A knock at the door

[Alcamonic]

It's probably just a drunk schmuck. I'll get up on the roof are proceed to urinate on him, he will leave after a while.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

*snip*

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

First off, you seem to be unaware of the idea of absurdity for the sake of humour.

Secondly, I AM a deranged psychopath, who's killed hundreds nay thousands of people, how did you know? *BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN SEE IT* THIS IS A JOKE *SERIOUSLY*

I fail to see how you can have an internet connection, and be part of a forum, and not see this shit coming a mile off, the posts you quoted, are either made in some form of twisted jest, or made by people who, under the safetynet of anonymity, think that their innate fear shown through a lense of paranoia makes them seem tough or something.

Absurdity for the sake of humour isn't what's happening here. You can totally be funny by implying you're paranoid and psychotic. Though I don't know why I was expecting wit from from this forum...Really, though, just because I'm not amused by you doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour or understanding of ways it can be employed. Absurdity for the sake of humour depends heavily on a careful distance the joke is removed from the reality of the situation, while still carrying a pretense of sincerity. It hinges on how dedicated you are to the ruse while still being able to make known, subtly or not, that it IS a ruse; after all, answering late-night door-knocking with a gun is a thing people actually DO, and just saying you do it isn't inherently funny--nor is detailing the ways you would ambush your visitor. The point is, regardless of whether or not the intent was to be humorous, the execution failed. It's not funny, just somewhat uncomfortable to read.

TL;DR maybe you just aren't funny.

Nice retort, I guess.

I mean I have answered the door holding a katana before, but I was in the middle of demonstrating something to someone when a jehova's witness rang the bell... The look on his face was priceless... But that's a different situation it was around noontime.

Also did I ever say I would answer the door with a gun, or ambush someone? Nope, I would probably have a sword or cudgel of some sort at hand and check through the peep hole, as you never know when the pounding might turn into kicking the damn thing open and innitiating violence, never can be too careful.

The assasin bit was the joke, do you get it now?
I'm a nobody, I work at a gas station I own little/nothing of actual value, and nobody gives enough of a shit about me to want me dead. I am lucky to have friends who try to keep my ass alive when bad stuff happens, but that doesn't make me an assasination target, I would have to be a total idiot to think I was, and that was the joke of it.

Do you get it now? Or are you still taking me wayyyyyyy too seriously?

Also, this is the internet, if I didn't think you needed to chill a bit, I wouldn't even bother replying.

As it stands, most of what people say about themselves on here is a lie, so don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

 

[username sucks]

I would punch myself in the face and jump out the window, because that is exactly how my recurring nightmare starts. If that didn't work, I would go answer the door, but with a weapon nearby.

 

[The_Waspman]

inb4;

I'd just ignore the knocking, and wait for Slenderman to get whoever it is.

 

[mjcabooseblu]

*snip*

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

First off, you seem to be unaware of the idea of absurdity for the sake of humour.

Secondly, I AM a deranged psychopath, who's killed hundreds nay thousands of people, how did you know? *BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN SEE IT* THIS IS A JOKE *SERIOUSLY*

I fail to see how you can have an internet connection, and be part of a forum, and not see this shit coming a mile off, the posts you quoted, are either made in some form of twisted jest, or made by people who, under the safetynet of anonymity, think that their innate fear shown through a lense of paranoia makes them seem tough or something.

Absurdity for the sake of humour isn't what's happening here. You can totally be funny by implying you're paranoid and psychotic. Though I don't know why I was expecting wit from from this forum...Really, though, just because I'm not amused by you doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour or understanding of ways it can be employed. Absurdity for the sake of humour depends heavily on a careful distance the joke is removed from the reality of the situation, while still carrying a pretense of sincerity. It hinges on how dedicated you are to the ruse while still being able to make known, subtly or not, that it IS a ruse; after all, answering late-night door-knocking with a gun is a thing people actually DO, and just saying you do it isn't inherently funny--nor is detailing the ways you would ambush your visitor. The point is, regardless of whether or not the intent was to be humorous, the execution failed. It's not funny, just somewhat uncomfortable to read.

