When I went into the theater, I had a pocket-sized notebook and a pen on me for taking notes. I wanted to be sure I didn't forget anything I wanted to bring up, and every couple of minutes something would happen that I'd be sure to jot down...until about the middle of the movie, shortly after he put on the costume. After that point, I more or less ran out of things to talk about. I ran out of things to be interested in.
To be fair, I'm not sure anyone could make a Superman movie that wouldn't disappoint me on some level; as far as I'm concerned, All-Star Superman is pretty much the best Superman movie ever made, and any movie that doesn't grab hold of the bright colors and the emotional aesthetic of wonder combined with the prosaic has failed to grasp Superman, as far as I'm concerned. This isn't to say Man of Steel is a bad movie, but it isn't a very good one either. It's watchable, and it has a few okay moments, and though my gripes outweigh my compliments, they're all pretty minor.
The best symbolism I have for how this movie affected me is during the opening credits. The WB logo, the DC logo, and the Syncopy logo all show up on the screen rendered to look sculpted out of dingy metal that's been exposed to years of dust and humidity so the dirt caked sporadically across the metal is as deeply ingrained as rust, and as I looked at the dirty, grungy, CG metal of those emblems, I thought, "Yep, that's pretty much the mood I expected this movie to dwell in."
This is probably not a very bold or original observation, but seriously, I hate the movie's look. I've heard people complain about the shakycam, but it actually isn't as bad as I was led to expect it would be; it distracted me in a lot of places, but it wasn't, like, Transformers levels of bad. What bothered me is how heavily the movie relied on bleach bypass to deliver a dark, blue-filtered, grainy look that reminded me of nothing so much as a Youtube video blown up to full screen when it wasn't filmed in high enough definition for that sort of thing. My right hand kept twitching on the armrest as if to move the mouse cursor over to the button that would shrink the movie back down to an undistorted size.
The effects are really hit and miss. Sometimes they surprise me delightfully, like watching Superman's eyes change color as they fade back from a blast of heat vision, but other times they're just embarrassing. I'm going to say the flying effects are awful not because they're uniformly awful--sometimes they look very matter-of-fact about a man flying under his own power--but his ability to fly is introduced during the worst, laziest greenscreen scene I could have imagined of Superman flying through the African veldt. The quality of the first impression is like that of one of those "sit in the hydraulic cart and watch the movie screen to pretend you're on a roller coaster" rides at Universal Studios, and I don't know if I can forgive it. Also, I'm pretty sure his cape is CGI in every single scene, and it reminds me way too much of the cape effects in Spawn.
The story is better than I thought it would be. I've heard people complain that it's too astringent, too obsessed with tying up loose ends by making Zod and Jor-El be friends or how Jor-El doesn't just send Superman to Earth to escape an exploding planet but also because Krypton scouted out Earth for annexation a thousand years ago, or stuff like that, but personally, I was pretty much satisfied with it. I kept looking for symbolism that I'm not positive was there--I still think Superman catching the flaming I-beams is a visual metaphor for Christ carrying his cross, and I wonder if the whole plot isn't some metaphor for xenophobia and/or immigration--but I can't really find enough coherence to say there was much of it. I think it was pretty much just aliens beating each other up.
Where I think the movie really failed is the characters. I didn't get any real sense of who anyone is. Zod is easily the most complex character, with understandable and even twistedly noble motivations for all his evil, which works against the movie in ways I'll come back to later; likewise, Christopher Meloni managed to sneak in a lot of subtlety into what was supposed to be Stock Army Tough Guy that made me like his character. The main cast didn't really have anything to work with, though. Superman himself is irritatingly contradictory; though the movie takes pains to explain how he wants to be the best person possible to please his dad (without ever giving a toss what his mom wants because this is a Goyer/Nolan story), at one point, twenty years after he's solemnly vowed to always contain his anger, some dude driving an eighteen-wheeler hauling logs insults Superman, so Superman gets his revenge by crucifying the truck. No, I swear to god, he takes two of the logs off the truck's flatbed and rams them into the ground so he can impale a semi on them. A dude splashed beer on him, so he responded by committing at least forty thousand dollars of property damage. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! But I guess you're probably not meant to understand him or his motivations when he gets less dialogue than the movie's villain.
