Im 26 and have been in a relation for 5 and a half years and im in constant social pressure about getting married by my girlsfriend and family and friends asking when am i going to get married, i hate that.
At that Age, and Im not one of them?!
- Thread starter SaetonChapelle
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I'll start by assuming that you're american (or living some other place with archaic views on marriage, parenthood and gender roles), since most places I've been to in Europe 23 is still considered rather early to marry and have children.SaetonChapelle said:
Don't let it get to you, there's no rush to settle down, my advice would be to actively avoid at least until you're near 30
Don't worry about it. Bob Newhart was in his mid thirties before he got married and after this many years I still haven't had a girlfriend, much less anyone a girl who call a "significant other". :-[
Then again, I'm highly withdrawn and distant ... and I will only date Virgo women. It's hard to find a mate when 11/12ths of the population of the earth do not meet that one basical criterion.
Then again, I'm highly withdrawn and distant ... and I will only date Virgo women. It's hard to find a mate when 11/12ths of the population of the earth do not meet that one basical criterion.
Fuck that, I'm not having kids till I'm at least 30, 23 is a bit early, you've still got loads of time left for partying and what not while you can still wake up, have a bacon sandwich and start drinking again. I don't think it's a good idea to have kids really till you're settled and comfortable, housing and money wise.
Sorry to ask, but why just out of interest? Seems a bit odd to purposely limit yourself to 1/12 of the population.The Virgo said:
In my town there is an all encompassing wave of "get married now" mentality, which is rather hilarious considering most are in their early twenties or even younger; America has some issues in this regard.
Hah. Don't worry about what people think. Ask yourself these questions:
At this point in your life, are you comfortable living it completely unselfishly for the benefit of another person?
Do you make enough money to support yourself and pay for raising a child?
Do you WANT a child?
Do you WANT a steady relationship, as opposed to dating multiple women or partying around?
Do you still have plans to travel out of the country at any point in the next ten years?
If the answers to any of the first 4 questions are "no" and the answer to the 5th is "yes," don't have a kid. 23 is still friggin' early to have a kid.
At this point in your life, are you comfortable living it completely unselfishly for the benefit of another person?
Do you make enough money to support yourself and pay for raising a child?
Do you WANT a child?
Do you WANT a steady relationship, as opposed to dating multiple women or partying around?
Do you still have plans to travel out of the country at any point in the next ten years?
If the answers to any of the first 4 questions are "no" and the answer to the 5th is "yes," don't have a kid. 23 is still friggin' early to have a kid.
I'm 27. Not many of my friends are at that stage, but I have odd friends. One of my best ones are though. Its just a path some choose to take in life, but they also sacrifice something. My friend and I cant hang out nearly as much as we used to, and everything has to be planned real careful. If I had kids too I guess it would be a bit different but I dont. And I dont plan to.SaetonChapelle said:
It would suck if all my friends were suddenly family men, and I wasnt. Not because I'd want to, but because I'd be pretty damn lonely. Fuck kids. I got enough responsibility as it is, and I dont need anything holding me back when I leave this world.
I'm enjoying my life, and when I'm sick of it I'll split. Kids are an endless responsibility I really dont need or want. But yeah, at this age a lot of people are going to go down that path. Good for them. Its just the way it is. Do what you want mate its the only way you'll be somewhat happy.
What? Where I live, nobody except rednecks have kids until they're 30 or later. It's the norm where I live for people to wait a while to have kids.SaetonChapelle said:
Just don't worry. Consider yourself blessed that you have the freedom to figure yourself out before you have to feed a bunch of little brats. Have some good sex, have great experiences, get a career, kids will come when they come.
In my friend group only one person has a child and she's now a single mother. All of my friends (me included) are only just starting to find ourselves longer lasting relationships let alone getting married and having kids. My boyfriend's going off for his second year of uni in 2 weeks so anything like that is out of the question. Besides, I don't fancy settling down until I'm at least above 25. So yeah, don't sweat it. People move at different paces, just go with the flow.
