Awful pickup lines

[octafish]

Have you ever tripped over a twig?
How about a root?

 

[Flamezdudes]

It's already rape, don't make it murder.

Get in the van.

I'm sorry!

 

[Antitonic]

He: "Do you know the fundamental difference between conversation and sex?"
She: "No...?"
He: "Want to go upstairs and talk?

Spoiler: Alternatively...

Bonus points if you do this IRL. Points off if you don't include the screaming and flailing.

 

[Lacsapix]

I am just a little boy who needs to be protected by a strong women like yours.

 

[Vie]

"I'm crap at pickup lines, fancy a drink?"

Actually that would probably work rather well compared to most.

 

[Woodsey]

"Hey babe I'm like a Rubics Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get."

I am so using that one.

OT: "If I flip a coin what's the chances of me getting head tonight?"

 

[YesConsiderably]

Did you come here on your own?

Good, i like a girl that can come by herself.

 

[Serioli]

From Broken Plot Device

Do you work for UPS?
No, why?
Because you were totally checking my package

Do you want to play 'carpenter'?
Huh?
First we get hammered then I nail you

Or alternatively

Have you lost you virginity?
Yes (kind of relies on that)
Well can I play with the box it came in?

 

[Durgiun]

I lost my puppy, could you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

 

[OniKon]

"I wish I was helicase so I could unzip your jeans"

sadly that line only ever works on geneticists

 

[DazBurger]

Im not wearing any pants...