Aversion to Sex

[Plasticaprinae]

I hate watching porn of real people having sex, but i am fine having sex with other people. To me, Its quite different. I grew up on anime as well and although it was not my first experiences with sex (Buffy the vampire slayer!) it was my sexual awakening.

I would say if you are truly unhappy looking at anime women, try looking at nude figures in classical art or look into American comics. If you worry about being alone and without a woman (which i assume this is somewhat a core worry of yours) then you should try to just be friends with women. You need to find similar interests. Join clubs and such. I think you need to be exposed to women who are more friendly to you directly and have something to talk with you about. Dungeons and Dragons is actually quite a good start.

I am also curious if OP has ever been interested in the personaility of real life woman, as this is something that could be a factor. Is it truly just the body that is getting in the way, or do the stereotypes of anime have to do anything with it?

 

[Bertylicious]

At the end of the day you feel what you feel, there ain't nothing right or wrong about any of that it just is. Do or do not do whatever you feel is best.

I will say that love is such a major part of people's lives, that much is said about the transformative power of love and the general epic-ness of sex with someone you really love, that you probably ought to consider exploring it.

I mean... people say the same stuff about mainlining heroin into their genitals, but at least experimenting with forming a human relationship won't cause bits of your body to go black and drop off. Probably.

Not sure what the best approach to all this would be if you wanted to try, I'm hardly Captain Gregarious: The Sexual Conquistador, but I daresay others could offer some useful tips.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

......who's the lovely lady dressed as Susan Reed?

 

[Fappy]

(Don't get a girlfriend you aren't attracted to though, that shit's fucked up).

I second this notion. I've been guilty of it before and I felt like an absolute asshole. Sexy times were a chore in that relationship. Poor girl, she was really nice too :/

The second part doesn't sound that uncommon. The first part, kind of weirder.

Do you see yourself only dating anime characters in the future? Is this a problem for you? Because if anime/games is actually starting to warp your sense of reality, maybe you need to take a break for a while.

Like, I see teenage kids who are pretty awkward and have some wacky ideas about what guys/girls are supposed to be like because their only experience with the opposite sex is Sonic the Hedghog fanfiction or whatever, but that's not too surprising with kids. If it's bleeding into your adult life, and you don't think that's where you want to be in another ten years, you might want to consider doing some serious thinking about that.

I don't see much of a difference. Virtual girls are inexpensive, don't argue, don't do...other things. In short, the only thing they lack is a sense of physical companionship, but, you know, you could just get a positive-minded dog for that. It's loving, always happy to see you, and it'll probably never hurt you (intentionally or unintentionally). The good ones even like to sit beside you and watch TV during relaxation hour.

You know, that's a really good point. I just carefully considered what you said, and I have to agree that cartoon characters and real women ARE basically the same exact thing. Thanks for clearing that up for me. c:

10/10, would read again XD

 

[Phasmal]

Though I don't remember exactly WHEN it was, but I DO remember the first time I ever found something really HOT and attractive. -By the way Phasmal, this is the time where if you have a special place to squick out, you might want to head there now -

It was a picture of Sailor Jupiter. I was younger - no older than middle school - and was just browsing pictures on the internet because I was bored and my parents were out to dinner. It was obviously fanart, but it was really well done and I thought it could've been done by the real artist to the show.

How daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare yoooooooooou------

*ahem*
For serious now, I notice what you DON'T mention is whether you're happy like this.
Do you even really want a girlfriend?
You don't have to want one.

How is your relationship to women in general? Do you talk to women okay or do you find it scary?

 

[Eamar]

As a human you're programmed to want to reproduce, so if you have no desire (read, -reproduce-. Maybe you don't like sex, but you DO want children, which would be a different matter) to do so there's definitely a malfunction somewhere in your brain.

Maybe so, but that's not a bad thing in and of itself. Loads of people don't have that desire to have kids, and it's not normally a problem.

 

[PsychedelicDiamond]

You know, truth is, I feel similarly. Not identically, mind you, there never was a point in my live where I found fictional characters more attractive than real people and there were a number of women, both personal aquaintances and celebrities that I found "attractive" but never once did I see any appeal in sleeping with them. There was a period in my life (I think it was when I was between, like, 15 and 18 years old) when I actually identified as asexual despite having a romantic interest in a woman i used to know. But then I got to a point where i realized that I wasn't as much afraid of sex as I was afraid of people and I became aware that i should probably find someone who i feel comfortable around on a personal level first before i can really claim that sex is out of the question for me.

 

[Paragon Fury]

......who's the lovely lady dressed as Susan Reed?

Maurie-Claude Bourbonnais.

To answer two other questions I missed;

What do I like about them? I like Helena (the blonde) because she is really pretty (and has a great body). She is also really smart. And her accent; I freaking love it.

