Breaking up face-to-face

[Icehearted]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

But isn't that a given? If your relationship is so important to you, why are you choosing to end it? You're telling the person you don't want to be with them, so isn't the formality of meeting with them really just a gimmick?

Not exactly. Ending a relationship isn't always about it's importance, but what's best for all persons involved. You could be in love, mutually, but in a position where things are unhealthy, careers get in the way, family problems, or one of the persons involved has taken up bad habits for example. Ending things , let's say over the phone, is about as personal as ordering a pizza. A text isn't even a voice, it's not had written, it's about as unfeeling as it gets.

Relationships are about the good and the bad, and if a person is mature enough to be with someone, shouldn't they exercise the same maturity in ending them? Isn't the awkwardness a part of what makes us grow? Picking and choosing what we're willing to feel rather than accepting that we must experience all aspects, for better or worse seems unhealthy. Marriages end because people can't deal with the tough times, the awkwardness, or the hardships, and they get into the habit of avoiding these things early on in relationships, where they think they're doing themselves a favor by keeping a person they were willing to snuggle up against one day at arm's length the next.

My last breakup, for example, ended with a hug and a kiss, and no hard feelings. We were both better off because we were able to talk about it like adults, we could experience each other's feelings honestly and intimately, and the gravity of the break was harder to ignore. Talking things out face to face is very different than over the phone, or text, or whatever else that keeps people at a distance, and if the person being broken up with wants to be left alone, then being there empowers them by giving them some kind of choice where they would otherwise have none and could just feel something akin to being victimized (poor analogy, but it's the best I have off the top of my head).

Sorry about the wall of text. The important thing is that it's all about exploring all of the emotions involved, and making sure that cowardice and convenience isn't getting priority over treating others impersonally, and discarding them with the push of a few buttons.

 

[SilverUchiha]

I've been broken up with twice. Both times, it was over the phone or by text. I'm gonna tell you now, as much as I cared about those two gals... I sorta hate them for being that inconsiderate and bitchy. The second girl, I'll admit, it was a week long relationship and I didn't see it going anywhere for much longer... but at least try to make an attempt to be considerate. I don't cut the first girl any credit at all. A roughly 3 year relationship and I call her one day only to have her tell me that we're through. Thanks for the memo... next time can we actually meet in person so I feel like this whole deal actually matters to you?

In short, while the long-distance thing is more convenient, it shows lack of caring, compassion, and just being a decent person. It's going to hurt no matter what.

 

[Kragg]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

But isn't that a given? If your relationship is so important to you, why are you choosing to end it? You're telling the person you don't want to be with them, so isn't the formality of meeting with them really just a gimmick?

what a twisted view on relationships, if its that hollow, sure, break it up over msn

 

[vfaulkon]

Try and think on it this way, manic_d:

Let's assume that you and your (I'm assuming) girlfriend are in a relationship, and that you really care about her - enough to have invested a lot of time and emotion on her. Now, assume that one day, apparently out of nowhere, she sends you an e-mail or a text or whatever saying, "I'm breaking up with you." No discussion, no warning, just 'we're done, have a nice life'.

Unless you've been completely phoning it in for the entire relationship, trust me - that shit HURTS. I speak from experience as the victim of a (rather vicious) Dear John letter. When you don't even get a chance to voice your opinion, that's both painful and unfair.

What it boils down to is that a relationship involves TWO people - yourself and the other person. You both should have an equal say in what direction the relationship goes, even if that direction leads to the end of the line. Giving the other person anything less leaves them hurt, bitter and confused, MORESO than the simple act of breaking up would cause.

That's why face-to-face is best. It's not manners, it's not tradition, it's simple human kindness. And even if the relationship is over, the other person's still a human being regardless of what s/he has or hasn't done.

 

[rachel_who]

Doing it over a distance seems cowardly to me! If you have a genuine reason for breaking up yu should tell this to your bf/gf face to face and it can be accepted/resolved easily.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

I believe there is at least one circumstance that breaking up with someone over the phone is better. One thing for certain: I wouldn't wanna be within arm's reach if my ex were to lash out at me. And with email, one could say everything they need and have time to smooth out all the errors and such, then block him/her.

Whether a breakup happens via face-to-face, email, text, or phone, there is always a chance the ex could turn into a stalker.

Shit like this makes me wanna stay single.

 

[azncutthroat]

Face-to-face.

