Bad luck with roommates.

[LetalisK]

I've never had bad roommates. The closest thing to a roommate I've had had been living in a barracks, but that's always for a short time and in cases where the "roommates" were the least of my worries.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Living in groups is always an issue, there is just no getting away from the problems everyone bring with them.
I didn't experience anything too bad but as I prefer to keep to myself everyone else starts getting weird around me, and the more I try to keep out of their shit the more they will try to include me which is just insanely irritating.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

True, there are many unfortunate factors that can lead to a person feeling vulnerable enough to find themselve's preyed on. And I can imagine as trans, it invites a whole lot more emotional difficulties and worries. It's great to have those friends that are still understanding and not changing how they see you. Hopefully there are many more out there also . it's quite troublesome that most people I know around me are still incredibly intolerant and would not take it well if me or anybody else came out to them, hell, some of my own family have said they'd disown me if I dated a black girl, it may just be talk, but I can live with losing contact with bigots, family or not. Australia is supposed to be quite an intolerant place for LGBT, isn't it? I do not know for certain, just what i've picked up over time. But then parts of the UK are pretty bad also.

Well, yeah. But I saw some flatmates, even strangers, as a means to practice being me after so many years of hiding myself or just being angry and frightened all the time. But not all flatmates are nice. I don't really have friends from pre homeless days. Hard to feel like someone's on your side when you're in the dark of a tunnel and you know for a fact someone is there with you. Wanting to take what little you have. Cave your head in with a brick. You know if you run, you'll just hurt yourself... get turned around too much and you'll get lost.

It's a surreal experience. If you want to see some of the places I occasionally slept there's a movie called "The Tunnel"... features St. James' lake in all her glory. I never slept that far down, as kids would often go down there to swim in the flooded ghost station of an abandoned railway project-turned military HQ-turned large nuclear fallout shelter. But a lot of the access tunnels to St. James still sees a lot of homeless 'sheltering'.

Anyways. That's what a lot of trans youth also experience. It hardens the heart and it takes a lot to recover. Night terrors, paranoia, self loathing. It eats at the soul. A lot of people end up on the street due to mental illness... but a lot people don't realise just how much your state of mind is affected by being on the street. So even if you pull it all together, it's merely a scab on a wound. People persistently picking at it will make it bleed again. So you feel worthless... and hey... cheap flat with sleazy landlord is a step up from nothing. You get a level up from worthless to someone's possession. Bought slab of meat by the butcher shop of life.

And ... well... it depends where you are in Australia. All across Australia you're protected in employment, education, marketplace access, medicare and housing against discrimination. Trans or gay. But that doesn't stop bad things happening. I'd ssy we're better off than a good deal of the world ... but that just makes it all the more depressing. This is perhaps as good as it gets to be trans.

Also, your family sounds pretty... out there.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Well, yeah. But I saw some flatmates, even strangers, as a means to practice being me after so many years of hiding myself or just being angry and frightened all the time. But not all flatmates are nice. I don't really have friends from pre homeless days. Hard to feel like someone's on your side when you're in the dark of a tunnel and you know for a fact someone is there with you. Wanting to take what little you have. Cave your head in with a brick. You know if you run, you'll just hurt yourself... get turned around too much and you'll get lost.

It's a surreal experience. If you want to see some of the places I occasionally slept there's a movie called "The Tunnel"... features St. James' lake in all her glory. I never slept that far down, as kids would often go down there to swim in the flooded ghost station of an abandoned railway project-turned military HQ-turned large nuclear fallout shelter. But a lot of the access tunnels to St. James still sees a lot of homeless 'sheltering'.

Anyways. That's what a lot of trans youth also experience. It hardens the heart and it takes a lot to recover. Night terrors, paranoia, self loathing. It eats at the soul. A lot of people end up on the street due to mental illness... but a lot people don't realise just how much your state of mind is affected by being on the street. So even if you pull it all together, it's merely a scab on a wound. People persistently picking at it will make it bleed again. So you feel worthless... and hey... cheap flat with sleazy landlord is a step up from nothing. You get a level up from worthless to someone's possession.

And ... well... it depends where you are in Australia. All across Australia you're protected in employment, education, marketplace access, medicare and housing against discrimination. Trans or gay. But that doesn't stop bad things happening. I'd ssy we're better off than a good deal of the world ... but that just makes it all the more depressing. This is perhaps as good as it gets to be trans.

Also, your family sounds pretty... out there.

