Absolute Gaming Truths

[the_dancy_vagrant]

Children are nigh invulnerable to gunfire, regular fire, grenades, lasers, and all other forms of death.

 

[SirDeadly]

Red means Health, Blue means Mana (not magic,) Yellow means Stamina, Green means... ?? not sure

green means EXP

 

[hotdogoctopus]

No guy can ever beat their girlfriend and Mario Kart. It's impossible. It's almost better to not try.

What? How does that make sense? Do you let them win? They must earn their wins.


Always keep the shotgun for 'close encounters'.

 

[ae86gamer]

Barrels almost always have items in them. So do pots, wooden boxes, and everything else that's breakable.

 

[Daedalus1942]

If you stab someone in the leg, they will still bleed to death out from the chest.
Cutting grass always yields money.

 

[Daedalus1942]

Your level in a JRPG will always be 3 less than the new party member you have just acquired.

 

[klakkat]

Children are nigh invulnerable to gunfire, regular fire, grenades, lasers, and all other forms of death.

You have evidently not played some of the older games. Fallout 1 and 2 both allow you to kill children. Granted, people will hate you, but you can finish the game still.

"no killing children" is definitely a trait only in newer games, as developers jump on a new (and retarded) bandwagon involving reduced violence while perplexingly upping the gore throughout their game.

Your level in a JRPG will always be 3 less than the new party member you have just acquired.

Corollary: If you gain a character after fighting them, they will be significantly weaker as a party member than when you fought them. Also known as Magus' Law.

Women wearing practically no armor whatsoever and having watermelon sized breasts are in fact formiddable fighters not in the least bit hidered by their body shape or inadequete armor.

Addendum: The larger a woman's breasts and the less clothes she wears, the more powerful she is. Especially if she is a martial artist.

Corollary: The spikier a man's hair and the more obnoxious his clothes, the more powerful he is, particularly if his primary weapon is a sword.

 

[Et3rnalLegend64]

You can eat as much as you want and never get fat. The sole exception may be GTA: San Andreas.

 

[asinann]

No guy can ever beat their girlfriend and Mario Kart. It's impossible. It's almost better to not try.

Dunno, maybe not at the same time, but I'm pretty sure I could beat Mario Kart and then beat my girlfriend, she's kind of weak.

 

[Tdc2182]

Edit: every citizen character will know when you have done something bad

 

[klakkat]

You can eat as much as you want and never get fat. The sole exception may be GTA: San Andreas.

Corollary: You may elect to never eat, and will suffer no downsides for doing so, even if the story takes place over years.

 

[Et3rnalLegend64]

If you get a powerful boss dropped on you within the first hour of the game (given away by the battle having any combination of: impossibly high stats for the boss, you do scratch damage, he does 40+% damage in a single attack), chances are that you're supposed to lose. If you manage to win, then the next cutscene will show you losing anyway.

 

[CounterAttack]

[link]http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html[/link]

That should cover everything. =)

 

[likalaruku]

No guy can ever beat their girlfriend and Mario Kart. It's impossible. It's almost better to not try.

Everybody who has ever played The Sims has made their boss and put them in a room with no windows, no doors, and several ovens.

Not true, I'd already lost interest in the Sims by the time I got my first job. Hehe, she always thought I was "looking down on her," so insecure...

 

[Flour]

Finding food on the floor, where it is likely that hundreds have died, is completely safe to eat.

Not true because of roguelikes.

Most types of food can be rotten, and in some roguelikes food can have... other properties(eggs could be cockatrice eggs and turn you to stone after eating them, there could be a chance that food is poisoned)

On-topic: Mentor types and faceless NPCs will almost never survive to the end of the game, most won't even survive the first half. Those that do survive are either revealed to be evil or get a heroic sacrifice if the developers want to put the 'hero' in a sequel.

 

[Mstrswrd]

No guy can ever beat their girlfriend and Mario Kart. It's impossible. It's almost better to not try.

What? Really? I've never had agirlfriend, so I can't elaborate or debate, but I do now that my friend Alexis used to always whine to me about loosing to her boyfriend in all games they played. For about a month, that was Mario Kart Double Dash. They played the hell out of that game. And she almost always lost (you could always tell when she won, as she wouldn't mention it too much.)

 

[acklumos]

In JRPGs, your hair is long must come down past your waist and look completely ridiculous. Also, your sword must be at least twice the size of you.

EA=Sequel Factory

If you're hurt, chances are if you hide for a few seconds you will quickly be completely heal and ready to take more bullets.

 

[Acaroid]

The one who does the least talking kicks the most ass.

 

[klakkat]

On-topic: Mentor types and faceless NPCs will almost never survive to the end of the game, most won't even survive the first half. Those that do survive are either revealed to be evil or get a heroic sacrifice if the developers want to put the 'hero' in a sequel.

Exception: If the mentor is one of many, and gives you consistent training throughout the game, they will still survive and be subject to neither an evil shift nor heroic sacrifice. However, they won't be plot relevant either, in that case. Examples: Breath of Fire 3 and 4.

If you're hurt, chances are if you hide for a few seconds you will quickly be completely heal and ready to take more bullets.

Addendum: A gun is almost never deadlier than a sword. As well, it is fully possible to take multiple hits from either one.

 

[Abedeus]

Whenever you kill something, dodge. You never know when a bat you've just killed flings an axe or a polearm at you.

Also, all chests have springs for instant access.

Oh, and if you see something really small and vulnerable (like, let's say, a lich's skull) lying around, don't touch it. For the love of God, don't touch it. And if the skull starts to levitate and stare at you, it's too late to run.

Also, just because regular skeletons are weaker than humans doesn't mean that skeleton dragons are also weaker than dragons. Usually they're not.

On-topic: Mentor types and faceless NPCs will almost never survive to the end of the game, most won't even survive the first half. Those that do survive are either revealed to be evil or get a heroic sacrifice if the developers want to put the 'hero' in a sequel.

Exception: If the mentor is one of many, and gives you consistent training throughout the game, they will still survive and be subject to neither an evil shift nor heroic sacrifice. However, they won't be plot relevant either, in that case. Examples: Breath of Fire 3 and 4.

Don't forget Jedi Academy.

Spoiler

If you turn to the Dark Side, Kyle Katarn will fight with you, but you don't kill him. I don't remember what happens, if he attacks you and you flee, or the other way around, but he doesn't die.