As a man, have dating sites worked for you? What am I doing wrong?(Updated info)
- Thread starter Lucius Ivanov
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The inability to laugh at one's own misfortune is the sign of a severe lack of imagination. Besides, ever hear of the phrase, "they went together like oil and water?" We were kind of like that, only it was closer to water and lithium.WWmelb said:
If you got 0 responses how much stock is he supposed to put in your "shotgun technique"?Odbarc said:
That was a very convoluted way of telling someone you're Australian.II2 said:Lucius Ivanov said:My description:
My name is SWIM and I'm from AROUND.
I've been living in SQUALOR for the past 6 years, and I quite like it here.
I enjoy driving TRACTOR TRAILERS, especially ONES WITH LOTS OF STORAGE SPACE, could spend the whole day on the road. I read books, mostly PORN, from knights in shiny armour to space crusaders. But I prefer MAKING MY OWN overall. Films, I have a soft spot for the good BLACKSPLOITATION ones. Music, all that HAPPENS BETWEEN RADIO STATIONS. IN MY BIG RIG.
Temperament: PHLEMGEY. ENDLESS insomnia. A bit INCONTINENT. Faithful, intelligent, calm, a good friend, PRESERVATIVES.
Ethnic Group: PURE BLOOD ARYAN
Religion: AYN RAND
Languages: Romanian(native), Spanish(fluent), English(fluent), BABYLONIAN(intermediate)
Smoking?: Yes
Alcohol?: ALWAYS
Children: None; Want?: NO MORE TOO MANY MOTHERS
Eating habits: METH, PCP, A&W
Hair: Dark brown
Eyes: Dark brown
Height: 3'11"
Body: Normal/Average
Weight: 387 lb
Pets: TAXIDERMY IS FOREVER
Education: ?
Occupation: TRUCKER, LONG DISTANCE HAULAGE
Transport means: MY RIG
Zodiacal sign: O-NEGATIVE
Hobbies: DIY, SEX, CRIMINAL LAW, internet, TRUCKS, MAKING PORN, RPGs.
Sports: NEKNOMINATING, BUMFIGHTS.
Music: GG ALLIN,
Books: ROAD MAPS. PORN. SELF IMPROVEMENT AUDIOBOOKS.
MoviesOrder of preference)
1. TRIUMPH OF THE WILL
2. THE BUNNY GAME
3. GUMMO
OT: I won't be much help to you as I don't use dating sites but I've found humour is the best way to garner female attention. Even better if you have a specific style of humour as the women that'll be interested in you will almost certainly have the same sense of humour. That's compatibility right there.
I tried out dating sites a few times but meeting people that way never really did anything for me, it felt so inorganic and forced. For me a lot of the fun in dating comes from meeting someone, getting to know them, exploring your mutual interests and finding out whether you're compatible with each other. Online dating skips big portions of that.
As to whether you are doing something wrong, it doesn't look like it from your profile but if you are not getting replies it might be worth looking at how you are making initial contact. Above all to get replies you need to ensure your message to them is personal. This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to write a 2000 word essay detailing why you think the two of you would be compatible, referencing everything in her profile, but equally it can't be too generic. Ideally you want a message that is short a sweet, a paragraph or two at most, something to catch her attention, a little about you, a reference to her profile so she knows you have read it, and an invitation to check out your profile in turn.
Also, I don't know if your profile gives you the option to include this information but if it does it would be good to set out what you are actually looking for. People like to know that they are on the same page as someone when it comes to dating, there is nothing worse than getting into something with someone and thinking it could go further, only to find out they don't want anything serious. Or vice versa.
Anyway the very best of luck to you, I hope things work out.
As to whether you are doing something wrong, it doesn't look like it from your profile but if you are not getting replies it might be worth looking at how you are making initial contact. Above all to get replies you need to ensure your message to them is personal. This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to write a 2000 word essay detailing why you think the two of you would be compatible, referencing everything in her profile, but equally it can't be too generic. Ideally you want a message that is short a sweet, a paragraph or two at most, something to catch her attention, a little about you, a reference to her profile so she knows you have read it, and an invitation to check out your profile in turn.
Also, I don't know if your profile gives you the option to include this information but if it does it would be good to set out what you are actually looking for. People like to know that they are on the same page as someone when it comes to dating, there is nothing worse than getting into something with someone and thinking it could go further, only to find out they don't want anything serious. Or vice versa.
Anyway the very best of luck to you, I hope things work out.
Eamar hit the main point here to be honest from a guy who spent years with dating site my advice DON'T
Go find events everyone has them. Biking clubs, Climbing clubs even martial arts. One the women are not over whelmed. Two you already know you have things in common. To me dating sites are a waist of time plus you can end up with a lot of nut jobs.
