Apologize on behalf of your country

[Ldude893]

On behalf of China (more specifically Hong Kong, a.k.a the only part of China not screwed up), I apologize for the uncountable list of human rights violations my country caused, and I apologize that China still hasn't improved its government.

 

[TipsyPeaches]

Dear World,

I, Mack the Knife, apologise for nothing. My country is-and will always be-its little cesspit of problems, its carnival of drugs, football violence, backwardness and alcohol. A ramshackle nation strung together by swindling independance-wanting bastards, dole-dependant tosspots and bored stab-happy teenagers, presided over by a few honest taxpayers and the Nanny State.

But we are honest with ourselves; we know we are shit, and yet still try to do the best with what we have. We know we are the fattest, the meanest, the most pathetic, miserable, servile trash ever shat into existance. And yet we plough on, with none of England's arrogance, Irelands nationalism tripe, or the simple timidity of the Welsh.

So bring your insults and your woes. Bring your Tennants special ale, your expensive cigarettes and cheap booze. Bring your smack, your crack, your cocaine, your junk-food and no salad. Bring your perversions, your anger, your hate, your contempt for every other miserable fucking creature in this world, and love only the fast-track to early death of cancer or obesity.

Welcome to fucking Scotland; leave your sanity, your decency and your scruples at the door, and have a fucking great time.

-Mack the Knife.

...

[sub] This was all in good, if nasty, humour. I love my country. [/sub]

I got to the end of the first paragraph, and felt my heart break, because, while it is true, it's hard to see Scotland written about in such a way. Though we are awesome.

Though, on behalf of Scotland, I do apologise for the ginger hair, and all the little kids who get picked on because of it.

also, have any of the English apologised for invading Scotland yet?

 

[ShadowsofHope]

On behalf of Canada, I apologise to the world for Toronto, and in particular to any Michigan residents here, I apologise for all the garbage Toronto sent to you.

Oh please. The rest of Canada should be down on their knees thanking Toronto for being the only globally relevant city in the country. And no, Montreal is not globally relevant, nor is Vancouver, or Calgary, etc.

Oh really? And why, may I ask, is Toronto the only globally relevant city in Canada?

He clearly forgot Alberta, there (although that is a Province, not a city). Full of hicks, but also the oil.. drum (?) of Canada. A lot of international desire over the Oil Sands, despite killing Alberta's natural environment.

 

[fenrizz]

On behalf of Sweden, I apologize for being awesome!

Also, we rescued jews from concentration camps during the last days of WWII, but if I apologize about that people will hate me...

To paraphrase a Norwegian Comedian:

"Sweden, the world's only neutral nazi's."


OT:
I, Fenrizz, apologize for the sad fact that the Viking age ended far too soon.

 

[Random berk]

On behalf of the Irish, I'd like to apologise for Jedward. To everyone who is not English or Irish, I deeply hope that you need never find out who they are...


Oh, I should also apologise for Bram Stoker making vampires popular. They had a good run, but in hindsight, maybe it'd be better if they never existed.

 

[General BrEeZy]

I, America...
...
ah F**k it, no one will forgive America!

 

[E-Penguin]

on behalf of England I apologize for creating guns and dynamite (haven't done any good yet)

Didn't Alfred Nobel invent dynamite?

He was Swedish.

Yep, but that's the English for you.

What? I don't think I understand what you are saying.

Are you saying that the English takes credit for things they didn't do?

 

[rokkolpo]

On behalf of Australia, I apologize for the following

-Not doing shit to anyone
-Not failing at maintaing a stable economy
-Not suffering from terrorism
-Not being arrogant and self absorbed
-Not having our own demented version of the ENGLISH language
-Not being at war with anyone
-Being so laid back that 'patriotism' doesn't include knowing any part of the national anthem
-Putting up with the rest of the world's shit
-Inventing the Bikini
-Just generally being awesome

Yep, I thnk that'll do.

How is that not arrogant?

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

on behalf of USA, I thecoreyhlltt appologize (to the black man) for slavery, I appologize to the chinese immigrants forced to work for pennies a day to build our railroads. I'd also like to appologize to the native americans who's land we stole (we're more than happy paying you back a nickle at a time at the slots, ) who else have we screwed over? i'd like to again appologize to the black man for martin luther king jr's assassination. and most of all, i'd like to appologize to japan, namely hiroshima and nagasaki, we really didn't need to drop those bombs... it was just a stupid pissing contest, america just wanted to "show-off" how "powerful" a country we are, and i can't say it enough but i'm truly sorry...

