Boyfriend is Mad! Need Some Advice.

[StriderShinryu]

I'm tempted to think it's not really about WoW, but the people you play with in it. Men (well, everyone really) can be rather insecure and jealous if they feel their significant other is developing a relationship with someone else. Note that I'm not saying you are, or that any relationships you have in WoW are anything more than friendly ones, but he certainly may be perceiving it that way (especially if every time you log in you seem to be hanging out and doing stuff with the same person, which can frequently happen in guilds).

 

[Sayvara]

He was way out of line: you asked well before-hand... and if he says "Yes" to it, then he can't come afterwards and give yoru grief about it.

If he wants to do more things together he should suggest what to do and not take a piss at you because you fill out the time with other stuff.

/S

 

[Tom Roberts]

While it would be refreshing (not good, just refreshingly simple) if that was all there was to it, I somehow doubt that your WoWing is the core of the problem. It just strikes me that there's much below the surface here. Why would he get so worked up over an activity that takes no longer than a study group for chemistry, going to a movie with 'the girls', or a book club meeting or some other activity? (assuming the guy is a non-douche who's not just looking for a cheerleader to rah-rah his electronic exploits. If that is the case, see refreshingly simple solutions from the other posters)

What strikes me most is that you say you used to play together the video games he's now playing alone. I presume that one of the consoles was left at home when you moved in together. Most likely he would like to spend more time with you, interacting, rather than in the same room doing different things. His means of expression is...poor, and his probable awareness of his reasons is likely low. (Or to put it more bluntly, he's not really aware why he feels like shit and is being an ass largely because that's where the shit comes out.)

One solution is to get a few games that allow two player play(preferably co-operative, Gears of War, Army of Two) on a single console. Another (more expensive) is to get a second console (and TV) so you can once more play together. Lastly you could port him over to Computer gaming, assuming each of you has a system) and play together that way.

Failing that (either cause it costs money you don't have, or cause you try and it fails) you could, like, Talk. Y'know like the grown-ups do. (Note: Adult is a term for legal proceedings and legislation. I know lots of Adults who aren't grown-ups. Also this doesn't work real well if both of you aren't grown-up.) Try and find out what's really going on here and if things are deeper rooted than they look to be.

 

[winter2]

I say go ahead and dump him. He sounds like a controlling douchebag and it's time for you to move on.

 

[Knusper]

It sounds like he wants to do something with you but seems incapable of organising it himself. You probably know what he likes, just come up with some ideas and ask if he'd like to do any of them.

 

[StBishop]

Despite the fact that I don't approve of all the badmouthing of your boyfriend, you're right, he's not communicating effectively.

Don't just leave him over it, work it out. You're with him for a reason, leave if you're truly unhappy but this doesn't sound like a big enough problem that it cannot be fixed.

That being said, I can't offer too many solutions but I'll give you what I've got;

- Try talking. I know you said he doesn't like talking (or something which I misread) but he will need to get over that to be a functioning member of both society and a relationship. Now might not be the time to point that out to him though. Try it, if talking doesn't work try something else.

For example,

- Stop playing WoW entirely for a little while, like 2 weeks. Just say (All of my solutions will have talking/communicating involved) look, I know you've got a problem with WoW but I honestly don't play any more than 2-3 hours a week and for the next few weeks I won't play at all. When I start playing again, I'll still only play a few hours (maybe try to do this when he's out).

- Buy Co-Op games/another console. Simple but, unfortunately, expensive.

- Work out a roster for gaming, not a strict one or anything but maybe have a rule where you get first dibs monday, he gets it tuesday, no one plays wednesday, co-op thursday and anything can happen friday. (Obviously you just work this to your schedual and preferance)

- Get a different hobby which gets you out of the house. Seriously, this will do you alot of good if you have the time for it. I don't mean that you should be out of the house all the time but give him some time in the place alone to veg and game and it will give you something to do, team sports are good, usually cheap and have a social element as well. Try suggest that he organise a poker night or a ball game (any ball) on thursday afternoon or something with his buddies. You don't need to be good at something to goof around with friends. Even frisbee is awesmome.

I am pretty much out for now but obviously this is just advice, take it with a grain of salt and modify it to fit your needs/desires.

Good luck with your boyfriend.

Edit: Totally forgot. Have more sex. Quite often works.

 

[Baby Tea]

I need someone's help.

As a man married for only a little more then 2 years, let me offer what I've learned on this subject:
Set aside time for each other. Every week, my wife and I have a 'date night' where we pick what to do together, and we do it. No video games for me, no crappy TV shows that suck for her (I'm a little biased). So we'll either watch a movie or two together, or watch a set of shows we like, or go for a walk, or whatever. As long as it's together, with no 'alone' time for that night.

That's worked out swimmingly so far. We'll still spend every night having dinner together and watching a show or two, but then she'll turn on Grey's Anatomy or some other show I hate with all my being, and I'll head off and play PC or 360 games. Then we usually goto bed around the same time. And I always try to take time between online rounds, or I'll pause the game, to head over and see how she's doing, get her a drink or something, and let her know I'm not forgetting about her.

It's give and take, and both have to be involved. He can't selfishly demand you stop playing that game any more then you could demand he stop playing his favourite game. It's a partnership, not a contest of power!

My two cents, at least.

 

[scythecow]

This sounds like a pretty scary warning sign and he sounds like a pretty sensitive fellow. Talk to him and compromise what has to be compromised but don't sell yourself short or anything. If he thinks you have to get the raw deal for him to be happy he needs to learn a few things.

You might need to be armed with facts and a calm, patient demeanor.