For Kazehana (the second one in the purple dress) it seems like she would be a lot of fun to be around. And yeah, she is hot.

As far as making me unhappy........I don't think it makes me happy, since I know they're not real I'll never you know, get to meet them or do anything with them.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

The taste of pure condescension in some of the posts here is almost palpable - clearly if someone doesn't fit into the common categories people tend to pigeon-hole each other into when it comes to relationships and/or sexuality, one must be corrected to fit into the usual standardized system again. Either through more application of labels that blurries the line between anything beyond recognition or simple calls for correction with the implicit assumption of a present illness ("it's unnatural") or fault of character ("Not mentally grown up") and then on top of all of this, some prescribe simple ailments like, hey, just try sex or try "love" (whatever that is and wherever it comes from) like both are simple commodities you can order on fucking amazon and in no way can come with repercussions both for the OP or the person they choose to "obtain" it from.

I mean, pretty much everyone wants to help, I can see that, but, really people, a little bit of humility that people can be different from you and have different tastes than you wouldn't be amiss here - especially given the underlying socially forced norm that always glimmers through that you cannot possibly be happy without sex or without a girl/boyfriend, right?

Anyway...gotta calm down....and give the op some treatment....

I don't know that I don't like real women. Its just that so few seem to do anything for me; I just don't know. Most of the the time when I say a real woman is "attractive" I can't say it personally....like I'm describing something that could be attractive because all the parts that make it up are attractive, but putting them together just doesn't start anything for me (most of the time).

Two things: I'm with Phasmal on this one and I'm also in sort of the same boat.

That said, here's the thing you ought to consider:

I think it's a pretty much evident that this whole issue causes you discomfort. The first thing would be to decide if it is a problem that needs fixing - since it prompted you to make a thread I'd say so. Next would be how to take care of it. And for this I think a very important thing would be to just ask yourself what it is you really miss. And simply put: as it sounds it is far less about getting a boy/girlfriend than to simply have something you can trust, talk to and have reciprocated emotional relationship with. As such your discomfort sounds like a matter of loneliness first and foremost - and this you can rectify (as already said) also with non-sexual relationships to good friends, family or a pet if need be. Being hugely invested in a job or in a project also helps immensely in that regard. And these points are essentially what Phasmal was getting at - regardless of what the media (or some people in this thread) want to tell you "getting a girlfriend" or somesuch is not the holy grail of finding happiness. There are always more ways to be tread for those who have or want to.

Okay with that out of the way let's come to your sexual/attraction issues: from the sound of it you speculate that lack of contact with women has contributed to your lack of interest in the real deal - I think it makes sense; Anecdotally I can say that despite my curious fixation on things that do not exist I caught myself eyeing a lot of gals now that I'm living in a place where I actually get to interact/see some more; So a change of place or a broadening of your social circle might work in that regard. You might also want to try some dating websites or the like and see if someone strikes your fancy after some interaction. I cannot, however, comment on you being grossed out by sexual intercourse - that's something you need to find out if it is indeed a boundary for you or if you, well, can make due. Just be careful not to bully yourself into things you actually do not want.

The last thing is the mental part: some people have said so and it might be among the reasons as to why you didn't have a girlfriend yet; Ask yourself: might it be that you always wanted a girlfriend yet beat down anything because, well, you are just to afraid to allow this? Food for thought. Anyway if you really start worrying too much about the stuff (in fact, so much that it interferes with your work or well being to paraphrase the DSM) you might want to consider seeing a professional about all of this.

 

[KOMega]

Not unusual. While sex is great, it is kinda gross and messy if you think about it. Especially with the way it's generally treated/presented in the media. From what I can gather from other people (not on this site) sex just doesn't have that "specialness" anymore, and people just want to get some however they can.

As others have pointed out, the animated ones are idealized, almost always attractive, clean and presented with desirable personalities sometimes.
Cosplays try to emulate this and will try to look good/attractive and very clean.

I mean, what's not to like?

Anyways, nothing unusual, nothing is wrong. Don't feel the need to rush and find someone, but do keep an open eye to catch opportunities if you see them.

 

[Paragon Fury]

As for the personality thing something mentioned......I don't know. I guess I've never been around real women long enough to develop opinion/have it come up.

Also, to those of you taking issue with the use of icky; I'm sorry I didn't get my thesaurus out at 9:00PM at night.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

It could be that you're asexual. For the longest time I've gone through the same thing wherein things that should be considered sexy to me just...aren't. I find porn ranging from uninteresting to, "I wanna set up a redtube account for the soul purpose of MST3K-ing some of these videos!". When it came to actual sex I tried it enough times to know there isn't really anything about it that appealed to me. That may be a bit much but asexuality is a thing and the number of people who self-identify as such are growing. There's nothing wrong with you PG and, you are not alone.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

I'd suggest laying off the anime and video games for a while and spend more time outside and out and about. As you get exposed to a lot more flesh and blood women, you may suddenly find yourself attracted to women who don't match that video game ideal.

