I'll bite...
the Name: "Uriah Abraham St. John, seventh son of a seventh son, born for good luck, y'know."
the Years: "Four score and...uh...*counts on fingers* twelve. At last count."
the Type: "The type that don't have children, lawd knows."
the Other Type: -EDITOR'S NOTE - Abe begins to recount a 'shaggy-dog' story, no conclusion on last interview.
the Looks: "m'wife told me I look just like someun' important, she never done said quite what that important thing was or coulda been, but like someun' who get up in the mawnin' n' goes n' does somethin' important, and that's what he does, that's him."
-EDITOR'S NOTE- In purely reference terms, the...individual...that is Uriah Abraham St. John is a man of average height and build, although age and the Wasteland have seen to considerable withering; he keeps to an altogether shabby appearance, but in a way that doesn't seem to recognise it, at time of interview he has chosen to attire himself in the remains of a formal shirt with a dark pinstripe, although it is clear to this reporter the extent to which this item has been modified, stitched together and decayed. He also wears a necktie, which, bizarrely, is clean and with a positive sheen to it, he has not yet elaborated on its origin. In addition, he wears a simple pair of brahmin-skin dungarees, and appears to walk barefoot, as the blistered and bruised state of his feet can attest to.
In addition, Abe seems to be lame in his right leg, and manages to walk at a reasonable pace with a wooden crutch, which has been 'decorated' by its owner with surprisingly finessed whittling technique.
the Man: "Well 'um, m'wife says I'm summn' of a collector, ah like to tinker, like to play, just like mah daddy, he was in the air services y'know. Folk used to come from all aroun', lawnmowers, radios, ah even fixed up a still in mah time heh heh heh *indecipherable rambling*
- EDITOR'S NOTE - To conform to pre-war mental health standards, Abe is delusional, possibly mental degradation due to overconsumption of illegal 'moonshine' pre-war, and simply to exposure post-war. However, Abe displays an inexplicable aptitude for mechanical repairs, at one point reputedly building his own generator powered by biofuels (the ingredients of which Abe will refuse to acknowledge the existence of, let alone disclose), however Abe disassembled the machine a matter of hours later and spent two to three weeks burying the individual parts in unrelated locations across the wasteland. He is reported to have undertaken this bizarre ritual with similar devices before, moving on to other areas, never to return. Few have spent a prolonged time with Abe, hence this report.
the Stuff -EDITOR'S NOTE - Abe is becoming reluctant to speak at this point, continuing to take long gulps from a plastic hipflask. To recount what are seemingly his only belongings, Abe currently owns nothing more than the clothes on his back (subject to change) and his crutch, although he (since this reporter's first encounter) has taken to keeping hold of found tools for short periods of time; indeed, his ornate crutch shows him to be of considerable artistic talent and manual dexterity with a knife or chisel, although this skill doesn't seem to carry beyond this one item.
"...but another thing mah daddy taught me was how to set about huntin', my daddy was a expert at survivalin'; why, when he heard about them big rockets in Cuba he went into the woods out back of the schoolhouse and lived for two months offa nothin' but berries an' rainwater, you shoulda seen mah momma's face when the county ranger dragged him back into town ah..."
-EDITOR'S NOTE - Abe cuts his sentence short and proceeds to gaze wistfully into the air, he presently doesn't respond to cajoling to continue the conversation.
the Things of note: - EDITOR'S NOTE - I shall compile these in list form:
"ABE'S 'SHINE" - as previously stated, it seems Abe has considerable knowledge when it comes to brewing liquor and alcohol products, this reporter has (wisely) not imbibed any of such concoctions, but reports prove Abe's unique brews to be popular with many inhabitants of the wasteland. Fatality rate and side effects are unconfirmed.
"ABE'S RESERVE LIQUOR" - According to report and local post-war folklore, Abe one brewed a particular recipe of alcohol product in great amount, somehow managing to repair and repurpose the production line of an entire post-war bottling plant. The aftermath of this apparent burst of ingenuity was, however, as short lived as his other 'projects', as reports tell of a 'controlled demolition' soon afterwards. It is not currently known how much of the brew was produced, nor where it is stored, but so far this reporter has learned that Abe seems to be able to resupply himself with the special liquor almost at will. Further research and fieldwork will be undertaken in the interest of the scientific community, as, in this reporter's opinion, Abe's reserve liquor may be the key to his unlikely prolonged survival.
A few more in brief: "FIXIT" - Abe can repair things. Some things, not all. He couldn't tell you how, or instruct you, but he can.
"HOBBLED" - as previously stated, Abe is lame in his right leg, an d walks with the aid of a crutch, therefore depriving him of the ability to run or move quickly.
"DOUBLE SIXES" - Given his prolonged survival, it seems Abe must have been remarkably fortunate to escape death in the unforgiving post-war wasteland; the extent of luck alone in his survival is yet to be determined.
the Place: Abe is a nomad with seemingly no natural direction, with a tendency to wander from place to place on a whim.
- REPORT CONCLUDES -
PEOPLE MAGAZINE, WASTELAND EDITION, ISSUE 0233