Bombs Away!

[HyenaThePirate]

LOL.. It's not the ONLY selling point.
I like how by time the movie was finished, I hadn't even finished my popcorn and soda.. I guess I was too riveted going "AWESOME!"

I decided to actually watch it for lack of anything better to do.

Sorry, but I have to agree with most everyone else. It was pretty meh.

Not terrible, but a far cry from good.

Considering how bad most sword and sorcery movies are, I'd say it was a step up, but the pacing was terrible. The battles were like watching a reel of sports highlights on one game, but nothing of the in between. It was like there was two or three hours of fighting, but we only saw ten minutes of it. Like the scene on the boat. One minute he's on one side of the boat doing talking to someone, the next minute (with no transition what-so-ever) he's mid air jump slashing someone from the other side of the boat. Things were looking promising when he was a kid, (sadly, it was a clip from his childhood that made me decide to actually watch it. I got "This is the best part of the movie"ed) but after he grew up... ugh... it just got bad...

"Talking to someone, cut reel, splice in action, now a few frames of travel. Too much travel, let's just do a scenery shot. Oooookay, and now he's here. How? Well... he walked... clearly. How did he know where to go? How did he span such distance so quickly? Shut up, that's how."

Also... I don't remember him ever actually invoking the name of Crom. I thought that was a Conan staple.


That being said... this movie didn't have enough tits. Things, again, were looking promising at first, but then people started putting "clothes" on.

You must have been looking in your popcorn bowl dude. Thing about Conan as a movie, is that it doesn't muck around and waste a bunch of time with lame exposition and hand-holding, since the plot is admittedly complete enough to fill a single Savage Sword of Conan comic book story arc. And why bother? Nobody is going to see Conan for insightful, philosophical ideas or critical thought! That scene (spoiler potential) went a bit more differently than you remember: Conan was talking to his friend, and down below that's when Khalar Zym's men snuck on board (you actually SEE them rowing a boat in under cover of dusk.. which leads to something else i'll mention in a moment I liked about this movie). The girl got attacked if you remember, by the big black Kushite from the beginning, and that's when Conan (not bothering to use doors or any lame chiz like that) simply runs directly through the wooden wall to tackle the guy. FIght ensues and that's when the rest of the crew realize they've been invaded. After disposing of previously mentioned Kushite below decks, Conan goes up-deck to dish out the ass-whuppings. I LOVE his confidence in those scenes.. it's HIS ship.. he is AMRA and he shows why he is FEARED on the seas. He swaggers and jumps around that deck serving suckas up some brutal dessert to wash down the flavor of his fists.

As for Traveling in the movie, thank goodness, but the obligatory "He has to travel from point A to point B" minutia other movies would have forced us to watch via montages of him running or riding or whatever to his location is simply removed, fast travel style. It's like watching a tv show with no commercial break. Loved that. Just skip RIGHT to the next location, and get us back to the punk-busting!

On the previous point, I mentioned something I liked dealing with dusk. For the FIRST time I can remember, a movie FINALLY has decided not to obscure all the wonderful scenes that happen at night with DARKNESS. Nothing pisses me off more than NIGHT scenes in movies, because most of the time the scenes are so dark (because it's night time, I guess) that I can't really make anything going on.. including any action!) I like how the night scenes looked like overcast days but were dark enough with other hints to let us know that it was indeed night time. The finale of the movie takes place in a dark, evil fortress, but it's never so dark and evil that you can't make out who is who and what body part is getting cut off.

As for the Tits, I guess every man's desired quantity is different. But in the movie, just about every woman you see, when on-screen, is probably about to produce a nipple within the next minute or two. Except when they were being told what to do and being put in their place by Conan, who didn't waste his time trying to be a romantic prince charming or lovable rogue. He's CONAN, he just killed 50 dudes in ten minutes while looking like a ballet dancer. He knows that's like Viagra to chicks, so all he had to do was say "You, now!" and they were ripping off gowns and riding on his back.

