Had to get back on to discuss this. Being a student at the time of writing, bullying is a much smaller problem then presented. Some view it as the end of the world, but it isn't. Those people who kill themselves were doing something wrong, god love them. They should have done something if it was bad enough to kill themselves. I have run the gauntlet of bullying, and it can seem bad, but it isn't bad enough to kill yourself over. I can understand if there were some outstanding mental health conditions, but otherwise they made a mistake. Back a while ago there was a slew of gay teen suicides in September (Rise Against wrote a song about it I believe.). As a gay teen who was bullied, I discovered something: you need help. I had religion. Not anything organized, but just a simple belief got me through it. I don't think that's the right solution for everyone, but some support is needed, from any source. Sorry if this was rambley, but writing is not one of my skills.
Bullying: Stop the complaining.
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As someone who "survived" bullying, I feel there are some things that many don't quite get. Now, yes, there were times I "fixed" the problem by standing up for myself -- that is, by fighting back -- but the problem is this is not a universal solution. In fact, it rarely does a damn thing to stop the bullying.andrewfox said:
Calling on kids to "stand up for themselves" makes several incorrect and dangerous assumptions. Firstly, it assumes that everyone is equal, such that each victim has the ability to stand up to each bully. Secondly, it assumes that fights are fair. Thirdly, it assumes that fights are final.
Bullying is different from kids fighting, arguing, or making fun of one another. Bullying is specifically targeted, and true bullies choose their victims quite carefully to avoid the possibility of the victim fighting back.
1. The victim is usually smaller, weaker, or otherwise physically disadvantaged. Sure, you can "fight back," but it likely will not end well. It doesn't matter how black your belt is, if someone has 60 pounds on you, you're going to get worse than you give unless they're just abysmally bad at fighting... which brings us to:
2. The bully is usually far more experienced in fighting. A lot of times, they come from backgrounds in which fighting is the norm -- and experience matters. Asking most kids to stand up to a bully is like asking a fish to fight on land. You're out of your element, and you're in his.
3. The victim is usually already socially outcast. That's what makes for a "safe" victim. If they don't have friends, no one is there to come to their rescue. This greatly increases the likelihood that any fights are going to, numerically, tip toward the bully (who nearly always has a "pack").
Basically, the bully has carefully selected a victim specifically to avoid any semblance of a fair fight. They've got the home court advantage, they have numbers on their side, and they're just plain bigger and stronger in nearly every case. The victim's only hope is, in a nutshell, to either avoid the situation, or make sure they've got someone bigger (ie, adults) watching out for them. It's foolishness to tell the victims to fight on the bully's terms.
As many other previous people have said, bullying is MUCH more difficult to deal with because of the lack of tolerance on violence. Also if the Simpsons and most other media should have taught you anything, is that the higher power never helps.
Take me for example, I'm in high school, get teased, bullied, etc. but I caught Hands foot and mouth forcing me to miss a few weeks of school. I need to keep my attendance up or I get to repeat the year, and with scheduled doctor's appointments and stuff, I can't AFFORD to fight back or I'll be completely fucked.
In short, bullying cannot be easily coped with when you've got few enough options that make things even worse. Oh and extra note: the people who jump off building's usually have depression, and as someone WITH depression, It's already hard enough to deal with the bullshit in your head, so those fuckers do a great job at piling it on.
Take me for example, I'm in high school, get teased, bullied, etc. but I caught Hands foot and mouth forcing me to miss a few weeks of school. I need to keep my attendance up or I get to repeat the year, and with scheduled doctor's appointments and stuff, I can't AFFORD to fight back or I'll be completely fucked.
In short, bullying cannot be easily coped with when you've got few enough options that make things even worse. Oh and extra note: the people who jump off building's usually have depression, and as someone WITH depression, It's already hard enough to deal with the bullshit in your head, so those fuckers do a great job at piling it on.
