Best conspiracy theory.....

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Ambitiousmould

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Apr 22, 2012
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KalCyan said:
ambitiousmould said:
The Titanic an insurance job.
Gravity is a CIA plot to keep us on Earth.
Countries are a little bit closer than they tell you (You could walk to Moscow in half an hour).
Diana was killed by a shadowy cabal of British mug manufacturers.

Points to whichever person knows what these are from (and thus demonstrate their excellent taste in comedy) without cheating.
BILL BAILEY!!!

I know its not from it, but I am watching black books at the moment of writing :)
No Way!

You win some internet I suppose. Also, do you agree that BB himself looks like a conspiracy theorist?

Captcha was a Post Office advert. Talk about conspiracies.
 

PainInTheAssInternet

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Dec 30, 2011
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Phrozenflame500 said:
Seriously, probably the most hilarious are the Flat Earther's. Aside from the whole, well, flat earth thing, they also believe that it's cheaper to organize a massive global conspiracy to control all space-related information for over 3000 years then run an actual space program.
I would laugh, but I read a site called cluesforum. On it, they argued that the world is actually inside-out and space travel is impossible because rockets don't work. The way it was presented made it seem they were resentful of their inadequacy and it was impossible for others to achieve more than them. I left not with laughter or scorn, but pity.

Then I found their favourite term was "vicsims" and I got angry.
 

CerberusSpawn

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Aug 9, 2014
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My favorite for the sheer amount of batshit crazy is the "new chronology" conspiracy according to which recorded history started in year 800. All evens traditionally dated before then are actually events that happened after that point but which got misdated and twisted as a part of a grand conspiracy by humanists around 1600 for reason I don't quite recall and would probably meld my brain from the staggering amounts of stupid.
 

FPLOON

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Jul 10, 2013
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T0ad 0f Truth said:
Fuck you guys you're all wrong! The best conspiracy theory is that Andrew WK is two people.
But, of course... and one of them plays a pony on a kids show, no less...

OT: The animated series Time Squad is based on events that will happen in the past, present, and future...
 

AsurasEyes

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Sep 12, 2012
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My favorite one was one I heard from my boss a month or two back. Never ceases to make me laugh.

"Heath Ledger was assassinated. I have friends in the film industry, and a lot of them talk about the Jewish majority that runs Hollywood, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not. Cause all that money for the films, all those millions of dollars? The studios can't have all of that money. How do they get it all? So it makes sense that a group that rich and powerful would have peacekeepers. If you don't pay your dues, they'll take you down. Happened with Robin Williams, and it happened with Heath Ledger. We know this because the last person to see Heath before his "suicide" was one of the Olson twins. It's not like she couldn't have poisoned him, made it look like an accident. Just like Robin Williams. A man so rich and famous and successful, and he's still depressed? Gimme a fucking break. He didn't pay his dues, and the people who control Hollywood decided that they weren't going to take it anymore"
 

Kyrian007

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Weirdest one I ever heard, Hells Angels framed OJ for the killings of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. But since there's only one person I know throwing that one around...

"Chemtrails." Because despite the science that completely explains it, sometimes people see planes and there is NO contrail behind it. So clearly, when there IS a "chemtrail" it's obviously "the government" or "the illuminatti" or some kind of "One World Government" movement trying to... whatever it is they think is being done. With no evidence its effective or actually doing anything... making the "them" (government or whatever) look pretty ineffective from where I'm sitting. You know, if the entire thing wasn't complete crap.
 

KingOfGreyfell

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Oct 7, 2011
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I used to work with a nutbar pothead who swore that he knew a guy who was born with only one lung, and by smoking enough pot, he grew a second lung. According to him, marijuana can heal everything, but you don't know about it because of the Illuminati.


We took to calling him Illuminati Lung.
 

VanQ

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Oct 23, 2009
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spartan231490 said:
Truthism.com. The annunaki. There is nothing as funny as the annunaki. So many pages of hilarious. I recommend it with alcohol, just stop drinking if it starts to make sense.
Holy shit. Poe's Law is in full force with this page. I still think the Annunaki stuff sounds like a fantastic premise for a movie. But really, whoever wrote that page is completely unhinged. Have you read the part where he talk about women? And the part about half of humanity being soulless puppets?
Women are ultra-impressionable beings and therefore are easily controlled by aliens and the elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what aliens have programmed them to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to alien programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightly so. Furthermore, women force men to waste their precious time and resources on them. This demonic charade (i.e., relationships) has gone on for far too long and obviously has no end in sight. Thus, you can blame women for the downfall and utter hopelessness of humanity.

Make no mistake: It is indeed tragic that a man cannot satisfy his sexual needs without also getting trapped in a relationship at the same time (otherwise, he will be accused of rape, since non-relationship consensual sex does not exist on Earth, due to the aforementioned programming of women). Demonic enslavement traps such as this are the standard modus operandi of the Reptilians and Darkness. Now, just imagine if you had to buy an entire pizza restaurant just to order a pizza--an evil absurdity indeed.

Another thing that makes women insufferable is the fact that they are, essentially, babies. That is, they possess the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old boy. Women cry, throw fits, and need men to take care of them. Um, adults shouldn't need other people to take care of them.

All in all, women promote the enslavement, rather than the liberation, of humanity. It's bad enough that aliens and the elite already control us. Now, throw women into the equation and you have absolute misery. They are like sheep dogs helping out a shepherd (hence the term "*****," in case you didn't know).