Lois Lane--not Amy Adams, who did the best she could with what she had to work with, but Lois Lane--particularly got on my tits. She was an active participant in the movie, making her own decisions and asserting her own personality without living in Superman's shadow, which I approve of, but at the end of the movie they fall in love and I don't buy a second of it. I don't buy that they were in a situation that would lead to them being attracted to one another, I don't believe that they're attracted to each other because of their own chemistry, and I was staring at their kiss with naked disgust because it made about as much sense as the sex scene after Connor Macleod made whatserface stab him in Highlander. The lack of any kind of set-up for them to be in even the most base, physical, lustful form of love means the kiss reduced Lois to a prize, like Mario winning a kiss from Princess Peach.
...Actually, now that I mention video games, this movie looks like a video game to me. The dreary color palate, the grainy video quality, the shaky camera, Zod wearing a costume that looks like Master Chief while Faora-Ul wears a costume that looks like the glowing power armor from Crysis 2...yes, this movie looks like a video game. I wish I'd thought of this five paragraphs ago when discussing the visuals. Oh well.
The fight scenes deserve their own special mention. They're pretty good, but they're hampered by how bad the effects are. Like, I was told Superman's fight with Zod would redefine superhero brawls, but so much of it took place while using those Christ-awful flight effects that I couldn't enjoy it. Some of it is pretty great, but other parts are as bad as the ninja sword fight scene in front of the floodlights in Blade 2. There's one shot in particular of Zod grabbing Superman's cape and spinning him around like a discus before hurling him that makes Zod look like fucking Claymation. The fights in the middle of the movie are actually a lot more interesting, with characters all but teleporting from punch pose to punch pose in a technique that worked really well to indicate Kryptonian speed. There's another action scene of Superman fighting this skyscraper-sized machine that sends out dozens of giant tentacles composed of tiny, flying metal balls. The effects were so amazing I thought, 'The movie should have been just this, and the villain should have been Braniac so the movie could be just this,' which is compliment and condemnation when you think about it: An exciting action scene probably shouldn't make me stop paying attention to the movie I'm watching and start thinking about the movie I wish it had been.
What was really missing for me was the emotional content. I want to cry in a Superman movie, and I say that without shame. Like, as far as I'm concerned, Superman Returns is a basically successful Superman movie despite it being boring, brown, and a thinly veiled diary of Bryan Singer's adoption issues, because the scene where Superman catches the plane and everyone starts cheering as they realize everything will finally be okay again after five hopeless years brings tears to my eyes. Despite them having changed the movie to the point that his symbol literally means "hope," there is no point in this movie where hope is ever realized. I need that moment in a Superman movie or it doesn't work for me. I would have at least liked to crow out a laugh and clap my hands in glee at some amazing piece of violence against the final boss, like when the Hulk hammers Loki in the Avengers, but I didn't even get that because I sympathized with Zod too much to want him to get his ass kicked (I told you I'd come back to that).
That's been a lot of complaining on my part, so here are some random things I liked:
--The guy who plays Death in Supernatural is in it.
--There is a look of real anguish and regret when Zod kills Jor-El that makes Zod maybe the most human and likable character in the movie for me.
--Superman movies require a disaster no human could possibly fix, like a falling helicopter or airplane, and the exploding oil platform in the sea is a perfectly good one, not to mention an interesting replacement for the usual "stuff falls from the sky" thing Superman movies do.
--Kevin Costner, maybe the most wooden actor I can think of, is actually pretty okay. It's surprising how much his acting improves with even just a little trick like him pausing in the middle of a sentence to try to find the right words.
--Our very own Papa Bear has a cameo in this movie. [note: this is a reference to the forum I originally posted this on; ignore it]
--Though the ship Superman comes to Earth in looks like a Giger-inspired sex toy, there's a cute little reference to the spiky, crystalline spaceship from the original Superman movie that made me chuckle.
--Just before he figures out how to fly, Zod has to run up a building and does so on his toes and knuckles like a fucking gorilla, and it is hilarious to watch.
--EDIT: Oh yeah, and every punch Superman and Zod trade has a white-ringed, spherical shockwave. In some places this is cool and in others it's ridiculous (like Superman's final blow of the movie), but it made me smile enough to give it a place here.