Well I don't know the circumstances behind what happened to you, but if it went that far I would say you would have been justified to kill the person while they had a knife... what I cannot understand is why you did not just go to the police after the fact. Rape crosses the line from bullying way out into federal offense territory w/ long term prison time. No local cop brushing it off as boys will be boys there. I know it's scary, but rape is not just bullying anymore and rapists have to be stopped.GunsmithKitten said:
I had a gf once who was violently raped at college, the rapist scarred the inside of her vagina using a broken bottle, and she didn't go to the police. A couple months later, the same guy killed the next girl he picked for his victim. It really fucked her up to know that this guy was able to kill that girl because she didn't go to the police, her words. There were 4 others who came forward too. They all testified in court, but it took him having to kill a girl and get caught with a body before it stopped.
The whole thing has shaped her life. Not long after we split she started dating lesbians. There were times during sex that she would just stop, freak out and curl up in a ball. She really wanted to be with me but there was so many other things about her that were just, crazy. Too much yelling at me and sometimes she hit me. I split.
Perhaps I wasn't quite clear in my meaning here. Your argument here rests on the notion that bullying, rape, whatever is somehow unavoidable. The idea of a precaution to prevent something hails from the idea that it is there to be prevented in the first place and thus actions taken or not taken increase or decrease the chance of it occurring. I disagree, I don't think it has to inevitable. Furthermore, in saying they could have done things to avoid it, you are saying that what occurred was somehow justified by the same rational that requires the idea that it is unavoidable in the first place. For an off the wall analogy, you are saying people should always take an umbrella in order to avoid being rain on. If they don't, there is an increased chance of it happening and they could have avoided that. I am saying that we are in a building, that is just faulty sp[sprinklers and we shouldn't have to worry about that shit to begin with, so instead of telling people to cope with it, lets fix the fucking sprinklers instead of inconveniencing everyone who has to deal with it.Eclectic Dreck said:
Furthermore, you neglected to touch on the whole child-rape thing, even though as a comparison, it works fairly well. In both scenarios you have victims that are targeted, mistreated and through whatever reasons, often have little or no means of defending themselves or preventing it from happening. Do you happen to have any real solutions to preventing bullying? I suppose there are a few cases out there where it might affect, though the usual situation of outsider, quiet and unconfident kids being targeted as easy victims and then bullied is a bit hard to fix, when what you are essentially doing is asking the kid to not be who they are or to mature at a much faster rate then they would naturally all to counter the intentional actions of a bully who shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Th victim has to change whir habits or who they are to counter an issue that has no right to exist in the first place.
I can understand what you are saying here, the idea of decreasing the likelihood and all, but you are going at this the wrong way. The kids, even the socially stunted weird ones just "asking" to be bullied, have every right to be who they are and shouldn't have to change to avoid poor treatment. The real solution is to stop bullies, and unfortunately, trying to attack this issue from the idea of what the victim can do to stop it just does not seem the right way to do it. It gives the wrong message and very much like how saying women shouldn't dress promiscuously to avoid a rape, it DOES present things as what could have been done to avoid their fate, when the fate itself didn't have to exist, let alone be such a constant that people had to change their behavior to avoid it. Bullies shouldn't be the default, rapists shouldn't be the default. And people shouldn't have to change to cater to the weak wills and targeting methods of those who would make them victims.
Bullying is so varied you can't give generic advice. Telling a teacher doesn't always work, attacking them back doesn't always work, ignoring them doesn't always work. There is no right way or a surefire way that works. Teachers didn't do crap at my school but violence did stop them. Also I'm tiny and weak, fighting doesn't have to do with size it has to do with skill. My bullies were terrible and only knew how to throw punches, to which I'd dodge and knee them in the nuts or trip them and shove their face into the pavement.
Oh boy, bullying thread. Can't resist you, can I?
