"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Most Retarded Endings. Spoilers (duh)

[cojo965]

Heads-up, from here on out there are going to be unmarked spoilers so don't complain when you came to a thread with this title. The reason I'm making this thread is because I remembered a movie called Barracuda. It would take too long to type it out in full, but this was a movie made back when Jaws was still enough of a thing so naturally it starts as Jaws with barracuda. Part way through though it becomes a government conspiracy movie with the barracuda as the thread that needed to be pulled. No really, I'm serious, look at this shit in the spoiler tag if you don't believe me:

Spoiler

If you actually watched the movie you know where where this is going. So our heroes have the government goons cornered with an army of policemen and only have to arrest them whereupon, this happens:


No really that's it, over an hour and it tosses absolutely everything it was working towards down the shitter. Yes this movie is bad enough that spoiler tags are not worth the time. What do you guys have?

 

[Thaluikhain]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Apparently, they ran out of money.

Now, the ending they did go for was in touch with their surrealist humour, something they could do that few other movies could, it really, really did not work. You'll note almost the entirety of that movie gets quoted line for line, just not so much the ending.

In fairness, a lot of their stuff was experimental, and thus not all of it was going to work, but that was a particularly poor bit.

 

[irishda]

Warrior

Warrior had so much going for it. It built up a great dynamic between Tom Hardy, Joel Edgerton, and Nick Nolte (their recently-sobered father). It was a fascinating play on the brother's mirrored, but divergent relationships after their parents split and Nick Nolte was a raging drunk. It's revealed that Hardy is a war hero on the run after he deserted the military, fighting in the tournament to win money for his buddy's widow after he died from friendly fire. Edgerton is fighting to support his family after the school suspends him. The two brothers end up facing each other for a tournament prize.

Of course, all of the nuance is thrown out the window, because the director felt the more important question was "Would a technical fighter be able to beat a brawler?" It's supposed to be this emotional showdown as the two brothers battle each other, but it ends up being the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Joel Edgerton whispers to Tom Hardy right before he dislocates his brother's fucking shoulder. Then they have two more rounds with Tom Hardy desperately struggling with only one arm. Edgerton tries to get him to quit, but he won't until Edgerton proceeds to put him in a fucking chokehold. And the music SWELLS with love as one brother chokes another until he taps out. Then they walk off to be happy together, as Edgerton's wife, students, and boss all celebrate that he dislocated his brother's fucking shoulder. Seriously the wife just looks fucking terrifying and bloodthirsty SCREAMING for her husband to kick the shit out of his brother.

The movie ends with them walking off together, and Nick Nolte looking satisfied that his two sons just kicked the shit out of each other, because fight movies ALWAYS have to end after the big fight since that's what Rocky did. But it also leaves a TON of shit unanswered ON TOP of just looking completely ridiculous. Tom Hardy was outed as being wanted for desertion by the military, a crime that carries the maximum punishment of EXECUTION, and the cops are waiting for him after the match. Joel Edgerton was suspended from school because a student had heard from his older brother that he had fought some amateur MMA in a strip club parking lot. Why would they bring him back after he fights MMA ON NATIONAL TELEVISION? None of that gets answered, but hey, at least we know that armbars are super effective.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Since I just finished it last night, Aldnoah.Zero. Jesus Christ, the level of pure "oh m8 shock value lel" everything was pretty good until the last 5 minutes too, it's one of those.

Basically, Slaine decides to be a emotionally retarded wreck at the worst possible time and his whole "torn between loyalties" thing was working for most of the anime but after 12 episodes it was clear that his true allegiance was with his Princess regardless of which traitor in her ranks was trying to kill her. Anyone who was an enemy of Seylum was his enemy no matter which colour uniform that person was wearing is the point.

But no, he forgets that, saves the main traitor guy's life (and Slaine knew for a fact the guy was going to shoot Selyum on sight) who then shoots the Princess before his very eyes to nobody's fucking surprise, guy genuinely thanks Slaine for being such a good Versian obviously missing that fact that Slaine is in hysterics so he kills his military superior (a growing trend in Slaine's history) the main character Inaho then crawls out of the wreckage to I dunno, check if Seylum somehow survived a gunshot to both the body and the head (to be fair, she was wearing a vest so the first shot wouldn't have been fatal) Slaine then says something like "don't touch my Princess or i'll rek u screb" they then exchange their little cute nicknames they gave each other that one time they worked together then for some reason Inaho tries to quickdraw his pistol and shoot Slaine when Slaine already had his own gun aimed at Inaho's head. Good time for the tactical genius protagonist to be a total idiot for the very first time and not take the better option to try to talk him down.

