An honest question.

[Chancie]

Ok, for you guys that are here, I have an honest question for you.

I've had a few guy friends that I've known for a while but when they bring the idea of dating me and I tell them no and that I don't see them that way, they slowly start to disconnect themselves and stop talking to me altogether.

So I'd like to know:
Why can't some guys handle/accept that boundary line?

I didn't try to kick them out of my life. I wasn't mean. I just simply said "I don't want to date you but I still want to be friends." As simple as that. And yet, they can't handle the idea.
I don't understand and I know I'm not the only girl this has happened to. Even if you're good friends, the moment you reject their idea of dating you, they suddenly decide not to be friends anymore.

They were capable of just "being a friend" before they asked. I don't get why they can't after. A lot of girls are ok with it. Why can't guys see it the same way?
Like I said, it's an honest question. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny ***** and I apologize if I do.

 

[The Warden]

Fear of embarrassment.
There are girls who'd go out of their way to make sure everyone knows it happened and get the guy made fun of.
That and the girl's face then brings that fear of embarrassment every time it is seen, that bad memory of rejection.

 

[rockingnic]

It's almost like proposing to a girl and she declines, where would you go on from there? I would wonder why am I still with her if she doesn't feel the same way I do. I asked out about 5 of my friends (that are girls) and 4 decline so I started to distant myself, wondering why I wasted my time since that was my thought process from the beginning. If I would have stayed close friends with them, I would lose my mind because they would just be f**k-teases to me.

 

[Hollock]

has to be embarassment.

 

[The Anhk24]

I acutally happened to make this mistake, but i'm trying to make sure we stay friends atleast because she is a kind person. I made this mistake bc like a dumbass i thought it could be something special and ignored the just friends line

 

[Sir Kemper]

Embarressment/Awakwardness brought on by being rejected?

Not saying you did anything wrong by rejecting them, but thats how some people are.

 

[sonicmaster1989]

Perhaps he started the relationship in the hopes of dating you. When he realized he was never going to achieve that goal, he gave up and moved on. He never intended to be friends. He intended to be more.

 

[e2density]

The idea of a guy being "just friends" is simply unacceptable. Being just friends versus having a great girl for the rest of your life is devastatingly different. There are very few good girls out there, and having a chance at one is probably the only reason some guys don't put a bullet in their brain...

There is no "love" in friendship...some people want commitment.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

Upon revealing their feelings and hearng "No," they feel embarrased around you.

Only natural.

For further explanation, put yourself in this situation.

Imagine there is someone you like, I mean really like. You ask them out and they shoot you down.
Now imagine having to be around that person on a regular basis for what may be a majority of your life.

Understand?

 

[Nargleblarg]

Maybe since they have been rejected they see no further reason to continue the relationship. They probably just went to find what they were looking for somewhere else.

 

[Sir Kemper]

The idea of a guy being "just friends" is simply unacceptable. Being just friends versus having a great girl for the rest of your life is devastatingly different. There are very few good girls out there, and having a chance at one is probably the only reason some guys don't put a bullet in their brain...

There is no "love" in friendship...some people want commitment.

Very deep, my friend, very wise.

 

[enzilewulf]

Well I am a guy and your situation is happing to me (with a girl) Some are just clingy and can't imagine life without you. So when you turn them down they look for someone to fill the void.

 

[The Bandit]

It's not embarrassment for me. I'm not a half-way type of person. If I approached you and got to know you with the full intention of going out with you, and you turned me down, I'm not going to be friends with you. It's not what I wanted, so I'm not taking it. It's never really happened to be with a long term friendship that I wanted to evolve into a relationship, but I imagine it being the same deal. I no longer want just a friendship. I want a relationship, so I'm going to have it or I'm not going to have anything.

That might just be me though (inb4 it's never just you).

Another possibility outside of embarrassment is that it's easier for the guy to get over you if you just don't associate. That happened to be once, though eventually we became friends again.

 

[Composer]

most of these posters got it right. embarresment. u need to make gay or metrosexual(as i am) guy friends that way itll never(or at least a decreased%) happen.(this is not a hate post so dont take it as one)

 

[ReincarnatedFTP]

Well, they probably became your friend because they were too nervous to hit right off the bat. So they tried to slowly get closer and they hit the "friend zone". These are essentially the "nice guys" who believe that manners and friendship entitle them to a fuck (if they just leave that is). However, some may be genuine friends who just developed feelings which leads to the second option:

Or they feel embarrassed and fear you won't trust them anymore, so the friendship would be awkward. Maybe they think you'll never let it go and you'll be suspicious of things they do out of honest friendship. Better to end it then.

I've been on the other end of the situation you're describing. She said "no" and the first thing I asked is if we could still be friends. She said "yeah", and we're still just as much friends as we were, if not in a closer friendship.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

Fear of embarrassment.

That about sums it up. Assuming your friends are decent guys, then that is probably it.

The only other thing I can think of, is that they saw you as a potential score and seeing as you pretty much said "No thanks" in advance, well the rest is easy to piece together. But that of course would paint a nasty picture of your friends, which I'm sure they're not.

 

[NeutralDrow]

Any number of reasons, most of which have been elaborated.

For my part, when imagining myself in that position, I think the awkwardness would keep me away, even if I still liked you. Especially if I still liked you.

 

[tetron]

Perhaps he started the relationship in the hopes of dating you. When he realized he was never going to achieve that goal, he gave up and moved on. He never intended to be friends. He intended to be more.

Second.

Thirded, yeah guys will do this. And they'll do it often and say something like "embarrassment" was the reason just so they don't get known as a skirt chaser.

 

[jackyjack13579]

Fear of embarrassment.
There are girls who'd go out of their way to make sure everyone knows it happened and get the guy made fun of.
That and the girl's face then brings that fear of embarrassment every time it is seen, that bad memory of rejection.

Fer shure creepy human skin colored Yoda, you tell it like it is.