A Question of Teenaged Morality: Or, Why Am I Asking You This Question?

[Hexenwolf]

I wouldn't have done anything, since it doesn't concern me. Even if it did, it effecting a little sister, etc. I'd have dealt with it... personally... if you catch my drift...

And by personally, I mean Goodfellas type of personally.

I wouldn't have told either, but in general, you would choose not to easily prevent a bad situation from happening in favor of violent damage control? Which usually leads to more problems? Doesn't that seem just a tad... ridiculous?

[small]Yes I can spot a joke. Can you?[/small]

 

[Yureina]

I would have stayed out in that specific case, but I certainly would have been paying attention to see if anything else would come up to suggest that "more happened". If nothing *actually* happened, then its not worth bringing up. Also, in that situation, I never would have said a word to those two people that you overheard. I simply would have decided whether or not to tell your friend, without getting those other two people involved in that at all.

In my experience, teens like to play games with this relationship stuff, and often a fair bit of it is less grounded in reality and more in what sorts of things they want to do. People are certainly not above rumors and lies at that age, and some of them get really vicious about it. I wouldn't trust much of what others say, especially concerning relationships, without some decent proof.

 

[BonsaiK]

Seems like you put yourself between a rock and a hardplace for no reason. Then again, I'm not the right person to ask about this kind of stuff.

But you did give me the excuse to use this

[user]BonsaiK[/user] I choose you!

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=1

And for that I thank you. Good luck with your problem, I'm sure time will sort things out.

Hahahaha you crack me up. Pity my avatar is kinda squished there. I should modify it so it doesn't auto-squish in some of the profile views.

I wasn't going to address the problem because, you know, what's done is done, but I will - by popular demand, so:

the problem

has been answered in the Relationship Problem thread, at the following link: --->`http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=38#6712108

 

[Spadge]

You didn't do the right/wrong thing, since those rarely exist in those situations. You just did the stupid thing.

As has been said, stay out of other people's relationships, it'll only end badly. My advice, 'Bob' was probably up to no good, probably. Your information is based on eavesdropping on two girls, that's only one step up on tabloid journalism for factualism, you don't know if what was said was correct and you certainly don't know the context in which it happened. 'Bob' may have been having a big old cry to 'Sarah' earlier about how much he loves 'Emily' and how he isn't good enough for her and he just wanted to talk to 'Sarah' more as he walked home. Unlikely, sure, but possible.

Now, you want to look after 'Emily', I understand. But say one of your best friends sees 'Bob' cheating on 'Emily' at a party and tells you, you tell 'Emily', 'Bob' denies it. She's pissed at you, he's pissed at you and their relationship is weakened, making all three of you less happy. Then later, she realises he's a cheater and breaks up with him. You don't get a sorry, you don't get a "you were right" (probably). It's lose-lose. Unless you have concrete info, in which case you go to 'Bob' and talk to him about it, and if his answers don't satisfy in the face of evidence, then you do something about it. Some of us would just flatten the guy after knowing he's a cheater, cause he's a dick. Much simpler solution.

Serial cheaters are a special case. People who date them get no sympathy and no help. Idiots.

 

[Agayek]

-snip-

I would say you did the right thing, in all honesty. It can't end well for you, and could easily end a friendship or two somewhere, but it was still the "right" thing to do. I would suggest for future similar situations that you explain to Emily (or whoever takes her place) exactly what you heard and no more (ie, that it was overheard and that you have no factual basis for it, etc).

It sounds like an awful lot of really dumb teenage drama, though. Stories like this are why I'm so glad I'm done with high school.

 

[KarumaK]

Sounds like you were thoroughly in other people's business and got what you had coming.

I wouldn't have done anything, since it doesn't concern me. Even if it did, it effecting a little sister, etc. I'd have dealt with it... personally... if you catch my drift...

And by personally, I mean Goodfellas type of personally.

I wouldn't have told either, but in general, you would choose not to easily prevent a bad situation from happening in favor of violent damage control? Which usually leads to more problems? Doesn't that seem just a tad... ridiculous?

[small]Yes I can spot a joke. Can you?[/small]

Seems stupid to me, but I'm the kinda person who responds to violent damage control with AHEM* enthusiastic violence.

 

[Paksenarrion]

If you are ever confronted with a similar situation again, just take a slow, calming breath, then yell, "FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

You'd be surprised. It might work.

 

[Green777222]

You lost me with all this "feelings" stuff, I just let nature take its course and ridicule the result.

 

[pope_of_larry]

your asking the internet to help you with real life.... well i say BECOME BATMAN

 

[Hexenwolf]

I wouldn't have done anything, since it doesn't concern me. Even if it did, it effecting a little sister, etc. I'd have dealt with it... personally... if you catch my drift...

And by personally, I mean Goodfellas type of personally.

I wouldn't have told either, but in general, you would choose not to easily prevent a bad situation from happening in favor of violent damage control? Which usually leads to more problems? Doesn't that seem just a tad... ridiculous?