Oh and Seylum's body went missing after that so Slaine's probably working on sci-fi necromancy in the already announced Season 2 because he was the only one left alive on the scene.

 

[putowtin]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Apparently, they ran out of money.

Now, the ending they did go for was in touch with their surrealist humour, something they could do that few other movies could, it really, really did not work. You'll note almost the entirety of that movie gets quoted line for line, just not so much the ending.

In fairness, a lot of their stuff was experimental, and thus not all of it was going to work, but that was a particularly poor bit.

I really don't think it's that bad, sure they ran out of money, but how else do you end it? They find the grail? they charge (again) the 2nd french castle?
I like the ending, it always makes me laugh the idea that...

Spoiler

King Arthur has had this massive army following them all the time and when he does call them up he get's arrested, love it!

OT: Barracuda, yeph, always left a bitter taste in the mouth

 

[Thaluikhain]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Apparently, they ran out of money.

Now, the ending they did go for was in touch with their surrealist humour, something they could do that few other movies could, it really, really did not work. You'll note almost the entirety of that movie gets quoted line for line, just not so much the ending.

In fairness, a lot of their stuff was experimental, and thus not all of it was going to work, but that was a particularly poor bit.

I really don't think it's that bad, sure they ran out of money, but how else do you end it? They find the grail? they charge (again) the 2nd french castle?

Apparently, yeah, they were going to attack the castle in a giant battle, with swallows dropping coconuts and stuff.

 

[Ambitiousmould]

Apparently, yeah, they were going to attack the castle in a giant battle, with swallows dropping coconuts and stuff.

That sounds like it would've been far, far worse, and to be honest, I think the ending they went with is actually pretty funny.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

Mars of Destruction.

It's a horrible anime OVA, considered on of the worst anime ever, about a special unit who fights Martians, with the main character wearing a special suit to combat them. It's really a shitty ripoff of Evangelion. You can find it on youtube, and it's a single 20-minute episode. I say it's worth watching just for it's sheer ineptitude.

Anyways, it ends with one of the worst, most hilarious twist ending ever:

Spoiler

"You are the invaders. We are the REAL Earthlings!"

"What?"

-END-

*Cue Moonlight Sonata*

 

[Trucken]

It's supposed to be this emotional showdown as the two brothers battle each other, but it ends up being the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Joel Edgerton whispers to Tom Hardy right before he dislocates his brother's fucking shoulder.

*BREEP* I'm sorry, that is not the answer we were looking for.

Spoiler: Warrior

In all seriousness though, he doesn't say that. Edgerton has him in the hold, says "Come on, Tommy" (probably urging him to tap), receives a couple of elbows to the face, punches back, gets more elbows, applies pressure and dislocates the shoulder just before the round ends, immediately asks Tommy if he's OK and gets attacked.

But, when he applies the chokehold (after spending two rounds getting Tommy to quit, which you pointed out)(also, I'm not sure if he's really choking him or just holding him there) he says "I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm sorry... Tap, Tommy... It's OK. It's OK... I love you. I love you Tommy." After that Tommy taps out.

Now, OK, I loved Warrior, so I'm biased, but I really thought it worked. The movie wasn't really about what would happen after the tournament (we knew what would happen with the money regardless of who won), but more about the healing between the two brothers. Tommy felt betrayed by his brother since he didn't run away with him and their mother all those years ago just because he met "some girl" who ended up being his wife, which eventually led to Tommy taking care of their mother when she fell ill. To me it felt more like Edgerton apologizing to Tommy for betraying him, not for what he did to him in the fight, and Tommy forgiving him.

But, that's my interpretation of it, I don't know if it's the correct one.

 

[Euryalus]

Mass Effect 3

The ending to Dexter was pretty lame.

Spoiler

Deb dies, Dexter fakes his death and lives out his life as a lumberjack, and his son is left with a woman introduced in season 7 rather than his family or Batista and his sister... Also he's left in Argentina... And masuka has a daughter they do absolutely nothing with other than show her in a nudey restaurant.

It was... the whole series was about finding his humanity and emotions, and when deb dies and he breaks down crying instead feeling nothing like usual its the signal that he's not just faking being a person. At that point it could have gone two different ways. Tragedy style where he finally gets caught and harrison is taken away from him, or having him succeeding in his plan but with the sadness of losing most of the people he loved minus Harrison and Hanna. It'd be a bittersweet ending.

But no! He "kills" himself leaving harrison alone when he spent the past 5 seasons doing everything he could to make sure harrison grows up with a father.

