A Question About Being a Decent Person.

[Blind Sight]

I'm usually not a huge fan of when people talk about their social problems (gasp! reality? I don't want to hear about it on the internets) but I have an interesting puzzle and wanted to know people's thoughts.

I have this ex-girlfriend from about 3 years back, we didn't have a violent break up or anything, we just kind of gave up. Anyway, she's now dating one of my close friends, but hasn't talked to me in three years. Tonight she started bugging me on the phone, and was asking for my advice. She said that she was attracted to another guy, and didn't know how to break it to my friend. I gave it some thought, and told her she should tell him about it. She then laughed out loud and said she make it all up, that she was drunk and she just wanted to have a little game. Of course I was disgusted by her for pulling this kind of shit, so I naturally told my friend. He REALLY wasn't happy about it, and now he's planning on breaking up with her.

What I ask you, Escapists, was I overreacting? Or was her actions completely immature? Should she take responsibility for what she's done, even though by her logic she was drunk so she could get away with it? Your thoughts, please.

EDIT: Since someone wondered below, we're all 20 and of legal drinking age, which makes her actions even worse, this is shit you pull in high school for Christ's sake.

Don't worry, you did the right thing and you have nothing to be ashamed of. She was acting immature and your friend has a right to know how his girlfriend acts when she's drunk.
Also, 20 is not old enough to drink. That's illegal.

We live in Canada, drinking age is 19 provincially in Ontario, 18 in Quebec (I live in Ottawa, so Quebec's right across the river).

 

[Girl With One Eye]

My guess is that she was doing it as some kind of 'test' to see if you're still into her or jealous that shes going with out your friend. I think you did the right thing though, and just stay clear of her in the future.

 

[Kurokami]

I'm usually not a huge fan of when people talk about their social problems (gasp! reality? I don't want to hear about it on the internets) but I have an interesting puzzle and wanted to know people's thoughts.

I have this ex-girlfriend from about 3 years back, we didn't have a violent break up or anything, we just kind of gave up. Anyway, she's now dating one of my close friends, but hasn't talked to me in three years. Tonight she started bugging me on the phone, and was asking for my advice. She said that she was attracted to another guy, and didn't know how to break it to my friend. I gave it some thought, and told her she should tell him about it. She then laughed out loud and said she make it all up, that she was drunk and she just wanted to have a little game. Of course I was disgusted by her for pulling this kind of shit, so I naturally told my friend. He REALLY wasn't happy about it, and now he's planning on breaking up with her.

What I ask you, Escapists, was I overreacting? Or was her actions completely immature? Should she take responsibility for what she's done, even though by her logic she was drunk so she could get away with it? Your thoughts, please.

EDIT: Since someone wondered below, we're all 20 and of legal drinking age, which makes her actions even worse, this is shit you pull in high school for Christ's sake.

I would tell your friend based on principle, as to whether he break up with her or not is completely his choice, but that's what happened and should it be true, he should know.

Wow. What a *****. That's kind of a fucked up thing to do, but it's your mate's choice if he wants to break up with her.

Also, I've no idea how old you are, but if this is underage drinking, your friend should probably break it off. But that's just one guy's opinion.

He should break it off if they were underage and she was drinking? Why? Does that make her evil or something?

I'm 16 (18 is the legal drinking age in England) and I drink on regular occasions, as do most (if not all) of my friends. Social gatherings, parties, weddings, family occasions... All that jazz.

Living in NZ, most people drink here from around 14 years and up, its kinda f***ed up, but far as I'm concerned, either you're a responsible drinker or not, the age restrictions are just, hopefully, going to delay your demise. (Granted kids'll hopefully change their drinking habits by then too, but here drinking is simply part of the culture, so I've no idea what one could do)

 

[Kurokami]

Double post, excuse me.

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

I'm usually not a huge fan of when people talk about their social problems (gasp! reality? I don't want to hear about it on the internets) but I have an interesting puzzle and wanted to know people's thoughts.