[small]Yes I can spot a joke. Can you?[/small]

No, not really. Seems very logical to me.

Well played sir... Well played.

 

[armaina]

I think first you should have talked to Bob first and clarified things with him. Going on just one side of the story is not a good move and it's best to get both sides of the story first. That and you can take the time to talk to him about your concerns about his actions and his relationship with Emily.
If nothing was ever actually done, then telling Emily wouldn't really be important. The whole event could have been nothing more than something playful and ultimately harmless.

But at least this should blow over after a time. Eh teenage years, times of convoluted social structures and haywire emotions.

 

[FiveSpeedf150]

Teenage has nothing to do with this, I'm sorry to inform you it doesn't get better.

Blowing the whistle on infidelity will only lead to both parties being mad at you. Ignorance truly is bliss.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

As the title may suggest, I've really no idea why i'm posting this hear, I suppose i'd just like to know what others would've done in this situation. This post may get a tad lengthy, read at your own risk.

So, sitting in one of my In-between Finals study halls today, I heard the girl sitting ahead of me, one of my closest friends who we'll just call Sarah, was talking to another girl, let's call her Amanda, about how fun their sleepover was last weekend, especially since a boy, who we'll call Bob, came over. Amanda mentions it was really funny when Bob kept trying to wake Sarah up to get her to walk home with him, and how he was totally flirting with her.

Normally I don't pay much attention to their friends conversations, but I realize Bob is in a relationship with another close friend of mine, who we'll call Emily. I speak up and say I really should mention to Emily that Bob was doing said things with Sarah. Sarah immediately says that Amanda was exaggerating and if I tell Emily she'll go batshit and not let Bob hang out with her and Amanda anymore. I say I should probably tell her anyway, after all i've known Emily for the better part of 2 years and she wouldn't do that. Sarah and Amanda say if I say anything they'll refuse to speak to me.

Needless to say, I ended up telling Emily, needless to say, she got angry and yelled at Bob, and Bob is afraid to hang out with Sarah or Amanda again in case Emily gets really mad. And needless to say, outside of calling me a gigantic asshole, Amanda and Emily haven't talked to me for the better part of two days.

I guess my question is, do you think I did the right thing? After all, Sarah is a hardcore christian so I doubt anything would've happened had she gone home with Bob, and if I hadn't told Emily she would've never known and presumably nothing would've happened.

So, my fellow Escapists, what do you think?

EDIT: In a bit of retrospect, I feel like I should mention that "Emily" is a very close friend of mine, possibly the closest thing I have to a little sister, and I'm very protective of her. Whether that influences opinions or not, i'm not sure.

I think you did the wrong thing but for the right reasons. I know your protective if emily but she has to make her own decisions in picking a good guy for her. If you hadnt have said anything two things might have happened.

Bob might have pulled his act together and realised he was being a douche.
Bob might have been put in the shit for continuing to be a douche.

Iether way emily learns a lesson or does better than she did currently. I would know, I've been a Bob, pulling your act together can happen.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

This is an excellent example of the merit of better choosing one's battles. You violated trust and compromised friendship so that you might tell a hurtful truth to a friend when all that was really at stake was flirting that did not actually go anywhere.

Were you right? Sure. But I'd be the first to say that was a silly, silly place to draw the line and take a stand.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Well, on the one hand, you could've saved someone from a fake relationship based around lies, on the other hand, you could've messed up a relationship.
Life isn't easy and it most certainly is never fair, there is no right and wrong, just different actions, choose the one(s) you think will make a situation go as "not-wrong" as possible.

Judging by what you've typed here though, you probably would've seen a situation later on involving all of these people you know which probably would've spurred you to blurt out the truth in front of all of them at once.
So, if you like, think of this as saving time and just getting the awkwardness out of the way.

 

[Low Key]

If "Emily" is truly your friend, and not just an acquaintance you happen to talk to every once in a while, then yes, you did the right thing. On the other hand, if you are lying to us and "Emily" isn't as close to you as you seem to convey, then you should NOT have butted into their business, period. And you definitely shouldn't have said anything if you like "Emily". That's shady as hell.

I'm not trying to jump to conclusions or anything (hence my first sentence), but I have been there many a time when I was in high school. Speaking up and being the asshole will only get you so far, and unless you truly value "Emily's" friendship without ulterior motives, you were being beyond selfish and it won't win you any points in any way at all.

 

[Hawgh]

I'd say you did your best to protect a close friend, working with the information that you had available. Yes, it might have been innocent border-line flirtations, but there's no real way to know it. spreading the truth around, when in doubt, doesn't seem like the worst approach.

 

[slipknot4]

You did what?!
That ought to be one of the most stupid things ever. If a conflict can be avoided it should. Does not matter how when or why. Just ignore it, if not, you'll be in a mess where everyone is mad on you.
And... you sort of created a storm in a cup of tea there anyway.

 

[Naheal]

You did what you thought was right, yes? Who cares beyond that?