AAARGH. Why is getting married this hard?

[SimuLord]

I didn't invite my family to the wedding because nothing takes the air out of a room faster than me dealing with my alcoholic white-trash cousins and my hysterical, judgmental mother. There's no law on the books requiring you to invite your family to the wedding. If your bride-to-be wants to make it a celebration of adding you to her extended clan, that sounds to me like a winning formula and I say you should roll with it.

Edit: As a happily married man myself I think you're on to something with your description. Earlier tonight I was playing Mount&Blade for oh, about seven hours and the wife brought me a sandwich and a soda. Four years and I still wonder how I lucked into that one.

 

[Disembodied_Dave]

Honestly? Don't invite them.

It's your wedding day. If they go there and get into a fight, it'll ruin the occasion. It sucks, BIG TIME, but it's best to be sad about someone missing out then be pissed about there being a screaming match while your fiance walks down the aisle.

That's just my opinion, though... whatever you go with, good luck, and congradulations!

What he says.

It's not like you won't be able to marry if your parents aren't there. Hell, who gives a damn.

I mean, imagine if you do manage to get them together to come to the wedding... What if they get pissed off somewhere half way and end up screaming at each other and possibly, but hopefully not, fighting at the table?

That could end up a lot worse then, I don't know, inviting just one of them. Or none at all.

Seriously.

I've already gotten to that point of not wanting to invite anyone but my younger brother and sister (They rule) but according to my Fiance i HAVE to invite my parents, so thats not an option. Oh god i wish it was, since my dad moved cities to get away from my mum.. and all that did was make me carry messages like "get fucked" between my parents.

My parents are assholes, and as a direct consequense of this fact i have no family that i have ever been introduced to, so i don't even have anyone that can pretend to be my parents lol

Then tell her that you're parents have yet to be and your are actually from the future, or that you were generically engineered to be a normal person thus never had parents. Or that they both declined, but that's way to banal of a lie.

The truth could work. it's not like she won't marry you if don't invite your parents.

 

[Mstrswrd]

Blackmail. :nods:

But no, uh... Remind them that this is a day you will (hopefully) only get once, and for the love of god, you want it to be peaceful. They can snipe at each other any other day, but could they please let you have this one?

Or blackmail.

This. Yes, even the blackmail parts.

But in all seriousness, ask them, if on this day, a day they and you most likely have been looking forward to for many years, they can't put aside their differences. Tell them, if they can't, they will be forced to leave/won't be invited.

 

[Ushario]

I'm still trying to find a religion that will let me marry with no family present.

Cause you know, mine are all batshit crazy.

 

[Raincloud]

Hey Guys,

Basically the story is this, and i'd like to ask some advice...

I've met the girl of my dreams and after living together for three years we have decided to get married. I am actually really ok about the prospect as she is perfect for me, for instance she let me play Icewind Dale 2 last night for 5 hours, whilst bringing me dinner e.c.t.

Now, we are doing all the preparations where we get the engagement party booked and set, and heirein lies my problem.... My parents hate each other, and have been divorced for the last 14 years. Like they go "Battle Formations" crazy when they see each other.

I know that if my mum goes, my dad won't. My Fiance is having her extended family come(aunts and uncles from the uk e.c.t.)

My family is non-existant, so the seating plan is this:

Fiance's Side VS. My Side
xxxxxxxxxxxxx_______xxxxx <------ One or two of these might not come
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah, thats right. I have Family envy.

So, suggestions on ways i can get my insane parents to shut up and sit quietly on what is supposed to be my day?

You mentioned your fiance insists on them being there. Have dinner with them and your fiance just one night weeks before the wedding. Don't let let either parent know the other will be there. One of two things will happen, you fiance will reconsider or your parents will reconsider their actions. Either way, you win.

 

[Aramax]

I would seriously consider not inviting my parents if they really do act like that.

 

[BirdKiller]

One thing you must do: You HAVE to invite both of them as explicitly not inviting them would entail larger family problems involving YOU against BOTH of them. There's a difference in sending an invitation or not (your choice), and accepting/declining that invitation (their choice).