On another note, WoW is a horrible evil thing designed to eat your money and your soul and I'm glad I quit the game entirely after it started to devour me raiding 3-4 times a week. Really, if you only play WoW one time a week, even if you played it that ENTIRE DAY it shouldn't be a problem when you live together and are around each other all the time.

So I have to wonder about what the underlying issues could be, and if you don't know what his problem is either then dig for it!

 

[Jinxzy]

While it would be refreshing (not good, just refreshingly simple) if that was all there was to it, I somehow doubt that your WoWing is the core of the problem. It just strikes me that there's much below the surface here. Why would he get so worked up over an activity that takes no longer than a study group for chemistry, going to a movie with 'the girls', or a book club meeting or some other activity? (assuming the guy is a non-douche who's not just looking for a cheerleader to rah-rah his electronic exploits. If that is the case, see refreshingly simple solutions from the other posters)

What strikes me most is that you say you used to play together the video games he's now playing alone. I presume that one of the consoles was left at home when you moved in together. Most likely he would like to spend more time with you, interacting, rather than in the same room doing different things. His means of expression is...poor, and his probable awareness of his reasons is likely low. (Or to put it more bluntly, he's not really aware why he feels like shit and is being an ass largely because that's where the shit comes out.)

One solution is to get a few games that allow two player play(preferably co-operative, Gears of War, Army of Two) on a single console. Another (more expensive) is to get a second console (and TV) so you can once more play together. Lastly you could port him over to Computer gaming, assuming each of you has a system) and play together that way.

Failing that (either cause it costs money you don't have, or cause you try and it fails) you could, like, Talk. Y'know like the grown-ups do. (Note: Adult is a term for legal proceedings and legislation. I know lots of Adults who aren't grown-ups. Also this doesn't work real well if both of you aren't grown-up.) Try and find out what's really going on here and if things are deeper rooted than they look to be.

This isn't the first time and we tried talking. But every time we do it's other things that come up. It's like he wants me to stop playing WoW and all games together, he always wants to stop playing games too. It doesn't happen. When I ask him why he gets so mad he says I'm being childish and that I wouldn't understand. It's never one straight answer. He mostly answers a question with a question. Or he doesn't wanna talk about his feelings at all.
He strongly hates PC games. He wants nothing to do with them. I talked to him about getting the a 2nd console ( he gave his away to his brother before he moved in) but he just sighs at the idea of buying 2 games every time. When we play games that are co-op he complain about the split screen. Or he just doesn't want to play that game. We loved playing little big planet together but now he just wants to play CoD or Star wars the Force Unleashed. I really do miss playing CoD, Gears, and Halo with him but he also wants to play with online friends. With Black Ops coming out we are buying 2 games. I'm getting the 360 one and he's getting the PS3. All because he has more friends on the PS3 to play with.

 

[BaldursBananaSoap]

If you can't talk to him and confront him about this I don't think you should be together. And if he doesn't want to open up to you then this is more proof.

 

[chaos order]

simply tell him how u feel like u did here. and if hes still bitching bout u playing WOW, then ***** at him for playing MW2 and hogging the console and see what arguments he has

 

[Thedayrecker]

/Scrubs joke

In all seriousness, I've never heard of a male complaining about their partner's "addiction" to videogames. Are you sure he's not mad for another reason, and possibly venting on you?

EDIT: Rest of the video for reference:

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Snip

Try to convince him to get an account, trick him into playing WoW... something like that.

Get him to play (or better yet go out raiding together) and he will forever shut up about it.

 

[sageoftruth]

Well, if he was playing MW2, he's probably just cranky because he's tired of being called a fag and a noob by everyone.

 

[dark_taint92]

Who owns the appartment? and who owns the xbox, ps3 and pc?

My advice would be he's being an arsehole saying he wants you to stop gaming completely whereas he can carry on regardless tell him up straight that he sort's himself out or you leave him, that's all I can offer from my point of view

 

[Jinxzy]

Who owns the appartment? and who owns the xbox, ps3 and pc?

My advice would be he's being an arsehole saying he wants you to stop gaming completely whereas he can carry on regardless tell him up straight that he sort's himself out or you leave him, that's all I can offer from my point of view

We split the apartment. He owns the PS3. I own the pc and the 360.

 

[awesomebillfromdawsonville]

Sounds like your boyfriend just found himself a new boyfriend...

 

[drdamo]

A problem only becomes a problem if you define it as being a problem.

Instead of him sulking about those 2-3 hours a week, he could focus more on the time you don't play it, which technically is 7x24-3 = 165 hours which is 98,2% of your total time in a week.
So if 1,8% of your weekly time defines your relationship as being crap, it says more about his inability to make something of all that other time by wasting all that energy on focusing on that tiny piece of gravel on the road.

And the fact that he avoids an adult conversation, simply because he thinks he's better than you and you'll never be as adult or wise as him, only makes me wonder why you are still arround him and only underlines his personal flaws even more.

He treats you like an item, a trophy, someone who should obey his every command whenever he likes it. You should really reconsider if you truely love this guy, why you fell in love with him in the first place and if you tried your best to work for your relationship.

If he's acting like a dick, without willing to explain why, he's just a kid stomping his feet for not getting what he wants and how he wants it.

My advice:
Demand him to turn of his console, take a seat and have a personal conversation like an adult.
If he seeks excuses for not having one, then he's having a personal issue and it'll not be your fault mostly.
If he gets angry and refuses to talk about his personal feelings, i guess you'll be better off enjoying life without him.

Keep in mind that a relationship is something thats nice to have, yet if keep telling yourself that you can't enjoy life without one, you'll be having relations for the wrong reasons and usually bad ones while they last.