AAA Gimmicks I`m Sick of Seeing

[Emiscary]

1. Censorship in Mature Games

So yeah, know how you`re forbidden from including a swear word in your D3 character`s name? And how it's a game about the end of days? Yeah, that's fucking retarded. And know how sex in Bioware's universe doesn't actually require genital contact? Also retarded. And y'know how kids in Skyrim (the game where you can harvest an old lady's soul and stick it in your drawer) are totally invulnerable? Also retarded.

Seriously, all this "oh my god that's too intense for a *GAME*" nonsense? Just stop it. That is all. The fact that you're too chickenshit to weather a handful of angry letters from Christian moms but you're more than happy to receive truckloads of hatemail from your fans is pretty god damn telling about your priorities.

2. "Character Customization!"

The fact that you put 4 different sticks for me to swing at the enemy into the game doesn't make me the author of my character's destiny. It just means you gave me 4 different sticks to swing. Don't mean to be ungrateful, it beats 1 stick. But don't claim it's more than that.

3. "We're watching you punk."

Yes, DRM. If I were a dedicated pirate, DRM wouldn't fucking stop me. And historically it never has, nor will it ever if current trends hold. All this online pass bullshit just serves as a great big:

"Fuck you!"

To anyone who's actually paying for it. I'd hunt down that flow chart explaining why pirating material is 100x more convenient and easy than buying it, but I'm lazy like that. Use your imagination.

4. DLC

So for every "Lair of the Shadow Broker" that was halfway worth the money, there's a dozen 2$ reskins and another half dozen game padding sections. Or my personal favorite: the pay 2 win model, which hearkens back to the days of arcade gaming.

Honest to Christ, there's not a chance developers will ever make use of microtransactions to do anything but gouge you for money.

5. "X #Y: The Z'ning."

If you've gotten to the point in your franchise where you *need* more than a title and a number to indicate which installment you're at- retire the fucking franchise.

IE: "Call of Duty Black Ops 7: Shit REALLY Gets Real This Time"

6. Collector's Editions

"So here's the deal: we're gonna sell you the exact same thing as everyone else. Except, we're gonna mark up the price 10-20%, and throw in approximately 7 cents worth of plastic as compensation."

7. Stripper Knights

Attend me and learn game devs, because I want you to understand something.

Whores =/= female warriors.

And female warriors =/= whores.

Do not misunderstand, I'm not saying you can't have whores in your setting. I'm saying your whores and your warriors are very distinct characters. Take a page from Game of Thrones for Christ sakes. They've got both warriors *and* skimpily dressed women- they're just not the same goddamn people.

8. Non Endings.

I know you guys aren't prepared to admit it to yourselves yet- but a game's story actually does matter. It's not like in porn where people are *SO* keen to witness the act itself that they don't care why it's happening. So stop skipping the last and most important part of the story so you can justify pumping out another installment.

9. Games "Revolutionizing" Their Genre.

So according to pro game reviewers, every 2nd AAA game made within it's genre over the last 10 years sets a completely new standard of quality and totally changes the course of that genre's future. And over the last 10 years what've I seen?

Shooters where you cap insurgents in the face.

RPGs where you slay a dragon to save the land.

and

Strategy games where you build a base and wipeout the enemy.

There hasn't been a "revolution" in gaming in *YEARS*. Usually the closest thing to a real changeup in gaming is the introduction of a new genre (the last one was the MOBA).

 

[Serving UpSmiles]

You forgot "boss fights" being just QTEs.

 

[Emiscary]

You forgot "boss fights" being just QTEs.

Luckily enough, I haven't played enough games that include them for it to be a big problem for me. lol

Still though, turning a battle with Darth Vader into a quick game of Simon Says does tend to take the piss out of the whole affair.

 

[allinwonder]

lol there are so many wins in your post, OP.

 

[Kahunaburger]

9. Games "Revolutionizing" Their Genre

So according to pro game reviewers, every 2nd AAA game made within it's genre over the last 10 years sets a completely new standard of quality and totally changes the course of that genre's future. And over the last 10 years what've I seen?

