Boyfriend of 3 1/2 Years Kinda Broke Up With Me

[soren7550]

Will get into details later, right now I'm trying really hard to not cry uncontrollably.

I love him dearly, and hope that things will get better, but as of right now I could really use some cheering up.

For more discussion purposes, anyone know ways to help me deal with this?

Capatcha: stay safe
Real sick sense of humor you have there, capatcha.

EDIT: Okay, for some details that I can manage at the moment, it's largely because of my financial issues and employment. I'm a poorass and barely employed, which has been a big strain on my boyfriend. I largely understand though, and he says that he still loves me. Naturally, I still love him greatly, and he admits that should I be able to get that all fixed up, he'd have no problem getting back together.

Thing is, I've been trying to get a steady job for years, and have had no luck.

EDIT 2: Bit more better, so a bit more details.

Yes, I probably suffer from clinical depression. At one point in high school I was on something, but I was never told what for, but I do know my mother took me off them because the refills cost over $100 USD, and I found out that the pills had a greatly increased chance of making me want to kill myself. I'd seek therapy and meds, but those cost a lot of money and I have no health insurance.

Speaking of high school, I've been trying to get a steady job since I was able to get my working papers (so, since I was 16 I believe). In all those years, I've had four real jobs, one of which was an internship that I was required to do in order to graduate, and never got paid for.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, as the boyfriend is my only friend, as I tend to hate most everyone else and/or just can't talk to them (thanks Asperger's!), I can't really delve into much escapism (don't have my games, don't have my movies, I have few books on me, I have my laptop but I can't use it for too long because of overheating), there isn't really a whole lot I can go out to do (again, lack of money). I kinda have to make do though, since I have to stay at my brother's, and his place is jam packed with garbage, pests, and animals I'm evidently allergic to in some form.

EDIT 3: So, this happened recently. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.862900-Boyfriend-of-3-1-2-Years-Kinda-Broke-Up-With-Me?page=2#21697534]

 

[BloatedGuppy]

For more discussion purposes, anyone know ways to help me deal with this?

Probably should ask to have this moved to the advice channel. Rules for decorum are much more strict there.

Three years is tough. Three years is a long term relationship, and judging by your age probably your first major relationship. Can be jarring as hell, especially when you're on the wrong end of the break up. Believe me I know, I've been there. It's a real punch in the gut. It can take time to recover.

So, short list of things to do for yourself post-breakup:

1. Take solace in your friends. They're usually pretty good at propping you up and listening to you mope.
2. Take refuge in escapism. Emotional pain of this nature is temporal, it WILL fade. If you can hide from the worst of it in your hobby of choice so much the better.
3. Ward off clinical depression. Eat properly, sleep properly, make sure you get some exercise. The last in particular will release endorphins that will elevate your mood.
4. There are some essential "post break up" movies for guys I always recommend, but they might serve for you as well. "High Fidelity" is one of them. "500 Days of Summer" is another.
5. Don't worry about him or why he did what he did. Worry about you. Think about what went awry in the relationship, what things you might do better next time, what things you learned. Breakups are painful but they also help us grow as a person. Your early twenties are a transformative period in your life, you are going to change a LOT. I look back at the person I was at your age and I barely recognize him.
6. Try and remember that the great majority of romantic relationships we have in life are transitory, and this does not rob them of value. We put a lot of weight on finding "the one" instead of enjoying what we have in a moment. Just because it's over doesn't mean it was a failure or a waste of time. We all take something out of our relationships, it stays with us.
7. Resist the urge to rebound. Serial monogamy can be fun but it's important to learn to be happy with your own company. It'll make relationships seem less essential, and make them easier to navigate in the future.
8. One day this will be a distant memory. I had breakups that hurt so badly I thought I wanted to die. I sobbed and wailed, I made a fool of myself begging, it was a bad scene. I look back on it now and I laugh. The times that really hurt are the times I was a dick and could have been better, not the times I had my heart broken. Hearts mend. You are going to be OK.

There. There's a bunch of sappy and well meaning advice, for whatever it's worth. Now go eat some ice cream or something, I hear that's the absolute shit when you're sad.

 

[shrekfan246]

Anything that would get your mind off of it would be best, though I know how hard that can be in the first few days/weeks following something like that.

Are you a cat person?

Spoiler

Or a puppy person?

Spoiler

Otherwise, I always tend to dive into music whenever I feel my emotions start to reach any sort of boiling point. Letting myself go along with something that touches me helps calm me down.

Sorry to hear that, for what it's worth.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Are you a cat person? Or a puppy person?

Why can't someone be both? Why must you divide us like this?

I have a dream that one day this forum will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all fuzzy animals are created equal."

 

[Roxas1359]

Welp, I have many methods of dealing with sadness, usually something in Fallout New Vegas helps, or looking at cute animals. Now everyone always posts things like kittens or puppies, hell I usually post ferrets. But no, I think this case deserves some of these little furballs!

