Bad Jokes?
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a penguin is driving his car through the desert and suddenly it breaks down. the penguin gets out and starts pushing the car to the nearest service station. after what seems like forever the penguin arrives at the station and tells the mechanic what happened.
as you can imagine the penguin is quite hot after pushing the car all that way so he decides to get himself something from the shop.
after making his purchase, some icecream, the penguin walks back towards the garage. 0n his way back the icecream starts to melt all over his hands and face, what with it being the desert and all.
the mechanic walks out shaking his head and says to the now sticky penguin,
"mate it looks like you've blown a seal"
the penguin hastily replies
"what!! no no its just icecream"
yeah...
A truck driver dillivering a truck load of monkeys to the dubbo zoo breaks down about 40 kms from his destination.
worried that for the monkeys he flags down a passing truck and pleeds with them to take the monkeys to the zoo... the driver having just unloaded his cargo agrees and drives off without much delay.
a few days later the first truck driver is walking down the main street in dubbo and sees a whole bunch of monkeys walking in the opposite direction with the second truck driver right in the middle of the group. he calls out to the second driver
"i thought i said to take them to the zoo!"
the second driver looks at him for a second then calls back
"oh yeah, well they where so well behaved at the zoo i'd thoughtt i'd take them to the movies"
...
as you can imagine the penguin is quite hot after pushing the car all that way so he decides to get himself something from the shop.
after making his purchase, some icecream, the penguin walks back towards the garage. 0n his way back the icecream starts to melt all over his hands and face, what with it being the desert and all.
the mechanic walks out shaking his head and says to the now sticky penguin,
"mate it looks like you've blown a seal"
the penguin hastily replies
"what!! no no its just icecream"
yeah...
A truck driver dillivering a truck load of monkeys to the dubbo zoo breaks down about 40 kms from his destination.
worried that for the monkeys he flags down a passing truck and pleeds with them to take the monkeys to the zoo... the driver having just unloaded his cargo agrees and drives off without much delay.
a few days later the first truck driver is walking down the main street in dubbo and sees a whole bunch of monkeys walking in the opposite direction with the second truck driver right in the middle of the group. he calls out to the second driver
"i thought i said to take them to the zoo!"
the second driver looks at him for a second then calls back
"oh yeah, well they where so well behaved at the zoo i'd thoughtt i'd take them to the movies"
...
A man is walking into work and he sees a dog laying by the door.
The man turns to the dog and asks, "How's your day going?"
The dogs looks up and says, "Ruff".
Courtesy of my current Math Teacher, he's got a million.
The man turns to the dog and asks, "How's your day going?"
The dogs looks up and says, "Ruff".
Courtesy of my current Math Teacher, he's got a million.
There's a man waiting on the bus.
The bus driver tells him "Oi, get off of there dammit".
Or
A man throws a letter in the box.
The owner of the box asks him "The hell d'you think you're doing?".
The latter one's a lot funnier in it's original language though.
The bus driver tells him "Oi, get off of there dammit".
Or
A man throws a letter in the box.
The owner of the box asks him "The hell d'you think you're doing?".
The latter one's a lot funnier in it's original language though.
Why did the plane crash?
Its pilot was a sausage.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
<spoiler=You probably will not like this joke if you're an animal rights minded person>It was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
It was waving at the first koala
Its pilot was a sausage.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
<spoiler=You probably will not like this joke if you're an animal rights minded person>It was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
It was waving at the first koala
not sure if this has been stated yet but it's from Wadsworth, your robotic butler in Megaton:
"Protons have Mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic."
"Protons have Mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic."
i found this one to be bloody f***ing brilliantShoggoth2588 said:
Why do women love jesus?
because he's hung like this (after you say that extend your arms like jesus on the cross)
works better in person
Three classic ones from World of Warcrack that always made me laugh:
1) A guy walked up to me and said: 'I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam!'
I said: 'Relax man, you're too tense (tents).
2) A duck walked into an apothecary and said 'Give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill.
and finally a spoof on LoTR:
3) "So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracele, and along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottom, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen.
It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with the climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!'"
1) A guy walked up to me and said: 'I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam!'
I said: 'Relax man, you're too tense (tents).
2) A duck walked into an apothecary and said 'Give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill.
and finally a spoof on LoTR:
3) "So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracele, and along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottom, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen.
It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with the climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!'"
Snail goes into a Ferrari dealership and asks the salesman for his fastest car.
Salesman asks the snail "So, why are you buying a Ferrari anyway? Don't you snails like to take it slow?"
Snail replies "Nah, I just want people to point and say (as I ride by) "Look at that S-Car-go!"
Salesman asks the snail "So, why are you buying a Ferrari anyway? Don't you snails like to take it slow?"
Snail replies "Nah, I just want people to point and say (as I ride by) "Look at that S-Car-go!"
why did the boy fall off his bike?
someone threw a fridge at him
why did the boy fall off the swings?
he had no arms
how do you get a 1 armed person out of a tree?
wave to them
whats brown and sticky?
a stick
whats green eats flies jumps alot but has wheels?
a frog, i lied about the wheels
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? It's got great food, but no atmosphere.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin' Catholic.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
someone threw a fridge at him
why did the boy fall off the swings?
he had no arms
how do you get a 1 armed person out of a tree?
wave to them
whats brown and sticky?
a stick
whats green eats flies jumps alot but has wheels?
a frog, i lied about the wheels
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? It's got great food, but no atmosphere.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin' Catholic.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
The answer also works well with. "What's a shitty way to spend Easter?"ninjaman 420 said:
Why was Jesus never asked to play in Goal?
'Cause he's full of holes!
Why doesn't Jesus play Hockey?
'Cause someone was always nailing him to the boards!
You know what they say about a man with big feet....They've got big shoes.
What's the difference between Swine Flu and Avian Flu?
Swine Flu needs Oinkment and Avian Flu requires tweetment!
At the age of five, my sister won a joke competition with this gem:
Why did Mr Blobby cross the road?
...
To get to blobby land.
*insert applause here* - it's funnier when a cute little grl is saying it.
Why did Mr Blobby cross the road?
...
To get to blobby land.
*insert applause here* - it's funnier when a cute little grl is saying it.
Hey I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead. - UP
Best crap joke ever...
Best crap joke ever...
