Best one liner

[urithe]

"that's what she said" or "I AM A MAN!"

 

[FlameOfArnor]

from the 1980's British sitcom Red Dwarf, in the episode in which the discover that they can use photos to travel through time and space. the ship's mechanoid Kryten suggests this.
"We could go to Dallas 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and yell DUCK!"
some people could see this as very bad taste but it's even more hilarious because of it.

 

[TehCookie]

"I can't do perfect but I can instruct perfect"

 

[Mozared]

"Chicken.... and broccoli", according to a pall of mine. Can't really make another one up at the moment.

 

[Hutchy_Bear]

Anything from arnie.

Zero puntuation - It's got more holes in it than a triple C hooker in 19th century whitechaple

 

[balinus]

'I'll beat 'em until the cows come home. And when the cows come home... I'll beat up the cows.'
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer

 

[SilentFish]

from the 1980's British sitcom Red Dwarf, in the episode in which the discover that they can use photos to travel through time and space. the ship's mechanoid Kryten suggests this.
"We could go to Dallas 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and yell DUCK!"
some people could see this as very bad taste but it's even more hilarious because of it.

It's funnier because Rimmer and Lister stare at him after he says it.

"I'm sorry I must have bypassed my good-taste chip."

 

[Zombie_Fish]

Mine is from Frankie Boyle off Mock The Week, the theme being letters that weren't read out on points of view:

"Dear points of view. Watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy made me think that if I made gay friends they'd give me fashion tips. Actually, they f*cked me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZTahQZs76Y

 

[MmmFiber]

"Oh, you have a girlfriend. Have you had sex yet?...(awkward pause)... oh, yeah, sex is bad for Jesus."

Word for word. The girl who asked me this was as stupid as it gets.

Girl: the printer isn't working, I think it needs ink.
Friend: its a heat transfer printer.
Girl: then it needs more heat.

 

[xChevelle24]

"Being around you makes me want to take off my seatbelt and drive into oncoming traffic."
Thats how I broke up with one of my girlfriends.

Two words.

EPIC SUCCESS!

 

[The_Deleted]

If your dad had just had a wank he'd have saved us all a a lot of grief.

 

[samsprinkle]

Do you have a bandaid? Cause I seem to have scraped my knee falling for you.

 

[UltimatheChosen]

He that knows little repeats it often.

 

[quiet_samurai]

I told those fudge packers I liked Michael Bolton's music!!

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun...

It's not a matter of where he grips it!! It's a matter of weight ratio!!

 

[M0rp43vs]

I'm a nerd...and i pity you-a catchphrase i passed down to my little brother,which he uses to great effect
I'd kill you but i detest manual labour-I used to break ice using this joke, no idea why
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it-dunno who said it
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.- the great oscar wylde

 

[MrSnugglesworth]

Reload Dr. Freeman!


(You knew it was coming)

 

[incubus42]

"If I had a dog as ugly as you, I would shave his ass and command him to walk backwards"

I actually don't were I heard that one. If anybody knows, pls tell me.

 

[DeAvatar]

Beat him like he owed you money....

Oh no, the zombies killed god!

Missing a few sandwiches from the basket I see...

 

[dukethepcdr]

I have a bad feeling about this - every Star Wars movie and every movie that makes fun of it.

If I were you, I'd go back to bed and stay there...forever. - I'm sure someone else said this before me, but I just came to mind while reading this thread.

Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries! - French Taunter Can't have a thread about one liners without that one. No idea what it means, but if I did, I supposed I'd be insulted

 

[traceur_]

"As the exasperated Chinese zookeeper said to the last male panda in the world FUCK THAT!"

my favourite line of all time.