That does sound pretty terrifying to experience, having been through a period of homelessness in the past due to parents, it is certainly a huge draining effect on the mind and self-esteem, amongst other things. Though your area sounds far more dangerous than what I have experienced. And the risk of dealing with those that do not like people they don't understand must be a whole new level of fear to endure.
These experiences do change people and it can take so much mental work or willpower perhaps is a better term, to cope with the psychological repercussions to feel able to fit in with other humans. Feeling dehumanised is a horrible state, where, like you say, something can feel better than nothing, where the contrast can make any bad person appear better than yourself. Tricks of the mind are very powerful in how they affect everything you feel you are.
There is definitely something to be said for the 'fake it till you make it' phrase in fighting low self esteem, I guess that's where you practice being yourself with the people you feel most comfortable with to eventually feel confident enough being that at ease around others. But all it takes is another single negative experience to undo the effort and the vulnerable emotions can overwhelm again. It is always worth fighting though, and I always believe that the harder life that is experienced, the greater the smaller pleasures in life will be. When you find an inner contentment and a constant source of comfort, even joy, it will be a much stronger high than those who haven't had to cope with the darker realities of this world. It is something myself is trying to work towards and I try to never forget that (easier said than done though).

Shall check out The Tunnel, have always enjoyed the Aussie indie film scene so far. It is always a bonus to learn more too.

Eh, those members of my family are just the worst of who I still talk to. There are nicer ones, and there are much nastier ones who I havent seen or heard from in years. But such is family life. Haven't ever let their opinions get in the way of life before and never shall. I should mention that those particular members said the same thing to my sister, and there is some history of one of them being a suspect in a gang killing in the 80s I think, of a black fellow who was dating their sister. I only know minor details, but it was typical south London problems for the time. They got acquitted either way, which may have been down to police problems, it is hard to say. (Shit, sorry about that incomprehensible ramble, it probably sounds stupid and inconsequential to hear, I must refrain from such things.)

 

[chocolate pickles]

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

Not only does it smell horrible, but the smell clings to the room. So not only do you have to put up with that putrid smell, it can become a problem if the landlord notices.

 

[Poetic Nova]

Edit: nevermind, wrong tab.

 

[Sheo_Dagana]

I've been living with one of my two best friends for about 9 years now. I love her dearly and we're as close as a brother and sister, and it should be noted that I am a man, and we've known each other for about 14 years now. We get mistaken for lovers pretty often, because ya know, men and women couldn't possibly be friends. No, she did not 'friend zone' me, we've just never had those sort of feelings for each other. However, we fight a lot these days and it's beginning to put a strain on our friendship. Her boyfriend (my other roommate) has learned better than to try and jump in between us, but he's part of the problem.

See, I lived with her and a former fiance of hers for about 3 years. When they split up, I went with her because he kicked her out with literally only the clothes on her back and he was a problematic roommate as well. Sure he paid the bills on time, never left messes, ect., but the problem was he was an asshole. No, not the kind of asshole that my current roommate is, but the subtle kind of asshole. Ya know? Like he's saying it all nice, but he's really sticking it to you. He behaved like a father, talking down to people that were just a year younger than him. Never liked him, but I admit, he ran a pretty sweet D&D campaign. Anyway, we fought back then, but it's getting worse now.

To make matters even worse, her boyfriend is a lazy, messy sort of guy. He works a TON, and it's hard work and all, but even when he 'cleans up' the kitchen, I still find myself spot cleaning things that he missed and finding crumbs fucking everywhere. We have roaches now. ROACHES. I've never had roaches in my life. Ugh. Also got a piece of broken glass in my foot the other day from a glass he broke and did a slap-dash job of cleaning it up Plus his cat fights with ours all the time, and she and I aren't fighting about the most stupid shit you could possibly imagine (NO The Old Republic was NOT the start of the prequel pandering, that was Return of the Jedi; no for fucking serious, she is a super huge asshole about Star Wars) she's talking shit about her boyfriend and his inability to clean/organize/finish his thesis, yet I have to be woken up by them fucking like mad animals every morning regardless of how uneasy she feels in their relationship. Did I mention we just signed a lease on a new place?

And then there's this dude's post...

snip

...which kind of makes me feel like an asshole for bitching about my petty problems. Holy crap, man.

To be fair, I'm also not the greatest roommate. I have really bad anxiety, am constantly late with utilities (not maliciously, just lazy about going to the bank which is just as bad), poorly hide alcohol from my roommates (not an alcoholic, just anxiety of being judged because anxiety), and basically only clean up after myself because I lock myself away in my room just playing Battleborn all day.

 

[Sheo_Dagana]

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

Not only does it smell horrible, but the smell clings to the room. So not only do you have to put up with that putrid smell, it can become a problem if the landlord notices.

Incense takes care of that. We smoked every day of the week at my last place, but no one who ever visited even knew that we smoked unless we broke it out at a party. People are always really surprised because we're nerds.

Had to quit though, it's fairly expensive, and when it came down to that or being able to afford GameFly... Video games win. Every. Single. Time.