The main problem here is that whatever "solutions," anybody offers will make no difference or otherwise not apply. I can give you any number of ways to deal with a specific type of bullying or situation. Hell, I'll draw you up a step-by-step if need be. But then another person will come along and give me an account of their hilariously messed up childhood bullying experiences and I'm back to square one. No matter how many options are given here, none apply to all situations. And admin help you if you forget to mention that your idea won't apply to all situations, because everybody who reads will be happy to remind you.
But hey, everybody else is here venting so why not me? Here's a tale from both sides of the fence.
*Incoming Life Story: Reader Beware*
You'll notice I didn't offer any solutions on how to prevent or stop bullying. That's because there are no sure-fire ways. All the obvious ones have been pointed out and rejected. specifics are useless because of different cases. It all amounts, in the end, to yourself and the people around you. Maybe you'll cave. Maybe you'll fight. Maybe you'll shoot up a subway. Maybe you'll post your sob story on the internet and expect sympathy or for people to care. Maybe you'' come up with a heartfelt song that is just so YOU and expresses how you feel.
Whatever happens, don't give up. Endure. Find another way. Move to another school. Another state. Fight back. Don't fight back. Ignore it. Play it cool. Tell a teacher. Tell the principal. Tell your parents. Talk it out with your tormentors. Don't take the easy way out with a jug of Drano or a skydiving experiment that's a little too close to the ground. You won't live to regret it, but those few who can, do, or will care about you? They will.
Tl;dr
Platitudes. Wall of text. Anti-suicide overtone. Pointless post.
You're very welcome.
The main problem here is that whatever "solutions," anybody offers will make no difference or otherwise not apply. I can give you any number of ways to deal with a specific type of bullying or situation. Hell, I'll draw you up a step-by-step if need be. But then another person will come along and give me an account of their hilariously messed up childhood bullying experiences and I'm back to square one. No matter how many options are given here, none apply to all situations. And admin help you if you forget to mention that your idea won't apply to all situations, because everybody who reads will be happy to remind you.
But hey, everybody else is here venting so why not me? Here's a tale from both sides of the fence.
*Incoming Life Story: Reader Beware*
Right, so.
Bullying.
Yeah, I went through it. Hell, I WAS the bully for a few years, which always makes me kind of laugh when many people mention how they wish their own tormentors died or are happy they're dead. I wonder if any the people I messed with ever thought that about me? But I digress. I mellowed out after about three years. I didn't have some great epiphany or experience a big ordeal that changed my perceptions. That shit happens in movies. No, I simply...grew out of it, I suppose. I took up reading, video games. Made some newer, geekier friends and ended up getting glasses because my eyes had been going bad for some time. I'd crossed the fence and found the grass way greener on the other side, and the rivers were... well, ice fucking cold but that's beside the point.
I became quite the nerd and my reputation as a hardass quickly drained away. Then the problems started.
You have to understand, at the time I was The Asshole. The guy you didn't fuck with. I got away with it because the school system had a great habit of punishing both parties and hey, I didn't give a damn. I used those school suspensions as free vacations. I never even got expelled. You hear stories of teachers who just didn't care or were not effective? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I was that dick who heard you were going down with me and smirked. I was your own personal demon hounding your steps and I loved what I did. My parents were away too often to be particularly effective, although when they were around they really made efforts to straighten me out. I think if I hadn't started to change when I did, I'd have gone to juvenile at some point.
Anyways.
So about a year passes, things are going swell. I'd drawn away from the social groups I used to belong to and became that quiet, smart and somewhat mildly boring kid who never had any good small talk or was too busy reading to pay attention to others. I actually found I preferred it to my old lifestyle.
But those kids I bullied? They came back.
Hard feelings don't even begin to describe. I'd projected my own misery on them (Read: Daddy issues) and later they came back and decided to return the favor. I tried fighting back, but they'd learned since I'd last encountered them. They traveled in groups. I traveled mostly alone. (Read: Irony) You can see where this is going.
