Being Asexual In A Sexual Society

[Riku'sTwilight]

I've been meaning to write a serious discussion here for some time, and now this is the topic I've chosen.
If you don't know what Asexuality is then Cambridge Dictionaries defines it as "having no interest in sexual relationships" which pretty much sums it up in my own experience.

This post is about me, being asexual in a world/society which seems to be overly sexualised these days. Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman (and before people say it, no i'm not gay so don't even bother suggesting that I like men).

Anyway I find it hard sometimes when sex is all around us, being pushed in our faces and down our throats and it's even worse when teenagers feel the need to have sex way before they may be physically and emotionally ready, purely just to 'fit in' with the others.
I find it hard because I don't want to do any of this so called 'social norm' and don't actively chase anybody anymore (I used to, but since I have discovered that I am asexual I do not bother anymore) or I don't try to hit on women in bars or clubs.

My friends purely think that I've given up, but I do not wish to tell them that I am asexual, mainly because I do not know anyone else with asexuality as their sexual preference and so they may find it weird that I am.

I don't see my lifestyle as a problem, on the contrary I think it's a blessing. I love being single, purely due to the large amount of money I have free to do what I want with, whereas my friends who are either married (both with and without kids) or those in a relationship (again both with and without kids) always seem to have very little free money floating around.

Above may seem a shallow view, but it is in my experience true; those with marital or relationship commitments a) do not seem to be as long term happy with a partner and b) are always living on the borderline money-wise.

What are your views, oh dear Escapists? Are any of you asexual? do you know anybody who is? or do you want to argue anything I've said here? Post a reply below

 

[cWg | Konka]

I am also asexual, however i do have sex sometimes with woman, normaly when im drunk but the rest of the time i couldnt careless. I have told me friends but they really cant understand it and just call me gay. it really doesnt bother me anymore as im free to do what i like when i like and have tons more cash then they

 

[TheEvilJester]

I wouldn't say I'm asexual. I'm more like "wanna be sexual but really can't"

But its meh for me. I don't mind that much

 

[Sark]

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

 

[Riku'sTwilight]

I am also asexual, however i do have sex sometimes with woman, normaly when im drunk but the rest of the time i couldnt careless. I have told me friends but they really cant understand it and just call me gay. it really doesnt bother me anymore as im free to do what i like when i like and have tons more cash then they

Ah hello fellow asexual! It's nice to talk to someone who actually is. I'm glad you also agree with my points (pretty much word for word coincidentally haha)

 

[The Man With the Soap]

I am asexual by choice. I find any relationship pointless when it is a distinct possibility I could be dead in a few years. Besides, relationships never last.

 

[Dango]

I'm not necessarily aesexual, but I don't really care or think much about sex, which is something quite odd among fifteen year olds.

 

[Scarecrow]

I seems interesting...I'm not asexual, but I respect and understand you.

 

[Madara XIII]

What are your views, oh dear Escapists? Are any of you asexual? do you know anybody who is? or do you want to argue anything I've said here? Post a reply below

Yo dude, if you don't want to be sexual in a relationship then more power to ya, is all I can say. I can actually see where you're coming from. If anything this shows that you want a meaningful relationship filled with love and affection tht isn't on a sexual level. Me however, well hehe Im looking for tht but hey I have my needs XP

All I can say is GO for it dude. If that is your decision then don't let others Waver your Integrity and find someone you love who is willing to respect that.

 

[Sneaky-Pie]

I'll admit I'm very ignorant about this, but very curious.

May I ask your Age? I think it would be foolish of me to say you don't have same emotions as I do, but I'm curious how you approach romantic love. Have you ever been romantically in love with someone and have pursued that kind of relationship (without sex of course)?

I suppose what I'm getting at is once your relationship matures enough, the issue of sex will come about. What happens then? Or would the relationship not even get that far?

I know my thoughts are scattered, but I find it hard to form them into intelligent questions.

 

[Dr. wonderful]

Meh, I'm a teen and STILL a virgin.

I personally see sex as a way to gain a kid, but I'm not looking to become a parent for a LONG time . I see it as you need to live your life out first.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I don't see a problem with it. I mean, if it's not your thing, it's not your thing. Some people just don't want to have sex for whatever reason. That doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful relation with a woman. In fact, you're probably more likely to be able to actually get to know women better on a personal level because they won't be afraid that you're going to try to get into their pants the first chance you get.

Sure, you might get looked at a little funny, but really, how often does that come up in conversation? ...OK, sometimes it would I suppose, but you can always lie. XD

 

[badgersprite]

Well, I'm not asexual, but I can relate, because I place a lot less emphasis on sex than other people in my life. I don't actively seek it out, and I don't feel comfortable progressing to sex too quickly. I'm a lesbian, if that matters, and, I don't know, but it seems like other young people in the gay community can have a flippant attitude towards sex. And I don't. I've been in a few different relationships, but I only ever trusted one girl enough to sleep with her. And, in hindsight, I still feel I made a mistake by giving myself up too fast.

Other girls I've been with seem to have expected the relationship to progress to sex fairly quickly, but I guess I'm old-fashioned, and I don't believe sex needs to be the ultimate expression of love or intimacy. I don't feel I'm lacking anything if I'm not having sex. And yet, the reaction of previous partners to this is either a) that I'm cold, b) that I'm cheating or I don't really love them (isn't emotional blackmail lovely?) or c) in some cases, that I'm not really gay, which has to be the most ludicrous accusation ever thrown at me by another LGBT person.

So, yes, even though I'm not asexual (I do desire sex), I can completely understand what it must be like to live in an overly sexualised world and to be in a society that pressures you to do something you don't want to do, or don't feel comfortable doing. I sometimes feel life would be easier if I were asexual. Platonic relationships have been more fulfilling to me than ones that have progressed to a more sexual level.

I too like being single. Relationships, especially at my age, can be so suffocating, and demanding. Maybe it's just because I'm attracted to people with domineering personalities. They have a tendency to take over my whole life, which I really don't need when I have school and work to think about.

Interesting topic. Glad you posted it!

 

[ThePurpleStuff]

I have told me friends but they really cant understand it and just call me gay.

No offense, but they sound incredibly ignorant, you should think about who you're friends with.

I am in no way asexual, I would get into a relationship with someone if I find that right person and I am ready for it. But, everyone has a different lifestyle of course, be who you want to be and don't care about what others think.

 

[Dogstile]

Meh, I'm a teen and STILL a virgin.

Being a teen I wouldn't expect you to be more unless you have great charm skills or sleep with sluts.

 

[Irridium]

I say good for you. I'm not asexual myself, but I'd rather have a relationship built on me liking the person with sex on the side rather then a relationship built on sex.

If that makes sense, I think I worded that weirdly...

I also find this over-sexualized society annoying as well. It paints an unrealistic picture for kids to shoot for, and causes much more harm than good.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Wow, downer topic. No offense, OP, but it sounds like you have a really warped view of relationships. For one thing, if a person isn't happier in a relationship than they are single, chances are the specific relationship is bad, not relationships in general. For another thing, why would a couple have less money than an individual, unless there's kids involved? Historically, marriage has been just as much about two individuals pooling their resources as it has been about producing legitimate offspring, and it makes sense -- twice the number of people, twice the chance to provide for oneself. Dating might cut into funds to some extent, but that's a decision of what to do with excess money, not a drain on it.