 

[Saltyk]

Savannah? OP live in Georgia? If so, hello, fellow Georgian. I live just South of Atlanta.

Yeah, I think I'll agree with the consensus. That dude isn't going to shape up. I know too many examples of serial cheaters not shaping up. I helped a guy's mom move out of her house (in secret) because her husband of 20 years got caught cheating for like the sixth time.

My biggest issue with a roommate was a friend I was helping out. Not only did he drink regularly, he constantly had other people over to drink. Often drinking into the early hours while I was trying to sleep for work.

He also had people over for parties constantly, a few times without even mentioning it to me. I seriously came home from a family function and got bum-rushed by a bunch of people who were at my house partying and I didn't know anything about it. They also did some annoying things in my neighborhood, like knocking on people's doors early in the morning, while drunk. (Starting to see a pattern? It's not over yet.)

Oh, then there was Christmas Day when I came downstairs and found him asleep on my couch. Thought it was a bit odd, but went into my kitchen, where I found a steak knife on the ground. I thought it was dangerous and picked it up when I saw red on it and realized it was blood. I instantly went over and looked at his arms where I saw tape being used to sort of hold him right arm's skin together. I shook him to wake him up and make sure he was okay. Yes, he tried to kill himself on Christmas Eve (drunk) but someone else he was talking to that night talked some sense into him.

Then, there was the time I noticed I hadn't seen him for a few days and asked a mutual friend. Turned out he went to Florida to see a girl he knew and didn't tell me a word as he knew I would try to talk him out of it.

Then, there was the time we went to Florida for a concert/music festival. I'll give you one guess what he did.
Get drunk. A mutual friend tried to tell him to slow down and he yelled at him. Then, comes over to both of us while we sat on the ground waiting for the big name bands to start on the main stage. Yells at my friend. Then starts yelling at me, but I ignored him and acted like it wasn't happening until he threatened to punch me. That's when I called him out as an alcoholic. He responded by dumping his beer on my and our mutual friend before storming off. People who saw it told us how they couldn't believe we didn't knock his lights out.
I left him in Florida. Then, as soon as I got home, without sleep, I changed the locks on the doors. When he finally made it back, I called the cops and had him, and his stuff, removed.

Oh, and he never paid me a dime the whole time. I even bought him a laptop at one point with the instruction he would pay me back. And even after I got him a job working with me, I still never got a penny. Never even got the laptop back. And he eventually lost the job for failing a drug test.

I don't have roommates anymore. If I can help it, I never will again.

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

Well, it is rude to smoke in a shared space period. Hell, most cigarette smokers I know don't even smoke in their own houses to avoid the smell of it sticking to everything in the house. It's also illegal so that is just asking for trouble long term.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Thought: why do you care about the guy's personal life so long as he's paying the rent? It feels like two separate issues.

 

[EvilRoy]

I didn't have any roommates after my undergrad, mostly because I lucked into a solid scholarship/payment deal in the school following and then stumbled into a reasonably well paying job after that so it wasn't critical. I did, however, live in dorms for most of undergrad so I had my share of shitty people to share an area with.

Most consistently, and I hate to say it, were the international students causing issues. Not that they were bad people, but put it this way: if you can afford to move to the other side of the planet to go to school then chances are you come from a pretty affluent family (we have very very few international scholarships for grabs where I'm from so that could only account for a couple of them). Many people from affluent families have no idea how to take care of themselves with zero help, and it often showed. We had so damn many fire alarms from cooking, communal fridges and freezers left open to warm and rot the food within, and so forth it was unbelievable. Dish soap in the christing washing machine. Towards the end of the year they would usually get better, but it was always hell for the first couple months of a new semester as all the move-ins worked it out of their system. I stopped using the kitchen altogether myself, since I lost coming up on a hundred bucks in food to an aforementioned freezer event halfway through one semester.

Aside from that there was one guy who would pick up randoms and ditch them the next morning. He would just leave the girls in his room when he left for class and let his roommate deal with the results. The roommate had bizarre moral standing though. He would take them to the girls wing to get cleaned up in the washroom and usually find them breakfast before sending them on their way. Lot of tears. More than zero puke which is already too much. A better man than me to be sure.

Had another who had a bit of a breakdown during exams. He slept through a test I think and it ended up getting to him pretty badly when combined with the stress of prior exams. Built a blockade to prevent access to the stairs and ran around the common area swinging a dvd player by its cord. Tried to help him calm down and, I dunno, come to or whatever but he wasn't having it and I wasn't going to be clocked by a dvd player for anyone. Called the cops, left. I bribed an Earls server to give me liquor at 9 am that day.