The administrative system I once used as a double tap against the kids I bullied worked against me. More often then not, it was me who got the blame on account of being the one with the record. It was fucking hilarious. I was getting my karma paid back doubletime. Slowly but surely it wore me down, I drove my friends away as I relapsed into my old persona and took out my aggression on them instead. I never did get a chance to try and fix those bridges. Of course, having no friends simply made it worse and as time went on I was a regular Shinji Ikari, shying away from any sort of contact that wasn't familial or absolutely necessary. Went through an emo phase, but that shit didn't last long: the whole "cutting myself," gig? Tried once. Stopped the moment the blade touched my skin.
Funnily enough, I never considered suicide. Not once. Because I firmly believe that suicide is a cowardly, selfish way out. It was a non-option. Same or booze or drugs. I preferred music and my bedroom. Porn, sometimes.
Time went on. Ended up latching onto three new friends. We became like brothers. And the bullying eased, because the friends I picked were quite popular around the bonfire and most every one happened to like them. eventually two of them had a disagreement with me and we went our separate ways. The remaining friend was distant and circumstances prevented us from really interacting. I didn't relapse, but things suddenly became much harder to deal with day by day. It came to a boil when I finally snapped and threatened to eviscerate(exact words) those motherfuckers and stream their houses with their guts. Fights broke out. I took more than I dished out.
What followed is unimportant. The events didn't stop. I got more and more depressed but refused to talk to my parents or a shrink about it. Pride and all that. I struggled through my last few years and then. Poof. They were gone. Suddenly my world was a lot brighter. Never saw my victims again.
So yeah, anti climax ending. I ended up reconnecting with my best buddy following school and moved on to bigger and better things. I am a much happier person now. The end.
Bullying.
Yeah, I went through it. Hell, I WAS the bully for a few years, which always makes me kind of laugh when many people mention how they wish their own tormentors died or are happy they're dead. I wonder if any the people I messed with ever thought that about me? But I digress. I mellowed out after about three years. I didn't have some great epiphany or experience a big ordeal that changed my perceptions. That shit happens in movies. No, I simply...grew out of it, I suppose. I took up reading, video games. Made some newer, geekier friends and ended up getting glasses because my eyes had been going bad for some time. I'd crossed the fence and found the grass way greener on the other side, and the rivers were... well, ice fucking cold but that's beside the point.
I became quite the nerd and my reputation as a hardass quickly drained away. Then the problems started.
You have to understand, at the time I was The Asshole. The guy you didn't fuck with. I got away with it because the school system had a great habit of punishing both parties and hey, I didn't give a damn. I used those school suspensions as free vacations. I never even got expelled. You hear stories of teachers who just didn't care or were not effective? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I was that dick who heard you were going down with me and smirked. I was your own personal demon hounding your steps and I loved what I did. My parents were away too often to be particularly effective, although when they were around they really made efforts to straighten me out. I think if I hadn't started to change when I did, I'd have gone to juvenile at some point.
Anyways.
So about a year passes, things are going swell. I'd drawn away from the social groups I used to belong to and became that quiet, smart and somewhat mildly boring kid who never had any good small talk or was too busy reading to pay attention to others. I actually found I preferred it to my old lifestyle.
But those kids I bullied? They came back.
Hard feelings don't even begin to describe. I'd projected my own misery on them (Read: Daddy issues) and later they came back and decided to return the favor. I tried fighting back, but they'd learned since I'd last encountered them. They traveled in groups. I traveled mostly alone. (Read: Irony) You can see where this is going.
The administrative system I once used as a double tap against the kids I bullied worked against me. More often then not, it was me who got the blame on account of being the one with the record. It was fucking hilarious. I was getting my karma paid back doubletime. Slowly but surely it wore me down, I drove my friends away as I relapsed into my old persona and took out my aggression on them instead. I never did get a chance to try and fix those bridges. Of course, having no friends simply made it worse and as time went on I was a regular Shinji Ikari, shying away from any sort of contact that wasn't familial or absolutely necessary. Went through an emo phase, but that shit didn't last long: the whole "cutting myself," gig? Tried once. Stopped the moment the blade touched my skin.