TL;DR maybe you just aren't funny.

Nice retort, I guess.

I mean I have answered the door holding a katana before, but I was in the middle of demonstrating something to someone when a jehova's witness rang the bell... The look on his face was priceless... But that's a different situation it was around noontime.

Also did I ever say I would answer the door with a gun, or ambush someone? Nope, I would probably have a sword or cudgel of some sort at hand and check through the peep hole, as you never know when the pounding might turn into kicking the damn thing open and innitiating violence, never can be too careful.

The assasin bit was the joke, do you get it now?
I'm a nobody, I work at a gas station I own little/nothing of actual value, and nobody gives enough of a shit about me to want me dead. I am lucky to have friends who try to keep my ass alive when bad stuff happens, but that doesn't make me an assasination target, I would have to be a total idiot to think I was, and that was the joke of it.

Do you get it now? Or are you still taking me wayyyyyyy too seriously?

Also, this is the internet, if I didn't think you needed to chill a bit, I wouldn't even bother replying.

As it stands, most of what people say about themselves on here is a lie, so don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

As far as I know, yours wasn't the only post I quoted. Don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

Though you do present an attitude I've been meaning to address that seems to come up constantly on the internet...Apparently, if someone disagrees with you they must be straight up flipping out, and if they'd just calm down they'd see how right you are. Maybe I just think you're wrong.

 

[SirPlindington]

I can see the door from my window, so I look down. If it's a large scary man obviously concealing something beneath his trenchcoat, I grab my trusty .44 caliber, fully loaded, semi-automatic cell phone and call the police. If it's a bunch of enterprising girl scouts getting a jump on the competition, I'll buy some Thin Mints and go back to the bed.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

*snip*

*snip*

*snip*

*snip*

Nice retort, I guess.

I mean I have answered the door holding a katana before, but I was in the middle of demonstrating something to someone when a jehova's witness rang the bell... The look on his face was priceless... But that's a different situation it was around noontime.

Also did I ever say I would answer the door with a gun, or ambush someone? Nope, I would probably have a sword or cudgel of some sort at hand and check through the peep hole, as you never know when the pounding might turn into kicking the damn thing open and innitiating violence, never can be too careful.

The assasin bit was the joke, do you get it now?
I'm a nobody, I work at a gas station I own little/nothing of actual value, and nobody gives enough of a shit about me to want me dead. I am lucky to have friends who try to keep my ass alive when bad stuff happens, but that doesn't make me an assasination target, I would have to be a total idiot to think I was, and that was the joke of it.

Do you get it now? Or are you still taking me wayyyyyyy too seriously?

Also, this is the internet, if I didn't think you needed to chill a bit, I wouldn't even bother replying.

As it stands, most of what people say about themselves on here is a lie, so don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

As far as I know, yours wasn't the only post I quoted. Don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

Though you do present an attitude I've been meaning to address that seems to come up constantly on the internet...Apparently, if someone disagrees with you they must be straight up flipping out, and if they'd just calm down they'd see how right you are. Maybe I just think you're wrong.

Actually if you had just "disagreed" with me I would have either not bothered to respond, or I would have just said "I was joking" and left it at that.

Also though I wasn't the only person you quoted, I WAS the only person who you quoted and added bold text tag to exemplify where I'm apparently being some kind of idiot, which was brought into a personal context by saying

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

which hints at an apparent intent of personal attack, I felt the need to clarify that I was joking, because I prefer for people to understand what I say, rather than just straight up assume that I'm some sort of half retarded, paranoid, narcissistic freak.
When all you have are words, no inflections, or tones, or body language, the use of directed terminology, as is evident here

"You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man."

or

"maybe you just aren't funny."

could possibly lead a person to believe there was some form of intended offense.