Had another dorm mate kind of lose her mind when she wasn't voted in to take over floor leadership for the following year (its like a low pay kind of thing where you organize events and meetings). There was more crying than I care to relate, and she basically would not spend time on the floor after that. But at least after the first storm it was basically all cool, or at least contained to the girls wing where I didn't have to see it.

There was a bit of bf/gf issues that would boil over now and then, many of which were precipitated by a guy who was constantly insanely jealous of anything and everything that could happen. I'm not even saying he got antsy about a hug now and then - I mean like a high-five could set him off. Same dude tackled one guy apropos of nothing and took his head for a scrape across the carpet, which lead to some bleeding and such. Never found out what started that one, but nobody was especially surprised that he did something like that.

The only other noteworthy one I can think of is a pair of dudes one year who were way too into the floor stuff. Like, majorly into it and kind of weird about it. Both ended up completely flunking out their first semester in the school and heading home, but still kind of showed up now and then to 'say hi' and 'try to organize a floor yearbook' or start up a party, the likes of which no doubt had a hand in their flunking. At first it was hardly an issue, because at least they were trying to be fun, but of course it ended up getting pretty weird. Insisting on everyone trying to come back to the floor so they could try again, or organizing reunions for the floor a year later when everyone had well and moved on either to other unis or real jobs across the country.

I was very happy to live alone after so many years of that. It wasn't all bad, in fact I could say it was mostly good, but having 50 people around all the time is exhausting and leads to weird shit like the above boiling up now and then.

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

Not only does it smell horrible, but the smell clings to the room. So not only do you have to put up with that putrid smell, it can become a problem if the landlord notices.

The major issue I find is that people who smoke a lot don't seem to notice the smell at all, so they never think to open the windows to air out the place, or shampoo the carpets. A guy tried to sell me a car once and he was just absolutely gobsmacked that I could tell the smoked a pile of weed before I even opened the door, and seemed convinced that I had a 'supernose' or something and a little armorall car cleaner would take it out.

 

[Shock and Awe]

My history with roommates has gone from mildly annoying to disgusting thief. I don't know if its just the people at my university or my shit luck, but I cannot manage to get a halfway decent person to share living space with. My first college roommate stole my credit card information (we got his friend in jail, but not him) and after that it was just a string of people who couldn't find a way to clean up after themselves and smelled bad.

After I graduate I am not going to live with anyone that I am not dating. I'd rather have a very small apartment to myself then have a roommate.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

Ohh, I've had a few.

One guy, he called himself "Rainbow Fox". Which kind of tells you everything right there. Not his real name as it turns out, but I only found that out when collecting the mail. Most of the time he was friendly and chatty. A bit thick and long term unemployed, but a generally alright guy. Except every so often he'd just drop completely loopy stories into a conversation. He once told me that his father was the king of Australian Aboriginals and was currently at war with the king of China over a kidnapped princess. Just mentioned it like it was no big deal. Apparently his father (most of his crazy stories involved his father) was also the owner of a local shipbuilding business and frequently conducted conversations with centaurs.

Considering what came after he moved out I actually wish I could have ol' Rainbow Fox back.

There was a woman who would frequently invite her on-again-off-again boyfriend around. Which was fine. They'd make dinner together, maybe drink a bit then go fuck in her room. Nothing unusual. Except then late at night they'd start fighting. Lots of yelling and sobbing and screaming. He hit her once (a slap, not a punch) at which point I had to kick him out. Which was scary because this dude was fucking huge. We're talking industrial grade human being, six-foot-six and built to match. Then she got angry at me for kicking him out and I lost my temper, told her she was welcome to follow him out and get slapped around at his house. She moved out shortly after. Pretty sure she stole my best frying pan when she left.

There was a chronic depressive guy who had God knows what other mental issues. Used to rant and yell in his room late at night, shouting about wanting to die. I actually felt sorry for him, but then I'd be woken up in the middle of the night by him walking up and down the corridor growling, "Don't fuck with me, I will fucking kill you all", and other words to that effect. Wasn't actually worried but not exactly a relaxing home environment. Once we had to get an ambulance for him after he (intentionally) kicked a glass door and slashed his foot open. Wouldn't let me dress the wound and ended up bleeding all over the carpets.

There was an unemployed couple who seemed to do nothing but drink and fight. I had to call the cops on them twice when it got bad enough that I thought I was about to have a domestic violence incident on my hands. I almost came to blows with the guy, which was a worry because he was a large man, an ex-convict to boot and stupid enough to get violent. The woman was fucking poison too. They were there when the other guy cut his foot open. When the boyfriend spent the evening trying to help Mr Cut Foot the woman got upset at the lack of attention and went and cut her own leg with a knife. That was not the best of nights.

On the other hand, they were all pretty clean and tidy.

