Ancient Aliens...They're Back!

[thethingthatlurks]

I just saw that the show Ancient Aliens would run a new season on History Channel. I know it running on History is hilarious, but please keep in mind that a sizable demographic actually believes the theories presented in this show. Anyway, my fellow escapists, let's hear YOUR theories as to how this was built, and for what sinister (and alien, obviously) purpose, as us mere humans are evidently incapable of repeating this feat of engineering, even with modern technology.

PS: I don't want to encourage drug use, but it might be easier to come up with some more outlandish ideas while stoned out of your mind.

 

[Mathak]

If seen from orbit they spell out a dirty word in Zortian. The Nazca lines are a yo momma joke.

 

[NeedAUserName]

Basically, Earth was just a giant nursery for alien children: sandpits, building blocks, you name it, they had it.

 

[Infinatex]

Aliens... hmmm probably not. More likely time travellers come back from the future to reign as gods. Yeah thats sounds good.

 

[Distorted Stu]

See the Simpsons for my Alien race, or this image.

Spoiler

 

[StarkillerisDead]

Aha! I see no one has told you that the number of points on the pyramids multiplied by the sun's position on the 13th of November squared is equal to the distance between Earth and Mars in Shalooms (a shaloom being the martian unit of measurement and equal to approximately 584.7 metres).
Coincidence? I think not!

Spoiler

Seriously, I've seen theories that use this sort of logic before

 

[Hastur 1993]

They were created for the party that shall be celebrated by the star spawn when Cthulhu awakes, one pyramid contains the blackjack, another contains the hookers, and the last one contains the cake.

 

[Mathak]

They were created for the party that shall be celebrated by the star spawn when Cthulhu awakes, one pyramid contains the blackjack, another contains the hookers, and the last one contains the cake.

That's BS. Look at those pyramids. Do they look non-Euclidan to you? Do you go insane looking at them? Then they're obviously not related to Cthulhu.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

They were created for the party that shall be celebrated by the star spawn when Cthulhu awakes, one pyramid contains the blackjack, another contains the hookers, and the last one contains the cake.

That's BS. Look at those pyramids. Do they look non-Euclidan to you? Do you go insane looking at them? Then they're obviously not related to Cthulhu.

Ah, but when The Great Old One wakes, the Pyramids will shed their facade, revealing their maddening true form. DunDunDUN!

 

[Tanis]

Uh...yeah...guys.
Seriously, I've got this one.

We're all descended from slaves by snake like aliens that take over our brains.
It's cool, we did kick their asses with some bows n' shit...old school style.

 

[Hastur 1993]

They were created for the party that shall be celebrated by the star spawn when Cthulhu awakes, one pyramid contains the blackjack, another contains the hookers, and the last one contains the cake.

That's BS. Look at those pyramids. Do they look non-Euclidan to you? Do you go insane looking at them? Then they're obviously not related to Cthulhu.

Maybe its so horrifying that it go all the way round again and becomes normal you know like the insanity and wierd geometrey version of so bad its good, well ether that or its a surprise party and the star spawn don't want to make it to obvious thats its for Cthulhu.

 

[Talshere]

Well being a big Stargate fan I'm happy to go with the whole landing platform theory.

Or the tooth pick thin shaft that goes from the burial chamber to the exterior, at the time of summer solstice points directly at the origin planet of the race that commissioned them.

 

[omicron1]

@tanis1lionheart: Darn it, you stole my joke.

...Ok.
Once upon a time, the earth was without form and void.
And lo, a great being, whom I shall for the purposes of this discussion call "Markus," did lay the foundations of the world. And he did look upon what he had made, and lo there was no variation therein. The world was flat, and green, and boring.
And so Markus did dig pits, and he did fill them with water. He did uplift the earth, and did fill it with coal, and with iron. He did plant forests, and create vast underground caverns. And he did make for himself many great pyramids of sun-baked brick, in order that he might test the materials of the world he was creating. And he looked upon all that he had made, and he saw that it was good. But the pyramids did stand out against the rest of the world, and lo, Markus removed them. Yet even Markus was not omniscient, and he forgot the pyramids in one corner of his creation. And so, even today, we may still see the remnants of the creator's mighty hand.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

Well being a big Stargate fan I'm happy to go with the whole landing platform theory.

Or the tooth pick thin shaft that goes from the burial chamber to the exterior, at the time of summer solstice points directly at the origin planet of the race that commissioned them.

Isn't that Sirius? Oh wow, the Aliens are within our cosmic neighborhood oO

 

[RocksW]

Im with the guys. Cthulhu did it.

 

[Holyeskimo]

They use Earth as one of those signs that tell you how many miles to something, the pyramids give directions to a rest stop in the horse head nebula, stone henge is actually an exit for the zandlorain convention space hall, and nazca lines are a result of a spaceship hitting a space deer and the clean up crew is taking their sweet ass time.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

PROTHEANS! Their ruins are here! Not on Mars! Mass effect drive here we come!

 

[Daverson]

I'd consider it pretty obvious, and I'm surprised other people haven't worked it out yet! The pyramids aren't tombs, they're craters! From an implosion! We all know explosions make inward craters, therefore, implosions must make outward craters, see? That's science that is!

Obviously, this means that mega-aliens sent super implosion bombs against select targets in the past. Why would they do this? Because they aren't Aliens! They're time travellers! Clearly these individuals if left alive would have caused the apocalypse in a distant future!

After implosions people decided to make these places into houses, that's why they're all decorated inside. Of course, no one would ever want to live in one (would you?), so they never sold. That's why there's no evidence anyone ever lived in them.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I'd consider it pretty obvious, and I'm surprised other people haven't worked it out yet! The pyramids aren't tombs, they're craters! From an implosion! We all know explosions make inward craters, therefore, implosions must make outward craters, see? That's science that is!

Obviously, this means that mega-aliens sent super implosion bombs against select targets in the past. Why would they do this? Because they aren't Aliens! They're time travellers! Clearly these individuals if left alive would have caused the apocalypse in a distant future!

After implosions people decided to make these places into houses, that's why they're all decorated inside. Of course, no one would ever want to live in one (would you?), so they never sold. That's why there's no evidence anyone ever lived in them.

Holt shit! It's so obvious! Why were we so blind...

 

[smearyllama]

Uh...yeah...guys.
Seriously, I've got this one.

We're all descended from slaves by snake like aliens that take over our brains.
It's cool, we did kick their asses with some bows n' shit...old school style.

And thus Michael Shanks saved the day! That show ended three seasons too soon.