Best Exam Answers

[Tiny116]

Well It's not an exam question but it was funny when I said it.
We were given a lecture by a guest speaker at Uni and she was lecturing on trauma imaging, we got to see some pretty gruesome pics, lots of blood and the like.
At the end of the lecture said lecturer asks the class if there are any questions, so I raise my hand and say. "...Yeah, why the HELL are we given WHITE uniforms?" Biggest laugh I've ever caused in Uni, closely followed by:
Lecturer. "Can anyone tell me the uses of radiation?"
Me. "Nuclear apocalypse" Big Laugh, even bigger when it turned out I WAS RIGHT! (She had a slide dedicated to it!)

 

[Deleted]

Q: What are the chances of Timmy getting 5 questions right in a row on his final exam?

A: I wrote:

$50 to teacher = 50% chance
$100 to teacher = 100% Chance

I got 2 marks on that question (out of 4)

 

[BuckminsterF]

On a job application a question asked something like whether a quality product or a happy customer was more important, I put "Neither, the ultimate goal is the fufillment of the existential self"

 

[damselgaming]

I had a really hot Citizenship teacher in Secondary school. He was amazing.
We had to do these stupid 'Teacher Assessment' forms which no one really gave in. Stuff like 'How can I make my lessons more understandable/enjoyable?" etc so me and a friend filled one in during a free for laughs. Examples of what we wrote:
"What have you most enjoyed about the course this year?"
I especially enoyed that lesson where it was hot so you had your shirt untucked, and you were putting stuff on the shelf next to me and I could clearly see your sixpack. MORE OF THIS.

"Were there any areas you felt needed more time spent on them?"
I'd like to spend a whole lot more time on any area of your naked body.


I accidently handed this in with my final essay. In which I inexplicabley used the phrase "They abuse people orally and anally."

Not a good end of year.

 

[Ren3004]

[http://img138.imageshack.us/i/epicfailcalculusfail1.jpg/]
Oh, I wish I had the guts to try some of these...

 

[brewbeard]

In high school I was a member of the Concert band, which held practice every day in lieu of class. One day our conductor was away with the marching band and the sub had us watch Grease, which we watched pretty much every time someone stood in for our conductor. Needless to say, everyone talked through the whole thing, the sub complained, and the next day we all had to write an essay about how we could improve our behavior.

I drafted plans for the institution of an autocratic state with the band's bass section as the gestapo.

My friends and I thought it was hysterical, yet the conductor not only failed to see the humor in it but threatened to have me suspended for insubordination if I didn't write another essay on the assigned topic. So I spent the next day in detention with another band member who had flat out refused to write an essay and had turned in an insult instead. The kicker? I'd brought a book with me on the day in question and spent the period reading quietly in the back.

 

[Sh0ckFyre]

In History, we were given an assignment to come up with an alternative to war, and present it to the class. There were things like treaties and political bullshit. My alternative (taken from a George Carlin special) was Legal Murder Once a Month. Under this policy, every thirty days, any person in any country would be allowed to kill one other fellow human being without incurring punishment.

 

[Vortex Traveller]

In my GCSE level English exam, one question was to write an advert to sell cars to young adult males, I used so much sexual innuendo like "Reclinerble seats so you can take people for a long, comfortable "ride" in your new car". (Yes I put "ride" in quote marks on the test paper) I got a B for my effort, guess I got a exam marker who appreciated my use of innuendo on the grounds of sex sells.

 

[MetaKnight19]

Furburt ninja'd me on the 'Find x' thing, and IdealistCommi is on a roll with these. So these are the best I could find.

Spoiler: Strictly speaking not an exam answer, but still a stupid answer if I ever saw one

Spoiler: This one is an exam answer

 

[Go Fighting In The War Room]

And I found some more for the thread!

Spoiler

Holy shit....

That was the funniest thing I ever read.

And he got a 37 percent from it.

Wow...

 

[888Em-chan888]

How the hell did they get a tick for that?

I think that is the most amazing thing. If I were a teacher I would give that a check too.

 

[rockingnic]

I was in my calc class, my teacher passed out an exam, the first multiple choice question was the same as the second so I answer the first correctly then I answer the second "f'(x) is the first derivative of f(x) and therefore it's none of the above since f(x) is not given." The problem is to find f'(x) given f"(x). I got it right since the directions for the questions were pick the correct answer, if it's none of the above, show or explain why.

 

[Frank_Sinatra_]

In chemistry I was asked to analyze all the kinds of bonds.
So I listed all the James Bond actors and wrote shortly the pros and cons of their portrayals.

That's fucking hilarious.

snip

Damn ninjas

OT:

Spoiler

[img/]http://www.andyramblings.co.uk/uploads/Image/07/sept/exam_answers.jpg[/img]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[soren7550]

I remember watching something a few years back on the 'Ghost of You' music video, and this one guy said (word for word) "This video takes place in 19...World War Two."

And yesterday in my government class, I had to answer the question "How has the climate changed at the White House since Obama became president?"
I answered: Technically, the climate at the White House hasn't changed since Obama became president, nor has it when Bush entered office or even Clinton and every other president out there. It's still the same.

The teacher gave me credit for it.

 

[mornal]

The best I've got is when my friend had no clue on a history quiz that was 90%: "Who did X?". So he started listing serial killers.

 

[LockeDown]

My brother's friend had an English paper due for his Creative Writing class. So, he wrote a compelling tale about this chap, who has very little luck with women, and is eventually embarrassed at his senior prom when, while slow dancing with a very attractive lady, he suffers from the result of his attraction to his dance partner.

When he turns it in to the instructor, she notices that the first letter of every line is in bold. Curious, she writes out the letters in a row on a piece of paper, spelling out the phrase "Slowdance Chubby".

 

[L3m0n_L1m3]

If I don't know an answer, I just write "I cannot answer this question, as it goes against my religious beliefs."

 

[gbemery]

i had to write a paper involving religon, mystery and sex. i didnt feal like wrtting a long story that day so i wrote

Oh my god im pregnant!!! I wonder who the daddy is!!!

god, pregnant, wonder = religon, sex, mystery

I have heard this one before