If that doesn't work, SGB's LPs always tend to make me laugh, such as today's episode which had me almost burst out laughing in the middle of my break at work, specifically the end starting at 15:33.

 

[shrekfan246]

Are you a cat person? Or a puppy person?

Why can't someone be both? Why must you divide us like this?

I have a dream that one day this forum will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all fuzzy animals are created equal."

I was going to make a third spoiler that combined the two, actually, and then while I was typing the post and finding relevant images it completely slipped my mind.

Spoiler

Of course, this opens the floodgates to other fuzzy animals as well. I mean, why not rabbits, yeah?

Spoiler

 

[Roxas1359]

snip

I believe I 1-uped you with the lovely red panda cubs. :3
And if that didn't work, there is always my fallback plan, which is generally ferrets and chinchillas.

Spoiler: Look at it's cuteness!

Spoiler: Look at it and die from D'awwing!

 

[the December King]

When I went through relationship woes, I was devastated and sought solace in mindless entertainment. I needed to laugh, and it helped me get through the sadness, and eventually I felt better (well, it was a help, to be sure, but not the Holy Grail or mescaline or anything).

I wish I had something to help to cheer you up that was as surefire and cute as these lil' mammals, though.

...

What I do have... is nonsense. Nonsense so absurd, that you will totally lose yourself in the madness.

I give you: Luxury Comedy.


I understand it's not for everyone, but hey- it's definitely distracting.

 

[madwarper]

but as of right now I could really use some cheering up.

Cheer up soren7550.

You know what they say... Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad. Other things can make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble. Give a whistle! And, this'll help things turn out for the best.

Spoiler: And...

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Whenever life gets you down, Soren, and things seem hard or tough, and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft and you feel that you've had quite enough...

Spoiler: Just remember...

 

[PsychicTaco115]

*Stupid Escapist, not saving my posts >.<*

Do you like Dark Souls?

Spoiler: Dank Souls is better

Do you like anime?

Spoiler: Desu Desu!

What the desu did you just fucking desu about me, you little desu? I?ll have you know I graduated top of my desu in the Navy Desus, and I?ve been involved in numerous secret desus on Al-Desu, and I have over 300 confirmed desus. I am trained in desu warfare and I?m the top desu in the entire US armed desu. You are nothing to me but just another desu. I will desu you the fuck out with desu the likes of which has never been seen before on this desu, mark my fucking desu. You think you can get away with saying that desu to me over the desu? Think again, desu. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of desu across the USA and your desu is being traced right now so you better prepare for the spam, maggot. The spam that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your desu. You?re fucking desu, kid. I can be desu, desu, and I can desu you in over desu ways, and that?s just with my bare desu. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed desu, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Desu and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable desu off the face of the desu, you little desu. If only you could have known what unholy desu your little ?desu? comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking desu. But you desu, you desu, and now you?re desu, you goddamn desu. I will shit desu all over you and you will drown in it. You?re fucking desu, kiddo.

Do you like the US National Anthem?

Spoiler: I cri everytim

https://soundcloud.com/airhorn-orchestra/star-spangled-memes

Laughter is the best medicine and these things always make me giggle :3

That sort of thing is tough but just know people are here for you <3

 

[soren7550]

Probably should ask to have this moved to the advice channel. Rules for decorum are much more strict there.

Sorry.

So, short list of things to do for yourself post-breakup:

1. Take solace in your friends. They're usually pretty good at propping you up and listening to you mope.
2. Take refuge in escapism. Emotional pain of this nature is temporal, it WILL fade. If you can hide from the worst of it in your hobby of choice so much the better.
3. Ward off clinical depression. Eat properly, sleep properly, make sure you get some exercise. The last in particular will release endorphins that will elevate your mood.
4. There are some essential "post break up" movies for guys I always recommend, but they might serve for you as well. "High Fidelity" is one of them. "500 Days of Summer" is another.
5. Don't worry about him or why he did what he did. Worry about you. Think about what went awry in the relationship, what things you might do better next time, what things you learned. Breakups are painful but they also help us grow as a person. Your early twenties are a transformative period in your life, you are going to change a LOT. I look back at the person I was at your age and I barely recognize him.
6. Try and remember that the great majority of romantic relationships we have in life are transitory, and this does not rob them of value. We put a lot of weight on finding "the one" instead of enjoying what we have in a moment. Just because it's over doesn't mean it was a failure or a waste of time. We all take something out of our relationships, it stays with us.
7. Resist the urge to rebound. Serial monogamy can be fun but it's important to learn to be happy with your own company. It'll make relationships seem less essential, and make them easier to navigate in the future.
8. One day this will be a distant memory. I had breakups that hurt so badly I thought I wanted to die. I sobbed and wailed, I made a fool of myself begging, it was a bad scene. I look back on it now and I laugh. The times that really hurt are the times I was a dick and could have been better, not the times I had my heart broken. Hearts mend. You are going to be OK.

