Children aren't as dumb and innocent as people think. I knew what sex was and I knew that santa wasn't real. And it wasn't just sex but relationships in general.elvor0 said:
Aversion to Sex
- Thread starter Paragon Fury
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You were "against" relationships by the age of 10? How did you even know what those were?Dismal purple said:
I did have parents who at some point were married to each other. Is this even a serious question?Johnny Novgorod said:
Sure, from a kid's point of view parents aren't an exemplary demonstration of a romantic relationship, they're just "mom and dad". You're going to tell me you swore off relating romantically to other human beings based on the dubious impression of a ten year old of mom and dad? I mean sure, as you said, it might provide grounds for a "psychological issue" but that is in no way the kind of rational, conscious decision a kid makes at such an age.Dismal purple said:
Ill give my usual response of "whatever gets your rocks off is ok by me" or in this case whatever doesnt get your rocks off. Sexuality (or lack there of) is purely personally and subjective
Only one way to find out: Give it a try.Paragon Fury said:
Possibly more than one try; like other things, relationships can need quite a bit of practice.
Maybe that's the true root of your problems? Due to a lack of self-confidence?
I love the idea of having sex myself. The idea of being that intimate with someone fascinates me.
I can understand why some people wouldn't be into that though
I can understand why some people wouldn't be into that though
I didn't believe in Santa either by that age, but a fairy tale is...kind of different to the concept a of Sex and Adult Relationships to a 10 year old. Ok so you knew what sex was then and you took a vow of celebacy? With all due respect, I'm /guessing/ as a 10 year old kid, was less of a "vow of celebacy" and more that you found it gross, which presumably stayed with you. Is that a fair assesment?Dismal purple said:
You were quite obviously a mature child, however the kind of relationships 10 year olds have with each other, compared to that of adults, is quite quite different, no matter how mature you are. I have no doubt that you had an idea and maybe even had a rounded understanding of adult relationships (I don't mean sex, I mean the relationship part) but I honestly don't know if following the highly underexperienced view of your 10 year old self is entirely wise. I mean no matter how intelligent or mature you were at that age, you can't seriously have had the life experience or rounded thinking to have conciously sworn off sex and relationships and taken a vow of celebacy.
Have you kept your vow of celebacy on both sex and relationships? Have you reaproached the idea now that you're an adult?
Again I mean no disrespect to the way you live your life, it's just a scenario that really sets my curiosity itching and it seriously needs some scratching. And I apologize waaaay in advance if those two paragraphs came off as arrogant or condecending or in anyway offensive or any anything like that. If you feel like I'm overstepping any lines, feel free to tell me to do one.
Maybe. I keep to myself most of the time and don't talk to be people unless I need to, to avoid annoying them or bothering them. Solve my own issues and all that.CloudAtlas said:
And on some level, I know I do want to have sex. But anytime I think about it, it doesn't go well and certainly wouldn't make a woman happy.
Oral on me? "You're not doing it because you like it; even if you do it can't be that good to be worth doing it to me. Also I have reservations about doing the same to you, so this seems really exploitative and unfair".
Oral on her? "I'm not really comfortable with putting my face down there." - Cue irate girlfriend
Traditional? "I'm not really sure what I'm doing and I doubt it would be any good for you. And I don't know if you're doing it because you want to or you think I want/need it so I'm hesitant".
That, and I just don't think of real women when I think of someone "sexy" or attractive. The things that come to mind are things like -
this,
or this.
Even THIS is more likely to come to mind.
With them I at least FEEL like I'm actually FEELING some attraction. With "real" women I don't get that feeling as much as I feel like I'm just evaluating a car or piece of art on attractiveness - "Hm, yes. This has all the things that should be attractive; therefore this is attractive".
I.....dunno sometimes. (Also yes, boobs. I don't know why I like them so much. But I always have.)
Oh I probably didn't make her all too happy in this particular regard in my first time(s) myself, and I'm certain many other men will tell you the same, if they're honest. That's not the time to be overly selfless, to be honest.Paragon Fury said:
If you're not comfortable with that, don't ask for it. Problem solved.
You can't really tell unless you try it at least once or twice.
Look. You said you're in your twenties, if I recall correctly. You're not living in a clichee highshool world anymore where all boys are borderline sexual predators and all girls prefer to wait and have no idea what they really like anyway. Chances are the woman you'd be dating already has some idea what she wants, and will guide you, maybe even without asking her for it. You don't sound like the type of person who'd signal her strongly that you'd really really want to have sex now, what with all your anxieties, so don't worry about that.
Yea maybe it won't work out and she'll leave you again for one reason or another. And as it would be your first relationship and you're not generally a people's person on top, according to your own statements, chances are you make mistakes in your relationship. But how could you not? It's only natural. It just takes practice.
And as to your general sentiments of the idea of sex being icky... oh yes it certainly is. It's nasty. But when people get aroused they'll do all sorts of stuff with pleasure that they would otherwise consider as gross, or stuff that they never thought they had in them. That's one of the reasons why date rape happens.