As for Crom, by my count I recall him mentioning Crom at least twice, but I'll have to see it again to determine how many times he actually said it. In truth, most of the dialogue flies by because the movie centered on action rather than Conan having long conversations about pointless things nobody would care about.

 

[octafish]

There was a movie called "The Beaver"?

"Sucker Punch" wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. It might appear terrible if you were expecting it to just be another beat-em-up.

There was a quite good called "The Beaver" that was well made, well acted and told a quite poignant story. I am one of the nine people who are not professional film reviewers who has seen it.

 

[Satosuke]

Think beer commercials for a second. Beer sucks, it has a nasty taste, gives you gas and headaches, makes you do ugly things and lands you in prison for those things. But you like beer, right? We all do. 20 years ago nobody around me drank beer. It stank of piss and it still does. But so many commercials with hot women and yachts have been shoved down our throats that more and more people began to think it's all good. And we just followed along. Hot outside? Hell, I sure could use a beer. Makes me feel like a MAAAN!.

You've been drinking the wrong beer, kiddo. Go learn about craft brewers and microbrews before opening your mouth about it again. Because BEER IS GOOD!

 

[Draconalis]

You must have been looking in your popcorn bowl dude. Snip

You're idea of a good movie and my idea of a good movie differ greatly. Transitions and action scenes with flow matter to me, jumbled messes are not good. When I mentioned the scene on the boat of talking to a friend, I was discussing when he casually strolled up to the girl for bashing a guy in with his sword, THEN with no transition was mid air jump slashing on the other side of the boat.

Comics can get away with that kind of thing because they are not motion picture. Your mind fills in the gaps. And even comics wouldn't have such a vastly huge gap in what happened there. From talking to jump slash? Nah, it would be talking to cutting their way to the other side of the boat, THEN jump slashing.

Also, I don't eat popcorn.

 

[Gigano]

"confrontational visual essay on gender politics told through symbolic multi-tiered fantasy sequences disguised as sexploitation, as a (literal) 'sucker punch' to the darker aspects of male action-fandom"

...can't say that's a characteristic of Sucker Punch I really get.

Sure, it had a nod to there being a tendency to consider criminal[footnote]Yes, killing your sister by aimlessly firing a gun is a crime.[/footnote] women to be "hysteric", and featured creepy stepfather/male nurse characters rather than their established female counterparts, but these were fairly minor touches, and whatever grand gender policy agenda it might have featured seemed to have been burned away in hailstorms of bullets and dragonfire.

Plus, with the fantasy being that the entire female cast are taking orders from an old man - who ultimately ends up being the saviour - then our little protagonist escapism can hardly be seen as any sort of decisive revolution against male authority (...and if it was, just what the hell kind of message does "only in your dreams" send???).

Probably best to view as primarily a visually appealing action movie - fairly effective one too - with a cute little message of how the human spirit or whatever is ultimately untouchable even through the harshest of trials. Simone de Beauvoir it ain't.

 

[karamazovnew]

Snip

The action had no substance because death meant nothing in a world of the mind. You knew how it was going to play out from the very beginning.

Look, i loved it, you didn't. My above post still stands and, as I've said elsewhere on the forums (mainly in MovieBob's review of the movie), I think that the whole key of the movie is that these fantasies are not dreamt up by the girls to make them feel better about themselves. The action takes place before 1970 (judging by the car), a time when no molested girl would dream of being a schoolgirl with a katana, fighting mecha samurais with miniguns. Sure, they might have their own private shell, hey, they're in an asylum, they're mad anyway, right? But that's not what we're seeing. And you're right, I did manage to shut my brain, the moment that minigun shred through a a temple column.

And tell me, did you really know from the beginning that they were going to fight a dragon? Or that they were going to lose overall? I didn't expect that part. Sure they can't die because they're in an asylum, they can be drugged, lobotomized, and raped, but not beaten and killed. This movie was more unpredictable than almost every movie made in the last 10 years, "Shattered Island" unpredictable. However, what you just said is perfectly applicable to Avatar. Fits like a glove. Hated it exactly because it felt like watching the traffic lights, you knew you were gonna get a red one next. A better example, since I didn't like Avatar, would be Titanic. You know from the beginning that the ship would sink. You knew that the girl would live, and that he wouldn't. And it was a pretty good movie.