In my family, not inviting any family member is an act of rejection and the tension and relation problems that follow is totally not worth it.

If you really don't want to cause a scene, just invite both of your parents and tell your mom your dad is coming, and tell your dad your mom is coming. Hopefully they'll swallow their pride and hate for the love of you and your fiancee (congratulations), or at least one or both of your parents won't come which would prevent a family feud scene during that day.

 

[stormcaller]

Guilt trip em'

 

[mike1921]

Wow, I didn't realize how much fun it is to channel my inner advice columnist. In fact, I didn't even know I had one. I'm a little disturbed by that...

I know, it's so fun. Sadly it doesn't work IRL for me.

Don't be disturbed just accept it.

I'm still trying to find a religion that will let me marry with no family present.

Cause you know, mine are all batshit crazy.

.........I didn't know religions had stipulations on that.

I've already gotten to that point of not wanting to invite anyone but my younger brother and sister (They rule) but according to my Fiance i HAVE to invite my parents, so thats not an option. Oh god i wish it was, since my dad moved cities to get away from my mum.. and all that did was make me carry messages like "get fucked" between my parents.

My parents are assholes, and as a direct consequense of this fact i have no family that i have ever been introduced to, so i don't even have anyone that can pretend to be my parents lol

hmm, how good are you at getting an arguement to the point where it's just you two logically debating why or why not to do X, in this case why bring the parents? This seems like you could just not deal with it. Lol at the messages.

..........Try to find them, bribe them if you have to so you could borrow different parents.

Give them a choice--Tell then to grow up or don't bother coming. Imvite all the family you want, if they don't turn up, don't worry about it. It's their loss not yours.
I doubt very much it bothers your fiance, as ling as you love each other that's all that matters.

Good luck, and don't let your parents bring you down.

You would be suprised what actually "bothers" a girl that brings you food while you ignore her, she's dead adamant that she wants them there (She's a redhead and when she yells i get scared and hide out on the balcony)

Family is realy important to her, and i consider HER my family now, since mine is almost nonexistant.

Also, i would love to fill out my side with friends that i trust, i wrote a list and it's like 4 people lol

Who wants to pretend to be my family for me? Also, i have thought about making my parents sign a contract before attending

.........Yea......hm.....I think no one would've been as envious of you had you mentioned "yea, but other things bother her easily and biological family is really important to her regardless of what kind of people they are, also her yelling makes me hide"

Lower your standards for who you trust a little and see if you get more.

I could pretend to be your nephew or something.

 

[justnotcricket]

People have given some very sound and well balanced advice here, I think. =) My solution would be to talk to them separately - if it's really that important to you fiancee that your parents are there (has she met them, by the way? If she meets them in the same room at the same time she may, in the end, not want them there at her wedding!) then invite them to the ceremony only, and seat them at the extreme opposite ends of the venue. Be sure to let them know that the other person will be there (surprises lead to arguments) and make a point of the fact that it's your day and not theirs.

 

[kazork]

One of my friends has family issues like this so he convinced his fiancee to elope. The best part was that they pocketed all of the money for the wedding and took a 2 month honeymoon in the Florida Keys and the Bahamas. Plus they still saved enough money to put a good down payment on a house.

I say this is the best option. It is just a wedding you can spend your money on far better things and if you really want to make a thing out of it just invite some friends and have a BBQ that would be my perfect weedding. No family they are just not worth the trouble.

 

[nohorsetown]

You would be suprised what actually "bothers" a girl that brings you food while you ignore her, she's dead adamant that she wants them there (She's a redhead and when she yells i get scared and hide out on the balcony)

uh, she says you *have* to invite them, even tho you don't want to? You hide when she's angry.. er, *redhead* angry? And earlier you said she *lets* you play games? I'm fond of *asterisks* for *emphasis*? Wha?

I guess if she dyed her hair?.. uh.. I dunno, sounds like you're fucked, regardless. (But I hope not.)