Go find events everyone has them. Biking clubs, Climbing clubs even martial arts. One the women are not over whelmed. Two you already know you have things in common. To me dating sites are a waist of time plus you can end up with a lot of nut jobs.
I couldn't do dating sites, apart from being a shut-in & introvert resorting to that, I may just give up anyway.
Reading you lots experiences is very insightful, thanks
Reading you lots experiences is very insightful, thanks
I've had some limited success with dating sites in the past
There are some key things to keep in mind:
1) Its been demonstrated repeatedly that most women on most dating sites get spammed by idiots. Don't be an idiot.
- do NOT send messages asking for casual hookups or sex. Just no.
-
2) Keep your profile short and sweet
- a maximum of two paragraphs. No really, nothing more than that.
- No full-page bullet point list with everything from your eye-color to your political leanings.
- a picture is a must. Make sure its a good one.
- While mentioning your job is a reasonably good plus... if you don't have one, don't mention that.
3) Ok, she actually answered your message...
- Consider when you're replying to those messages. If you do so outside normal work hours, she might think you a NEET with no job and nothing better to do that monitor your email inbox.
- reply in the evening, between 7 and 10. I know this sounds silly, but if you're going on dating sites at 2 in the afternoon, consider what kind of message you're sending...
- As to what you should say to her... well, read her profile, see if she likes stuff you like. Talk about that.
- You're not allowed to talk about sex at any point during these messages. Just, no. Use the messages to set up a date, and that's it. Another option is to ask for an email or skype addy to take the correspondence off the dating service.
At this point you have two options
If you go via chat/email then try to set up a webcam session. This is a wonderful way of seeing the person you've been talking to without an IRL meetup. It works wonders to weed out people with fake profile pics and otherwise get a sense of who they are.
Finally you need to set up a date. While a select might object to having you pay for everything, then still offer to do so - no matter where you go. A movie? Some place for dinner? Use this to get a feeling of what she likes, to see if its something you enjoy as well.
Hope this helps
There are some key things to keep in mind:
1) Its been demonstrated repeatedly that most women on most dating sites get spammed by idiots. Don't be an idiot.
- do NOT send messages asking for casual hookups or sex. Just no.
-
2) Keep your profile short and sweet
- a maximum of two paragraphs. No really, nothing more than that.
- No full-page bullet point list with everything from your eye-color to your political leanings.
- a picture is a must. Make sure its a good one.
- While mentioning your job is a reasonably good plus... if you don't have one, don't mention that.
3) Ok, she actually answered your message...
- Consider when you're replying to those messages. If you do so outside normal work hours, she might think you a NEET with no job and nothing better to do that monitor your email inbox.
- reply in the evening, between 7 and 10. I know this sounds silly, but if you're going on dating sites at 2 in the afternoon, consider what kind of message you're sending...
- As to what you should say to her... well, read her profile, see if she likes stuff you like. Talk about that.
- You're not allowed to talk about sex at any point during these messages. Just, no. Use the messages to set up a date, and that's it. Another option is to ask for an email or skype addy to take the correspondence off the dating service.
At this point you have two options
If you go via chat/email then try to set up a webcam session. This is a wonderful way of seeing the person you've been talking to without an IRL meetup. It works wonders to weed out people with fake profile pics and otherwise get a sense of who they are.
Finally you need to set up a date. While a select might object to having you pay for everything, then still offer to do so - no matter where you go. A movie? Some place for dinner? Use this to get a feeling of what she likes, to see if its something you enjoy as well.
Hope this helps
OP, some tips for you:
-Remove MOST of the info you put in your profile, nobody will read it all--I guarantee it. Let them learn that stuff on the date if you get one.
-Don't mention "intelligent" or "faithful" or whatever. Let that come across in your spelling and how they experience you IRL, respectively.
-To be honest, what most girls look at is pictures (most guys too). Get one where you're doing something interesting. A buddy of mine who's not even that good looking did a volunteer firefighter training course where he got to dress up like one and he has a picture where he's spraying a fire with a hose. Another one where he's playing sports. He gets tons of replies. Those action shots will get you WAY further than anything done-up, unless you're ridiculously good-looking and/or photogenic, which you're not really--you're pretty average (not trying to be mean, I'm about the same). If I were you I'd get some action shots of doing one thing or another, or you at a party, or whatever. I know it's sad but it's what works.
I've had some success with those sites (in terms of meeting girls). I dated one girl I met on OKC and went on dates with a few more, but stopped using it after about 5 months because I felt the quality of girls was just not good enough. Most of the time if they're on that site, they're desperate too, which means they're either unattractive or clingy or just boring, which is the worst of anything.
The nature of these sites is that the good-looking, attractive, fun people find each other really quickly and unless you count, and market, yourself as an attractive, handsome extrovert, it's not likely you'll get replies from someone who would actually be a good girlfriend.