So yeah... say, anyone looking for a roommate? Quiet, clean, will apparently tolerate damn near anything. Must have good internet and respect for boundaries.

Testing the waters for He Died with a Felafel in his Hand 2 are we Mr. Birmingham?

 

[ErrrorWayz]

I've never had to live with anyone apart from partners, and judging by these tales of madness that's a privilege.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Couple things for the OP...

Which means a lot of fighting because her cat is an instigator. Her cat also pees on shit for no damn reason because he's been fixed!

I feel bad for this poor cat. He's being slandered here.

Cats are highly territorial animals. Moving is extremely stressful for them. Moving into an environment already occupied by strange cats exponentially so. It's very important for cats to "have their smell" on their surroundings, so they can mark it as "theirs". When a cat lives with a bunch of other cats (or humans, who they basically consider to be large and stupid cats) they have a "pack smell" or "group smell". This cat is freaking the fuck out because this area smells like weird cats and he's on an island by himself. Eliminating outside the litter box and/or random aggression are classic signs of "territorial stress".

Stress is a major cause of spraying. Cats are creatures of habit and many react really badly to the slightest change in their environment. This can include a new pet or new baby in the house, a new roommate, someone's absence, new furniture, moving, a strange cat in the yard and so many other things we may never know about.

Marking territory with urine is your cat's way of dealing with stress. He feels anxious and is trying to relieve his anxiety by staking out his boundaries. Leaving his urine scent is the most emphatic way to say, "I'm stressed."

That's a lot about a cat in a thread about roommates, but I had to defend this poor besmirched cat. It's not his fault his owner isn't educated about the needs of her pet. He should have been gradually introduced to that environment and the other animals, and allowed time to investigate/mark things without other cats/humans present to slowly build up the "group scent". That kind of thing takes weeks and a lot of patience. Just throw the cat into the mix and what do you get? A lot of pee on your things.

And now I will end up living with him in hopes that he shapes up. I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to see him around my apartment without decking him.

Okay, why do you HAVE to take this guy in? Do you not have a vote here? You seem to be rather emotionally keyed up around this issue. Is this seriously the best living situation the lot of you could scheme up?

If there's truly a desire here that the husband "shapes up", presumably so he can go back to his family, having him live with two of the wife's friends who hate him isn't going to do anything constructive. Your desire for vengeance isn't exactly compatible with her desire for commiseration, and people who have their heads held under water as punishment seldom feel an urge towards self improvement. Seems to me like a recipe for a big fucking mess.

And generally I concur with the rest of the forum about the likelihood of a serial cheater changing their stripes. I have probably one of the most liberal/least judgmental attitudes towards "cheating" of any of the dramatics on this website, but if someone cheated with regularity it's likely they are just wired that way. It's the wife's call, but if she wants to stick with this guy she should probably consider whether or not she's prepared to stomach an open marriage, because it's high odds he's going to treat it like one whether she's down with that or not.

Anyone else have roommate issues?

Who hasn't, really?

The best/worst two would be...

1. The guy I roomed with in university who had a massive depressive/rage episode and became a nightmare to live with. Frequently stole food from me, constantly threatened violence (always with friends in tow), broke into my room and rifled through my stuff when I was out, etc, etc. Really a treat. Guy almost single handedly destroyed a year of my education.

2. The guy I roomed with before my present living situation. Nice guy, never around, ideal roommate for about a year (there maybe one day a week). Then he went a bit nuts after his father passed. Tried to get me to pay "back rent" to cover him for the time he wasn't there ("I wasn't here! You were basically renting the place yourself!"). Owned the apartment via strata, so he began implementing massive renovations while I was still living there. Tore up the floor...exposed nails everywhere and sawdust. Got paint on several of my appliances/furniture. Tore out the bathroom fixtures, including the toilet and disabled the shower, leaving me pooping in a bucket for a week. I was able to get out and into an apartment with my (at the time) new girlfriend, which was rushing things seriously but the situation was untenable.

3. One of my current roommates, who wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn every day, mooches my food, doesn't pay any rent and gets violent every time he doesn't get his way. But he's cute and fuzzy and I love his pink lil' nose.

 

[barbzilla]

I moved in with a friend of mine from one of my martial arts classes. I figured since he and I got along well and I already knew his girlfriend since we worked together it should be good. Well it turned out he was struggling with getting a job at the time, and they were living off of her paycheck (which I was told before I moved in, so this isn't meant as a complaint, just information that is vital to the story). They were 6 months behind on rent, but their landlord was the generous type that didn't want to kick them out as he had lived there for 5 years without a late payment until he lost his job. The place I was living in was a dump and was week to week anyhow, so I decided to move in with them and help them out.