You've been drinking the wrong beer, kiddo. Go learn about craft brewers and microbrews before opening your mouth about it again. Because BEER IS GOOD!

Look, even the piss I drink from the supermarket is sometimes decent (rarely) and I love unfiltered white beer, as expensive as it is. I was bashing at the expensive commercials for lying about their products. There are 2 commercials which I particularly like, for telling the truth about it.
1. A few guys at a table say "cheers" loudly smashing their beer glasses and all drink it, except one, which puts his glass back on the table, without tasting first. So, they throw him out the window. Same guys, later, at a wedding, same thing, only this time, the bride doesn't drink before putting the glass back on the table. So they all look at her with mad faces and the commercial ends. Funny as hell and based on an old tradition (don't say "cheers" without actually drinking something).
2. Few guys, smiling and talking, take a sit at an outdoor pub, hot and bright outside. Then, as the bartender brings the beer and the guys start drinking, the narrator says "Summer's back and it's hot again. Great excuse to go out and enjoy a good cold beer". Simple, true and effective.

No yachts, airplanes and italian chicks required. It's beer, not liquid diamonds ffs.

Big Snip

I'm gonna go on a limb here and make a parallel with Rambo. I loved the first Rambo, but somehow, it wasn't until the fourth one that Rambo stopped being cheesy and became serious again. Thank god for ultra screen violence. You see, watching the first movie, you knew that all of his madness must've had it's roots in some really hellish place, and we all wanted to see just how insane he'd go at non-civilians. Yet the 2nd and 3d Rambo movies didn't fit the bill, too cheesy. Rambo 4 made you say "oh, so that's how...".

And then there's Conan. I've just watched it again. Boy does it have some CHEEESY parts, holy cow! But it also has a few particular scenes which are unique. The old tomb where he finds his sword, the prayer scene and the awesome choir at the end. I've seen a lot of fantasy movies, but these scenes are the best. Arnold was... well, is... a baad actor, but he was ok I guess. If the movie hadn't had James Earl Jones for the bad guy it would've been much more forgettable. You mentioned melancholia, well, I guess that my melancholia lies in seeing those wide desert scenes, those awesome armor sets and hearing that awesome music. Pulp fiction well made into a movie. It's a classic and one that makes me hate 3d special effects and shitty backgrounds. After seeing the Conan 2011 trailer, I realized it wasn't for me, no other movie looks and feels like the original Conan, yet the new one looks and feels like many many shitty movies made since. But hey, it's rental material. I won't judge it until I see it

 

[Satosuke]

You've been drinking the wrong beer, kiddo. Go learn about craft brewers and microbrews before opening your mouth about it again. Because BEER IS GOOD!

Look, even the piss I drink from the supermarket is sometimes decent (rarely) and I love unfiltered white beer, as expensive as it is. I was bashing at the expensive commercials for lying about their products. There are 2 commercials which I particularly like, for telling the truth about it.
1. A few guys at a table say "cheers" loudly smashing their beer glasses and all drink it, except one, which puts his glass back on the table, without tasting first. So, they throw him out the window. Same guys, later, at a wedding, same thing, only this time, the bride doesn't drink before putting the glass back on the table. So they all look at her with mad faces and the commercial ends. Funny as hell and based on an old tradition (don't say "cheers" without actually drinking something).
2. Few guys, smiling and talking, take a sit at an outdoor pub, hot and bright outside. Then, as the bartender brings the beer and the guys start drinking, the narrator says "Summer's back and it's hot again. Great excuse to go out and enjoy a good cold beer". Simple, true and effective.

No yachts, airplanes and italian chicks required. It's beer, not liquid diamonds ffs.

I kinda had a feeling you were exaggerating; I just wanted an excuse to post Psychostick. Because Psychostick rocks.

And while we're going off-topic on the subject of beer commercials, here's a good one.