Here's my advice to you, if you want it. I've found that there are a few good ways to meet quality girls. First, delete your OKC profile or PoF or whatever--checking to see if you got messages daily is a pain in the ass and can be depressing. I know what it's like to be excited to check your inbox when you get home from school/work and find it empty, 1 profile view per week, &c. Just get rid of it.
-Join a club if you're at university, they have plenty. Get out of your comfort zone as there will probably not be a lot of girls in the SC2 club or similar. Maybe fencing or a book club or a non-mathematic astronomy club. Really anything. I know it's cliché, and I never did it myself because too lazy, but I'd try it.
-Volunteer. Apart from doing good stuff for your community and having something to put on your resume, you'll meet lots of people you wouldn't otherwise. Try to get in a timeframe where you've seen girls working so you'll have a chance to talk to them. Many volunteer places accept anyone and no experience is needed, they're just grateful for your time commitment.
-If you get invited to house parties sometimes, go to them. Not clubs though. House parties are usually more relaxing and people are boozed up to varying degrees. There are usually quieter rooms to talk in and you can go outside and walk around if you want, and there's often yummy food (bring your own too). Drink a bit to get rid of your inhibitions, then hit up a conversation with people. Even if you don't meet any girls who are into you, at least you had fun and hopefully made a new friend or two.
Anyway that's what I'd suggest. Hope it helps.
-OC
-Remove MOST of the info you put in your profile, nobody will read it all--I guarantee it. Let them learn that stuff on the date if you get one.
-Don't mention "intelligent" or "faithful" or whatever. Let that come across in your spelling and how they experience you IRL, respectively.
-To be honest, what most girls look at is pictures (most guys too). Get one where you're doing something interesting. A buddy of mine who's not even that good looking did a volunteer firefighter training course where he got to dress up like one and he has a picture where he's spraying a fire with a hose. Another one where he's playing sports. He gets tons of replies. Those action shots will get you WAY further than anything done-up, unless you're ridiculously good-looking and/or photogenic, which you're not really--you're pretty average (not trying to be mean, I'm about the same). If I were you I'd get some action shots of doing one thing or another, or you at a party, or whatever. I know it's sad but it's what works.
I've had some success with those sites (in terms of meeting girls). I dated one girl I met on OKC and went on dates with a few more, but stopped using it after about 5 months because I felt the quality of girls was just not good enough. Most of the time if they're on that site, they're desperate too, which means they're either unattractive or clingy or just boring, which is the worst of anything.
The nature of these sites is that the good-looking, attractive, fun people find each other really quickly and unless you count, and market, yourself as an attractive, handsome extrovert, it's not likely you'll get replies from someone who would actually be a good girlfriend.
Here's my advice to you, if you want it. I've found that there are a few good ways to meet quality girls. First, delete your OKC profile or PoF or whatever--checking to see if you got messages daily is a pain in the ass and can be depressing. I know what it's like to be excited to check your inbox when you get home from school/work and find it empty, 1 profile view per week, &c. Just get rid of it.
-Join a club if you're at university, they have plenty. Get out of your comfort zone as there will probably not be a lot of girls in the SC2 club or similar. Maybe fencing or a book club or a non-mathematic astronomy club. Really anything. I know it's cliché, and I never did it myself because too lazy, but I'd try it.
-Volunteer. Apart from doing good stuff for your community and having something to put on your resume, you'll meet lots of people you wouldn't otherwise. Try to get in a timeframe where you've seen girls working so you'll have a chance to talk to them. Many volunteer places accept anyone and no experience is needed, they're just grateful for your time commitment.
-If you get invited to house parties sometimes, go to them. Not clubs though. House parties are usually more relaxing and people are boozed up to varying degrees. There are usually quieter rooms to talk in and you can go outside and walk around if you want, and there's often yummy food (bring your own too). Drink a bit to get rid of your inhibitions, then hit up a conversation with people. Even if you don't meet any girls who are into you, at least you had fun and hopefully made a new friend or two.
Anyway that's what I'd suggest. Hope it helps.
-OC
UPDATE:
- Rewrote the description and hobbies.
- Added "Future plans".
- Added some group photos since most of you were complaining about the photo provided, despite mentioning that I do not use that particular photo and it's only purpose was to provide a visual reference as to how I look.
- Rewrote the description and hobbies.
- Added "Future plans".
- Added some group photos since most of you were complaining about the photo provided, despite mentioning that I do not use that particular photo and it's only purpose was to provide a visual reference as to how I look.
IceStar100 said:
I do leave the precinct of my home whenever I get the chance.OpiateChicken said:
The thing is.. where I live there isn't much to do. The village is mostly old people and the ones that are around my age have left.