 

[Lord Krunk]

Tell your parents to grow the fuck up and be there?

While I wouldn't say it in those words, I agree entirely.

They're your parents, they should be more mature than that. Especially on your big day.

Congratulations, by the way.

 

[Ranooth]

tell you parents to grow the crap up or not come to your wedding

Exactly, if your family cant put there differences aside to see you on the "happiest day of your life" then they dont deserve to even talk to you again.

Im sure your future wife will agree with me there and understand if not all your family comes, at the end of the day all you need there is you and her.

O and congratulations, i look forward to the reception

 

[Galletea]

You'll have to talk with them both. Issuing ultimatums will ultimately just lead to bitterness and yet more tension between the three of you. The best way to handle it is simply to talk to them and explain that as it is such an important occasion in your life, you'd like them both to be able to be happy for you and to put aside their differences to be there with you in that.
Or something to that effect. My advice is to not get angry as they'll just start telling you how awful their life was with the other parent or something. As your parents they should be able to be civil, for your sake on such an occasion.

And congrats. ^^

 

[savandicus]

Hey Guys,

Basically the story is this, and i'd like to ask some advice...

I've met the girl of my dreams and after living together for three years we have decided to get married. I am actually really ok about the prospect as she is perfect for me, for instance she let me play Icewind Dale 2 last night for 5 hours, whilst bringing me dinner e.c.t.

Now, we are doing all the preparations where we get the engagement party booked and set, and heirein lies my problem.... My parents hate each other, and have been divorced for the last 14 years. Like they go "Battle Formations" crazy when they see each other.

I know that if my mum goes, my dad won't. My Fiance is having her extended family come(aunts and uncles from the uk e.c.t.)

My family is non-existant, so the seating plan is this:

Fiance's Side VS. My Side
xxxxxxxxxxxxx_______xxxxx <------ One or two of these might not come
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah, thats right. I have Family envy.

So, suggestions on ways i can get my insane parents to shut up and sit quietly on what is supposed to be my day?

I recommend invite them both and tell them just dont talk to each other for the entire wedding, if they dont talk then they cant argue. Also look on the plus side they might try and out do each other with the wedding presents so you may get 2 presents of doom.

 

[cuddly_tomato]

Honestly? Don't invite them.

It's your wedding day. If they go there and get into a fight, it'll ruin the occasion. It sucks, BIG TIME, but it's best to be sad about someone missing out then be pissed about there being a screaming match while your fiance walks down the aisle.

That's just my opinion, though... whatever you go with, good luck, and congradulations!

Agree with this dude.

If you parents can't put aside their differences for one single day in their entire lives to allow you to get married in peace then they don't deserve to be there.

Parents are supposed to love their kids more than they hate each other.

 

[Shaenightbird]

Hello, and first off, Congratulations!

If I were in your position, I'd speak to both of them beforehand, tell each that the other would be in attendance, and that they'd best both behave. Otherwise, out they go, with the dubious distinction of having caused some ugly commotion at their son's wedding hanging over both their heads. If someone starts griefing during the discussion, they don't get the invite, because they have just proven beforehand that they won't be able to behave, and haven't gotten the point that it isn't about them, it's about you and your fiancee.
All the best.

 

[Cowabungaa]

Hmm...

Hmm...

Errr...

Tell your parents to grow the fuck up and be there?

I dunnkow, I've never had this problem before.

Honestly? Don't invite them.

It's your wedding day. If they go there and get into a fight, it'll ruin the occasion. It sucks, BIG TIME, but it's best to be sad about someone missing out then be pissed about there being a screaming match while your fiance walks down the aisle.

That's just my opinion, though... whatever you go with, good luck, and congradulations!

Agreed with those 2. If they can't grow up and act normal for the wedding day of their own damned flesh and blood, they're a bunch of toddlers who (in my eyes) can go fuck themselfs. That's what I would do with my parents.
Congrats with the wedding though, I envy you ;-)