(My friend group is ranged from 20-22, just for reference =p)
(My friend group is ranged from 20-22, just for reference =p)
As I've said to all my lady friends, marriage and babies is not a race to beat other women. You should value happiness and stability above all else. If you don't have both, you are setting yourself up for disaster.
Just because you can get a divorce later on doesn't mean that your decisions in a marriage won't have a lasting effect over your life. Hell, those decisions might even affect your chances of getting remarried, like having children. So my advice to you, focus on living your life the way you want to live it firstly. Chances are, the right man will come automatically and marriage/children will sort themselves out.
Just because you can get a divorce later on doesn't mean that your decisions in a marriage won't have a lasting effect over your life. Hell, those decisions might even affect your chances of getting remarried, like having children. So my advice to you, focus on living your life the way you want to live it firstly. Chances are, the right man will come automatically and marriage/children will sort themselves out.
I'm 19 so I wouldn't expect to find people my age seeking to have children at this point in time or getting married. I think its changed because women have become much more driven to be other things than a mom. If anything I've noticed the opposite trend in women I know where they aren't planning on having children or getting married until their late 20s and early 30s.
I was born when my parents were about 22. Which as far as I'm concerned is pretty young to already have a child to take care of. I mean in a few years I'll be that age, and I sure as hell won't have a family going. And honestly I don't plan on having children at all, it's a lot of work and I don't want to be responsible for another person causing problems in the world.
I can sort of see where you're coming from, being in a similar situation, but I find it difficult to see why it bothers you. The kind of freedom we have now should be appreciated. The thought of earning over 30,000 a year, with none of it being spent on childcare or an ultimately pointless ceremony, is wonderful. Now I just need a degree, a job and a partner.
Don't worry about it. No-one should feel any pressure to "start a family" period, let alone doing so as early as possible. I personally never want to have kids full stop, and despite being a 20 year old, i don't really feel all that different to how i was a few years ago. In other words if i had a kid now i would be just as clueless and no different mentally to how i was when i was 15, and that's a scary thought. Maybe there's some sort of magical epiphany you hit when you break 30. Whatever the case, i think it really depends on your sense of agency as much as whether you can afford the little parasite. Are you independent? Do you feel comfortable in your independence? Do you feel mentally mature? Are you prepared to handle any situation? These are things you should take into account when considering having kids. For some people, they never feel any of those things. For others, they feel that as young as 16. It really depends on the individual. Don't let the majority instigate some sort of bullshit societal pressure upon you. That said, the people i've known around my age band haven't been getting hitched or squeezing out their spawn.
I'm 23 and nothing could be further from my mind. Then again I plan to emmigrate in the next 5-7 years and I can't risk getting involved with someone untill then. I'll have no problem leaving this country and my family behind, it's my dream and they are all in support of it.
The last thing I need is to have a wife who emmigrates with me only to complain 6 months later that she misses her family and wants to go "back home". I won't budge which will lead to resentment from her and things will slowly break down. Sure I could try and find someone who hates the UK as much as myself but chances are they would still be British and for reasons I can't work out I really want a non-british girl...perhaps my disdain runs THAT deep.
Back on topic, none of my out of work friends are married or have kids, it seems 26-28 is the age most non chavs start doing that round here.
The last thing I need is to have a wife who emmigrates with me only to complain 6 months later that she misses her family and wants to go "back home". I won't budge which will lead to resentment from her and things will slowly break down. Sure I could try and find someone who hates the UK as much as myself but chances are they would still be British and for reasons I can't work out I really want a non-british girl...perhaps my disdain runs THAT deep.
Back on topic, none of my out of work friends are married or have kids, it seems 26-28 is the age most non chavs start doing that round here.
I have noticed this. I'll be 23 soon , and I have noticed that alot of people I know are having children or getting married. However these people have generally been around the age of 19-20 so I view of it as young people bit too eager to get married and rush into it (although I'm not saying getting married at an early age makes it more likely for the marriage to end). However I know a lot more people who are my age and older who are single and haven't got any kids.