After moving in, I found out that his girlfriend was a complete sociopath (and I don't mean this lightly, she is a diagnosed sociopath with extreme narcissism). Upon one of their fights she found herself in jail for domestic abuse (physically attacking her boyfriend in the street of the apartment complex). Now he has 10 years of training in five animal style Kung Fu, so he wasn't in any real danger, and he tried to explain that to the police, but since a neighbor had called and she had admitted to striking him, the cop was required to arrest her. I took another $1000 of my own money to bond her out (which meant I couldn't get it back, since I couldn't afford to pay $10,000 bail), and she was forced to pay a fine as well as attend an anger management course (which worked about as well as keeping a baby silent).

Since the arguments stayed between the two of them, I didn't make a fuss over it (with the rare exception of when I was on the phone with a customer or trying to sleep), but thought that change of location would do us all some good. With my job I had their late rent paid up to date in only 2 months (almost $4000 on my part) so that we could move to a Tallahassee, FL to be closer to work (and so he could hopefully find a job easier).

After the move I started working for Xbox as a telecommuter and got my friend and his girlfirend a job doing the same. Well due to her attitude she was demoted to just doing scheduling work in less than a month (so she wouldn't be dealing with other people), and fired less than a month after that. Well the place we had moved into wasn't cheap for the area as we wanted an apartment with 2 bedrooms and 3 offices (well, really it was 2 bedrooms, 2 offices, and my friend just used the living room as his office during work hours), so money started to become a bit tight (but it was manageable).

After a couple months i was promoted to another position that required me working a different shift than my friend did, which would have been fine.... had his girlfriend not been so psychotic. Her constant yelling and slamming on doors when he would walk off or lock himself in his office ended in my termination as part of my contract stated I needed a silent place to work from to keep things professional. Now there was only one person making any money (keep in mind during the past 3 months she had failed to find any work what-so-ever).

My girlfriend who lived across town suggested I just move in with her because of how miserable my friend's girlfriend made me. Which I did on a trial basis, all the while still paying my share of the rent at my friend's apartment since he couldn't afford it. I even ended up borrowing money from a mutual friend of ours to get the rent paid so he wouldn't be evicted (this place wasn't like the place they lived before, if you haven't paid by the 5th of the month, you receive an eviction notice) with the understanding that he would pay our mutual friend back. However the evil girlfriend of his had convinced me to ask our friend for the money since I had known him for close to 10 years, and when it came time for them to pay him back, they told him that I had made no such deal with them; and that I had borrowed the money of my own accord.

So finally I decided I needed to leave that apartment. I went there to get my stuff, return any stuff of theirs I had, and sign off the lease. Well the only item of theirs I had was a Nintendo DS that I had borrowed from his girlfriend to have something to do during my downtime at work that wouldn't be disruptive in my office. As I was gathering my stuff it had fallen and one of the hinges broke. Now the device was still fully functional, but since it was damaged I offered to keep this one and purchase a replacement for her if she was unhappy about the damage. She then accuses me of stealing her DS to sell at a pawn shop, stealing another friend of mine's DS that was broken and trying to pass it off as hers. She then called the cops on me.

So my girlfriend and I sat around waiting for the police to arrive (which took close to 3 hours) as I wasn't going to be accused of fleeing a crime scene. When the police arrived I had them search her room for the box it originally came in so they could check the serial number on the on it and compare it to the one on the DS itself (which of course it did). She ends up arrested for filing a false report. However prior to this I had given my key back to my friend (whom I feel very sorry for and have no idea why he puts up with her), so I had to wait to have a police escort to go and claim the rest of my stuff from the apartment.

To add a final blow to all of this, I had left the internet connected there (which was in my name), as my friend didn't have the money to get a new line installed at the time and he needed it to continue working). Well they went 3 months without paying the bill until it got shut off and had their own line installed. She was supposed to have been paying the bills while he worked, but what she did instead was just hold the internet money aside and used that as their down payment for the equipment to have a line installed in their name. Luckily after I told him what happened he went and returned the equipment that was out in my name and paid the bill himself, because they had tracked me down at my new place and told me I owed them around $600 between the missed payments, late fees, and stolen equipment. His girlfriend then subsequently banned him from being allowed to see or talk to me.

So due to this crappy roommate situation, I lost a friend, got a ding on my credit report, and was almost arrested. On the upside I am still living with the girlfriend I moved in with after them, and am engaged to be married to her in the spring!