Shooters where you cap insurgents in the face.

RPGs where you slay a dragon to save the land.

and

Strategy games where you build a base and wipeout the enemy.

There hasn't been a "revolution" in gaming in *YEARS*. Usually the closest thing to a real changeup in gaming is the introduction of a new genre (the last one was the MOBA).

Haha, this really cracks me up when they say that. It's actually true of one game per genre five years at most, and even then the genre generally doesn't copy the good or original aspects of the game. Example: after Halo, did we get good AI, big levels, and unobtrusive auto-aim for console shooters? Nope, we got regen health and a 2-weapon limit. Well done, AAA devs, well done.

 

[TehCookie]

The best graphics gimmick. I don't care how many polygons you used to render it, or how realistic it is. Realism is a step away from the uncanny valley and it tends to trip a lot. Not to mention it ages horribly. Not to mention I know what reality looks like, no game can compare to it. Have a good artstyle instead.

 

[burningdragoon]

Yes I for one want to see all the extreme uncanny valley sex there is. I want developers to spend much of their infinite resources to make the inevitable sexual encounter to my laughably forced and awkward romance to be as graphic as possible so that I can see not only lifeless fishlips pressed together but also the hero's lifeless lightning rod clip into penetrate the heroine's lifless other fishlips.

Or they can cut to black to minimize the unavoidable goofiness.

Also I think subtitles are better than numbers anyway.

The rest of your points are fine I guess.

Edit: Yeah also about number 1, you're putting too much emphasis on the rating being called "Mature". It's just a name, and most devs want to keep their games away from the the "Adults Only" rating that graphic sex and child murdering will likely get them. You're basically getting mad that devs don't want to make less money by not restricting themselves when devs already don't actually make a ton of money.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Do you ever stop complaining? Like, ever? I mean I wouldn't mind so much if you actually offered any kind of fresh perspective, but you don't. First, as some have already said, half the things in here really aren't 'gimmicks', but more 'things that I don't like that I'm going to call gimmicks because it makes my opinions sound more valid' (which, ironically, is itself a gimmick often used by people wishing to rail against things); and second, everything you've said here has already been said, several times, and much more effectively, by other people. Continuing to go on about it will eventually only serve to annoy people so much that they stop listening.

Ok, so I'll bite, even though I'm probably going to regret it...

1.) Ok, maybe it is a little weird that we have these inequalities in censorship, but gaming is still very young as a medium. It's got very big very quickly, and it's had some major victories against the Jack Thompsonites as of late, but it's going to take more than a few months for the industry to really start feeling secure in its position. Give it time. Just like film had time, just like theater had time, and just like every medium before it had time to grow and mature properly. The last thing the industry needs is people demanding that it somehow makes decades worth of progress overnight, and that has nothing to do with them being "chickenshit".

Also, yes, it may be unrealistic, even immersion breaking for some, but if you're seriously going to get this irate about not being able to murder kids in Skyrim, I don't think you've got much cause to lecture anyone about their priorities.

2.) I haven't actually seen many, if any, developers trying to claim that the sort of example that you present is equivalent to being "the author of my character's destiny". So either you are using hyperbole to an extent where it becomes counter-productive to your own argument, or I just don't follow marketing as closely as you do. In which case, it's marketing for crying out loud! Of course they are going to stretch things to the limit when advertising their game, because they need their game to sell and to do that they need people to be paying attention. That doesn't excuse outright lying, but such occurrences are rare.

Over-zealous marketing happens everywhere, not just in AAA gaming (Hell, have you ever noticed how many 'motion picture events of the year' there are every year in the film industry?). Best solution is to just be aware when someone is trying to sell you something, and take what they say with a pinch of salt. Buying into it only to rage later doesn't help anybody, least of all you.

3.) This one I have no issue with. DRM stinks and needs to go away. It's really not a 'gimmick' though.

4.) So the sort of DLC that seems to really piss you off here, is the cheap, superficial stuff that doesn't take anything of substance away from your experience if you don't buy...

