The Epilogue
I talked to Dandelion and accessed my storage. FINALLY. I moved some crap over there, moved some other things over to my inventory. At the time, I hoped that the fact that they kept giving me Yellow Meteorite in the final dungeon (and money) meant that I'd be able to USE that meteorite and money to, you know, have a blacksmith make me a new sword with it. Apparently not.
Never mind.
Okay, so onward. To... Siegfried! Who is evil now, apparently. I kill him and loot his body because... it's an RPG, damn it. Looting is instinct.
I head through a house, meet some NPCs from earlier, all of whom I chat with. Then onward, through a monster filled basement, onto the street again, and into another house, and on through the sewer. There I..
... I fight a fucking KRAKEN.
What the hell?! Did someone buy a baby Kraken and, when it got to big, flushed it down the toilet? Why is there a gods dammed Kraken in the sewer?!
Whatever. It's tentacles are hallariously weak to fire, so I just Igni once to clear them, and then strong style its face until it dies.
It should be noted that, in preparation for the fight I downed a Cat with Rubido (for sight and healing) and a Wolverene with Albedo (for awesomeness and to keep my potion toxin down). Add on a Swallow mid-battle, and I was well prepared for this fucker. The battle certainly wasn't easy - it was a long haul - but I never felt very in danger due to massive regen.
I collected its loot, and a nearby corpse contained a scroll of "making this monster into Gold talents" so I do so at the nearby fire, resting one hour to make the potion (and to restock the potions I just used) and then another hour after I take it to distribute the talents.
Outside the sewer, I talk to some nurses. One wants a healing potion, so I give her a Swallow and she... teaches me about monsters I already know about. Lame. Another one asks for two alchemical items I don't have on me, and haven't seen for a while. I check around the area, but there's nowhere to get any, so she's shit outta luck.
At this point, I'll mention, I've seen a sex card for the nurses. Does Geralt really stop mid-final dungeon to boink the nurses if I have those alchemical items, or did I miss that earlier in the game?
Anyway, onward. Yaevinn gets PWNed by some minions outside the Order HQ, so he taps out and I have to go in alone.
There are a pair of fairly friendly guards who don't try to kill me until after I talk to them. I save (and there's a fireplace in case I want to make potions) and then head inside.
And the Leader of the Order talks about stuff for a while. Prophesy, the end of the world, various nasty shit. And then he takes me on a magical mystery tour to SHOW me. Apparently we're in Game of Thrones now, and Winter is Coming.
And yes, I realize that this predates Game of Thrones, and that GoT is probably ripping off the Witcher.
Geralt kills some critters and asks (eventually) asks the big question: what does this have to do with the plot of the game, stealing Witcher secrets, and all that crap? And the answer is... ...?
The guy wants to move people south. Okay. What does that have to do with his plan? He wants to make... Witchers without emotions... so they can survive on the ice... which he's planning to avoid....
Huh?
I understand his plan. I fail to see his logic. If he moves south, won't he AVOID the ice age? Why does he need to have Witchers who can keep doing their job in the ice age if he's going to dodge it.
Also, aren't there people ALREADY living in the warmer southern lands? Sure, he wants to preserve HIS culture, but don't they trade with those people already? Couldn't he just, you know, take a bunch of loyal followers and just move now? Maybe take a big ol Library with him to preserve northern culture?
For that matter, when things start getting cold, won't everyone ELSE go "hey, let's move south" ? Or is this going to be a Super Fast Ice Age? And even if it is... couldn't people pack up some food and flee south even after it starts snowing? They do have Winters here. People could escape after things started getting sucky. They aren't going to degenerate overnight.
Anyway, crazy-McCrazy teleports to the top of a mountain and Geralt has to walk there, killing minons on the way. And, incidentally, chatting with old friends. The Triss in Geralt's Mind shows up to help him with support spells and lightning bolts. Abigale shows up and tells Geralt that the monsters he's killing are the future humans. Her "great grandchildren". Um, Abigale. They are harry APEs. It would take far more than four or five generations to actually TRANSFORM into ape men. I could see angry cave men, but they'd still LOOK human, even if they were crazy. This appears to be hundreds of thousands of years in the future if we have full on Ape People.