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Well I moved back home after I graduated from university last year I was just really happy not to put up with one of my roommates anymore, he was a complete asshole. Before we moved into our new place back in August 2014, me and my friend found two new people to move in with, one who was a friend of ours and the other was the cousin of my friend's girlfriend at the time(he's the asshole). Although my friend's girlfriend warned him it would be a bad idea to move in with her cousin as he constantly borrowed money and would rarely ever pay back, but that was just the tip of the bullshit iceberg. At first it was little annoying things like borrowing money, my friend's phone and tobacco and skins to make cigarettes, but it got worse, hell, when one of my friends came up to stay for the week, my roommate went with him to the city centre and after my friend went and took out some money from his account, my roommate asked if he could borrow ?30 from him, to which my friend responded by saying no and bought ?30 of stuff he didn't need in front of him. Although what really made me dislike him was that he was a terrible drunk who would shout and start breaking things around him. I've only seen him drunk twice and it's still one of the most unpleasant experiences I've ever experienced, to the point that during the second time, I couldn't deal with the stress anymore and actually broke down. After that, me, my friend and my other roommate just got sick of his shit especially after his 3rd drunk tantrum and while we weren't there, he throw rubbish over me and my friend's rooms and once we came back after the weekend, we shouted at him, told him to clean it up and that if he didn't get his shit together, we were going to kick him out. Nothing really noteworthy happened until we were started to move out although at this point I could tell he didn't like me anymore as I had no patience for him anymore, but I didn't care, I was just counting down the days till we moved out so that I would never have to put up with him anymore, but it did come to ahead a week before moving day. I asked him and our other roommate if they could clean the dishes as they stacked up and were really dirty and me and my friend couldn't do it as we were back home for the summer and got out stuff backed up. Not only did he refuse to do it, but called me and my friend lazy bastards, despite the fact I was barely in the house that much since I was in my last year of university and needed to focus on coursework. After I told my friend what he said about him, he quickly put him in his place and that was the last time we spoke to him.

It's true what they say that you really get to know a person after living with them and I learned that my old roommate was an unlikeable prick, hell, even back at his home, no one likes him and I can't blame them. What I wrote here, doesn't even cover all the shit he's done, I would have wrote it, but it would probably disgust people here so I won't do that.

 

[Sonmi]

Made it a duty to follow the wisdoms of my older sister when it comes to cohabitation:

1) Never move in with friends, as it exposes you to the possibility of losing a friend, and you might feel too attached to them to stand up for yourself in the case that they are a bad roommate.

2) Never move in with more than two people, more than that is overkill, and the probability that one of you is unreliable grows higher.

3) Be sure whoever you move in with has a stable job and credit line.

She also insists that several heterosexual women living together leads to drama and is to be avoided, but I don't exactly agree with her on that one. Anyways, I followed her tips, and I've never had a bad experience with a roommate. I recently moved in with her though, as she could use a flatmate and I wished for lower rent in any case, and I have to say that I can't find anything to complain about.

 

[mecegirl]

Couple things for the OP...

Which means a lot of fighting because her cat is an instigator. Her cat also pees on shit for no damn reason because he's been fixed!

I feel bad for this poor cat. He's being slandered here.

Cats are highly territorial animals. Moving is extremely stressful for them. Moving into an environment already occupied by strange cats exponentially so. It's very important for cats to "have their smell" on their surroundings, so they can mark it as "theirs". When a cat lives with a bunch of other cats (or humans, who they basically consider to be large and stupid cats) they have a "pack smell" or "group smell". This cat is freaking the fuck out because this area smells like weird cats and he's on an island by himself. Eliminating outside the litter box and/or random aggression are classic signs of "territorial stress".

Stress is a major cause of spraying. Cats are creatures of habit and many react really badly to the slightest change in their environment. This can include a new pet or new baby in the house, a new roommate, someone's absence, new furniture, moving, a strange cat in the yard and so many other things we may never know about.

Marking territory with urine is your cat's way of dealing with stress. He feels anxious and is trying to relieve his anxiety by staking out his boundaries. Leaving his urine scent is the most emphatic way to say, "I'm stressed."

That's a lot about a cat in a thread about roommates, but I had to defend this poor besmirched cat. It's not his fault his owner isn't educated about the needs of her pet. He should have been gradually introduced to that environment and the other animals, and allowed time to investigate/mark things without other cats/humans present to slowly build up the "group scent". That kind of thing takes weeks and a lot of patience. Just throw the cat into the mix and what do you get? A lot of pee on your things.