And to think, women are actually proud of their controlling ways. What a disgrace.
 

Snotnarok

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Nov 17, 2008
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Moon Landing is a hoax, I mean this is one there's physical proof of, video proof of and the technology wasn't good enough to fake the video. Not only that but time and time these fales claims and weak hypothesis are tested and dis-proven yet people are believing non-scientists because ...real scientists are being bullied by the government.
They couldn't even keep the NSAs nonsense secret, or watergate, then again there's probably conspiracy theories on them too.
 

Guffe

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Jul 12, 2009
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AccursedTheory said:
I still think the Moon Landing conspiracy is the best one ever devised. No other conspiracy has so many supporters, and has lasted so long, despite the overwhelming and complete evidence in opposition to it.
This was my first one too. Strange how it took to the end of the first page for someone to mention it.
I once had a GF who thought the moonlanding was made up -.-

Another good one is the lizard people living in the sewers adn will one day rise to take over the world (some have taken it even further stating we are already under their control) :D
 

Colour Scientist

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Jul 15, 2009
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Guffe said:
I once had a GF who thought the moonlanding was made up -.-
That's funny.

I had an ex who believed some of the 9/11 conspiracy stuff.

We didn't see eye-to-eye a lot of the time. XD
 

GabeZhul

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Mar 8, 2012
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Anything that was related to 2012 December 21 (aka. the "Mayan Apocalypse"). From Nibiru (a planet/comet/solar system/spaceship/etc.) that was supposed to collide with the Earth (or stop right beside it, create a black hole, house aliens, bring enlightenment, etc.), sudden pole-shifts (that would literally turn the Earth upside down, proving people have no clue what a pole shift is), planetary alignment, galactic alignment, alien invasions (of different flavors, from friendly to genocidal), the topical "Mayan End of the World" (except it wasn't Mayan and only the end of the calendar), Obama outing himself as the antichrist, rapture, and of course the ever-popular "the Illuminati is going to start Armageddon".

The reason why I particularly love this one is because we are two years past it, and it is just so much fun looking back at the creators of these "theories" spout their nonsense with complete and 100% conviction, and then trying to imagine how their faces looked like when December 22 rolled around...
 

Methodia Chicken

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revjor said:
The Phantom Time Hypothesis
Do you measure that with a phantom hourglass?

My favorite is lost golden age civilizations that spread all technology to mankind at the dawn of time. mainly because the central one always tends to be Atlantis and their theory always tends to follow the plot of your average tomb raider game.

capcha: garden of Eden

yes that's a good one too!
 

GabeZhul

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Mar 8, 2012
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Methodia Chicken said:
revjor said:
The Phantom Time Hypothesis
Do you measure that with a phantom hourglass?

My favorite is lost golden age civilizations that spread all technology to mankind at the dawn of time. mainly because the central one always tends to be Atlantis and their theory always tends to follow the plot of your average tomb raider game.

capcha: garden of Eden

yes that's a good one too!
If you want an absolutely crazy version of the whole Atlantis story, look up the """""""Spirit Science"""""""" (nope, still not enough air-quotes...) version. According to it Jews are from space, ancient Egyptians were giants because they lived on a higher dimensional level of consciousness, philosophy made humanity dumb and the Illuminati are Martians who destroyed Atlantis with an instrumentality experiment, just to name a few of the juicier bits.

Or better yet, here's a link to a deconstruction of it sampling the best bits. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMHos7BcG0g]
 

Thaluikhain

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Jan 16, 2010
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Oh...don't know if this counts, but:

Supposedly during the Cold War, the KGB would go around encouraging conspiracy theorists in the US, in an attempt to discredit the US government.

Though, that's exactly the sort of thing the KGB would and could do, so it might be too true to count.
 

OneCatch

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Oh, it's got to be TimeCube [http://www.timecube.com/].
Though I'm not sure if it actually counts as a conspiracy theory or just 'mad ramblings', because there's just no frame of reference to anything comprehensible - not even the most tenuous link to logic or rationality. Either way; enjoy!
 

GabeZhul

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thaluikhain said:
Oh...don't know if this counts, but:

Supposedly during the Cold War, the KGB would go around encouraging conspiracy theorists in the US, in an attempt to discredit the US government.

Though, that's exactly the sort of thing the KGB would and could do, so it might be too true to count.
Oh, oh, I know a reverse of that, though last I've hear it might have a kernel of truth: Supposedly during the Cold War, the CIA would go around encouraging and even funding post-modern artists in the Eastern Bloc to create unrest by... fostering a different world-view through subversive art? I never really got the thought process behind that one...
 

Mr Fixit

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I'm a big fan of the "Hollow Earth" conspiracy. Apparently there are massive holes at the north & south poles & the earth is a hollow shell that doesn't have a core, but a tiny sun on the inside of the planet.

Oh & there are Nazis & space lizards living on the inside of the planet just waiting for the right time to come back & conquer the world.
 

Jesterscup

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Kyrian007 said:
"Chemtrails." Because despite the science that completely explains it, sometimes people see planes and there is NO contrail behind it. So clearly, when there IS a "chemtrail" it's obviously "the government" or "the illuminatti" or some kind of "One World Government" movement trying to... whatever it is they think is being done. With no evidence its effective or actually doing anything... making the "them" (government or whatever) look pretty ineffective from where I'm sitting. You know, if the entire thing wasn't complete crap.
My wife actually believes this, Drives me nuts, despite me proving ( with real science, we even did experiments and stuff ) that contrails are a natural phenomena