 

[HyenaThePirate]

But hey, it's rental material. I won't judge it until I see it

The only thing I hate about comments like this, though I can agree with them, is that the tragedy will be that if you DO rent it, see it, and enjoy it tremendously, you won't actually be supporting IT, and thus ruining any chance of a sequel.

I don't think people really understand that about movies. A lot of people will give them a pass, but movies aren't like video games. They don't really care about DVD sales and how many people watched it on TNT.

THey care about box office receipts. This is WHY we have so many knockoffs and sequels, a new Final Destination, etc... because people will go SEE all these boring, uninventive, tiresome horror flicks and such on a chance but stuff like Scott Pilgrim gets catalogued as "A DVD rental in the near future, because I'm interested but not interested enough to see it instead of my usual banal romantic comedy flick starring one of the three current big comedic actors who do the same thing in every film they ever do already over and over again because people are stupid enough to keep thinking it's funny and flocking to those movies like dogs to anti-freeze."

Then everyone sees Scott Pilgrim or Sucker Punch on rental or redbox or whatever and goes "THIS movie was AWESOME! It's my favorite movie ever blah blah blah!"

Great for you! Hope you enjoy only THAT little taste of something different because you are NOT going to get much of it in the future. Apparently Hollywood got the message you'd like to be spoon fed some more Ryan Reynolds romantic comedies and something starring Robert Pattinson, yay! Now open up wide, here comes the choo choo cock!

/sigh

As we speak the box office totals sound the death knell for Conan, probably for the rest of my lifetime I imagine. Few, if anyone, will take a risk on the character unless something happens in popular culture that reinvigorates an interest in Barbarians or swords and sorcery or something like that. Maybe in 20 years, when those of us who grew up watching Arnold play Conan-cant-put-my-arms-down are too old to be considered an interesting demographic for film studios, then we'll get a fresh look, but will anyone care? Hollywood is out of ideas, most of the literary world is burnt out on Harry Potter knockoffs and sci-fi cliches that are either Lord of the Rings part duh or Star Wars clones.

So I'll probably go see this movie two or three more times, if for nothing else to know that I did my best to encourage a sequel, and to enjoy watching my favorite hero on the big screen once more, played by a capable actor, in fun scenes that get more interesting and detailed every time I watch them.

 

[Draconalis]

And tell me, did you really know from the beginning that they were going to fight a dragon?

Yes, actually... it was in the trailers, and WHY I went to go see it. Draco loves Dragons. Rawr! (It was also just as disappointing as the rest of the movie )

Or that they were going to lose overall?

Again, yes. Though I had to see the first 5 to 10 minutes before I knew about this one. It was like in Halo: Reach. The first scene is your destroyed helmet. From the very beginning, you knew you weren't going to survive this one.

This movie was more unpredictable than almost every movie made in the last 10 years

If you turn your brain off, sure, I suppose this might be true. Anyone else thinking, knew what was going on from the very beginning.

Titanic. You know from the beginning that the ship would sink. You knew that the girl would live, and that he wouldn't.

But you didn't know about any of the events... which were really happening, not something made up in some mad woman's mind. Also, I don't recall it being certain he would die.

Edit:

Oh, and your point doesn't stand at all. You basically said that people thought that Sucker Punch failed because "idiots tried thinking". I mean... really? You really think that's a point, much less one that's valid?

No sir.

 

[Zom-B]

Think beer commercials for a second. Beer sucks, it has a nasty taste, gives you gas and headaches, makes you do ugly things and lands you in prison for those things. But you like beer, right? We all do. 20 years ago nobody around me drank beer. It stank of piss and it still does. But so many commercials with hot women and yachts have been shoved down our throats that more and more people began to think it's all good. And we just followed along. Hot outside? Hell, I sure could use a beer. Makes me feel like a MAAAN!. Sorry, went off-road for a second. Back to movies.

