A question for the ladies.

[similar.squirrel]

Disclaimer: I'm not under the impression that every woman does this, and I realize the inherent stupidity of making broad generalizations about any group of people. However, I've noticed this kind of behaviour with several women and have heard anecdotes about it from various sources over the years. This has led me to the conclusion that a large proportion of the fairer sex do this, if only occasionally.

Anyway.
When you are upset with your partner, do you let him know what he has done to put you in that frame of mind, or do you withold that information whilst continuing to be visibly pissed off? If it's the latter case, why? This is a continuing source of puzzlement for men, and I would like to shed some light on it. It's difficult to make up for something when you don't know what you've done.

 

[Hagi]

Being angry is fun. It releases all kinds of good stuff in your brain that make you feel like you're totally justified in everything you do and that you matter.

Basically: indignation. A lovely feeling to have.

It's been used by minorities, majorities, women, men and well... basically everyone.

And indignation is a lot easier to maintain if you allow the other party no opportunity to make amends. They're the bad guys after all! They wronged you! And all the wrongs you did personally pale in comparison to the wrong that was done to you!

It's such a lovely feeling, indignation. And don't lie and say you don't enjoy it yourself and haven't put some effort into maintaining that feeling. Everyone does it.

Now if you want a real mystery of the female gender, here's one. I've observed this over my entire life and it's pretty much a constant among women. If you ask them a question and they answer it wrong they reply with "whoops!".

How does that make sense? Did they accidentally blurt out the wrong answer and actually meant to give the right one, they were about to say it but then their vocal cords had involuntary contractions and they said something else instead? It makes no sense I tell you!

 

[artanis_neravar]

It's even worse when the girl gets more pissed when you can't figure out why they are mad on your own

 

[artanis_neravar]

It's such a lovely feeling, indignation. And don't lie and say you don't enjoy it yourself and haven't put some effort into maintaining that feeling. Everyone does it.

I don't, 'cause I'm a normal well balanced person. Being angry takes effort, more effort than I am willing to spend on something stupid.

 

[Hagi]

It's such a lovely feeling, indignation. And don't lie and say you don't enjoy it yourself and haven't put some effort into maintaining that feeling. Everyone does it.

I don't, 'cause I'm a normal well balanced person. Being angry takes effort, more effort than I am willing to spend on something stupid.

But you're doing it right now! You feel as if I just judged you without even knowing you. And now you're replying with a post implying that I'm not a normal well balanced person who wastes effort on stupid things.

You feel justified in making that implication. You feel I just slightly wronged you. You likely feel that you're more intelligent, reasonable or mature then me.

Feels good doesn't it?

 

[artanis_neravar]

It's such a lovely feeling, indignation. And don't lie and say you don't enjoy it yourself and haven't put some effort into maintaining that feeling. Everyone does it.

I don't, 'cause I'm a normal well balanced person. Being angry takes effort, more effort than I am willing to spend on something stupid.

But you're doing it right now! You feel as if I just judged you without even knowing you. And now you're replying with a post implying that I'm not a normal well balanced person who wastes effort on stupid things.

You feel justified in making that implication. You feel I just slightly wronged you. You likely feel that you're more intelligent, reasonable or mature then me.

Feels good doesn't it?

No I'm not actually I wrote all of that, and all of this with a perfectly content and happy smile. I know that you are your own way and will do what you will do. There's nothing I can do to change that so why bother getting upset over it? It doesn't effect me in any real way so I just don't care.

 

[Mariena]

Now if you want a real mystery of the female gender, here's one. I've observed this over my entire life and it's pretty much a constant among women. If you ask them a question and they answer it wrong they reply with "whoops!".

How does that make sense? Did they accidentally blurt out the wrong answer and actually meant to give the right one, they were about to say it but then their vocal cords had involuntary contractions and they said something else instead? It makes no sense I tell you!

I can't remember ever doing that.

Disclaimer: I'm not under the impression that every woman does this, and I realize the inherent stupidity of making broad generalizations about any group of people. However, I've noticed this kind of behaviour with several women and have heard anecdotes about it from various sources over the years. This has led me to the conclusion that a large proportion of the fairer sex do this, if only occasionally.

Anyway.
When you are upset with your partner, do you let him know what he has done to put you in that frame of mind, or do you withold that information whilst continuing to be visibly pissed off? If it's the latter case, why? This is a continuing source of puzzlement for men, and I would like to shed some light on it. It's difficult to make up for something when you don't know what you've done.

If I'm mad at someone, I want them to realize themselves what they have done wrong. I mean, surely you're not that clueless?

It's not like I get angry over someone leaving the toilet seat up [lol]. It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it. For example (just an example, doesn't apply to me), you can say that I tried really, really hard on something. I don't know, a meal. A painting. You flatout say to my face that it sucks. I become upset, yet that person is all like "What? What did I do wrong? I only said that it sucked."