It... the entire ending seemed disconnected with the rest of the series. People's motives changed randomly a lot. Dexter should have either died, or he should have been successful. The middle ground just seemed like it was setting up for a new season.

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

Well if you wanna get real fuckin' retarded-

Aldnoah Zero

Already brought up. Which is a good thing. Because it was retarded. I honestly thought it was gonna be a 24 episode season, then it just ends with the blue-balling of a lifetime.

Spoiler

Oh and Seylum's body went missing after that so Slaine's probably working on sci-fi necromancy in the already announced Season 2 because he was the only one left alive on the scene.

Good to know it's actually going to go somewhere. Who knows, could end up being great with the protagonist switch up. It's worked well before.

Either that or Gen Urobutcher just wanted to kill off some main characters.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I came in thinking of videogames, specifically Borderlands. The DLC fixes it up a bit, but that vault boss? Bullshit.

 

[Evonisia]

Man of Steel - Gosh you're awfully cheerful after what's just happened Cal.

In all seriousness, though, Sucker Punch (seeing as I watched it last night). And by ending I don't mean the last ten minutes or whatever, I refer to the final scene with the bus. Sweat Pea gets away thanks to the Bus Driver who is nice enough to get the police off her back so she can be free. Yes, very heartwarming and the Bus Driver is played by the same person as the coach (the only male character to not be aggressive towards the girls).

...

But! The Bus Driver has no reason to do this. He doesn't know who she is, he doesn't know why she doesn't have a ticket or what's going on. He's just a swell fella' I guess. It's symbolism and metaphor trumping basic logic.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

Well if you wanna get real fuckin' retarded-

Aldnoah Zero

Already brought up. Which is a good thing. Because it was retarded. I honestly thought it was gonna be a 24 episode season, then it just ends with the blue-balling of a lifetime.

Spoiler

Oh and Seylum's body went missing after that so Slaine's probably working on sci-fi necromancy in the already announced Season 2 because he was the only one left alive on the scene.

Good to know it's actually going to go somewhere. Who knows, could end up being great with the protagonist switch up. It's worked well before.

Either that or Gen Urobutcher just wanted to kill off some main characters.

Urobuchi had nothing to do with the ending. He stated it himself that he had something different planned. He only wrote the first three episodes and the story outline. He didn't even write any of the characters (or at least they were different in his original script.)

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

Return of the Jedi Remastered; CGI'ing Hayden in makes no logical sense.

Revenge of the Sith; Padme is shown giving birth to Luke & Leia with them explaining Anakin is the father. This robs the ending of Empire Strikes Back of all it's emotional impact.

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

]

Well if you wanna get real fuckin' retarded-

Aldnoah Zero

Already brought up. Which is a good thing. Because it was retarded. I honestly thought it was gonna be a 24 episode season, then it just ends with the blue-balling of a lifetime.

Spoiler

Oh and Seylum's body went missing after that so Slaine's probably working on sci-fi necromancy in the already announced Season 2 because he was the only one left alive on the scene.

Good to know it's actually going to go somewhere. Who knows, could end up being great with the protagonist switch up. It's worked well before.

Either that or Gen Urobutcher just wanted to kill off some main characters.

Urobuchi had nothing to do with the ending. He stated it himself that he had something different planned. He only wrote the first three episodes and the story outline. He didn't even write any of the characters (or at least they were different in his original script.)

Ah ok, thanks for the information.

On a side note, if my post only contained those six words above, would I get mod wrath'd? I remember reading somewhere that the mods were being a little more lenient on short posts as long as they were responses and contained all that needed to be said, but I'm not sure.

 

[TheVampwizimp_v1legacy]

Return of the Jedi Remastered; CGI'ing Hayden in makes no logical sense.

Revenge of the Sith; Padme is shown giving birth to Luke & Leia with them explaining Anakin is the father. This robs the ending of Empire Strikes Back of all it's emotional impact.

Well, yes but... Only if you haven't seen Empire already. Which you must have if you're watching the prequels. And if you watched the prequels first, you screwed up royal. I mean, it is like universal knowledge that the prequels are awful and should not be viewed by anyone.

What really makes the ending of Revenge of the Sith awful is that it robbed itself of its emotional impact by being uncomfortably forced and stupid. Just like the rest of the last 3 movies.