I apologize if I mislead you, or failed to appease your personal sense of humour.

However, I appeal to your ability to percieve that you may have, at least seemed to have overreacted by using vocabulary in your quotation, that might lead a person to believe that you meant personal offense.

 

[TheIronRuler]

I would bolt the door and not risk with the chain. Wait it out and stay up till the thing walks away, while closing my windows and putting the bars up.

 

[SlaveNumber23]

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

If being wary of strangers makes me a psychopath then so be it. I think its better than giving someone a chance to take advantage of you. Good for you if you are confident enough in your ability to defend yourself unarmed but some of us aren't and like to have a weapon lying around in case push comes to shove. Its not like we're running around the streets with knives and guns hoping someone will try to mug us so we can kill them.

Also come on, DoomyMcDoom's post was a blatant joke, don't be so serious about it.

 

[Hagi]

I do find it a bit weird to see so many so scared, is it really that bad wherever you guys are from?

Speaking honestly? No.

Home invasions in my area are on the rise, but they're far from common place. That's not the reason for my response being as it is.

The reason is that I don't want those I care about or myself to be a victim. It's very easy to assume that because the chances of it happening are low it'll never happen to you... but real life doesn't work that way. I'm sure the people out there who are victims never wanted or expected to be victims, they just weren't careful and didn't take precautions.

Yes, I understand that this outlook on life can perhaps be seen as paranoia. So be it. The way I see it though, when it's easy enough to reduce risk at no tangible cost to anybody, it's negligent not to.

Well I'm not saying you should throw open the door with your eyes closed and bare your chest for whatever blows may come.

But calling the police because someone's knocking on your door at an unusual time as a fair number of posters seem to be suggesting? That's a bit much right? Right?

 

[SlaveNumber23]

Well I'm not saying you should throw open the door with your eyes closed and bare your chest for whatever blows may come.

But calling the police because someone's knocking on your door at an unusual time as a fair number of posters seem to be suggesting? That's a bit much right? Right?

I dunno, I think I'd rather call the police and embarrass myself when it turns to be a woodpecker or something knocking on the door than not call the police and get murdered. I mean someone knocking at your door in the dead of night who makes no communication attempts other than the knocking can't be up to any good. Anyone with good intentions is going to try to talk to you.

I do find it a bit weird to see so many so scared, is it really that bad wherever you guys are from?

Not really I'm just a paranoid person honestly, I've watched way too many horror movies to put any trust into strangers at night.

 

[doomspore98]

If its someone I know, let them in. If its someone I don't know, stare into their eyes, if they don't leave in five minutes I would go to the fridge, get an apple, and start eating it in front of them.

 

[Hagi]

Well I'm not saying you should throw open the door with your eyes closed and bare your chest for whatever blows may come.

But calling the police because someone's knocking on your door at an unusual time as a fair number of posters seem to be suggesting? That's a bit much right? Right?

I dunno, I think I'd rather call the police and embarrass myself when it turns to be a woodpecker or something knocking on the door than not call the police and get murdered. I mean someone knocking at your door in the dead of night who makes no communication attempts other than the knocking can't be up to any good. Anyone with good intentions is going to try to talk to you.

I do find it a bit weird to see so many so scared, is it really that bad wherever you guys are from?

Not really I'm just a paranoid person honestly, I've watched way too many horror movies to put any trust into strangers at night.

I don't know... I mean I personally don't go around talking to closed doors when I'm not sure there's anyone home. I just knock or ring the bell and wait. If nobody answers I'll knock/ring again most insistently and if that yields no result I'll leave.

So I definitely disagree that it's certain said person is up to no good.

Not saying you're wrong to call the cops, if you absolutely feel that you need the police then it's basically their job to show up. Making people actually feel safe and secure is part of their package.

I just find it a bit curious that it's such a common reaction.