NOTE: The point isn't the example. It's the fact that the person that said it sucked, upset the girl and didn't realize why.

I just hate spelling things out for people, especially in these situations. Come on, how blind can you be?! Argh, frustration.

In other scenarios I can be really introvert. Someone does something to wrong me, I don't know, but I just let it be. "That's okay." .. while in reality it did piss me off, but I don't wanna get mad over it. Eventually, my "introvert pissed off level" or whatever you wanna call it (gah, I'm not really good at this) reaches critical levels and that's where I "snap".

It basically comes down to people being clueless about their actions. They just don't realize what they have done. I'm not gonna go begging or demanding for an apology, that has to come naturally.. not in a forced way.

 

[Goldjit]

GGGRRR I hate this.

I ignore them completely and get on things. I like it when they get more pissed off because of it.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Depends on what I'm angry about. If it is something like say....the guy does something HE KNOWS that will piss me off then yeah I'll yell at him without mentioning it because at that point you know this pisses me off, you do it anyways ergo pissed off. Should be simple enough logic......IMO. If it is something that he probably doesn't know I'll ask if he knows why I'm mad and then if the answer is no I will tell him and then yell/rant/rave

 

[Jaded_Muffin]

I usually take time to tell my guy because I'm still trying to process why I'm actually pissed off at him. Whether it's worth while to hold onto and tell him or if I should just let it go. Not the best method but by the end of the day I can usually just let it go.

 

[Togs]

If I'm mad at someone, I want them to realize themselves what they have done wrong. I mean, surely you're not that clueless?

It's not like I get angry over someone leaving the toilet seat up [lol]. It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it. For example (just an example, doesn't apply to me), you can say that I tried really, really hard on something. I don't know, a meal. A painting. You flatout say to my face that it sucks. I become upset, yet that person is all like "What? What did I do wrong? I only said that it sucked."

I just hate spelling things out for people, especially in these situations. Come on, how blind can you be?! Argh, frustration.

In other scenarios I can be really introvert. Someone does something to wrong me, I don't know, but I just let it be. "That's okay." .. while in reality it did piss me off, but I don't wanna get mad over it. Eventually, my "introvert pissed off level" or whatever you wanna call it (gah, I'm not really good at this) reaches critical levels and that's where I "snap".

As a gender us blokes favour honesty, if you want our opinion we'll give the it- would you rather us help you improve at whatever it is you've failed at or lie to you so you can keep on failing at it? I do recognise literally saying "its shit" isnt helpful and hopefully any guy in question will be a little more tactful in his delivery.
Also stuff that seems important to you wont seem as important to us, so we will forget it time and time again- we're not intentionally trying to be a dick and our last possible intention is to upset or offend.

 

[Hagi]

No I'm not actually I wrote all of that, and all of this with a perfectly content and happy smile. I know that you are your own way and will do what you will do. There's nothing I can do to change that so why bother getting upset over it? It doesn't effect me in any real way so I just don't care.

You've never felt rightly angry? Never felt like someone wronged you and that they deserved being treated badly for a bit?

Just apathy?

Got to say, I feel sorry for you then. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion and I'd say you're missing out if you've never felt it. Experiences are what make life worth living.

 

[Mariena]

If I'm mad at someone, I want them to realize themselves what they have done wrong. I mean, surely you're not that clueless?

It's not like I get angry over someone leaving the toilet seat up [lol]. It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it. For example (just an example, doesn't apply to me), you can say that I tried really, really hard on something. I don't know, a meal. A painting. You flatout say to my face that it sucks. I become upset, yet that person is all like "What? What did I do wrong? I only said that it sucked."

I just hate spelling things out for people, especially in these situations. Come on, how blind can you be?! Argh, frustration.

In other scenarios I can be really introvert. Someone does something to wrong me, I don't know, but I just let it be. "That's okay." .. while in reality it did piss me off, but I don't wanna get mad over it. Eventually, my "introvert pissed off level" or whatever you wanna call it (gah, I'm not really good at this) reaches critical levels and that's where I "snap".

As a gender us blokes favour honesty, if you want our opinion we'll give the it- would you rather us help you improve at whatever it is you've failed at or lie to you so you can keep on failing at it? I do recognise literally saying "its shit" isnt helpful and hopefully any guy in question will be a little more tactful in his delivery.
Also stuff that seems important to you wont seem as important to us, so we will forget it time and time again- we're not intentionally trying to be a dick and our last possible intention is to upset or offend.

Girls appreciate honesty as well. It's called "constructive criticism". It doesn't help to say it's great when it sucks (except for the ego, I guess, but eventually that person will realize what he or she made actually does suck), but it doesn't help either when you just say it sucks.

The point though, wasn't the example. It's the fact that the person that said it sucked, upset the girl and didn't realize why.