I have this ex-girlfriend from about 3 years back, we didn't have a violent break up or anything, we just kind of gave up. Anyway, she's now dating one of my close friends, but hasn't talked to me in three years. Tonight she started bugging me on the phone, and was asking for my advice. She said that she was attracted to another guy, and didn't know how to break it to my friend. I gave it some thought, and told her she should tell him about it. She then laughed out loud and said she make it all up, that she was drunk and she just wanted to have a little game. Of course I was disgusted by her for pulling this kind of shit, so I naturally told my friend. He REALLY wasn't happy about it, and now he's planning on breaking up with her.

What I ask you, Escapists, was I overreacting? Or was her actions completely immature? Should she take responsibility for what she's done, even though by her logic she was drunk so she could get away with it? Your thoughts, please.

EDIT: Since someone wondered below, we're all 20 and of legal drinking age, which makes her actions even worse, this is shit you pull in high school for Christ's sake.

I would tell your friend based on principle, as to whether he break up with her or not is completely his choice, but that's what happened and should it be true, he should know.

Wow. What a *****. That's kind of a fucked up thing to do, but it's your mate's choice if he wants to break up with her.

Also, I've no idea how old you are, but if this is underage drinking, your friend should probably break it off. But that's just one guy's opinion.

He should break it off if they were underage and she was drinking? Why? Does that make her evil or something?

I'm 16 (18 is the legal drinking age in England) and I drink on regular occasions, as do most (if not all) of my friends. Social gatherings, parties, weddings, family occasions... All that jazz.

Living in NZ, most people drink here from around 14 years and up, its kinda f***ed up, but far as I'm concerned, either you're a responsible drinker or not, the age restrictions are just, hopefully, going to delay your demise. (Granted kids'll hopefully change their drinking habits by then too, but here drinking is simply part of the culture, so I've no idea what one could do)

Maybe you're being a bit extreme here. We're not talking binge drinking, or even getting absolutely wasted (most of the time).

It's just drinking alcohol, and that's it. It's fine.

 

[Engarde]

I think you did the right thing and it was merited.

 

[Kurokami]

Maybe you're being a bit extreme here. We're not talking binge drinking, or even getting absolutely wasted (most of the time).

It's just drinking alcohol, and that's it. It's fine.

Sorry, my rant about drinking in New Zealand wasn't really relevant to the topic, I was just explaining my thoughts on drinking in general.

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

Maybe you're being a bit extreme here. We're not talking binge drinking, or even getting absolutely wasted (most of the time).

It's just drinking alcohol, and that's it. It's fine.

Sorry, my rant about drinking in New Zealand wasn't really relevant to the topic, I was just explaining my thoughts on drinking in general.

Aha, it's fine! Everyone has a different stance on mind-altering substances. Me? I think alcohol and possibly marijuana is fine.

I stay away from any class B or A drug, or cigarettes in general.

 

[Kurokami]

Maybe you're being a bit extreme here. We're not talking binge drinking, or even getting absolutely wasted (most of the time).

It's just drinking alcohol, and that's it. It's fine.

Sorry, my rant about drinking in New Zealand wasn't really relevant to the topic, I was just explaining my thoughts on drinking in general.

Aha, it's fine! Everyone has a different stance on mind-altering substances. Me? I think alcohol and possibly marijuana is fine.

I stay away from any class B or A drug, or cigarettes in general.

What are Class B/A drugs, exactly?

To be honest I'm a bit conflicted on the whole Marijuana thing, a friend of mine smokes it (on a strictly casual and rare basis) and while I don't mind... Pretty much everyone else who I don't know doing it, I'm sincerely worried about her when she tells me she's doing/done it. Then again I suppose I don't trust her drinking either. Still, in many ways Marijuana is actually better than alcohol, isn't it? (as far as casual use goes)

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

Maybe you're being a bit extreme here. We're not talking binge drinking, or even getting absolutely wasted (most of the time).

It's just drinking alcohol, and that's it. It's fine.

Sorry, my rant about drinking in New Zealand wasn't really relevant to the topic, I was just explaining my thoughts on drinking in general.

Aha, it's fine! Everyone has a different stance on mind-altering substances. Me? I think alcohol and possibly marijuana is fine.

I stay away from any class B or A drug, or cigarettes in general.

What are Class B/A drugs, exactly?

To be honest I'm a bit conflicted on the whole Marijuana thing, a friend of mine smokes it (on a strictly casual and rare basis) and while I don't mind... Pretty much everyone else who I don't know doing it, I'm sincerely worried about her when she tells me she's doing/done it. Then again I suppose I don't trust her drinking either. Still, in many ways Marijuana is actually better than alcohol, isn't it? (as far as casual use goes)

Yes, it has less dangerous effects than alcohol. And it is pretty harmless when you take it occasionally and casually, but not when you get addicted. I wouldn't know about addiction, thoughr.

And Class B/A drugs are things like Cocaine, Heroin, Meth and the new fad: Mephedrone (MCAT, M-Cats, miaow, drone, charge... whatever).

MCAT is marketed as being a cheap alternative to Cocaine, and has effects similar to Speed or Ecstasy, apparently. It's stupid and harmful, and is really popular among the chavs and smackheads in England at the moment.

I don't touch the fucking stuff.

 

[Airhead]

Pulling that kind of shit on an ex after 3 years? She deserves any kind of fallout her little "game" caused.

Y'know, I've never seen nice people become assholes after getting drunk. While wasted, nice people might do stuff which is annoying, embarrassing or dangerous, but if you turn to pure calculated assholery - like this girl did - then chances are you were an asshole to begin with.

 

[swolf]

Yes, she was being an immature little *****.
Yes, she shouldn't get away with it.
No, you cannot get away with things just because you were drunk.
Should he break up with her? That's his business, not mine.

This^. I mean, what more is there to say? Being drunk is not an excuse for inappropriate behavior. If a person is old enough to drink, they should be mature enough to accept the consequences for their actions. If they "lose control" when they drink, they shouldn't drink. It's as simple as that. If they refuse to give up drinking despite the consequences, that's addiction. Also, I seriously doubt she was playing a game. It sounds to me like she may be considering cheating on him. I HATE when people cheat so I will, more than likely rat out anyone who cheats on a friend or family.

 

[Kurokami]

Yes, it has less dangerous effects than alcohol. And it is pretty harmless when you take it occasionally and casually, but not when you get addicted. I wouldn't know about addiction, thoughr.

And Class B/A drugs are things like Cocaine, Heroin, Meth and the new fad: Mephedrone (MCAT, M-Cats, miaow, drone, charge... whatever).

MCAT is marketed as being a cheap alternative to Cocaine, and has effects similar to Speed or Ecstasy, apparently. It's stupid and harmful, and is really popular among the chavs and smackheads in England at the moment.

I don't touch the fucking stuff.

Haha, I've never even heard of M-Cat, sounds kind of cool though. (Only in name, not so keen on whatever effects it may have) And I see, thanks for clearing that up, as you can probably tell, I'm not too aware of that stuff, I frequently hear of Pi (Pee? Not sure how its spelt), Heroine (apparently one of the worst drugs one can do int erms of health) and just general Party Pills.

Anyway I guess that's what bothers me, I consider myself an open minded guy, but I've been raised with such a negative outlook on drugs in general that its hard for me to picture her smoking Marijuana without getting addicted or hurt in some way, and since I assume most of that is media enforced rather than fact I'm not sure whether to simply dismiss it as perfectly okay or try and deter her from the stuff. All it really comes down to is whether the chance of addiction or personality changes are higher when it comes to Smoking weed, apart from that its better on paper than Alcohol so I figure I'll just trust her with it.

(Man, I really took this off topic, my apologies to anyone reading this, OP in particular)

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

Yes, it has less dangerous effects than alcohol. And it is pretty harmless when you take it occasionally and casually, but not when you get addicted. I wouldn't know about addiction, thoughr.

And Class B/A drugs are things like Cocaine, Heroin, Meth and the new fad: Mephedrone (MCAT, M-Cats, miaow, drone, charge... whatever).

MCAT is marketed as being a cheap alternative to Cocaine, and has effects similar to Speed or Ecstasy, apparently. It's stupid and harmful, and is really popular among the chavs and smackheads in England at the moment.

I don't touch the fucking stuff.

Haha, I've never even heard of M-Cat, sounds kind of cool though. (Only in name, not so keen on whatever effects it may have) And I see, thanks for clearing that up, as you can probably tell, I'm not too aware of that stuff, I frequently hear of Pi (Pee? Not sure how its spelt), Heroine (apparently one of the worst drugs one can do int erms of health) and just general Party Pills.

Anyway I guess that's what bothers me, I consider myself an open minded guy, but I've been raised with such a negative outlook on drugs in general that its hard for me to picture her smoking Marijuana without getting addicted or hurt in some way, and since I assume most of that is media enforced rather than fact I'm not sure whether to simply dismiss it as perfectly okay or try and deter her from the stuff. All it really comes down to is whether the chance of addiction or personality changes are higher when it comes to Smoking weed, apart from that its better on paper than Alcohol so I figure I'll just trust her with it.

(Man, I really took this off topic, my apologies to anyone reading this, OP in particular)

It's your choice if you don't want to do it (kind of a smart choice, actually), and it's good that you're looking out for your friend. But if she's in control then I suppose it's fine.

(Yeah, I'm sorry too. Didn't mean to derail your thread OP!)

 

[That One Six]

Edit - Also, I've no idea how old you are, but if this is underage drinking, your friend should probably break it off. But that's just one guy's opinion.

Not all underage drinkers are binge drinking twats that drink to get drunk.

I'm not saying that they are. All the underage drinkers I know, however, are.

 

[That One Six]

Wow. What a *****. That's kind of a fucked up thing to do, but it's your mate's choice if he wants to break up with her.

Also, I've no idea how old you are, but if this is underage drinking, your friend should probably break it off. But that's just one guy's opinion.

He should break it off if they were underage and she was drinking? Why? Does that make her evil or something?

I'm 16 (18 is the legal drinking age in England) and I drink on regular occasions, as do most (if not all) of my friends. Social gatherings, parties, weddings, family occasions... All that jazz.

It's because people who drink to get drunk (all the underage drinkers I know) are in a downward spiral that will ruin their lives.

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

Wow. What a *****. That's kind of a fucked up thing to do, but it's your mate's choice if he wants to break up with her.

Also, I've no idea how old you are, but if this is underage drinking, your friend should probably break it off. But that's just one guy's opinion.

He should break it off if they were underage and she was drinking? Why? Does that make her evil or something?

I'm 16 (18 is the legal drinking age in England) and I drink on regular occasions, as do most (if not all) of my friends. Social gatherings, parties, weddings, family occasions... All that jazz.

It's because people who drink to get drunk (all the underage drinkers I know) are in a downward spiral that will ruin their lives.

You think so? Pretty much all the people I know in school get drunk, and most of them have good grades. Go figure.

 

[MomoHime64]

You were totally in the right in everything - listening to her problem despite her having dropped you out of her life, trying to be decent and give her advice, and then when she revealed that ugly side of herself, telling your friend about it. I'd have wanted the same thing if I was in his shoes - especially if she's a mean drunk (I qualify those kind of head games as displaying mean-drunk behavior). Good job, man.

 

[That One Six]

Wow. What a *****. That's kind of a fucked up thing to do, but it's your mate's choice if he wants to break up with her.

Also, I've no idea how old you are, but if this is underage drinking, your friend should probably break it off. But that's just one guy's opinion.

He should break it off if they were underage and she was drinking? Why? Does that make her evil or something?

I'm 16 (18 is the legal drinking age in England) and I drink on regular occasions, as do most (if not all) of my friends. Social gatherings, parties, weddings, family occasions... All that jazz.

It's because people who drink to get drunk (all the underage drinkers I know) are in a downward spiral that will ruin their lives.

You think so? Pretty much all the people I know in school get drunk, and most of them have good grades. Go figure.

Well, in my most recent experience, a girl despised drinking, smoking, what have you. She got surgery, which killed her social life as she couldn't go anywhere. After that she began drinking. Then smoking pot. Her grades were all A's before. Now they're mostly C's.

I'm not making these statements without some basis in reality, so don't vilify me for my own opinion.