Also, i appologize to Afghanistan. same shit different day, Bush (for whom i could never appologize enough) wanted to show off for his pals.

and finally, i'd like to appologize on behalf the U.S.A.
for any and all injustices that are sure to come in the future.....









sorry everybody

 

[Dalamard]

For behalf of Iceland I, Dalamard hereby apologize for Icesafe some folks lost some money there
and I also say I'm sorry for the Cod-war so this is to the British people for not being allowed to
fish in Icelandic jurisdiction.

But the thing we are most sorry for is Björk, i mean wow how can you guys stand that gibberish,
I'm so sorry!!

 

[fragerific]

On behalf of America, I apologize for the constant and incessant need to apologize...which of course, stems directly from my other apology:

Sorry for President Obama.

On behalf of Australia, I apologize for the following

-Not being at war with anyone

???

http://www.defence.gov.au/op/index.htm

 

[siddif]

On behalf of Northern Ireland I apologize to England for all the terrorists nobody really supports them. To america I am sorry for all the immigrants you are apparently ALL related too(who if hollywood is to be believed are made corrupt police officers the second they step off the plane). and to everybody else I am sorry about all the drunk tourists running around your countrys.

This!

I cant believe NI got mentioned on the 1st page

 

[Floppertje]

I on the hand of Iceland apologize for nothing. I have nothing to apologize for. I could apologize for my ancestors stealing female royalty from Ireland, but they brought the gingers with them, so it all evens out.

are you sure about that? how about borrowing tons of money and then not paying it back?

 

[RanD00M]

I on the hand of Iceland apologize for nothing. I have nothing to apologize for. I could apologize for my ancestors stealing female royalty from Ireland, but they brought the gingers with them, so it all evens out.

are you sure about that? how about borrowing tons of money and then not paying it back?

Ten idiots that made a mistake and are hated world wide will not be apologized for by me. Most of them were living on other countries at the time anyway.
And all the people who were customers at the banks can only blame themselves.

 

[LorChan]

On behalf of Canada, I appologize for burning the white house in the war of 1812. That wasn't cool, yo.
But in return America needs to say they're sorry for being dicks and trying to impose this 'manifest destiny'/'It's like attacking Britain, but easy!' bullshit in the war of 1812. That was SUPER not cool, yo.

 

[Vryyk]

On behalf of America I apologize for stealing Britain's colony. That doesn't mean they are getting it back though.

 

[Gahars]

The United States would formally like to apologize for being too cool to handle... in America.

Though seriously, for the many things we are guilty of, we apologize for our brief phase wherein we called french fries "freedom fries".

We will be the first to admit that that was pretty retarded of us.

 

[Vryyk]

on behalf of USA, I thecoreyhlltt appologize (to the black man) for slavery, I appologize to the chinese immigrants forced to work for pennies a day to build our railroads. I'd also like to appologize to the native americans who's land we stole (we're more than happy paying you back a nickle at a time at the slots, ) who else have we screwed over? i'd like to again appologize to the black man for martin luther king jr's assassination. and most of all, i'd like to appologize to japan, namely hiroshima and nagasaki, we really didn't need to drop those bombs... it was just a stupid pissing contest, america just wanted to "show-off" how "powerful" a country we are, and i can't say it enough but i'm truly sorry...

Also, i appologize to Afghanistan. same shit different day, Bush (for whom i could never appologize enough) wanted to show off for his pals.

and finally, i'd like to appologize on behalf the U.S.A.
for any and all injustices that are sure to come in the future.....









sorry everybody

Oh, I also apologize for the legions of guilty whites pouring from my country. It seems to be our stock in trade right now.

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

on behalf of USA, I thecoreyhlltt appologize (to the black man) for slavery, I appologize to the chinese immigrants forced to work for pennies a day to build our railroads. I'd also like to appologize to the native americans who's land we stole (we're more than happy paying you back a nickle at a time at the slots, ) who else have we screwed over? i'd like to again appologize to the black man for martin luther king jr's assassination. and most of all, i'd like to appologize to japan, namely hiroshima and nagasaki, we really didn't need to drop those bombs... it was just a stupid pissing contest, america just wanted to "show-off" how "powerful" a country we are, and i can't say it enough but i'm truly sorry...

Also, i appologize to Afghanistan. same shit different day, Bush (for whom i could never appologize enough) wanted to show off for his pals.

and finally, i'd like to appologize on behalf the U.S.A.
for any and all injustices that are sure to come in the future.....









sorry everybody

Oh, I also apologize for the legions of guilty whites pouring from my country. It seems to be our stock in trade right now.

nah, i'd say our stock in trade is crippling depression and un-employment