Asking a girl's dad for permission to go out with his daughter

[Everin]

I'm not into the type of girl that would ask me to ask their father for permission. Nor the type that wants to be protected. Headstrong with a fair measure of independence is the way to my heart. To be honest, if I was asked to do that I would probably lose a little interest in her because it shows a set of values that don't match mine very well.

...heck, I think being beyond the age of, say, 18 alleviates much of this. I'm under the assumption that the OP is younger, because I have never heard of someone saying such after they've moved out of their parents' place.

Hello, OP here im not going to mention my age, but in my situation my girlfriend would always get me to ask her parents permission, even though she doesnt live at home. I don't know why, so dont ask me, but she believes that the parents have to censor her boyfriends. Im also her first boyfriend, so that might have something to do with it.

 

[sauerkraus]

I've never hooked up with a chick who had a father (bunch of ghetto kids). No problems for me.

And about the ownership thing, where asking permission from the father implies his ownership of the lady... that's spot on. I had a stepfather who was an asshole like that.

 

[Cypher10110]

So, if you loved a girl and she loved you, but the one condition for you two to go out would be asking her father's permission, would you do it? The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
I ask this 'cause when I asked my girlfriend out, I had to ask her father's permission and I did it cause she's worth it, but I was wondering how everyone else would come at this 'problem'. And what do you think about this 'ritual' or thing that some girl's want you to do?

If they were having a tough time under the rule of their parents I'd try and help them out. I would also probably not be "going out" with the girl in question at first, I've never started a relationship "from scratch" it's always been a friendship first. We'd probably just be friends. And if things progressed from there and her worries about her father came up I would probe them, I would question them.

If she made a huge deal out of it and pushed me away then so be it. I would give her some space and talk to her at a later date. I would peruse her to the ends of the earth if I felt it was worth it.

But if she needs me to gain the trust/respect of her father, then he better hope he's worthy of mine. Because I'm not into playing lip-service when I don't really mean it.

Then again, my first real relationship was at 15 (or was it 14?). And at that time the idea of being under the rule of a parent was absurd. I see myself as an equal with the father. We both want the same thing; the best for the daughter in question. I have my views, he has his, if we can meet eye to eye without rubbing each other the wrong way, then she has chosen well I guess.

 

[MorgulMan]

Yes, absolutely. It's about respecting what's important to her. And if she is important to you, then the things that are important to her should also be important to you. And it says to me, based on the reason you gave, that she's thinking about her relationship seriously.

That said, this may reveal something about her values. One thing to start asking yourself is whether you and she share fundamental values and judgements. If you do not, you may have long-term difficulty.

From my perspective, I would certainly look more kindly on you as a potential suitor of my daughter if you asked if it was alright to take her out on a date. After you brought me a Silmaril from the Iron Crown of the Dark Lord Morgoth.

*Edit*

My perspective on the "ownership" angle people seem to be taking: It's not about ownership. (Though it may indeed be for some people and some cultures, I don't think it has to be to go along with this.)

It's about my responsibilities as a parent. I have a solemn, serious, nigh sacred duty to protect all of my four children, boys and girls. To nurture and encourage them, and set them on the path to happiness and well-being. That responsibility is largely accomplished while they are my wards, but will extend, in part, until the day I die.

So if my daughter ever sends a man to ask my permission to date her, I expect that she's taking my duty seriously, and wants to see what I think. She knows that, no matter what, I have her best interests and happiness at heart. You, she's not so sure about yet. I would hope that she would take my opinion into account, but certainly don't expect it to be the ultimate word on the matter. (Especially if she were an adult and out of the house.)

As to why you ask the girl's father and not the boy's; the cold, sad fact is that even today, women are in the more vulnerable position if something goes wrong. Women get abused, coerced, and forced on a level that men do not. And, of course, if a pregnancy occurs, it's not the man who has to deal with the most immediate consequences.

 

[BJK55123]

If I really wanted to be with her, of course I would.

 

[Lyri]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums. She's not the one so move on. Your actions daily will show that. You need to be you and that needs to be enough or its not love.

I'd have told her to f off, if shes not her own master she's not ready to have a life of her own yet.

These two answers make me laugh, you'd drop her because she made a request of you?
Classy guys, real classy.

ok, if we both love each other....fuck what the father says...even if he disaproves i'd still hook up with her...

So why add in the extra step?