But then again, I've never broken up with anyone.

 

[nick n stuff]

don't do it over the web, by text,anything like that. phone is just about excusable but go for in person cos u have to think what might be sain about you when all is said and done.

 

[Baby Tea]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

But isn't that a given? If your relationship is so important to you, why are you choosing to end it?

From personal experience, there have been girls that I liked, but knew the relationship wouldn't go anywhere. What's the point of dating someone if you know you'll never love them romantically, and it'll end one way or another? For me: There isn't, so I ended them.
The friendship was still important, and the girls still great, but I knew it wasn't going anywhere.

So there is where I broke up face to face, and tried to keep the friendship.
And that worked for all but one relationship, and she hates me. But what can you do?

 

[BryceN]

Well, if there was a relationship, it means at some point in time the individual meant something to you. And now your telling them they mean less than what they once did. Face to Face shows that you still regard them as someone worthy of basic human decency. texting/e-mail/IM/phone shows that now they mean about as much as gunk scraped off the bottom of your shoe. Even to girls that were total dirtbags to me, ending it with the formality of a face to face meeting has made for some much less awkward classrooms when we've had to see each other again.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

It's a common courtesy to deliver big news face-to-face, however it's not without it's drawbacks, namely the human ability to ignore what has been said.

I've had two different girlfriends be told by me, face-to-face, that we were done, not in a nasty way, just in a relationship's-run-it's-course way, yet both of them have later ranted at me over the phone for telling our friends that we'd broken up. There isn't much I can do after that point, just let them rant and put the phone down when they're done.

 

[Malgan]

Funny this would come up now, I just found a webpage which demonstrates one of the worst(funniest) ways of braking up. Hire Bradley!
www.idump4you.com, check him out

 

[Blindswordmaster]

"I'd never stab you in the back, Shepard. Warriors like us, face to face."-Grunt

Dumping someone over the phone(or electronic medium) shows that you don't care about them at all. Their feelings mean nothing to you, you just want then gone. Breaking up in person shows that you care(ed) enough to give them that dignity. That's why. Also, it shows a very clear end to the relationship. You don't get that feeling with a text.

 

[REPLAY13]

I broke up with my last girlfriend over facebook (private message, not a public thing) mainly because she was in Hong Kong at the time. with the direction the relationship had taken I think I gave her just as much respect as she'd been showing me. almost 3 years together, considering we're only 18 that's a pretty long time.

the last time I'd tried to break up with her she started the fake tears and saying she'd change (for like the 4th time) but guess what, she didn't. I just wanted to end it quickly and cleanly.

 

[TheColdHeart]

A girl once got her friend to text me telling me she was breaking up with me because she didnt have the balls to do it herself. (Even though I'd broken up with her a week earlier and she denied it to everyone so SHE could be the one doing the dumping...lame I know.)

And my last ex broke up with my over the phone as our long distance relationship wasn't working out and she couldn't keep playing things were 'ok' until I saw her next. Which was fair in my opinion as it was getting a bit shitty seeing someone once every 4 months for 2 days and it would have cost £150 just to see each other to end it, be sad and then have a plane ride feeling like ass.

 

[Brandon237]

Always face to face. It shows that you at least care about the other person as a living being. It is also the brave and the right thing to do. If a girl ever broke up with me over the phone I think I would break something and never talk to them again. [small] Oh, who am I kidding, I'm too nice, but I would still be inwardly tortured[/small]

If I am even discussing a friendship I try to do it face to face. It is brave and polite.

There was a list of the ten rudest things that are done in modern society and breaking up via SMS was high on that list.

 

[Bob the Average]

i prefer the face to face thing it's a respect thing although i can't articulate exactly why. Although if it's a long distance thing to begin with the phone or skype would probably be the best.

 

[EeveeElectro]

My ex was too thick to understand me dumping him to his face so I told him on MSN that I didn't want to see him again.
My boyfriend lives about 2 hours away, so travelling that far for him to dump me would be sill. Although we're moving in together soon, so he could always do it then. I wouldn't want him to though.

 

[vodkainferno]

Personally, after all my relationships were broken up over the phone. (None by me)
I can personally say that it is quite insensitive. They don't care enough to tell you to your face. Plus, if thing get hairy, they don't have to explain. While it is quite the effective and easy to do, its not the right thing to do.
"Anything easy has its costs" - Bare Naked Ladies, Falling for the First Time.