Beloved Rare character Conker returns to u...WHAT DID MICROSOFT DO YOU!?!

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feeback06

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Enough with the desecration of Rare already. How long has it been now? 13-14 years?
 
Dec 15, 2009
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I am currently on pain medication for a shoulder injury so I thought it wise to double-check. Every one else sees something that looks like a half drowned gerbil, right? Its not just me seeing things? If so, who's idea was that and how do we go about making sure they never peruse any artistic endeavour ever, ever, again?
 

Lunar Templar

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clearly this is an endeavor to kill Conker deader then he already was. there's really no other reason for this ... thing ...
 

The Rogue Wolf

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Xsjadoblayde said:
Lock all evidence of this away underground, under 7 miles of concrete, beneath the deepest ocean. On Ganymede, Jupiter's least liked moon. Then nuke it to oblivion. It's for his own good. And ours. Let us never speak of this atrocity again. Oh dear.
It's not enough. We need chemicals. Chemicals to burn away the unfortunate grey matter that remembers this. IT ALL MUST BE SCOURED WITH SMOKING, BURNING ACID.
 

Shoggoth2588

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And I thought Teen Titans Go was a blatant middle-finger to its fans and source material...granted, Conker didn't START as the vulgar bad-ass we loved him as but...this is just...this is just...A new word will have to be forged to properly explain just what the fuck this...THING is.

I can't watch the video...not even 10 seconds in and it already feels like they knew what they were doing when they designed this...thing. I could hear the asterisk, "Conker is a much beloved character* (*=but there's no way in Hell we're gonna try selling THAT version of him)..."
 

Hero in a half shell

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CaitSeith said:
Does anyone else get that same vibe from that video as when they used to talk about Kinect games all the time? Or it's just me?

Oh absolutely, I'm getting major Kinect vibes from this.

"Here's a majorly overpriced periphery that will take a large amount of processing power to run and doesn't provide any benefit to standard controller/mouse keyboard setups or allow for any major innovations in advancing the gameplay of traditional games. We estimate everyone on earth will want at least three of them, and have based the entire business model of our company on this premise. BUY IT NOW! OH LORD WE'VE WASTED MILLIONS!"
 

Arnoxthe1

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Dec 25, 2010
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It's confirmed. Microsoft doesn't know how to handle its Rare IP's and/or they don't care.

And seeing how Halo 5 went, it doesn't look like they care about their first-party titles either.

[DonMattrick]Oh, you want Rare IP's like they were in the past? Well we have a system for that. It's called the N64. The Hololens is the future, man.[/DonMattrick]

Headsprouter said:
I never played the originals, but I thought that Banjo and Kazooie looked alright in Nuts & Bolts. A bit boxy in places, but they still looked like the originals to me. Could have been way worse.
Nuts & Bolts was a bad Banjo Kazooie game. But an excellent game by itself. The core vehicle building alone was effing genius and so fun. I made so much stuff in that game, it was crazy. What they SHOULD HAVE done is put the vehicle building into an entirely new IP instead of just slapping the BK name over it and thinking it wouldn't outrage past fans who simply wanted what BK always was; an amazing incredible platformer and NOT a vehicle-building game.
 

Drathnoxis

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Oh YES! This game looks amazing! Finally I can know what it's like to be cartoon-insane and have horrible little characters nobody else can see running around torturing me with zany antics. I can just imagine sitting down talking with my mother wearing these glasses and seeing Conker jumping around and, like, doodling on her face and taking a whizz in her glass of coke, and I can only watch in horror as she proceeds to drink it! Or Conker could like run around and crack all of my fancy electronic screens and the glass on my picture frames (with little texture overlays) as I'm trying to get work done, the possibilities are endless.
 

9tailedflame

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Ugh, a G-rated Conker is just wrong. Viscerally, fundamentally wrong. I don't understand the reasoning behind it either. The people who like Conker are going to like conker for the wonderfully nasty little shit he is, who are you trying to appeal to exactly be cleaning him up? This kind of thing bugs me more than any violence in a game ever could. Better to be cut down in body and die with your head held high than sundered in soul and spirit.
 