Because she asked?
It's not a "Do you want her fathers permission?" It's "The girl asked you to, do it yes or no?". There is no don't care what the father says option here.
People should try answering the question actually asked when they post answers.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

You should just talk to a real woman, look at the reasoning.
The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
People do this alot, they want to find the right qualities in people they date. What was asked was not an ultimatum.

 

[Astoria]

That sounds a little silly to me. Asking to marry her sure but not to date. I bet my boyfriends glad I'm not like this, my dad can be pretty intimidating.

 

[justnotcricket]

It's a bit archaic, but in the end, why not? If you're really into this girl it's just a formality. Maybe it's important to her, maybe it's important to her Dad. In either case, it's a small thing to have to do.

 

[NerfRIder]

So, if you loved a girl and she loved you, but the one condition for you two to go out would be asking her father's permission, would you do it? The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
I ask this 'cause when I asked my girlfriend out, I had to ask her father's permission and I did it cause she's worth it, but I was wondering how everyone else would come at this 'problem'. And what do you think about this 'ritual' or thing that some girl's want you to do?

Any girl that requires me to "prove" myself to her, or even hints at it, is a waste of time. The second she even mentions something about me "proving" myself I'm just going to laugh and dump her. Also I need to show courage to look after her? It's not my job to look after her. She's a partner not some sort of possession. Protect her? Once again it's not my job to protect her anymore then it's my job to protect some random stranger, she's a big girl and should be able to take care of herself. Also also, how does asking some her farther for "permission" to date his daughter prove any of that? That's just illogical.

I could never love a girl that seems to view herself as some type of property to be giving away only with the consent of her owner, her father in this case. She's and adult and who she wants to be involved with is all on her. Besides, her father has no say in anything that goes on between his daughter and myself, as long as she's at least 18 years old, so asking him, even if it's just some nice gesture, is pointless and sexist.

 

[Computer-Noob]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

 

[Mimssy]

As a woman, I would be so offended if someone asked my father's permission to date/marry especially since I don't get along with my father. It would show that they don't really know me at all.

 

[Computer-Noob]

Any girl that requires me to "prove" myself to her, or even hints at it, is a waste of time. The second she even mentions something about me "proving" myself I'm just going to laugh and dump her.

So, you're basically not willing at all to fight for a relationship that you're in? Thats what I'm getting from this. If you can just laugh and dump someone so easily, I think the problem is you.

 

[creager91]

So many haters here. If the girl is worth it then shes worth it. Anything worth having requires a little work...maybe thats why so many of these people have never had girls theyve never tried putting forth some effort idc who you are you DO have to prove yourself to a girl they arent just going to walk up to you and immediately love you unconditionally and its the same with guys, they have to prove themselves to us so obviously this girl has strong family ties and she must be somewhat old fashioned big whoop id say if you feel that she is worth it then by all means dont let the haters get to you they dont know what theyre talking about when it comes to women

 

[rembrandtqeinstein]

Phase 1. Go back in time to the Antebellum South when this kind of thing was customary.
Phase 2. ???
Phase 3. Profit!

 

[Everin]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

Well she supposedly loves you, but is willing to give you this ultimatum... If she's gonna put that over her love for you, doesn't that say something?

She loves you, but she doesn't want to leave herself exposed or trust herself in someone that might turn out bad? Maybe that's it. Because girls, as much as I'm probably going to get attacked for this, prefer if they can be looked after in a relationship, and until they get into a serious relationship then it's their dad that's looking after them and their dad that's protecting them. Maybe the girls feel that they're moving away from their father, and they need to know that their father, who protects them, knows this guy is going to follow in his footsteps.
If all of you here can just laugh and dump a girl when she's asking you to just show her you can look after her, then maybe that shows us all something. Just sayin'. But I'm not looking for a fight here, just showing my opinion.

 

[Computer-Noob]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

Well she supposedly loves you, but is willing to give you this ultimatum... If she's gonna put that over her love for you, doesn't that say something?

It says that the acceptance of her father means something to her. Also, nowhere in the OT did it say "Supposedly".

 

[Silva]

Diplomacy is a better choice than turning down offers from women just because you have to talk to someone else to get "permission".

Even if the woman is old enough to make her own decisions, part of love is respecting traditions outside of your own limited cultural perspective so you can properly accept the person you're in love with. I'd show respect and approach the father, unless I knew that it'd be a dangerous situation for some reason.

But obviously, some dads are VERY protective so you have to be careful not to mess up and to leave the situation cordially whatever happens.

 

[A Curious Fellow]

How old is the OP?