I do not own a car and I can't ask my brother to lend me his because he needs it to commute daily. My options to travel somewhere where stuff does happen are limited to Public Transport(which is quite limited) and my scooter that I can't go too far with because I can only use side roads for which I would need a GPS(they're complicated as f***)
Another issue is money. I earn close to 0 because I don't have a job, so the options get even more limited. Finding a job in the area I live is mission impossible. If I were living in Barcelona(around 120 km/74,5 mi away from where I live), things would've been different. Maybe I'll move there once my brother finds an apartment to rent, time will tell.
It's depressing as f***, but that conversation is between me and my psychiatrist =P.
That should be your opening line to every girl.Lucius Ivanov said:
I will say this first. I going to be honest and I'm not good at surgery coating stuff so if I sound like an ass or I insult I wish to say I'm sorry that not my intent. That goes to anyone reading this.
Now before you start dating you got to get your shit together. Don't worry about it so much that it become a drive. Look around at how many people are 30 have kids and a failed marriage. Don't look for a girlfriend/wife look for a friend.
Now as far as money goes don't worry about it. Go do what you do day to day and look around and see who there. Those are the girls who will be the one who last with you. basically don't have a goal just be you.
The trouble with sites is your working on a picture and a paragraph. OR what someone else think makes a match (eHarmony) Sometimes it happened. The main trouble with dating sites are people are looking for love not looking for people they like. A lot of these girls see all these choices they have and end a relationship for the slightest trouble be cause they think they have endless choices. Or you get the girls reaching 40 and who have hit desperation because we are told we must be married or there something wrong with us. So they move way to fast. That's just some of the girl I have found.
That all said good luck man this is all what life has shown me you might draw a whole new set of card to play. As the saying goes plenty of fish in the sea. I find that some of those fish are sharks and piranhas. Look at it like this why do the day to day guys she meet not want her. There's a reason she had to resort to a dating web site. It may be just luck on where she lives and not a lot of choice.
Gahaha... Nah, I didn't mean it as a jab at even the most bogun mates down under, or anyone in particular. I didn't have any nationality or existing person in mind, just was looking for concurrent interests and traits that paint a very fucking skeevy picture of the person behind them. If I was going to Aussify that fictional scumbag, I'd probably swap GG Allen for ACDC in music and two of the movies for Romper Stomper and Wolf Creek.Phantom Kat said:
Agreed, regarding humor, too. People like laughter. Shows them you're not just some beastial sex reptile that walks in human skin and scans potential mating partners with hungry eyes. Or so I'm told.
Yep, things really turned around for me once I got out of my rut. Thanks for remembering.geK0 said:
I'm guessing the beginning of your profile is from Dracula, but it does make you look a tad bit pretentious. If I read that on a dating site, my eyes would roll out the back of my head. Also keeping in mind that a lot of people won't know what it's from and then you'll just look weird and vaguely dangerous.
That's Victor Hugo lolshogunblade said:
No, it's not from Dracula.Longing said:
It's just a creative way of saying: "Hello, my name is Lucian, I'm from Romania and It's been 7 years since I moved to Spain."But since I am a vampire fan I and I am actually born in Transylvania, I made that little story.
Most people when they hear/read "Transylvania" they think of Dracula and vampires, so I decided to write a funny little story about some peasants kicking me out of the country instead of writing a dull phrase as the one mentioned above.
Ok, I just saw what Longing was talking about and... yeah, seriously lose the introduction. Both the bizarre vampire stuff and the "feelings define me" stuff. As Longing said, the vampire thing makes you look pretentious (and frankly, just a bit odd), while the feelings stuff makes you sound both pretentious and quite pathetic. I mean, advertising the fact that you can be easily taken advantage of? Seriously?! Sorry for being so blunt, but you did ask if you were doing anything wrong. Before your profile was fine if unremarkable; now it's certainly memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. Again I totally agree with Longing - my eyes would roll like never before if I came across that. The only people I can see that attracting would be 14 year old emos who signed up using a fake date of birth :/Lucius Ivanov said:No, it's not from Dracula.Longing said:
But since I am a vampire fan I and I am actually born in Transylvania, I made that little story.
Most people when they hear/read "Transylvania" they think of Dracula and vampires, so I decided to write a funny little story about some peasants kicking me out of the country instead of writing a dull phrase as the one mentioned above.
I think the problem may have been the unoriginal responses. It ultimately is a numbers game, especially with online dating, and it can get draining making a specific response for each individual person, but you're better off that way. To resist the urge to start copy/pasting, I had a rule of messaging 3 new people a day from scratch, no more and no less. I received plenty of responses and actually had a stretch where I was dating way more than I could handle(humblebrag). Not as good of a problem to have as you'd think.Johnny Novgorod said:
What I'd be curious to see is the statistics on the difference between the sexes on receiving initial message vs sending the initial message. I'm assuming men and women are next to zero, respectively. >.>