I see. In that case just don't buy it then! They're just a quick and easy way for people to make some quick and easy revenue from the people who are actually willing to shell out what little these optional extras cost. I really don't see how you or anyone else is being hurt by any of this right now. If you don't want it, don't buy it, and neither you, nor any other consumer will have lost anything of value.

5.) See above (mostly). Nobody's mugging you here. You don't want 'Tired Sequel 6: The Stagnation', then nobody is forcing you to buy it. If, however, enough people still do want it to justify it getting made then I really don't see what business it is of yours. If we want the industry to serve the consumer, then no one consumer should have the right to deny millions of others a game they want, just because that one consumer doesn't want it.

6.) Oh, for God's sake. See Above... Again.

7.) I agree with you here; and this one really is a gimmick this time, and a particularly stupid and outdated one at that.

8.) Again, I agree. Though this time with the caveat that I've played some really good games that have cliffhanger endings, as well as some really good sequels that were jumping off their previous installment's cliffhanger ending. But yeah, more often than not this is just annoying and I wish it didn't happen quite so often.

9.) See my response for point #2. It's marketing, deal with it.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

But I'm *used* to all this stuff! I can tolerate anything... y'know, except other people complaining about that stuff. That gets on my motherfucking nerves.

Also: semantics, semantic, semantics.

Welp, I made an effort at least. But if you want to just put words in my mouth, rather than face your arguments actually being challenged on a forum (by definition a place for discussion and debate) then that's your call I guess. I guess maturity only matters when people are agreeing with you.

 

[Goofguy]

Can't say I particularly agree with you, really.

I felt no particularly need for my Bosmer to go on child murdering sprees in Skyrim and just because my Shepard was partially clothed during his one on one time with Liara, my ME3 experience was not tarnished (the ending did that, but I digress).

As for your points 4-6, it's up to you to not spend a cent on them. Yup, they suck but no one is forcing you to dish out your own hard earned cash to buy them.

I do agree with you on your DRM concern if only as an outsider looking in. I haven't PC gamed in quite some time so I haven't had to deal with this issue.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

The only ones I agree with are #1 and #8, the rest just sound like butthurt whining; and even the ones I agree with just sound like butthurt whining the way you put it.

 

[chocolatekeith]

You forgot multiplayer modes.

 

[Emiscary]

BUT IT'S THE RULES!

I am done.

I find paraphrasing saves space.

So you're telling me that the way things are presently (IE: full stop certain things just aren't included in X/Y/Z art forms) is the way it must & always will be?

"ARE YOU MAD!? IF YOU SAW A DICK TOUCH A LABIA ON A SCREEN THAN... SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHILDREN!"

That argument *so* does not impress me. Not when (like you were kind enough to point out) that sex already happens on screen, and vagina & cock are already being explicitly shown.

Come to think of it, neither do any of these arguments:

"PEOPLE WOULD COMPLAIN!"

So? people always complain. People complain either way, at least if you opt to go the show rather than tell route you get points for balls.

"They're not *really* adult games!"

So don't advertise them as such. (Hint: if you're calling them "Mature" and limiting their purchase to people over a certain age- it implies certain things.)

"YOU NEED TO KILL KIDS THAT BAD HUH!?"

Thank you for missing the point completely. And subtly reinforcing stupid notions about behaviors in games being a tell for psychological problems. Really, just way to be.

"Uh, well- I found one 10 year old game that kind of (technically) does what you say recent games don't. I win."

... Yeah.

"Games just aren't *ready* yet."

Bull. Fucking. Shit. Y'know who's not ready for this stuff? The brainless gaggle of ex fast food salesmen and money changers currently helming the AAA games industry. Games as a medium are beyond capable of dealing with *any* of the subjects I listed that are currently being censored (child death, sex, profanity). They just don't get dealt with because they're still treating games as vapid diversions for children, and selling them as such.

 

[Grivahri]

1/2 of these aren't gimmicks... anyway
7. Didn't you know that the amount of exposed flesh is directly proportional to defense stats. The only reason they aren't nude for 100% defense is due to complaint #1.

snip

Don't you mean inversely proportional?