So I go into a local bookshop to buy presents.
It's really empty and there are only a few people browsing around. I grab a book and approach the girl at the checkout to buy it. She's fairly cute, attractive enough to grab my attention at least, but I pay up and leave the store without saying much.
A little while later I decide to go back in to buy another book for my mum. This time around I'm the only other person in the store, and she leads me around the shelves and give some advice about what my mum might like. We start talking a bit more about the books and she mentions that she likes sci-fi and fantasy novels. Jackpot. I crack a pathetic joke or two and she laughs a bit [http://www.smallbiztechnology.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/success.jpg].
In general, she seems like a nice and fairly intelligent girl (knows a bit about history and all that). A rare find in the place where I live. Doesn't know what a Venn diagram is... but I let it slide.
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Anyway I take all my presents out to the car and just sit inside for a little while. And that's when a little voice in my head starts insisting that I should've asked her out.
Normally I wouldn't even consider it (I'm a pitiful coward when it comes to girls) but today I'm feeling really confident and cheery. I can't get the idea out of my head. I keep telling myself that I don't know anything about her, that I'm being stupid and impulsive, and that if I follow through with I'll come off as a total creep... or worse. I mean who talks to someone for under ten minutes (in a professional capacity where they're tying to sell you stuff) and then asks them out?
But honestly I'm a bit too daft to pay any heed and immediately start brainstorming my plan of action. She'd given off good vibes and that was all I needed (apparently). I'd probably never see her again anyway if it went FUBAR, so what the hell, right? You never know if you don't ask...
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After a few minutes of internal debate I walk back to the store brimming with confidence, feeling empowered and virile and manly and all that. I go in and ask her about their return policy (a cunning ruse, I'm actually trying to figure out why she's now taller than me. Turns out she's only standing on a raised podium, so the plan is still a go).
I ask what her name is. Then I ask how old she is. Three years younger than me but that's close enough right?
Right? Well I bloody well hope so, because by now she's looking at me quizzically and asking me why I want to know.
I'm looking into her eyes in what can only be described as a potential Hollywood romance moment completely ruined by my expression of abject, badly-suppressed terror. Too late to back out now...
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...or so I'd initially thought anyway. Given my remarkable aptitude for cowardice (I continually surprise even myself) my brain just straight out
abandons me at the pivotal moment. No warning whatsoever, just *POOF* and the brain is gone. I literally can't remember what I was going to say. Not a single word. It's horrible. With every second that passes she becomes a little bit more weirded out.
Eventually I manage to blurt out that I thought she might've been the sister of someone I used to know [http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/misc-genius-l.png].
My delivery of said line is almost comedic. It's so obviously a lie that my
dog would probably have called me out on it had it been there. Without waiting for a response I then leave the store.
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My prior (over)confidence is shattered. Obliterated. I make a tactical retreat to the safety of the food court. Should I try again? Should I try to fix and finish what I'd started?
Yes damn it. I owed it to myself, I was going to enter the breach once more and be totally honest with her.
Well, long story short, I finally mustered some backbone and asked her if she wanted to see a movie, she smiled sympathetically and said that she already had a boyfriend and I unceremoniously stuttered and stumbled my way right out of that shop for the last time.
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So there's my amazing inspirational Christmas story, complete with failed love and successful capitalism. No doubt I came off as mentally unbalanced or something, but I at last proved to myself that I have the guts to walk up to a girl and blatantly ask her out.
Just not the skills, charisma, looks or wit.
Merry Christmas everyone!
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Except for you Captcha, fuck you.
. I often hear shit like "We would ask you to go into the club but we all know how you prefer picking up chicks at the library / supermarket / bus"... (All three happened)
