Best Way To Make A Telemarketer Rage Quit

[Shanecooper]

Tell them that your call will be recorded for security purposes. Or play something really violent and loud in the background. Gears of war 2, GTA4, Bioshock. Last time I was playing Saints row 2, and I think I scared the guy a little. I had the sound at a level where I nearly had to shout, so he heard every gunshot and explosion. It was fun.

 

[Pinstar]

These people have an unimaginably crappy job and you're just making it worse. They can get fired for hanging up on you, so next time you feel inclined to mess with them just feel how good it is to make someone homeless.

I disagree. I was a telemarketer for a while, and some of the stuff people are saying on this thread sound like it would have been a nice diversion from all the other calls. Some people can be really mean, and I'd much prefer someone joking around than some of the other crap I had to listen to. None of the managers I had would have fired anyone for ending a call that obviously wasn't going to result in a sale.

So what *would* get a telemarketer fired, or at least written up (aside from being proactively abusive to the potential customer)?

 

[_Serendipity_]

On a slight tangent:

My girlfriend's father was being treated for lukemia a while ago (bleak start, yes, but keep reading. It gets funny, I swear), and thanks to the chemotherapy and related fun he had to stay inside for months whilst his immune system grew back from square one.

Anyway, this obviously drove him crazy, so he seized on every possible social interaction he could. Including cold-calls.

He was once called up by a local gym, offering him discount memberhip and spent about half-an-hour enthusiastically chatting to the guy about the offer. At the end of it, the telemarketer asked "So, can I sign you up?" and he had to explain that, actually, he wouldn't be able to take it as he had lukemia.

Awkward pause.

Click

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

The guy called back a few minutes later, distraught, and apologised profusely whilst my girlfriend's father explained that he didn't mind at all, it was just nice to talk to someone. Poor guy

 

[SirCannonFodder]

Inspired by the other posts here, next time I get a call, I'll say in a sultry voice "Oooh, a telemarketer, let me go get my... Lotion." Then I'll put down the phone for a short while, and if they're still there when I pick it up, I'll go "Ok, go ahead." and make various moaning sounds while telling them to keep going, oh that's good, etc. If they're *still* there after a few minutes, I'll make sounds of *ahem* "finishing", and say in an out-of-breath voice "Oooh, thanks for that, but I need to go now." and hang up.

 

[atol]

Ok I have a few of these...

My dad is an utter genius when it comes to this stuff.

That's just brilliant simplicity.

Inspired by the other posts here, next time I get a call, I'll say in a sultry voice "Oooh, a telemarketer, let me go get my... Lotion."

Rules 35 at its best.

 

[boeingguy787]

It's been said that a good way to make a telemarketer ragequit is to start selling them something. It doesn't have to be anything in particular; you could pitch your own (made up) insurance or a half-eaten sandwich.

Still, my favourite telemarketer scene was in Seinfeld.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hllDWSbuDsQ

 

[Shru1kan]

I'd copy that move. Or Seinfeld.
Yeah...

Hell yes! Bob and Tom!

 

[Hyperactiveman]

It depends on my mood is at the time when a sales call or telemarketer dials my number. Sometimes I'll just let them go on and on until I find a way out like "Am I speaking to the bill payer" or "are you over 18 years of age" and at that time I'll just say "that's a negatory Huston".

Other times I'll just go and quote stuff from Metalocalypse... That sends 'em running.

 

[Laft Kranz]

GREAT IDEA - What I need is to have 2 phones connected and have a mate around that kinda sounds like me (I've got 3 >_>) we both only talk to the telemarketer in a sentence each then swap turns, each trying to screw up the other at every turn.

Would be a fun game to see who'll laugh first.

 

[Fox1789]

simply ask them "what are you wearing?"

and keep asking it until they tell you or they hang up.. works every time

 

[Soxafloppin]

Just say "hold on a minute", and play some Rick Astley on repeat.

 

[aaronmcc]

14. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some groceries......

this one made me lol

 

[aaronmcc]

I'd copy that move. Or Seinfeld.
Yeah...

Good lord. This is the funniest prank call I've heard in my life. How on earth did he keep a straight face?

 

[Wardnath]

I put on my best power metal voice and start singing the chorus of whichever corny viking song of thunder enters my head.

Telemarketer: "Hello, this is Janet fro-"
UJ: "BROTHERS EVERYWHERE. RAISE YOUR HANDS INTO THE AIR, WE'RE WARRIORS, WARRIORS OF THE WORLD"
Telemarketer: "-wha-"
UJ" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

I hang up at this point, regardless of their response.

Pretty much this, except replace power metal with death metal vocals.

Assuming I'd ever get a telemarketer call me, that is.

 

[Marowit]

If I answer, I ask them to remove me from their call list, because once you ask to be removed it's illegal for them to call you again.

They generally don't like being told that.

 

[someotherguy]

picked up the phone, begin yelling on how incompetent they where, mixed with a cocktail of curse words, followed by telling them that they were stupid, and some people with normal jobs where trying to eat a dinner that they paid for by not annoying people. They usually hang up.

 

[Archindar]

short answer: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo until they hang up.

Or you could just communist roll them by playing this into the phone:

 

[khaimera]

"So, um... what are you wearing?"

Well, since you asked I'm wearing my manliest pair of jeans with holes in the knees to show just enough skin to get the ladies and men all hot and bothered. Then I have my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles T-shirt with a polka dot necktie around my head like a headband. It tells people that I'm formal but not too formal. You know, like a tuxedo Tshirt. My shoes, oh God don't even get me started on my shoes. Who says that men can't wear high heels? Seriously, I'm going to hunt down those people. I'm wearing peep toe wedges with a strap around the ankle. Loves it. So, you want to go out then? Sorry but I'm taken. Wait what are we talking about again. Where am I?

Oh yeah, telemarketers, I'm not a huge fan. I think when they call next, I'll just read them this post.

 

[dududf]

These people are just doing their job.

The Nazis were just doing their job as well. [sub][sub]<--- this is a joke.[/sub][/sub]
___________________________________________________

The second you turn on the phone say...

"OH GOD! I'M BLEEDING! for the love of christ, tell me this is the police, there's a murderer in my house... Ugh... I'm going light headed here..."

They will act confused, from which you respond...

I LEAVE ALL OF MY POSSESSIONS WITH MY DOG! *Start banging a wall* OH GOD NO! NO! HE'S COMING INSIDE! PLEASE SAVE ME! OH GOD! NO NO NO! *death cringe* drop the phone. Then change your voice to a different one if possible and whisper "You're...next..." Then hang up.