Funnily enough, I never considered suicide. Not once. Because I firmly believe that suicide is a cowardly, selfish way out. It was a non-option. Same or booze or drugs. I preferred music and my bedroom. Porn, sometimes.
Time went on. Ended up latching onto three new friends. We became like brothers. And the bullying eased, because the friends I picked were quite popular around the bonfire and most every one happened to like them. eventually two of them had a disagreement with me and we went our separate ways. The remaining friend was distant and circumstances prevented us from really interacting. I didn't relapse, but things suddenly became much harder to deal with day by day. It came to a boil when I finally snapped and threatened to eviscerate(exact words) those motherfuckers and stream their houses with their guts. Fights broke out. I took more than I dished out.
What followed is unimportant. The events didn't stop. I got more and more depressed but refused to talk to my parents or a shrink about it. Pride and all that. I struggled through my last few years and then. Poof. They were gone. Suddenly my world was a lot brighter. Never saw my victims again.
So yeah, anti climax ending. I ended up reconnecting with my best buddy following school and moved on to bigger and better things. I am a much happier person now. The end.
You'll notice I didn't offer any solutions on how to prevent or stop bullying. That's because there are no sure-fire ways. All the obvious ones have been pointed out and rejected. specifics are useless because of different cases. It all amounts, in the end, to yourself and the people around you. Maybe you'll cave. Maybe you'll fight. Maybe you'll shoot up a subway. Maybe you'll post your sob story on the internet and expect sympathy or for people to care. Maybe you'' come up with a heartfelt song that is just so YOU and expresses how you feel.
Whatever happens, don't give up. Endure. Find another way. Move to another school. Another state. Fight back. Don't fight back. Ignore it. Play it cool. Tell a teacher. Tell the principal. Tell your parents. Talk it out with your tormentors. Don't take the easy way out with a jug of Drano or a skydiving experiment that's a little too close to the ground. You won't live to regret it, but those few who can, do, or will care about you? They will.
Tl;dr
Platitudes. Wall of text. Anti-suicide overtone. Pointless post.
You're very welcome.
This is stupid and I shouldn't even have to describe why.Judas_Iscariot said:
Criticizing personal flaws and bullying are two very different things. The peer-pressure you're talking about is most certainly not bullying.
I know because I've been bullied. Bullies are dumb sadistic people.
More or less, all the bullying I dealt with from elementary to high school has left me socially stunted. I'm starting college, and I still deal with social anxiety issues that have crippled me; I literally consider myself not worthy of other peoples' time which has affected me in everything from relationships to school to work. Thankfully, I have friends and family that help me boost my ego, and the abuse has actually made me more compassionate and empathetic towards people dealing with issues from the minor to the serious along with a sense of "enduring" pain, but most victims don't have that luxury. What I went through is not the same for every case. Now, as much as I agree that fighting a bully back can help, it doesn't fit every case.
I'm small, even for guys younger than me. I'm 19 at 5'2" inches and 96 lbs. I'm also not intimidating personality wise, plus I'm gay, which apparently means "soft" in the mind of most guys. I like peace, I love quiet, and I hate drama to the point where I'll leave a scene or socially shut down when there will be conflict. So, some of the people here are expecting someone like *me* to punch some bloke's nose in? Seriously? We can talk about how to end and what causes bullying all we want, but how about we actually protect those among us that can't protect themselves first?
This includes adults, not just kids. It should be basic common sense and human decency that when you see someone innocent and meek be abused by someone who clearly isn't either or, you should stop it. Really, if people were just more proactive in helping others, the destructive effects bullying has on its victims in general wouldn't be such an issue. All this social darwinism BS doesn't help anyone. Being "thin-skinned" isn't a bad thing; who do think makes some of the best counselors, teachers, basically anyone that deals with people, like victims of bullying, or what it should be really be called, abuse? Ones that know how to relate to others with the will to help them in anyway possible. In that light, teachers shouldn't be pinned down by potential lawsuits or angry parents.
