Beloved Rare character Conker returns to u...WHAT DID MICROSOFT DO YOU!?!

[xaszatm]

uQeOYi3Be5Y[/youtube]

So...if you were wondering if Microsoft could piss on Conker's grave any further, meet Young Conker. A Hololens game in which a G-rated Conker ("Oh Heck!") jumps around your living room in lieu of an actual game. So...any thoughts, exclamations, or screams of confusions?

[img=https://i.imgur.com/4gCijNz.png]https://i.imgur.com/4gCijNz.png[/img]

Just like how we last saw him!

 

[Fappy]

Bahahahahaha, what the fuck?! He looks atrocious. Also that trailer is all just bluster. Guarantee the finished product won't resemble what they are describing.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Oh dear I thought Spyro got a rough deal with his redesign but Microsoft has outdone Activision in that regard. He looks like the love child of Fox McCloud and the squirrel thing from Ice Age.

 

[totheendofsin]

Oh well whats the worst they coul- OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Seriously that is the worst redesign I have ever seen

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Looks like something the Nazi Teddys would develop in a secret lab.

Although I'm not surprised. With today's super PC/SJW culture, you'd never get away with a Conker's Bad Fur Day. I mean you literally piss on strippers in that game! And jump on multiple giant tits.

 

[Mr.Mattress]

Conker's back again? Oh, well, maybe he's in somethi-

...

...

No... No! NO! NO!

Conker, what'd they do to you, man?! This is even worse then that Project Spark bull!

 

[TheSapphireKnight]

I have to wonder whether Microsoft thinks that they are doing anything good for them by doing this sort of thing. It just looks like they are actively trolling the conker fanbase at this point. Its that project Spark fiasco all over again and they didn't even end up releasing that conker DLC.

Its just baffling.

 

[Recusant]

Did you really think they were going to bring back anything like what the last game had? I never played it, but I knew its reputation; you'd never be able to pull off something like that nowadays. The days when gaming was niche enough that even the shocking stuff could transgress taboos other than blood and gore are long gone. Think of how much is going to end up cut (or at least severely edited) in the upcoming Final Fantasy 7 remake.

Look at it this way: in the first (and second) Fallout games, you could find yourself running into a traveling family heading out into the wilderness to find themselves a better life, and respond to their provocations of being unarmed and nearby by opening up on mom and dad with a minigun, then chase the kid around, kicking them in the crotch until they passed out from pain, then leave them to come around hours later, a newly-created orphan with a broken pelvis and nothing to do but crawl over to the corpses of their parents and wait for the irradiated vultures to come and finish them off. In Fallout 3, children are immortal (and fucking obnoxious, but that's another point). Completely.

That game came out eight years ago, and society (in videogame terms) has not gotten freer since then.

 

[Zhukov]

Look at it this way: in the first (and second) Fallout games, you could find yourself running into a traveling family heading out into the wilderness to find themselves a better life, and respond to their provocations of being unarmed and nearby by opening up on mom and dad with a minigun, then chase the kid around, kicking them in the crotch until they passed out from pain, then leave them to come around hours later, a newly-created orphan with a broken pelvis and nothing to do but crawl over to the corpses of their parents and wait for the irradiated vultures to come and finish them off. In Fallout 3, children are immortal (and fucking obnoxious, but that's another point). Completely.

That game came out eight years ago, and society (in videogame terms) has not gotten freer since then.

Actually, some versions of the first two Fallout games removed the ability to kill children.

Some of them even made it so the children were still there, but invisible and untargetable. So you'd see floating text being spoken by nobody. You could also get pickpocketed by the invisible kids.

 

[Yoshi178]

RIP Rare

 

[monkeymangler]

Oh well whats the worst they coul- OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Seriously that is the worst redesign I have ever seen

That looks like what the original Conker would think of itself on acid.

 

[Worgen]

Is this actually real? It kinda looks like a joke channel.

 

[Jingle Fett]

Trigger warning dude WTF

That video gave me an aneurism. Seriously are you fucking me?! Have any of the people who made that video even actually played CBFD? Besides a character design so bad it should be labelled NSFW, they're talking about Conker like he's Mickey Mouse, oblivious to the fact that he's the videogame equivalent of a South Park character. Seriously what is the deal with Microsoft and Conker? And here I thought Spark was bad. How anyone thought this would be a good idea is beyond comprehension. Take her away JonTron...

 

[Nazulu]

That's a good way of avoiding clever game design. I'm sure playing through my house as a level won't get old, and will be just as memorable as The Great Mighty Poo.

I don't know, I just hate ideas like these. It seems so shallow. Then again, that's maybe because I severely hate giant asshole businesses trying to cash in on property they don't get at all.

 

[Vanilla ISIS]

BEOFRE METH:

AFTER METH:

Don't do drugs, kids.

 

[FirstNameLastName]

That redesign so absolutely hideous that can't even begin to comprehend why anyone thought it was either necessary or a good idea.

As for the HoloLens, despite my optimism for the potential of AR, I really don't care about AR in terms of video games. They all just seem, and I know I'll piss off a lot of people for using this word, but they really just seem so gimmicky. I really have to wonder what kind of future they'll have once the novelty of virtual characters interacting with your living room wears off. All technology becomes mundane eventually, and that's why you need some actual utility, and I really don't see what the long term applications these sorts of things have for game design. Why would I want some holographic level crudely projected over some messy living room rather than a nicely designed environment. I'd much rather look at this--
https://playindie.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/1.jpg
--than this--
http://projectmomma.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/1-basement-1.jpg
And I know that might seem like somewhat of a cheap comparison, but I really don't see what's so great about projecting these characters over the real world instead of a virtual world, when a virtual world is carefully crafted to work with both the game's mechanics and art design. I can appreciate this technology simply as technology, but I think I'll proudly take my place as that old man waving his walking stick at the next generation of media.

 

[Jingle Fett]

You know why MS is doing this? Someone saw Lucky's Tale for Oculus Rift and decided "Hey we need something like that for our headset and Conker is the same thing! Of course they look similar, so to avoid people thinking we're copying lets make him look more like Scrat the squirrel from Ice Age, kids love that!"

 

[Musou Tensei]

What an abomination.

 

[NPC009]

Damnit, someone beat me to the meth joke. Now that the best joke has been made, this thing is officially not fun and will never be fun again. Thanks, ISIS!

Okay, I'm being overly dramatic. This thing will be fun one people start putting it in totally inappropriate environments to fuck with the programming.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Oh. My. God.

...

The cloning process has failed us. Lock all evidence of this away underground, under 7 miles of concrete, beneath the deepest ocean. On Ganymede, Jupiter's least liked moon. Then nuke it to oblivion. It's for his own good. And ours. Let us never speak of this atrocity again. Oh dear.

If this is their idea of a cruel joke...
He looks less like fluffy conker and more like Nigel from the local council estate who visits when you're away to steal your VHS player for his druid master in flat B7 so he can journey to his distant forgotten dream land once more. Also he'll shiv you in the kidneys if you keep staring. Can't wait to play Nigel's Bad Phet Day. 10 seconds into that video i felt ill and turned it off...These people are proud of this?? Do they have absolutely zero self-awareness?