There. There's a bunch of sappy and well meaning advice, for whatever it's worth. Now go eat some ice cream or something, I hear that's the absolute shit when you're sad.

1.) He's my one and only friend.
2.) Trying, but it isn't helping.
3.) I really can't make myself eat for the time being, I'm at my brothers so no sleep here, and I hate exercise.
4.) I don't have access to movies.
5.) I know full well that this is my fault. Making matters worse is the fact that I've been suicidal due to my failings, and this isn't helping. He's been the only reason why I haven't done anything of that sort.
6.) Clearly, I failed though, since I wasn't able to make him fully happy, and I'm stuck as me.
7.) I've never been happy with my own company. The boyfriend did though, and things that I have about me, he was able to love, which is one of the reasons I love him so.
8.) Considering that he's pretty much the sole person I can stand, I doubt that.

 

[BadNewDingus]

Look. Nothing is gonna make you happy until you get back with him. I've been there and I know for a fact that I didn't listen to anyone. I just wanted pity. Sooner or later, if he comes back or not, you will get over it. The only advice I would give you is something you know already ... find a better job and improve yourself. Being alone is dangerous as it only leaves you with your thoughts and that is your worse enemy.

 

[Artaneius]

If your good in online competitive games, just pwn some noobs in Quake, UT, CS, or Halo. Always cheers me up.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

So, short list of things to do for yourself post-breakup:


5. Don't worry about him or why he did what he did. Worry about you. Think about what went awry in the relationship, what things you might do better next time, what things you learned. Breakups are painful but they also help us grow as a person. Your early twenties are a transformative period in your life, you are going to change a LOT. I look back at the person I was at your age and I barely recognize him.

5.) I know full well that this is my fault. Making matters worse is the fact that I've been suicidal due to my failings, and this isn't helping. He's been the only reason why I haven't done anything of that sort.

I'm sorry but #5 is HORRIBLE advice. Don't try and look at what actions may or may not have caused this too happen

There's a time for introspection but now's not that time

 

[Mrkillhappy]

I feel that what helps cheer me up when I am upset is playing a good video game, watching my favorite movies, listening to my favorite music or doing what ever else I love to do. I'm truly sorry to hear about your situation & despite not even knowing who you are I wish I could do more to help comfort you. I understand that right now escapism isn't working but give it time, remember the saying "time heals all wounds," I know that things suck now but just believe in yourself. Tell yourself that you can get through this because you can, I'm sure that you are a wonderful person who can easily turn this into something positive I too have been struggling with finding better employment & feel your pain. Hang in there I have a feeling that things might just work out for the best, please try and have a good day.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Everyone's different when it comes to dealing with break-ups.

I was with my ex for over three years and when we broke up, I just immersed myself in friends and work.

I drive myself crazy if I just sit around to dwell and obsess over something, I find it better to keep myself occupied until the initial pain and fear subsides and then I deal with it and move on. That said, my break-up was fairly mutual so I think it was a little easier on me.

I think in any break-up, the initial shock is the worst. You're scared and upset and generally the person you want to seek comfort from is the one person you can't go to. It can feel so overwhelming and you want to run back to the relationship and have everything as it was. I know it's not going to help you now but it will get better.


You kind of sound like a large portion of your life and self-worth seems to revolve around your boyfriend. That's not a particularly healthy state of affairs for either of you and I can understand why having that ripped away from you would make you feel desperate.

I can't really advise you solidly because I'm not you but I think this would be a good time to reflect on you. What you want for yourself, where you want to go, maybe take it as an opportunity to meet new people or try to think about the good things, you obviously have great qualities apart from being your boyfriend's girlfriend. I'm a firm believer that in order to be fully happy in a relationship, you need to be able to be happy with yourself. Easier said than done but this might be the perfect opportunity to confront why you don't feel happy in your own company.

 

[SaikyoKid]

I'm going to go off of the assumption that this is probably your first big break up. The best bit of advice I can probably give at the moment, would be to not let yourself slip into any unhealthy habits and just do what you can to pass the time. Improve yourself, better yourself some how, just don't sit around and let your mind wander. I know that when mine does, it usually doesn't wander to anything good at least.

You said you needed to find some kinda job? Spend the next couple of days just driving around town (or whatever your mode of transport is) and hitting up all the local shops for open positions. Coffee shops, markets, hell even hospitals have numerous entry level jobs available if you look them up and ask. Just shotgun as many applications as you can and something'll stick eventually. At the very least, you'll be killing time and getting out and about too.

And as a little side note, this?

1.) He's my one and only friend.

This is bullshit. At the VERY least, you're part of the community here too. I know we're basically just words on a computer screen here, but we're all here to help out.

 

[carnex]

Everyone takes different approach to this. My is to saden myself out of it. Last time it took 3 days of sulking in my room in dark while listening to sadest music out there (like Thanatos - If I Can't be Yours).

After that, I'm pretty much ok, didn't work it out of my system really, but I guess then I feel something like "that was enough, back to reality" and I don't look back. Can't really recommend that method but it works for me