Just need to say, that this little anti-beer tirade only reflects mass produced, big brewery swill. There's hundreds and thousands of small batch beers made by independent breweries that have as much nuance and flavour as a glass of wine or good scotch. Just like we can't lump all movies into the same categories you can't put all beer on the same playing field.

I don't drink Coors, Budweiser, Molson or any of that garbage. Sure, that's what people think of when they think of "beer", because those are the breweries that spend millions upon millions of dollars every year telling us what beer is, how cool it is, how many chicks we're going to fuck and that beautiful women love cheap, shitty beer (and by extension nasty hangovers and diarrhea in the morning).

Beer runs the gamut just like wine. I can go to my local liquor store and buy an $8 bottle of wine, or I could spend well over a hundred. Which one is going to taste better? Well, maybe that's subjective, depending on your palate, but I would be willing to bet that anyone that preferes Budweiser over their local microbrew is probably going to choose the $8 bottle. Anyone who is into food and wine/beer is going to enjoy the more expensive option because they're not drinking it solely to get drunk.

Movie audiences parallel this perfectly. Most people want to go to the theatre to see the good guy beat the bad guy, a pretty lady and lots of explosions and guns or a bunch of toilet humour. Maybe both in the same movie, if they're lucky. A veritable keg of Bud on the screen. No one wants to be reminded how stupid they actually are, or be forced to think about what they are watching. These very same people have mostly ruined movies, they're in the process of ruining video games Books like the Twilight saga are taking Harlequin romance main stream by adding vampires and emo high school politics, with the same effect that the biggest trend in books right now is YA fiction- simple, straight forward and lots of angst with a side of teen romance.

Fucking blargh.

 

[Zom-B]

And while we're going off-topic on the subject of beer commercials, here's a good one.

That was fucking terrible.

 

[camazotz]

sucker punch failed because it was shit, plain and simple.

Proof zach snyder should stick to adapting other peoples ideas rather than expressing his own.

"If you dont stand for anything, you'll fall for everything"

Worst line in a movie this year, it dosent even mean anything, its just written to sound profound and exemplafies the entire reason why this movie is garbage.

It means that if you don't take a stand for yourself, in absence of that you'll just accept whatever people offer you instead.

Its utter crap taken from some lousy self help book and desperately trying to sound profound.
I dont always take a stand for myself, but I dont just accept what people offer me either, human beings dont work that way, it just seems a very broad generalisation about apathy.
Only an utter moron would find sucker punch profound or meaningful, it isnt it whole argument seemed to boil down to 'you have the power inside you to change things' I could have got that from an epsiode of oprah.
Nah, sucker punch is what you get when people who think themselves smart get to wank their psuedo intellectual crap over the screen, the film simply does not work on that level. It looks pretty, it tries to be clever but it fails miserably.


Sucker punch deseerves to be forgotten!

I was just pointing out that the meaning of the sentence was fairly simple and clear. Whether you consider it meaningful or not is something else entirely.

Also, why be insulting to those who did like the movie? I felt the film had an interesting and apparently too subtle message about the victim/victimize relationship that some people find themselves in, and the ways that some victims deal with their helplessness. I can understand not liking the movie, but insulting those who did find interesting depth and context in it just because you didn't is rude. (and yes I know welcome to the internet and all that. But I'm not going to not call you out just because its your prerogative to be insulting)

 

[camazotz]

Also... I don't remember him ever actually invoking the name of Crom. I thought that was a Conan staple.

Yeah, I thought that was a little weird, too. Conan's not known for being relgious, but he loved to swear on Crom, usually in vain! That was one part of the film I thought was sorely absent.

 

[uzo]

I think that Sucker Punch failed because it was not a good movie. It was belowed avererge at best. I found it to be too loud and annyoing.

*snippy snippy*

We all remember how great Ripley was from Aliens, right?
*snippy snip*

I concur. Ripley is fabbo.

In fact, I am in debate with my wife currently - we already have a son, Leon (I named him after Jean Reno's Leon the Professional; my wife named him after Leon S. Kennedy from Biohazard), and if we had a daughter it's a battle. I want to name a daughter Ripley (I know her name was Ellen Ripley, but I think Ripley would be a great first name too); but my wife wants to name a daughter Amelie (thank you Audrey Tautou).