 

[OctoH]

I have multiple firearms. I would arm up, ask them to identify, and if they do not respond to my verbal challenge I would check through a window on the second story. Depending on the situation, I would either call the police or wait until they moved on.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Well I'm not saying you should throw open the door with your eyes closed and bare your chest for whatever blows may come.

But calling the police because someone's knocking on your door at an unusual time as a fair number of posters seem to be suggesting? That's a bit much right? Right?

I'm not those posters.

As I said in my original post, I'd try to visually identify the person first. If I'm not able to, that's when I'd try speaking to the person through the door. If I'm still not able to identify who is on the other side, or if their reason for being at my door sounds fishy, that's when I'd resort to calling the police.

I live in a fairly small town. Not quite "everyone knows everyone else" small, but small enough that the cities we border generally aren't even aware we exist. The police station is literally two minutes away from my home, and I know a number of the officers pretty well. I know that usually they're pretty bored since this place is usually pretty quiet. So if a call comes in, they'd likely respond to it immediately because it's their job and also because it's something to do.

The example that seems to come up a few times in this topic is the hypothetical injured person. I have no medical training. None. I'm lucky I can put on a band-aid without causing a compound fracture. If there's an injured person at my door, I'm not going to know the first thing about how to help them. My parents both worked in hospital emergency rooms for over thirty years, and more often than not, good Samaritans who don't know what they're doing actually cause the injured person more problems. It's in the injured person's best interests that they're helped by the emergency responders from our local police and fire departments rather than myself.

EDIT:
Also, I'm going by the hypothetical scenario given in the original post where the person on the other side just keeps knocking. If there's a couple knocks and then nothing, I'll still make the effort to check and make sure my home is secure, but I won't be making a call to the police. The original post assumes we know for a fact that there's someone (something?) on the other side of the door.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't hurt to be cautious if you have the means and ability to do so. I'm not advocating opening the door and sticking the barrel of my Remington into the person's face and shouting at them to back off or I'll shoot. That's ridiculous. Force should always be a last resort. I'm sure any other responsible firearm owners here would agree.

 

[SlaveNumber23]

I don't know... I mean I personally don't go around talking to closed doors when I'm not sure there's anyone home. I just knock or ring the bell and wait. If nobody answers I'll knock/ring again most insistently and if that yields no result I'll leave.

So I definitely disagree that it's certain said person is up to no good.

Not saying you're wrong to call the cops, if you absolutely feel that you need the police then it's basically their job to show up. Making people actually feel safe and secure is part of their package.

I just find it a bit curious that it's such a common reaction.

Well of course it isn't certain but I think its enough of a risk, or at least enough of a perceived risk to not give your stranger the benefit of the doubt. The thing about this scenario though is that whoever is knocking doesn't want to give up, you would think that if they needed help they would shout it out to you, right?

 

[SH4DOWSL4Y3R]

Do exactly what i do every other time it happens.

Shout "Fuck you maynard" and proceed to amble towards the door after confirming my friends presence.

in the unlikely case that the doorknocker happens to not be maynard, precautionary measures will be considered and taken in an appropriate manner.

Bonus option: tell the dog to fuck off and stop making a racket.

 

[game-lover]

Well, we gots a peephole installed in each door just for these situations!

So I'd quietly and sneakily creep to the door and look through said peephole. Depending on what's on the other side, I'll go from there.

 

[CheckD3]

I'd look out the windows to see who's at the door, and of course come armed when I open it, just like everyone else.

I have little else to add to this, apologize for my lack of jokes in this topic

 

[Dfskelleton]

Call the police, and wait in my room with some defensive tool (probably this large, pointed, archaic wrench I have on display), more for the comfort of having it there than the possibility that I'm going to need it.
If it was all a big misunderstanding, the police will probably be sympathetic (the police around where I live are pretty cool about these things). In the unlikely case that it's not, then I've just aided the authorities in apprehending a potential burgular, or even less likely, murderer.