 

[MetalDooley]

Movies - The Amazing Spiderman 2

The guy who will become Rhino is introduced pretty early on so you're waiting for Rhino to show up.And he does at the very end of the movie.Spiderman and Rhino start to fight and then....cut to credits.Are you fucking serious!?!I'm waiting nearly 2 fucking hours for this villain to show up and when he finally does you end the movie in the middle of a fucking fight scene between the hero and villain.Fuck you.The sooner Sony loses the rights to this franchise the better

Books - The Dreamers by David and Leigh Eddings

At the end of the fourth book the dreamers of the title,who are adolescent gods,decide to use their powers to go back in time and change things so none of the bad stuff ever happens.Wait what!?!I've just read 4 books that are each around 400 - 500 pages long and this is the best you could come up with.Pretty much a dream sequence ending that renders the events in the 4 books utterly pointless.Jesus fucking christ what a waste of time

Games - Borderlands and Mass Effect 3 are well known so I won't bother going into details but yeah they were both bullshit

 

[The Wykydtron]

Well if you wanna get real fuckin' retarded-

Aldnoah Zero

Already brought up. Which is a good thing. Because it was retarded. I honestly thought it was gonna be a 24 episode season, then it just ends with the blue-balling of a lifetime.

Spoiler

Oh and Seylum's body went missing after that so Slaine's probably working on sci-fi necromancy in the already announced Season 2 because he was the only one left alive on the scene.

Good to know it's actually going to go somewhere. Who knows, could end up being great with the protagonist switch up. It's worked well before.

Either that or Gen Urobutcher just wanted to kill off some main characters.

Yeah it really had all the signs of a 24 episodes series too, there was enough potential for the plot to be stretched out that long without running out of material. Like that guy who had PTSD and had relapses whenever he got inside a mecha, it was building up to him getting over it in the future with therapy but nah, let's just leave that.

I think your last statement is the most likely. I hate how randomly killing main characters like it was nothing is becoming a somewhat common thing in battle anime now. Now I like Attack on Titan as much as the next guy but I have to wonder if it's having negative effects on the genre... It was like that in Akame ga Kill too, at least it feels that way. After the tone of Episode 1 i'm expecting mass character death (only on Episode 6 but I would be surprised if they don't.)

Slaine had such potential as a character too, so did Cruteo for that matter. Not two minutes after he realised how loyal Slaine actually is (it was a a kind of touching moment too) he gets deleted by that bullshit one man army Strausbaum before he can even get into his mecha.

What happened to good old Power of Friendship anime, man? I know it's cheesy as fuck but I love it when it's done right. It's like every anime is actively working against it now.

 

[irishda]

It's supposed to be this emotional showdown as the two brothers battle each other, but it ends up being the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Joel Edgerton whispers to Tom Hardy right before he dislocates his brother's fucking shoulder.

*BREEP* I'm sorry, that is not the answer we were looking for.

Spoiler: Warrior

In all seriousness though, he doesn't say that. Edgerton has him in the hold, says "Come on, Tommy" (probably urging him to tap), receives a couple of elbows to the face, punches back, gets more elbows, applies pressure and dislocates the shoulder just before the round ends, immediately asks Tommy if he's OK and gets attacked.

But, when he applies the chokehold (after spending two rounds getting Tommy to quit, which you pointed out)(also, I'm not sure if he's really choking him or just holding him there) he says "I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm sorry... Tap, Tommy... It's OK. It's OK... I love you. I love you Tommy." After that Tommy taps out.

Now, OK, I loved Warrior, so I'm biased, but I really thought it worked. The movie wasn't really about what would happen after the tournament (we knew what would happen with the money regardless of who won), but more about the healing between the two brothers. Tommy felt betrayed by his brother since he didn't run away with him and their mother all those years ago just because he met "some girl" who ended up being his wife, which eventually led to Tommy taking care of their mother when she fell ill. To me it felt more like Edgerton apologizing to Tommy for betraying him, not for what he did to him in the fight, and Tommy forgiving him.

But, that's my interpretation of it, I don't know if it's the correct one.

While I've heard that from other people, it still just is too much of a disconnect between what they're trying to portray and what's happening on screen for me. They're trying to portray the brothers' healing, but it's healing by beating the shit out of each other? The only way they can heal is by one forcing the other into submission? "I forgive you, and I love you." /breaks arm.

Considering the "forgiveness" he showed Nick Nolte earlier ("I forgive you, now never speak to me or come near your grandkids again."), I don't think Edgerton knows what forgiveness means.

And I needed to know more about the ending because otherwise it just looks like a cheap ploy to ratchet up the stakes for the brothers and the emotional drama for the audience without the consequences of good storytelling. "He might lose his job! He's a war hero! Wait a minute, he's a WANTED war hero!" There are serious implications here that just get tossed out the window. They HAD plenty of drama with the dynamic of the brothers, their parents, and their history. The rest just got in the way and ruined the ending by being brought up and then dropped.