Bad Jokes?

[ArcWelder92]

I tried doing coke once, but the ice kept getting stuck in my nose.

Courtesy of my 9th grade video teacher.

 

[ctrl-alt-postal]

My bad Australian joke:

Brendan Nelson

 

[sokka14]

two pies are in the oven.
one pie says to the other, "is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?"
to which the other exclaims, "oh my god! a talking pie!"

 

[Blackmagic1515]

Three guys die and go to heaven. They're told that if they slide down this massive slide and shout ot what they want, they'll land in a large vat of it. The first guy goes down and shouts out 'Gold!' and he lands in gold. The second guy goes down and shouts out 'Silk!' and he lands in silk. The third guy does down and shouts 'Weeeee!'

 

[Triangulon]

All the functions are at a party. X squared, X cubed, X to the power of Y, they're all having a great time apart from e to the X. X squared goes up to him and says 'why so glum?'. E to the X says'I don't really know anyone, don't really like partys anyway'. X squared says 'Why dont you try and integrate?' to which E to the X responds 'It won't make any difference'

 

[Acidwell]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

baby seal walks into a club.

EPIC!

 

[pewpewz]

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

TEQUILA!!

Ba-dum-tsh!

 

[LegendaryMan]

Teacher:What happened after alexander's the Great Death.
Kid:He's Funeral

 

[Energylegzz]

Whats Green and Yellow at the Bottom of a Pool?
A baby with its floaties slashed!
Har Har Har!

 

[Pm0n3y]

There once was three dogs. one was black, and the other was white. And then there was an old dog. What was the old dog's Name?

 

[natematzold]

what is the difference between tiger woods and Santa

Santa only has three hos

 

[Dark Knifer]

Man walks into a bar. Ow. Man walks into a funk bar. Owwww (michael jackson style - its all about the noise)

Or

Three blondes walk into a building, You would've thought one of them would've seen it.

Thankyou, Thankyou, Im here till thursday. Try the fish.

NO! DON'T EAT THE FISH!!!
[small] cookie if you guess the reference.[/small]
A blond fell up the stairs. Not sure how.

 

[Jedoro]

What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive right now?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

 

[mugetsu37]

How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler

One

 

[blankedboy]

What weighs 12 Oz. and can kill you?

A Sparrow with a sniper rifle.

Sniper rifles weigh a bit more than 0 Oz....

 

[x0ny]

Two hobos are walking along the railway and see a dead dog. One hobo starts to dig in, and stops to ask why the other isn't eating, who replies "no thanks, i'll pass". The hobo finishes the dog and the pair continue along the railway.

30mins later, the hobo who ate the dog complains of stomach pains and then vomits on the floor. The second hobo smiles and says "Ah just what I've been waiting for, hot lunch!"

 

[Karlaxx]

After a belch, in an insulting, parody-of-utter stupidity voice:

"Excuse me for ignorance; it wuddnt very smart.
But if it had come out the other end, it would have been a fart."

Thanks, dad.

 

[orangebandguy]

Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'