So you don't need to worry about that too much either. Unless you've actually done it, you can't really tell. In fact, I'd wager that you already experienced that, in a fashion, when watching porn. Have you ever had the feeling that, after you we're done watching, this is actually pretty gross when you think about it? I know I had. It's pretty much the same.
If you do want to have sex with real women but only find imaginary women... of a rather specific type... attractive, then I would really suggest to talk about that with someone who has a better understanding of such issues than some random dudes and gals on the internet, a.k.a. a therapist. Not because what you like right now is necessarily "wrong", but because what you want, sex/relationships(?), is something you will never have in a fulfilling way, since the people you want to have sex with simply don't exist, and to see your desires forever unfulfilled, that could make you rather unhappy in the long run. I mean, at best, if you're really lucky you might score some cosplayers now and then, but I'd guess that they, too, generally want to be loved for the persons they are and not for the characters they play.That, and I just don't think of real women when I think of someone "sexy" or attractive. The things that come to mind are things like -
this,
or this.
Even THIS is more likely to come to mind.
With them I at least FEEL like I'm actually FEELING some attraction. With "real" women I don't get that feeling as much as I feel like I'm just evaluating a car or piece of art on attractiveness - "Hm, yes. This has all the things that should be attractive; therefore this is attractive".
To change your perspective of what you find attractive, that could help you. Maybe you won't succeed, not even with help, but it seems worth a try.
While I wouldn't say that there's anything wrong with you, I do feel like you may want to take a few steps back from your current position and try to get a new perspective. You're attracted to sexy anime characters? Hey, I can't blame you for that, I love them just as much as you do. You're not in a hurry to have sex? Hey, neither am I. Then again I'm an overly romantic fuck who wants it to be deep and special when I do get around to it, so take that into account. But a complete lack of attraction to female women even though you're not asexual? I feel like that may be a result of media giving you unrealistic expectations. I was like that for a bit, I was so used to the incredibly skinny legs on drawn women that when I started seeing actually bare legs on women in person, I thought they looked a bit fat. My perspective has since then changed and I now feel that reasonably proportioned women are attractive now that my perspective has shifted.
Same thing goes with sex.
If there's something you're going to take away from this, don't let it be that there's something seriously wrong with you because there isn't. The human approach to sex is so overly complicated and so fucked up I'm surprised we're not all insane. Just take a few steps back, try and looking at it from a different angle, maybe a new mindset, and don't be in a rush to go wherever it is you're going.
Same thing goes with sex.
If there's something you're going to take away from this, don't let it be that there's something seriously wrong with you because there isn't. The human approach to sex is so overly complicated and so fucked up I'm surprised we're not all insane. Just take a few steps back, try and looking at it from a different angle, maybe a new mindset, and don't be in a rush to go wherever it is you're going.
I didn't become comfortable with porn until I was 23. Now I'm a strict "bicurious asexual voyeur woman." To be honest, real porn bores the tar out of me. I was forced to take a figure drawing class in art school & learned that the real human body turns me on about as much as a dead frog. I also have a complete intolerance for any amount of body hair.
I prefer the fakest of spectacles, to look upon it as ridiculous fantasy; heavy preference for fake animated or drawn stuff with ridiculously unrealistic body proportions, dominatrixes, gay feminine-looking boys, men in drag, women with boobs & butts twice as big as their heads, gender role reversal, anything obscene or ludicrous will keep my attention, especially if it involves illegal or incredibly offensive situations.
It's really nonparticipatory; I don't "get off" on it, nor does it disgust me. I just sit there & stare at it like a dull comedy, until I get bored, maybe eat some cheese puffs. I find that if I watch for 3 hours straight, or 1 hour for 3 days, I loose all interest in sex for the remainder of the month.
I prefer the fakest of spectacles, to look upon it as ridiculous fantasy; heavy preference for fake animated or drawn stuff with ridiculously unrealistic body proportions, dominatrixes, gay feminine-looking boys, men in drag, women with boobs & butts twice as big as their heads, gender role reversal, anything obscene or ludicrous will keep my attention, especially if it involves illegal or incredibly offensive situations.
It's really nonparticipatory; I don't "get off" on it, nor does it disgust me. I just sit there & stare at it like a dull comedy, until I get bored, maybe eat some cheese puffs. I find that if I watch for 3 hours straight, or 1 hour for 3 days, I loose all interest in sex for the remainder of the month.
No, it's not. It might still be a good idea to talk to a professional about this stuff, even if it's for 1-2 hours. Other than that, I'd agree with some of the previous posters: Try to cut back on Anime, rule 34 stuff (if you're into that) and the like for a while. Maybe that'll already change your perception a bit.Paragon Fury said:
So OP, seems like this thread got necroed after a month, did anything change yet? A few people suggested "joining a club" or "online dating" (the usual suggestions), did you try any of those things? I'm asking not to be condescending as it may seem, but because I am in a... somewhat similar position to yours and I'm curious to know if you can fix it.
I've had a profile on OkCupid for almost 1.5 years now. At most I get one visitor a month most months.....and I've never gotten a message.idon said: