AAARGH. Why is getting married this hard?
- Thread starter Bratzzzzzz
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Your problem lies not in the people who are in the situation, but the situation itself; marriage is an abomination that takes happiness and turns it into resentment misery and letting yourself go. Long engagements are where it's at.
Give them a choice--Tell then to grow up or don't bother coming. Imvite all the family you want, if they don't turn up, don't worry about it. It's their loss not yours.
I doubt very much it bothers your fiance, as ling as you love each other that's all that matters.
Good luck, and don't let your parents bring you down.
I doubt very much it bothers your fiance, as ling as you love each other that's all that matters.
Good luck, and don't let your parents bring you down.
First, you know you parents better than we do by a good margin. If anyone knows the right thing to do, it's you. But, you asked for help, so here's my suggestion.
Okay, so the previous posters have offered a whole bunch of ways to say, basically, "Hey, parents, I want you to show up for my wedding, but only if you can behave yourselves. Can you handle that?"
Pick your favorite phrasing, and at some point ask your parents when they're both in the same room. This way, you not only get an answer, you get a trial run of sorts. You can ask them both separately before if you think it'll make this go smoother.
You should know ahead of time what you'll do if this doesn't work out -- will you tell them both they can't come, choose one randomly, or just pick your favorite? I'd only suggest the last one if you don't mind not talking to the other parent for who knows how long -- okay, I'm only suggesting the last one facetiously, but hey, don't let that stop you if it's what you want to do.
Okay, so now let's be optimistic and assume your parents both agree to act like the adults they presumably are. You'll probably want to appoint a trusted friend or family member to handle any situations that may arise at the wedding, just in case. That way, if things take a turn for the worst, you won't have to get dragged into the mess. Face it, it'll be a lot easier for someone else to handle problems quietly, given that you're kinda supposed to be the center of attention and someone else might be able to deal less contentiously with your parents.
Wow, I didn't realize how much fun it is to channel my inner advice columnist. In fact, I didn't even know I had one. I'm a little disturbed by that...
Okay, so the previous posters have offered a whole bunch of ways to say, basically, "Hey, parents, I want you to show up for my wedding, but only if you can behave yourselves. Can you handle that?"
Pick your favorite phrasing, and at some point ask your parents when they're both in the same room. This way, you not only get an answer, you get a trial run of sorts. You can ask them both separately before if you think it'll make this go smoother.
You should know ahead of time what you'll do if this doesn't work out -- will you tell them both they can't come, choose one randomly, or just pick your favorite? I'd only suggest the last one if you don't mind not talking to the other parent for who knows how long -- okay, I'm only suggesting the last one facetiously, but hey, don't let that stop you if it's what you want to do.
Okay, so now let's be optimistic and assume your parents both agree to act like the adults they presumably are. You'll probably want to appoint a trusted friend or family member to handle any situations that may arise at the wedding, just in case. That way, if things take a turn for the worst, you won't have to get dragged into the mess. Face it, it'll be a lot easier for someone else to handle problems quietly, given that you're kinda supposed to be the center of attention and someone else might be able to deal less contentiously with your parents.
Wow, I didn't realize how much fun it is to channel my inner advice columnist. In fact, I didn't even know I had one. I'm a little disturbed by that...
You would be suprised what actually "bothers" a girl that brings you food while you ignore her, she's dead adamant that she wants them there (She's a redhead and when she yells i get scared and hide out on the balcony)EmileeElectro said:
Family is realy important to her, and i consider HER my family now, since mine is almost nonexistant.
Also, i would love to fill out my side with friends that i trust, i wrote a list and it's like 4 people lol
Who wants to pretend to be my family for me? Also, i have thought about making my parents sign a contract before attending
Hmm I can't really tell you what to do here; my parents hate each other too and they have been married for almost 40 years. I live in the midwest though where everyone pretends to be nice to people they despise. In a way I feel envious that your parents are honest and open enough with each other to say that they hate each other's guts.