Anyway, Abigale is happy I didn't murder her earlier, so she gives me some potions. So do several other NPCs, like Toruviel, whose name I've been mispelling for ages. Some of them give me random buffs, like flaming swords. Siegfried appears and is a mini boss fight - apparently with the same stats from the last time I killed him.
Finally, we bump into Adda. She agrees to join the party, and just as I'm jokingly thinking she'd be hilarious as a Stirga, she turns into the fucking Stirga. OKAY. I was kidding, but apparently Geralt has the same sense of humor I do and this is his idea of funny.
A bridge collapses, we fight some dudes, and then Triss is like "that as far as we can go".
... WTF?! We just got Adda! She only got to help for one damn fight! Oh well, never mind.
I don't bother resting. I do, sadly, notice that all my potions have expired. So I reup Willow, Swallow, and Wolverene and then head in.
Much of the above data dump actually happens along the trip and here, but I did it earlier to save time.
Anyway, I tell him to surrender. He refuses. Battle.
He summons a TON of little fire elementals. Which sucks for two reasons.
1) I can't just set them on fire.
2) They slow my frame rate down because there's a lot of them and they're on fire, and fire is the bane of speedy gameplay.
I swear a lot, and go Group Silver style, and ignore the boss who is really hurting me to concentrate on killing these fuckers. And, a White Ranford Decoction later, I do so. I switch to Strong (leaving it on silver because I noticed that with my +60% potion, I do better with it than the Steel sword even on people) and I wade into him. I have to take another healing potion before the end, leaving me with red floaters as I poison myself, but with great effort and timing (and fire, now that I'm no longer fighting fire elementals) I take the fucker down.
And the Wild Fucking Hunt appears. And he wants the guy. Um... no? My prey.
The Wild Hunt doesn't take kindly to that and challenges me to a duel.
I'm buffed up on potions, still in Strong Silver, and have both Swallow and Rubido tanking my HP. And my anti-wraith salt is still equipped. I set him on fire and rip him up so fast, his summoned minions don't even have time to do mroe than stand around ineffectually.
THAT was for walking away from me earlier when I tried to boss fight you! Jerk! Haha!
After that, I turn around and stab the Big Bad. He blows away my steel sword, so I use my silver sword. He protests that the silver sword is only for monsters. Which is HILARIOUS since, in game, I used the silver sword on him the ENTIRE BATTLE.
After killing him, I appear back in the cloister of the Rose Knight HQ. Dandelion shows up to tell me I've been in a coma, and just came out of it. Yaevinn was watching me, but he just left to go into hiding.
I thank Dandelion and loot the Rose Knight commander. I get back the Witcher Secrets... and a medallion. Weird.
I go talk to Dandelion some more, and Geralt says it's the same sort of medallion he gave to Alvin. Almost identical, in fact, but far older. Geralt seems to think this is an odd coincidence.
....
......
So Alvin traveled back in time, joined the Rose Knights, had a vision about the Winter coming, and was the Big Bad?
And, when I joked about Alvin being the final boss, I was RIGHT? Pfft! Hahahahaa!
Although that still doesn't explain why Triss went all OOC on me. There was never any indication in game that Alvin was mind controlling anyone. Or the Big Bad, for that matter. So I maintain my WTF for Triss's OOC behavior earlier. Even if Alvin really was the final boss.
There's a little graphic-and-text epilogue thing where apparently nothing I did mattered. The King dicked over the Elves later, and the Squirrels got pissy again, and everything ended up back where it started. Great - way to make the player feel like they accomplished something. Ah well, I guess they wanted to a Status Quo to revert to for the Witcher 2.
And then, in a weirdly different art style, Geralt goes to the King to get his cash. And an assassin murders everyone until Geralt stops him by cutting off his arm. The King and Geralt peer at the assassin... who has Witcher eyes.
Dun dun DUNNNN!
To Be Continued...
Roll Credits.
....
Title screen.
....
Wasn't I supposed to be able to save my final data to upload into The Witcher 2? Or will the game just know?
A "final thoughts" post will follow.