Pretty much what this guy said. I'm guessing it's safe to assume that OP is a virgin just judging on the context. I never understood the whole "weeaboo" attraction to only anime characters. If a couple of these guys actually got to spend some quality time with a real woman I'm sure their tune would change rather quickly. Lay off the anime and cosplay and try out real life. Girls are fun. They're soft and they smell nice (usually).

CAPTCHA: nut case. Fitting.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

From what I can gather from other people (not on this site) sex just doesn't have that "specialness" anymore, and people just want to get some however they can.

That is quite a generalization, no matter where you're getting it from. Sex is as special as you want it to be, it has nothing to do with what "the media" has to say about it. It's one thing that we're culturally conditioned to find some things sexier than others, but to think the world has somehow become neutered by pop culture...

 

[Eddie the head]

Also, to those of you taking issue with the use of icky; I'm sorry I didn't get my thesaurus out at 9:00PM at night.

Where as I agree it's silly to take issue with the word icky; Google is not hard to use. I'm sorry I just needed to say that.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Though I don't remember exactly WHEN it was, but I DO remember the first time I ever found something really HOT and attractive. -By the way Phasmal, this is the time where if you have a special place to squick out, you might want to head there now -

It was a picture of Sailor Jupiter. I was younger - no older than middle school - and was just browsing pictures on the internet because I was bored and my parents were out to dinner. It was obviously fanart, but it was really well done and I thought it could've been done by the real artist to the show.

How daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare yoooooooooou------

*ahem*
For serious now, I notice what you DON'T mention is whether you're happy like this.
Do you even really want a girlfriend?
You don't have to want one.

How is your relationship to women in general? Do you talk to women okay or do you find it scary?

*dodge*
I guess. I mean, yes I do, but I don't know if I'm good enough for one or if I could even keep one.

I guess I find talking to them scary enough that it doesn't really happen unless it has to.

 

[Dismal purple]

I've had a strong aversion to sex ever since I was little and basically made a vow of celibacy when I was 10. I still don't know what to think about it to be honest. There is probably some psychological issue behind it.

 

[Roofstone]

Heh. I both can and cannot relate. I am completely aromantic and asexual. So while I have an aversion to it, it is not because I find it particularly icky. But because I am incapable of having a proper meaning either way.

You are better of giving your time to more worthy means, like curing cancer or playing video games.

 

[elvor0]

I've had a strong aversion to sex ever since I was little and basically made a vow of celibacy when I was 10. I still don't know what to think about it to be honest. There is probably some psychological issue behind it.

This made me pretty curious, so I'll bite, but don't take what I say disrespectfully, I just find the idea nigh on impossible to get my head round; not the celebacy, but that you had a strong aversion to sex when you were say..8, and then made a vow of celebacy at age 10.

I don't know what your upbringing was like, but before 10, the general child consensous is "eew girls are icky, cooties etc etc". I certainly didn't have enough knowledge or thoughts on sex, and likely neither did any of my class mates to make a vow of celebacy at age 10. I mean it's not like you're going to (legally, and practically) going to have sex for at least another 6 years, most likely more, and you still have puberty to get through, where you actually /develop/ physically and mentally for sex. I certainly wouldn't take any advice from my 10 year old self about anything, especially sex, beyond remembering the cheat codes for Crash Bandicoot.

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I'll not bother repeating what some people have said regarding trying to look at real women for a change, I don't berate the OP, but I agree that looking at real porn or amatuer porn would be helpful.

No what I'd really like to discuss is that anytime a thread like this comes up, or a thread about asexuallity, people come out of the woodwork saying that "Sex is alright, nothing great, tried it once, wouldn't do it again."

Not that there's anything wrong with having only had sex once, but your opinion is only just above that of someone who's never had sex. It's almost universally accepted that your first time was crap. Thats the breaks, because it's your FIRST TIME, it gets even worse when you're both Virgins, because no amount of pornography or advice will prepare you for your first time. It's intimidating and for women or gay men, often painful.

But with all due respect, you're in no position to be telling anyone what sex is like. If we all took sex to be how our first time was, a good portion of us wouldn't bother. Even then, my first time wasn't awful, it wasn't great, but I still enjoyed it, and it was still pleasurable. Sex is something that takes practice and experience to enjoy to it's absolute fullest, but you shouldn't be telling someone sex isn't that great, when you're not that great at it yourself.