RealRT

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Wow, this is grade-A nightmare fuel. I don't want this thing in my living room, it'll murder me in my sleep.
 

monkeymangler

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The Rogue Wolf said:
Xsjadoblayde said:
Lock all evidence of this away underground, under 7 miles of concrete, beneath the deepest ocean. On Ganymede, Jupiter's least liked moon. Then nuke it to oblivion. It's for his own good. And ours. Let us never speak of this atrocity again. Oh dear.
It's not enough. We need chemicals. Chemicals to burn away the unfortunate grey matter that remembers this. IT ALL MUST BE SCOURED WITH SMOKING, BURNING ACID.
Even deeper

 

Orga777

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Recusant said:
Did you really think they were going to bring back anything like what the last game had? I never played it, but I knew its reputation; you'd never be able to pull off something like that nowadays.
Nonsensical and completely unfounded belief right here. Everyone forgets that South Park got a critically acclaimed game only a couple years ago, with a sequel coming out THIS YEAR, and absolutely nothing in the first game was politically correct. Nothing in South Park is politically correct, and yet here we are, almost 20 years later, with South Park changing nothing except how to insult the most amount of people possible and being funny about it all. If times have changed that much, it wouldn't be around any more. :/

If Microsoft made a new legitimate Conker game, there probably wouldn't be the outcry all the conspiracy theorists think there will be.
 

NeutralDrow

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"What's with that thread title? How could it possibly be worse than Bad Fur Da-

...

Leaving now. o_o"
 

TheJebus

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Microsoft is like the old man trying to fit in with the new kids nowadays.

And those new kids are sjw/liberals who would lynch said old man if he didn't play along to the letter.

And this is the product. An abomination of a beloved character only fit for extermination with nuclear strikes.
 

DudeistBelieve

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Sep 9, 2010
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You people. I swear.

You were NEVER going to get another Conker ala Bad Fur Day. It won't happen. Even the RARE guy who came up with the very concept has stated that fact, and it's purely because they're older more mature adults now that actually cringe at what they did with Conker's Bad Fur Day.

Let it fucking go already. No matter what they do with the character, you can still go back and play the original. Hell they just released it back on Xbox One back in August. Just because they do something new with the property doesn't mean they're going to hunt down and destroy the originals.
 

Recusant

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Orga777 said:
Recusant said:
Did you really think they were going to bring back anything like what the last game had? I never played it, but I knew its reputation; you'd never be able to pull off something like that nowadays.
Nonsensical and completely unfounded belief right here. Everyone forgets that South Park got a critically acclaimed game only a couple years ago, with a sequel coming out THIS YEAR, and absolutely nothing in the first game was politically correct. Nothing in South Park is politically correct, and yet here we are, almost 20 years later, with South Park changing nothing except how to insult the most amount of people possible and being funny about it all. If times have changed that much, it wouldn't be around any more. :/

If Microsoft made a new legitimate Conker game, there probably wouldn't be the outcry all the conspiracy theorists think there will be.
Go back and read my post again. Providing one counter-example hardly makes my point "nonsensical and completely unfounded"; exposing a single apparent flaw in an idea doesn't make it completely invalid. Pour some water into a bowl of cornstarch and you've made yourself a non-Newtownian fluid- does that mean we should stop teaching his laws? You did demonstrate a problem with my argument, which I will address below, but in the meanwhile, I'll thank you to show some respect.

South Park has been the air for almost two decades, and most importantly, is still on the air. When Fallout 3 was released, there hadn't been a Fallout game in over a decade (not counting the spinoffs). Conker rode controversy and outrageousness just like South Park does, but with a long enough gap, the public memory essentially resets itself, especially when the prior audience is a relatively niche one. This is why Valve and Facebook can both call a ViewMaster you strapped to your face "virtual reality"; most of their target audience isn't old enough to remember actual force feedback systems that gave you haptic information that related to what was happening in-game; something you can't achieve without specific equipment, as opposed to just holding your eyes half an inch from your monitor and taping an optical mouse to the side of your head (those of their target audience who are old enough to remember have mostly become jaded from hearing about it being "just five years away!" for decades).

That's not to say that if, say, South Park went off the air tomorrow and released another game nine years later, that it'd be hopelessly cut down to appease modern sensibilities, but that's because TV doesn't have the same stigma to overcome in terms of "not turning our children into mass murderers". Yes, a South Park game and a Conker game are both games, but the you can't ignore the source, at least not in terms of determining the public's reaction. Secondly, remember where it's coming from: Microsoft isn't Comedy Central. Humor very often inherently treads on the edge of acceptability, and if it dances a little too close to the fire, people are a lot more forgiving of it than if a titanic software company that seems to think that Standard Oil is a perfect role model.

Yes, this is idiotic. Remember, though, that we're not talking about individual people. Humans are thoughtful, intelligent creatures. Humanity is a collection of savannah chimps with a vastly overinflated sense of its own self-importance. Many companies would gamble on the net result of releasing controversial material being positive. For a company with this many fingers, however, bad publicity actually is bad. Valve might release a game as wondrously juvenile and stupid (and that is genuine praise, in this weird case). Running With Scissors would look and say "it doesn't go far enough", since this sort of thing is their bread and butter. But not Microsoft.