a story mode which asks us to believe an alleged good guy would stab the eye sockets out of a friend in a playful sparring match.
5. Final Fantasy XII FOR making a bland and uninteresting sidekick the main character in an apparent display of audience antipathy.
6. Heavy Rain FOR a protagonist who wastes time getting his Nat King in a passionless sexual liaison while his son, who he had until this point been frantically searching for, slowly drowns in a cage.
7. Fallout 3 FOR an altruistic Schindler-voiced father reacting to his child's decision to nuke an entire town for profit with the horror of someone who had just caught them smoking for the first time.
8. God of War FOR delivering the most unpleasant, one-note mass murderer of a protagonist since Civilization allowed players to pick Genghis Khan, then having the gall to expect us to sympathise with the death of his family.
9. Grand Theft Auto IV FOR a sympathetic Balkan veteran attempting to atone for his traumatic past by spending his spare time running over grannies, dealing hard drugs and beating hookers to death with baseball bats. Which is probably just PTSD, so that's ok.
10. LA Noire FOR its vague interrogation options which often lead to wild and unexpected mood swings from one Cole Phelps. Which is probably just PTSD, so that's ok.
11. Dragon Age II FOR its similarly vague conversation options, leading to inadvertent porn plot flirtations and sarky sub-Whedon jib.
12. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic FOR allowing your character to stringently follow a path of light or darkness throughout the 30 hour+ adventure, only to allow for a binary choice in the last 5 minutes of the game which not only makes the entire process redundant, but is also implemented so awkwardly you'd think George Lucas wrote it as a primer for Revenge of the Sith's awful Anakin switcheroo.
13. Mass Effect 3 FOR similar offences to the above-mentioned Knights of the Old Republic, but over a trilogy as stretched out as Caligula's favourite slave.
14. Bioware in general FOR all these things and more.
15. Valkyria Chronicles FOR attempting to tell a dark story of opression, racial segregation and war, then failing to explain the presence of an incongruously chibi flying pig.
16. Journey FOR the insinuation that your Arabesque Red Riding Hood figure either (a) dies at the end, ascending to Heaven via jellyfish made of carpets, or (b) goes back to the beginning as a starry reincarnate, which renders the entire venture a depressing and purgatorial Bernoulli loop.
17. Shadow of the Colossus FOR Wander, a man willing to kill off the very last eagle, gorilla, leopard, rhino, elephant, lion, tiger, orangutan, chimpanzee, snake, crocodile, turtle, bison, whale, bear and dolphin left on the planet...for a girl.
18. Modern Warfare/Black Ops/Battlefield 3/Medal of Honor (reboot) - For their tasteless glorification of imperialist butchery, and consistent stigmatisation of Asian, Russian, South American, African and Middle-Eastern peoples.
19. Killzone 2 - The warped ideals of Killzone 2 are summed up most effectively by inelegant poopy-mouth Rico Velasquez; supposedly a devil may care hero figure, who in actuality channels all the sociopathic tenets of a 24th century Tom Berenger, single-handedly setting in motion a vengeful fervour among the guttural space Cockneys of Helghan which would have been simply avoided had he learnt to follow the ever unappreciated Narville's orders.
20. Pretty much any MMORPG ever made - to paraphrase The Incredibles' precociously prophetic Dash, if everyone in the world is special, that's just another way of saying 'no one is'.
2. Far Cry 3 FOR weak-willed YOLO trust fund frat boy with Rambo-tier guerilla skills.
3. Tomb Raider (reboot) FOR emotionally fragile wreck survivor with Rambo-tier guerilla skills.
4. Mortal Kombat FOR a story mode which asks us to believe an alleged good guy would stab the eye sockets out of a friend in a playful sparring match.
5. Final Fantasy XII FOR making a bland and uninteresting sidekick the main character in an apparent display of audience antipathy.
6. Heavy Rain FOR a protagonist who wastes time getting his Nat King in a passionless sexual liaison while his son, who he had until this point been frantically searching for, slowly drowns in a cage.
7. Fallout 3 FOR an altruistic Schindler-voiced father reacting to his child's decision to nuke an entire town for profit with the horror of someone who had just caught them smoking for the first time.
8. God of War FOR delivering the most unpleasant, one-note mass murderer of a protagonist since Civilization allowed players to pick Genghis Khan, then having the gall to expect us to sympathise with the death of his family.
9. Grand Theft Auto IV FOR a sympathetic Balkan veteran attempting to atone for his traumatic past by spending his spare time running over grannies, dealing hard drugs and beating hookers to death with baseball bats. Which is probably just PTSD, so that's ok.
10. LA Noire FOR its vague interrogation options which often lead to wild and unexpected mood swings from one Cole Phelps. Which is probably just PTSD, so that's ok.
11. Dragon Age II FOR its similarly vague conversation options, leading to inadvertent porn plot flirtations and sarky sub-Whedon jib.
12. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic FOR allowing your character to stringently follow a path of light or darkness throughout the 30 hour+ adventure, only to allow for a binary choice in the last 5 minutes of the game which not only makes the entire process redundant, but is also implemented so awkwardly you'd think George Lucas wrote it as a primer for Revenge of the Sith's awful Anakin switcheroo.
13. Mass Effect 3 FOR similar offences to the above-mentioned Knights of the Old Republic, but over a trilogy as stretched out as Caligula's favourite slave.
14. Bioware in general FOR all these things and more.
15. Valkyria Chronicles FOR attempting to tell a dark story of opression, racial segregation and war, then failing to explain the presence of an incongruously chibi flying pig.
16. Journey FOR the insinuation that your Arabesque Red Riding Hood figure either (a) dies at the end, ascending to Heaven via jellyfish made of carpets, or (b) goes back to the beginning as a starry reincarnate, which renders the entire venture a depressing and purgatorial Bernoulli loop.
17. Shadow of the Colossus FOR Wander, a man willing to kill off the very last eagle, gorilla, leopard, rhino, elephant, lion, tiger, orangutan, chimpanzee, snake, crocodile, turtle, bison, whale, bear and dolphin left on the planet...for a girl.
18. Modern Warfare/Black Ops/Battlefield 3/Medal of Honor (reboot) - For their tasteless glorification of imperialist butchery, and consistent stigmatisation of Asian, Russian, South American, African and Middle-Eastern peoples.
19. Killzone 2 - The warped ideals of Killzone 2 are summed up most effectively by inelegant poopy-mouth Rico Velasquez; supposedly a devil may care hero figure, who in actuality channels all the sociopathic tenets of a 24th century Tom Berenger, single-handedly setting in motion a vengeful fervour among the guttural space Cockneys of Helghan which would have been simply avoided had he learnt to follow the ever unappreciated Narville's orders.
20. Pretty much any MMORPG ever made - to paraphrase The Incredibles' precociously prophetic Dash, if everyone in the world is special, that's just another way of saying 'no one is'.