This made me lol. You wouldn't say that if you knew the owner and knew the cat. I know what a stressed out cat looks like. At the moment my cat was stressed out and wasn't using her box properly. But that is because this is the start of the third month of me petsitting my little sister's dog and cat. My sister's cat is a female cat as well (my roommates cats are male). It also doesn't help that this female cat isn't fixed. My sister is a horrid pet owner and at the moment my roommates and I are thinking of just finding a new home for her dog and cat. She and her roommates were kicked out of their apartment because her landlord is a dick, but her being her she is content to couch surf until the finds the "right" place. It is taking them way too long to find a new apartment and even though she has a spare key to my place she never takes the time to visit her animals(she and her roommates have been over while the NBA finals were going on to mooch some free cable however. But never specifically for her pets.) My cat always wants to be in my room now. When I would come home from work I would find her huddled in the corner of the house that she deemed safe. I ended up moving her in my room with a new litter box. When my roommates cats moved in she was scared as well but she never stopped using her box, even though the cats sometimes use each others boxes. She only started this when the female cat came over. Also, if anything my sister's cat should be the scared one, she is the smallest cat in my house at the moment but she always uses the box and strolls around the house like its hers.

My roommates cat used to be an indoor/outdoor cat but she keeps him indoors all the time since she moved in with us. Her old neighborhood didn't have as much traffic and her cat has been hurt while being outside before. She still takes her cat to the vet for that old injury although it happened a good while ago and has spent thousands on this cat. If I had to list a redeeming quality about her it's that she loves animals. Even though it isn't her responsibility she would volunteer to take my sisters dog out for walks. It's been two years and the cat still marks things randomly. She not only gave him time to adjust she used feliway(a pheromone releaser that is supposed to calm cats) for months without effect. And the cat isn't just by itself. It used to live with my roommate's boyfriend's cat and since that cat lives in my apartment as well it has a cat that it already knows well. The roommates boyfriend's cat is why I call this cat an instigator because it likes to pounce the other cat and according to my roommate is just mischievous like that. The roommates boyfriends cat hasn't marked once after being moved into our apartment but he's the type to want to be left alone. My roommates cat gets along very well with my cat now and they hang out on her cat tower all the time.

I've lived with several cats and unfortunately for me this isn't the first time I've lived with a cat that marked excessively. Some just don't take to the box like they should and I don't want a cat like that in my space.

And now I will end up living with him in hopes that he shapes up. I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to see him around my apartment without decking him.

Okay, why do you HAVE to take this guy in? Do you not have a vote here? You seem to be rather emotionally keyed up around this issue. Is this seriously the best living situation the lot of you could scheme up?

If there's truly a desire here that the husband "shapes up", presumably so he can go back to his family, having him live with two of the wife's friends who hate him isn't going to do anything constructive. Your desire for vengeance isn't exactly compatible with her desire for commiseration, and people who have their heads held under water as punishment seldom feel an urge towards self improvement. Seems to me like a recipe for a big fucking mess.

And generally I concur with the rest of the forum about the likelihood of a serial cheater changing their stripes. I have probably one of the most liberal/least judgmental attitudes towards "cheating" of any of the dramatics on this website, but if someone cheated with regularity it's likely they are just wired that way. It's the wife's call, but if she wants to stick with this guy she should probably consider whether or not she's prepared to stomach an open marriage, because it's high odds he's going to treat it like one whether she's down with that or not.

What the actual fuck. Desire for vengeance? Me admitting that it might be hard to be nice to a friend who broke another friends heart isn't a desire for vengeance. It's a perfectly natural response to the situation. But reading your response it seems that you have missed that this is one of me and my roommates friends as well. My roommate in particular have known both the husband and wife since childhood. This isn't a bunch of women folks jumping on some poor man, its an intervention.

Yes I do have a vote, if it I didn't feel like it was worth a shot I wouldn't let him stay. We talked about things and decided to help our friends out as much as we can. Even if that means that in the end the two of them divorce. He will need to stay in Savannah in order to finish college for the second time and the rent is very manageable at our place with three people. She needs to go home because she needs a break from everything and getting help from family would be a nice change of pace for her.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

This made me lol. You wouldn't say that if you knew the owner and knew the cat. I know what a stressed out cat looks like.

Okey doke. I do as well, and a stressed out cat pees all over the place, but as you had a front row seat to the events in question I'll defer to your judgment.

What the actual fuck. Desire for vengeance? Me admitting that it might be hard to be nice to a friend who broke another friends heart isn't a desire for vengeance.

"I'm going to have a hard time not decking him" seemed to imply a desire for punitive action. I'm not sure how else you intended that to be interpreted. I don't know you well enough to know whether or not "decking" this fellow constitutes a hyperbolic turn of phrase or a genuine statement of intent. To say nothing of the fact nothing about "When I see him around the apartment", indicating that the decking might be an ongoing routine. I'm not sure regular beatings will do anything to improve the situation, is what I'm saying, outside of any tangential benefits you get from the cardio.

This isn't a bunch of women folks jumping on some poor man, its an intervention.

I never suggested he was a poor, hard done by fellow. Please don't confuse this for a "can't we please consider the gentleman's feelings" situation. By all means, if you think slapping him around a bit will help the situation, have at it.