Mind you, if we have another son, my wife wants Ashton. I don't mind Ashton really ... I can shorten it to Ash.



... Groovy

 

[uzo]

*keerrrrr-snip*

I'm a huge Conan fan - ever since a mate got me a few issues of Savage Sword Of Conan when I was about 9 yrs old for my birthday. This Friday is the first chance I have to see a movie since the last Biohazard movie - time to Hyboria-it-up, methinks. Nothing else at the cinema even remotely interests me.

 

[HyenaThePirate]

Also... I don't remember him ever actually invoking the name of Crom. I thought that was a Conan staple.

Yeah, I thought that was a little weird, too. Conan's not known for being relgious, but he loved to swear on Crom, usually in vain! That was one part of the film I thought was sorely absent.

Conan did say it, he just didn't fire it off every time he spoke like a cartoon character.
I mean, how many times was he supposed to use it? If you consider it rationally, invoking Crom's name was something done much in the way we might say "Oh my God" or "Sweet Jesus" or "Jesus Christ!" It would have been stupid for him to go shouting it like a catch-phrase every time something happened. They weren't trying to make this movie a campy sword-swinging fantasy, they were trying to do something a bit more serious, like Game of Thrones.

Where they did go a bit overboard was the blood. I think everyone in the movie was a blood balloon waiting to be popped open, as even guys in FULL armor were getting slashed by a backhand sword that looked like at worst it should have gave them a good scratch, but then this tidal wave of gore would flash towards the camera.

But like I said to someone earlier, he says Crom at LEAST twice. I didn't count any more than that, it's just that he didn't do it in a corny way or over the top, so most people probably missed it. I guess what they needed to do was to zoom the camera way in on his face and all the music and sound to stop and for him to look into the camera, breaking the fourth wall, and go "Crrrrrrrrrooooooooooooom!" Then you could have added a hooty horn sound effect like Wah wah! and we'd all have gone "He said Crom *giggle giggle chortle cahoort!*" and danced in our seats like fanboys.

No thanks.

*keerrrrr-snip*

I'm a huge Conan fan - ever since a mate got me a few issues of Savage Sword Of Conan when I was about 9 yrs old for my birthday. This Friday is the first chance I have to see a movie since the last Biohazard movie - time to Hyboria-it-up, methinks. Nothing else at the cinema even remotely interests me.

Let the haters hate. Just go into it with two things:

1. a love of Conan
2. the desire to simply be entertained, not to have your life changed or to be wow'd by cerebral thinking.

Conan is nothing more than a fun action flick with CONAN, the baddest sword-swinging mofo in literary history. It's not Lord of the Rings, was never meant to be. It's not deep or steeped in some life-changing mythology. It simply is what ever Conan short story was. Conan crosses paths with a wizard/warrior that continuously dismisses him as an annoyance, Conan gets pissed at the wizard/warrior for some infraction the wizard/warrior committed callously in the foolish belief they were so far above reproach that a simple barbarian posed no considerable cause for even a passing thought, Conan kills a bunch of dudes in brutal fashion until he arrives to remind aforementioned wizard/warrior that it's the little annoyances that, when ignored, can come back to cabbage up your greatest plans.

I had a blast, I'm sure you will too.

 

[Draconalis]

Let the haters hate.

I'm not even a hater. It was just a sub par movie.

 

[HyenaThePirate]

Let the haters hate.

I'm not even a hater. It was just a sub par movie.

Sub par doesn't mean bad though

All in all, will it change anyone's life? Nah. But I can appreciate your sentiment. To each his own. A lot of people really, REALLY liked the Dark Knight. I was bored during that movie every time Heath Ledger wasn't on the screen or Christian Bale was. I personally think Conan is a more enjoyable movie than the Dark Knight, which bored me with it's long dry sections trying to set the plot and pace. But I wouldn't say I HATE the movie either. It just wasn't for me.

