Awake

[Ayrav]

I had my hopes as to how I would be
after closing my eyes
I imagined boldly how it might be
without you was how I could be
living set free

But I didn't count the fact
that it was just an exile

I have great ghosts in my mind
Great ghosts of past lives
ghosts of old times

So I spent some time wrestling them off
watching snow
I gathered them and told the away
I won't change where I live I said
Go on, get

I had my hopes as to how it may be
but there is no living without them
I still look like me
I still wallow like me
I may join them
We can live like me

 

[SnucklesMan]

I had my hopes as to how I would be
after closing my eyes
I imagined boldly how it might be
without you was how I could be
living set free

But I didn't count the fact
that it was just an exile

I have great ghosts in my mind
Great ghosts of past lives
ghosts of old times

So I spent some time wrestling them off
watching snow
I gathered them and told the away
I won't change where I live I said
Go on, get

I had my hopes as to how it may be
but there is no living without them
I still look like me
I still wallow like me
I may join them
We can live like me

Did you write this?

 

[Ayrav]

I had my hopes as to how I would be
after closing my eyes
I imagined boldly how it might be
without you was how I could be
living set free

But I didn't count the fact
that it was just an exile

I have great ghosts in my mind
Great ghosts of past lives
ghosts of old times

So I spent some time wrestling them off
watching snow
I gathered them and told the away
I won't change where I live I said
Go on, get

I had my hopes as to how it may be
but there is no living without them
I still look like me
I still wallow like me
I may join them
We can live like me

Did you write this?

What? Yes I did, just now.

That beautiful young women hurt me, this is my last testament to her. Go on get Aphrodite.

 

[DP155ToneZone]

I was hoping for a discussion on Dream Theater's Awake.

Great album!

 

[Ayrav]

I found myself alone
Alone above a raging me
I sold the only girl I loved
And burn that great heart inside of me.

Alright, alright; goodnight all.

 

[knight steel]

Hello world-hello day i am here astray atop this hazy sky i see all these bugs starring at me,with there stupid words and wars what a bore scatter away I'm not here to stay.Down the hill thrown within the wind seeing life,in all it's hate i wait.

A glowing beackon from within lightly carres my skin i see the dawn, life shines and grins this haze washes away life is great with me and my mates.

This has been the very first poem i have ever writen.I have never seen that many poems so please don't juge to harshly i made this up on the spot.

From the amazing Knight steel

 

[vamp rocks]

i really liked that... but then again thats because i am a hopeless romantic... i wasnt to sure at the beggining... but from the point

"but i know
that this is just a pipe dream
for you do not love me"

and onwards i had chills... i thought it was really good man...

 

[BaldursBananaSoap]

Oh I thought this was about Alan Wake.

 

[DuplicateValue]

Hmm, I thought this was going to be about that movie with Hayden Christensen...

Oh well, since I'm here, I'll post one. I wrote this to try and keep myself awake during a study class in school. It's shit, but the standards aren't too high around here at the moment anyway.

Futile Resistance

Words lose meaning,
the room grows dark -
it can't be helped.

Reluctantly I'm gone -
darkness takes me,
but not for long.

I'm back.

Words gain meaning,
the room grows bright.
Guilty glances around.

I'm safe.
Repeat.​

 

[Quoth]

Repetition is a useful tool to reinforce a point. But reinforcing the "fireproof" could be done by finding another synonym.

If it helps I can totally dig the point of the poem. I used to feel this way about someone myself, at the end of the day if your poem can invoke the feeling then it's done it's job.

Then on the other hand I grew in to an old cynical. If you're feeling this way about someone now.. move on lifes too short for unrequited love on a girl too foolish to realise that you'd be the best thing for her.

 

[Quoth]

Futile Resistance

Words lose meaning,
the room grows dark -
it can't be helped.

Reluctantly I'm gone -
darkness takes me,
but not for long.

I'm back.

Words gain meaning,
the room grows bright.
Guilty glances around.

I'm safe.
Repeat.​

Sleep now, no one will hurt you!

 

[DuplicateValue]

Futile Resistance

Words lose meaning,
the room grows dark -
it can't be helped.

Reluctantly I'm gone -
darkness takes me,
but not for long.

I'm back.

Words gain meaning,
the room grows bright.
Guilty glances around.

I'm safe.
Repeat.​

Sleep now, no one will hurt you!

Do you think is was good or bad?

 

[SnucklesMan]

i really liked that... but then again thats because i am a hopeless romantic... i wasnt to sure at the beggining... but from the point

"but i know
that this is just a pipe dream
for you do not love me"

and onwards i had chills... i thought it was really good man...

Thanks. Seriously.

 

[SnucklesMan]

Futile Resistance

Words lose meaning,
the room grows dark -
it can't be helped.

Reluctantly I'm gone -
darkness takes me,
but not for long.

I'm back.

Words gain meaning,
the room grows bright.
Guilty glances around.

I'm safe.
Repeat.​

Sleep now, no one will hurt you!

Do you think is was good or bad?

I liked it. It was pretty funny.

 

[Quoth]

I officialy bite at quoting.

In my opinion only, because I'm not a professional poetry critic, its the effort that counts.

The thing I look for is whether I knew what the writer was getting at. So if I ask - were you talking about falling asleep in class... - then you've conveyed the point admirably.. but then again you did say you were trying to stay awake in class so I had a clue already

The last line in particular made me think about someone who's nodding off, waking up, nodding off and I liked it simple execution.

 

[DuplicateValue]

I liked it but I think you could have maybe lengthened the middle. If you are trying to give a feeling of being trapped, you should make it longer but if I'm totally wrong, nevermind. Overall, it's good

I wouldn't say it's about being trapped - it was about me trying not to fall asleep in class in case I got in trouble.

Thanks, though. =]

 

[SnucklesMan]

I liked it but I think you could have maybe lengthened the middle. If you are trying to give a feeling of being trapped, you should make it longer but if I'm totally wrong, nevermind. Overall, it's good

I wouldn't say it's about being trapped - it was about me trying not to fall asleep in class in case I got in trouble.

Thanks, though. =]

I get that now. lol. I kinda failed...

 

[DuplicateValue]

I officialy bite at quoting.

In my opinion only, because I'm not a professional poetry critic, its the effort that counts.

The thing I look for is whether I knew what the writer was getting at. So if I ask - were you talking about falling asleep in class... - then you've conveyed the point admirably.. but then again you did say you were trying to stay awake in class so I had a clue already

The last line in particular made me think about someone who's nodding off, waking up, nodding off and I liked it simple execution.

Hmm, cool thanks!

 

[SnucklesMan]

Spoiler: Me

Me
What is "me"?
Me
Not just a word
But a world of possibility
You
What is "you"?
You
But a portrait of something far beyond
what we can comprehend
When we think of "me"
Words jump to mind
Words to describe
A face
A personality
But what about further below?
What lies beneath words?
Me
I am true
But beneath true
I am me
I am kind
But beneath kind
I am me
I am loving
But beneath loving
I am me
Nothing describes me
I am unique and wonderful
And yet
The same as the man
sitting across from me
I am different
And yet
I am boring
I am complex in every way
But simple if you try
to understand
But don't try to hard
For "me"
Is far beyond
What we can comprehend

 

[Shadowfaze]

Nice bit of emo poetry. Write more, im in that sort of mood.