A girl needs to adapt to his guy, and a guy needs to adapt to his girl. Try not to forget once in a while, as those little frivolous things .. like... when did we first meet, or when our anniversary is .. (classic examples!) are apparently important.

Much like a girl will need to realize things that "typical men" do, but that's not the subject at hand here

Gah, I'm actually just glad I don't have to deal with all of this.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Sorry double post

 

[FrostyChick]

Now if you want a real mystery of the female gender, here's one. I've observed this over my entire life and it's pretty much a constant among women. If you ask them a question and they answer it wrong they reply with "whoops!".

How does that make sense? Did they accidentally blurt out the wrong answer and actually meant to give the right one, they were about to say it but then their vocal cords had involuntary contractions and they said something else instead? It makes no sense I tell you!

I don't do that...

OT: I only do it if it's something that she really should know, if there is something that isn't immediately obvious then I'll say.
I also have little to no experience with guys, and never will. What with being a lesbian and all.

 

[artanis_neravar]

snip

If it's a meal, and you try it yourself you can tell if it's bad, yeah the guy should be more tactful, but wouldn't you be just as pissed if he said it was great when you knew it wasn't?
Now if it's a painting he has no excuse, as far as I'm concerned anything creative, like a painting or drawing is amazing because my girl made it.
Now I will admit that I can be oblivious, and I don't have the best of memories but I accept that and make sure people know. And I don't forget the important things, Anniversaries, Birthdays, What we did for dates, phone numbers (I have a head for numbers), but there was this one time where my girlfriend (now ex) was adamant that we had gone ice-skating before (we had this conversation after having just gone) and kept giving details about holding my hand and helping me skate (I am terrible at ice-skating) and all this romantic stuff, that I know we never did, and then got pissed of at me for forgetting even though I could tell here in order every date we had been on. To top it off she got pissed at me for not having a good time just then at the skating rink, when I was suffering from a cold, and allergies, couldn't go 30 seconds with out a sneezing fit, and was freezing. Is there something I missed there or was she just being unfair? (I am actually looking for your opinion here)

 

[Hagi]

Now if you want a real mystery of the female gender, here's one. I've observed this over my entire life and it's pretty much a constant among women. If you ask them a question and they answer it wrong they reply with "whoops!".

How does that make sense? Did they accidentally blurt out the wrong answer and actually meant to give the right one, they were about to say it but then their vocal cords had involuntary contractions and they said something else instead? It makes no sense I tell you!

I can't remember ever doing that.

UNPOSSIBLE!

Or maybe it's a subconscious reaction of the female brain... I'll need to research this... with SCIENCE!

I'm sorry... I'll go back to playing Old World Blues now...

 

[artanis_neravar]

No I'm not actually I wrote all of that, and all of this with a perfectly content and happy smile. I know that you are your own way and will do what you will do. There's nothing I can do to change that so why bother getting upset over it? It doesn't effect me in any real way so I just don't care.

You've never felt rightly angry? Never felt like someone wronged you and that they deserved being treated badly for a bit?

Just apathy?

Got to say, I feel sorry for you then. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion and I'd say you're missing out if you've never felt it. Experiences are what make life worth living.

I've felt anger, but I've never felt someone deserved to be treated badly for treating me badly, what's the point? how does that help me? I would rather focus my energy on fixing things with me then destroying things for someone else

 

[Mariena]

snip

If it's a meal, and you try it yourself you can tell if it's bad, yeah the guy should be more tactful, but wouldn't you be just as pissed if he said it was great when you knew it wasn't?
Now if it's a painting he has no excuse, as far as I'm concerned anything creative, like a painting or drawing is amazing because my girl made it.

Forget the meal, forget the damn painting. Also I already mentioned "constructive criticism" and that, in fact, it wouldn't be better if that person just said that it's a great meal while it clearly isn't.

The point though, wasn't the example. It's the fact that the person that said it sucked, upset the girl and didn't realize why.

Now I will admit that I can be oblivious, and I don't have the best of memories but I accept that and make sure people know. And I don't forget the important things, Anniversaries, Birthdays, What we did for dates, phone numbers (I have a head for numbers), but there was this one time where my girlfriend (now ex) was adamant that we had gone ice-skating before (we had this conversation after having just gone) and kept giving details about holding my hand and helping me skate (I am terrible at ice-skating) and all this romantic stuff, that I know we never did, and then got pissed of at me for forgetting even though I could tell here in order every date we had been on. To top it off she got pissed at me for not having a good time just then at the skating rink, when I was suffering from a cold, and allergies, couldn't go 30 seconds with out a sneezing fit, and was freezing. Is there something I missed there or was she just being unfair? (I am actually looking for your opinion here)

Sounds to me she was just being unfair >.> I mean, if the story is as you tell it.

Demanding that much attention while your guy is clearly having a hard time just staying alive through all the sneezing and burned out eyes from allergies .. seems pretty selfish. I hope you confronted her with that