I find it amusing that everyone here is impressed that your girl 'allows' you to play videogames where I am shocked you need your girlfriend's approval at all.
Some friendly advice: enjoy the food, videogames, and blowjobs now while you can. It may be weeks, months, or even years, but they will eventually be ancient history. Sometimes it even happens on the honeymoon.
Women think marriage is this wonderfully awesome life-changing experience, and when they find out it's not their bitterness and anger from disillusionment will be directed solely at you.
I find it amusing that everyone here is impressed that your girl 'allows' you to play videogames where I am shocked you need your girlfriend's approval at all.
Some friendly advice: enjoy the food, videogames, and blowjobs now while you can. It may be weeks, months, or even years, but they will eventually be ancient history. Sometimes it even happens on the honeymoon.
Women think marriage is this wonderfully awesome life-changing experience, and when they find out it's not their bitterness and anger from disillusionment will be directed solely at you.
Nah, it's not like that man. She accepts me for what i am: A Sexy Gamer.Grampy_bone said:
It's not that i need approval, if anyone let alone the person that i am dating disaproves of my gaming they can go jump. She is more on the side of encouraging, she gets to do the things i don't like in peace (even if it requires my participation) and i get to do my thang.
Easy
EDIT: I also need a multiplayer game that we can play co-op, she likes gaming but she's not into chainsawing people so i've gotta find some middle ground. We used to play Maple Story together. There, now i've got that secret off my chest
Trust me, having a huge extended family attend your wedding can be extraordinarily awkward. I know this from personal experience (i.e. every wedding I've ever attended). Seriously, this isn't a university kegger, were you'll be the laughing stock of the community if you don't get enough people to show up. This is your wedding, and the people who attend should be there to celebrate you and your partner - and no other reason.CapslockFury said:...Also, i would love to fill out my side with friends that i trust, i wrote a list and it's like 4 people lol
Who wants to pretend to be my family for me? Also, i have thought about making my parents sign a contract before attending
My thought here is twofold. First of all, don't do seating based on current familial affiliation. You said she's your family now, and by extension they are as well. Start the merging early. Second, ask your parents nicely according to the suggestions given before (It's my day, please be civil), but don't pressure them to actually interact. If you are willing to give a bit, don't require them to talk, be in the same pictures, sit within sight of each other, or interact in any way, shape, or form. They might be more agreeable if they can just pretend not to notice each other in the crowd.
And if they don't agree to show, or only one does, I wouldn't worry about it too much so long as you gave your best effort to get them there. If they can't act maturely about their son's wedding, it's not your burden to bear.
Congratulations by the way, and good luck for the future.
And if they don't agree to show, or only one does, I wouldn't worry about it too much so long as you gave your best effort to get them there. If they can't act maturely about their son's wedding, it's not your burden to bear.
Congratulations by the way, and good luck for the future.
This.Namewithheld said:
It's the biggest day of your life, tell them not to act like petty children and be happy for you! If they tell you they can't solve their differences, put people in between them.
And as for your side being short a few people. INVITE SOME ESCAPISTS
Well, either don't invite them, get them to talk it out or... um, get them both really drunk and make them sit there in a stupor?
I agree with first few posts. Either tell them to grow up and enjoy your wedding day or tell them they're children and can't come. It's both or neither and if they have a hissyfit about the other going to be there, then Boo Fucking Woo.
Don't apologize >.> I don't even know why you would...JWAN said:Thats good, it might turn out better than my neighbors thenAschenkatza said:
look, that was really low of me, sorry
"I thought you loved me, your future daughter in law and your unborn grandchildren enough to ignore each other for a single day" Then look like you plan to cry, maybe get your wife to come and look angrily at them, if it's not working then add an "Is it because I'm a failure as a son?" or maybe "Why can't you love me?" the combination of guilt, fear and self loathing should make them get over it, for a day at least.
Oh and good luck with the whole marriage thing, if she feeds you while you play videogames then you know it's love.
Oh and good luck with the whole marriage thing, if she feeds you while you play videogames then you know it's love.