So the one thing I can say is I'm happy you at least went to see it. At least I was able to convince one person to give it a shot. What more can I ask for, right? Thanks for at least giving it an open-minded opportunity.

 

[Kargathia]

Spoiler: Wall of Text

I haven't seen Sucker Punch yet myself, but all of my friends who have said it was great, and I know Bob gave it a good review too. Why all the hate on it?

I've seen a lot of movies at the Cinema, some good, some bad. I remember watching "Matrix Revolutions" and "Lord Of the Rings 1" and having FUN. I felt sad at the end of those movies, going back outside into the cruel boring world. Money well spent for a few hours of escapism. Well, for me at least, Suckerpunch was even better. I'm a geek, so I'll never ever have fun watching movies like "Fast and the Furious" or "Machete". Cars, butts, tits, latino music. Having fun yet? There's so much crap being shoved in our brains that we begin taking them for real. Think beer commercials for a second. Beer sucks, it has a nasty taste, gives you gas and headaches, makes you do ugly things and lands you in prison for those things. But you like beer, right? We all do. 20 years ago nobody around me drank beer. It stank of piss and it still does. But so many commercials with hot women and yachts have been shoved down our throats that more and more people began to think it's all good. And we just followed along. Hot outside? Hell, I sure could use a beer. Makes me feel like a MAAAN!. Sorry, went off-road for a second. Back to movies.

Right now, the movie going crowd mainly falls into 3 groups. Those that still watch Adam Sandler movies, those that enjoy pretty much everything and, finally, those that don't actually go to the Cinema, because all Ingmar Bergman's movies are already on DVD's. The problem is that most GOOD, sorry, PERFECT movies, that used to be in the third category, don't sell. They had to be dumbed down to move to the second cat. Some very few ones remained smart and deep but easily tempted less complex minds with explosions and fight scenes. "Matrix" is a great example of such movies. And being exposed to such movies, idiots began to feel smart. Take "Shutter Island" and "Inception" starring the same actor and being released almost at the same time. For me, "Shutter Island" is a masterpiece, not particularly complex, but a great example of what can be achieved in movies. To actually be caught in the madness of a nut-job, to feel his feelings and think his thoughts, wow, felt more like role-playing than watching a movie. "Inception" on the other hand, again for me, was a boring slow-mo special effects snore session. And yet, guess which one everybody liked more. "Inception" was a silly little idea, simple enough for the masses to understand, yet complex enough for them to feel special at cracking it. And quite a few movies make the same mistake: making the dumb feel smart. Why? Well, it's like chess: if I let you beat me, you won't learn, will you? Even worse, you might actually think that your strategy is good, and play like that in other matches. Sorry, I'm a big chess fan.

So give them the slightest glimpse of a complex under-layer in a movie and the dumb will start cracking at it, using their limited thinking and pathetic experience. They'll be so thrilled at their new-found brain power that they'll start using it everywhere, even when there's actually no problem at all. Tell them straight "This is what I want you to do" and they'll start thinking "Hmm, he said that in a weird straightforward way. Maybe he wants me to do something else entirely". And, when their efforts will eventually end in utter failure, they'll blame your movie, your script, your idea. Ever beat a newbie at chess and heard the famous words "this game sucks"? Well, this is what happened to Suckerpunch. This movie did indeed have a deep, very deep message, for those smart enough to listen. But it also had action, girls, weapons, you name it. The masses should've loved it. Why did it fail? Because the moment that asylum turned into a brothel (minor spoiler, sorry), everybody thought "INCEPTION!!! I know this! Layered consciousness, yeah! I'm so smart. What, girls? Action? I'm too smart to enjoy such trivial stuff now".

Suckerpunch is a one-time experiment. It failed at the box-office and I doubt that we'll ever see such a splendid experiment ever again. So, I'm thankful that I actually got to see it, I'm glad it was actually made. It worked for me, it told me what mattered and I got the message. Look, don't even listen to Bob's review. It isn't about feminism. It isn't about turning the tough guy action movies on their head. Nope...

