Another zombie attack in Florida

[Meight08]

http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/news_archives/like-miami-zombie-face-eating-attack-charles-baker-gets-naked-eats-human-flesh-deputies-say

These attacks seem to be linked to me. The "zombies" behave in a similar fashion (biting human flesh, taking off clothes, refusing to cooperate with officers, animalistic behaviors) and all are reported to be on "substances".

They are on bath salts it causes cocaine psychosis which causes
1:Increased body heat (why they take clothes off)
2:Violent tendencies which causes them to need to be chained to a bed for days till they calm down(The violence)
3:It causes psychosis(biting human flesh refusing to cooperate with officers, animalistic behaviors)

 

[Nash]

I'm glad that they tasered the guy as opposed to shooting him. Hopefully when he's not out of his fucking mind then he'll be able to inform the authorities what actually happened.

 

[Captain Anon]

Good luck USA, hope to hear good news soon!

What?

No, no, were not building a wall, completely blocking off the British Isles from the outside world.

It's a...

Erm...

*slam*

But... we're an island? Sounds like wasted effort, effort that could be used on laser cannons

Exactly!

What's harder to infiltrate than an island?

An island with a huge wall surrounding it!

As as far as I know, zombies can't fly planes.

But why build a wall? As far as I know, zombies can't swim.

Unless they learned how to swim...

But if they learned how to swim then... then perhaps they can learn how to fly! D:

Hmm...

This is a problem indeed.

well now i think is the best time to set up shop -builds stall and lays out all kinds of weapons on a big table- the zombie apocalypse has begun! get your weapons here and protect yourself! all kinds! ranging from melee to close quarters to long range.

also zombies don't care about drowning they'll keep moving even after their lungs have been crushed by the pressure of the water like the underwater march from potc

 

[SeeIn2D]

Good luck USA, hope to hear good news soon!

What?

No, no, were not building a wall, completely blocking off the British Isles from the outside world.

It's a...

Erm...

*slam*

That's sounding like 28 Days Later right there

But yeah I'm stocking up on my explosive shotgun rounds. These bastards won't get me.

 

[Chanel Tompkins]

Well..I have the rocky mountains between me and Florida. Zombies haven't exactly been known for climbing well.

 

[BlackStar42]

But why build a wall? As far as I know, zombies can't swim.

Technically they wouldn't need to swim.

They don't breathe so could just skip happily along the bottom of the sea.

Not across the Atlantic they won't. Even zombies aren't immune to pressure, they'd be liquefied if they tried.

 

[Patrick Buck]

Excuse me while I board up my windows, buy enough ammo and guns on the black market to wage a fairly major war, and gather together all my sexy neighbours for the re-population of human kind.

 

[Pandaman1911]

Well at least they captured this one, which means that the correctional facility will soon be filled with zombies...

...wait no. That's a BAD thing. SHIT.

 

[Conn1496]

I think this is going to be the opposite of dead rising. A bunch of psychos pretending to be zombies then the occasional real zombie that's like a boss battle. I have no idea why they're all naked, though... Blame that on the psychopathy.

 

[Antonio Torrente]

The Only In Florida [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OnlyInFlorida] trope strikes again.

Also if the latest entry on the examples on the trope page is real, Around that time (the first naked cannibal attack) and city, A high school prom was held in the same place a porn convention was occurring.

How the hell did that even happen?! Florida what the fuck is wrong with you?!

 

[Montezuma's Lawyer]

Jesus christ, nerds.....

Will you ever shut the hell up about zombies?

 

[Ragsnstitches]

There's a similiar modus operandi here. I don't mean a zombie one, I mean, think about it. Naked+cannibalism. If it WERE zombies, you would've thought more of 'em would be clothed, but there is a pattern, a crazy one, but it's there.

Blast, if only I was a modern tv detective, then the camera would zoom into multiple things, then I'd say something about "She's at the warehouse!" and run out to dramatic music.

The answers obvious you fool... these aren't normal zombies, these are Naturist Zombies!

 

[Sean Hollyman]

Hahahah

I mean, sucks to be over in 'Murrica.

If they try to invade Wales, we'll just throw chavs and sheep at them.

 

[Von Strimmer]

Hahahaha silly Brits and their wall. Being the hardy Canadian that I am, I will migrate north in to the frosty climes. Zombies will freeze and I will have access to all the fresh water and caribou I could possibly want. Plus, I would ride a friggin polar bear.

Silly Canadian! Clearly the fatter US zombie will be able to widthstand the cold and transzombify the lower Canadian towns. Then the cold resistent Canadian zombie will move on up and infect the other Canadians. The British will fall because (as movies have shown us) they will forget to block off their silly channel tunnel. Only Australia shall survive the zombie outbreak. As Australia is a fortress unto itself...
...
...
...
...
Although we may release some zombies in Canberra. For field testing and stuff.

 

[Nash]

Hahahah

I mean, sucks to be over in 'Murrica.

If they try to invade Wales, we'll just throw chavs and sheep at them.

One could argue that chavs are mindless, identikit beings that lack any real purpose beyond feeding off society and grunting occasionally.

 

[SEXTON HALE]

Its finally about to go down sucks to be in any of the lower american states right about now.
The next shit we hear about this is that mexico has closed its borders and millions of people will be evacuating to canada.
While the british are hiding behind their wall we will be solving this problem with science.
I believe I already have a process that will be able to domesticate the common zombie.
If all else fails we still have that army of mantis men in the basement.

 

[Adam Jensen_v1legacy]

How's this for a conspiracy theory? Maybe those men weren't on drugs. Maybe they were being controlled. The government made a device that can tap into our brains and make us do whatever they want us to do.

 

[Jaeke]

Good luck USA, hope to hear good news soon!

What?

No, no, were not building a wall, completely blocking off the British Isles from the outside world.

It's a...

Erm...

*slam*

You know that wall will come down eventually, and the last place I want to be in a viral outbreak/zombie apocalypse is A FREAKIN ISLAND.

Case closed