Here's what I got from the movie: "Hi, I'm Zack Snyder. I'm a director. I am really good at making nice slow-mo action scenes. I can also put some awesome music in my movies. Now, I know life can be shitty sometimes, evil stuff going on everywhere, we all feel pretty hopeless about it. It's like, no matter what we try, we're stuck in this shithole, right?. But hey, we all got to live, so why dwell on the ugly parts? Why not concentrate on what we like and on what we can do well? Maybe we can even lie to ourselves it that helps even a little. Otherwise, we might not leave our homes, afraid of being raped or killed. I know it's hard to keep a smile. But we have to try. Look, I'm good at movies, maybe I can show you an example of how I try to make the world enjoy life a bit better. Here, take this girl, I'm gonna put her in a really ugly ugly situation.. ready? She's raped by her father, accidentally kills her sister while trying to save her from the monster dad, is thrown into an asylum where she's gonna be lobotomized and used as a sex toy by the guards. Ugly stuff, right? Who'd want to go to such a movie? Why ruin a perfect afternoon? If I can turn that into a Cinema thrill for you, if I can somehow make you feel GOOD while watching such a crazy sad story, that means we could all try to bring some magic into our lives. I'll make it easy for you. Who'd like to see crazy girls in an asylum throwing shit at the walls? I don't. How about I turn it into a sexy french brothel? Dress the girls nice, but still keep the sexual pressure and the violent situation in the scene. Ok so this girl is really messed up, who'd blame her? You can imagine her screaming like a witch in an asylum. Ugly image. But hey, it's her weapon, if she doesn't use it, she'll be raped or whatever. At least acting crazy keeps the guards from thinking she's sexy. But I can't show that. No... hmm, how about... well... what would YOU like to see? I mean, yeah, there's something ugly going on in the "real world" but, what would you rather see? How about schoolgirl fighting mecha samurais? Or a Dragon? With a minigun! Yeah... I'll do that. What? Sounds geeky? So what, if you enjoy something, no need to feel ashamed. If you like something, just do it, enjoy life man!"

Sounds crazy? Well, it's unique, I'll give you that. But what I know is that I went to a movie about a molested girl in an asylum, and had a BLAST. I can't remember ever having such a good time at the cinema. For 2 entire hours, I had a huge smile on my face. For days I couldn't get over the awesome fight scenes. Did I ONCE stop and analyse the movie? No need. I've never seen such a straight-forward idea and movie. So my advice is: watch it. Sit down, shut up, don't think, just WATCH it. Even if the message doesn't get to you, enjoy the awesomeness. But if, as in my case, you do get the message, it might change the way you think about life in general and how you react to other people's strange joys. I haven't seen many movies with such a useful and brilliantly proven tactic to living your life. Sure, movies like "The Seventh Seal" can PROPOSE questions, but movies that actually ANSWER questions are rare. Go back to what I wrote in the beginning, ranting about beer and shitty movies. Well, the moral of the story is that I actually enjoy ranting, much more than I actually dislike any of the above mentioned. It's my greatest weapon. And, if by using it I actually disproof my own theories, so what? I can go back to drinking beer on a hot day and rant about beer in the colder evening

You do realise that there literally are thousands of different beers? Feel free to visit some time, and we can head down to Belgium, and start sampling some damn good beer.

But on to Sucker Punch. I think I can somewhat agree with you that there exists a deeper layer - even though when exiting the theater I was still debating whether that notion was wistful thinking on my part.

Nowadays I usually summarize it as 90 minutes of nerd-porn with a decent ending slapped on. The whole notion of layered escapism is fascinating, and it certainly had the potential to be a great movie. It was actually living up to that potential during the brothel scenes, but sadly it spectacularly blew any chances of greatness when it devolved into a nerd's wet dream.

To put it short: how many girls do you know whose escapism would involve fighting nazi zombies in a school girl's outfit?

There very well could be some deeper, subtler lesson hidden beneath the blatant fanservice - in much the same way as you can hide cookies in a dung heap. The cookies are good, but they still taste like shit.