I'm small, even for guys younger than me. I'm 19 at 5'2" inches and 96 lbs. I'm also not intimidating personality wise, plus I'm gay, which apparently means "soft" in the mind of most guys. I like peace, I love quiet, and I hate drama to the point where I'll leave a scene or socially shut down when there will be conflict. So, some of the people here are expecting someone like *me* to punch some bloke's nose in? Seriously? We can talk about how to end and what causes bullying all we want, but how about we actually protect those among us that can't protect themselves first?
This includes adults, not just kids. It should be basic common sense and human decency that when you see someone innocent and meek be abused by someone who clearly isn't either or, you should stop it. Really, if people were just more proactive in helping others, the destructive effects bullying has on its victims in general wouldn't be such an issue. All this social darwinism BS doesn't help anyone. Being "thin-skinned" isn't a bad thing; who do think makes some of the best counselors, teachers, basically anyone that deals with people, like victims of bullying, or what it should be really be called, abuse? Ones that know how to relate to others with the will to help them in anyway possible. In that light, teachers shouldn't be pinned down by potential lawsuits or angry parents.
This is probably going to be ignored like most other posts on this forum but meh - for anyone interested, here is my story. Do with it as you like.
My family was always a little off, my father traveled alot and I never had too many close friends. Starting in school, I still didnt have too many friends but I always had my heart in the right place. In pre-school I once told my mother that there was a girl in my class and she was smaller than the other kids so if anyone teased her, I would stand up for her.
There was a kid in my class who some of the other kids loved to make fun of because he always got so mad that he would throw chairs around and the teachers either didnt notice or didnt care. Turned out he had ADHD and he soon transferred to another school, leaving the resident bullies looking for a new victem - and my mothers idea that I should definately go into extra-corricular singing lessons on the school as well as start in the local boyscouts chapter didnt excatly help my "cool factor" so I became their new victem. I will say that what follows is also something I blame greatly on my parents for their inability to realise just how bad it was when their son came home everyday from school, crying and spent at least half of all mornings sick from sheer terror of the thought of having to go to school. That doesnt excuse the bullies though.
They would spread rumors about me, throw snowballs with solid cores of ice after me on the street, harrass me, push me around and make sure I could never make any friends. When winter came, the older kids in school would basically force most of the younger kids out on the lawn and make them dig up gravel which they blended in with the snow for their "snowballs" (which consisted more of gravel than snow) and they would use them to "wash" your face - or to put it more precisely, grind them into your face, leaving scrapes and marks all over your face. One kid even got a permanent scratch on his retnia once. Anyway, guess who was their prime target - thats, right. Me.
I usually survived winter by keeping indoors at the school library when they were open but often they wouldnt be and the school had a policy that all kids must be outdoors during recess so I had to hide behind containers or on the toilet when I didnt succeed in hiding in the classroom before the door got locked for the recess. It wouldnt always work though, so sometimes I would have to just curl up in the snow somewhere and hope to go unnoticed.
Anyway, time went on and I entered 4th grade and I remember being tied to a small wagon we had (basically a box with wheels under it, used to store blankets and jumping ropes), and raced down the long narrow corridoors so my class"mates" could see how fast they could drive me into the walls. One time I got pushed down the 2 story stair case while tied to it. Some other poor guy got hogtied with the jumping ropes and strung up in the corridoor where you would hang jackets. It was the noon recess (2nd out of 3 in an entire day) which was the longest one so he hang there for almost 45 minutes.
My class wasnt excatly the best one though. I later heard that, at the municipality on the offices behind locked doors, my school would be referred to as "the trash can" and it was basically the place where they put kids who were kicked out of all the other schools - and my class was one of the worst. In the teachers lounge, where I spent time outside the door because it was rare to get bullied there, I often heard teachers trying to bargain off our class to new substitutes. I remember one time we had a substitute where things went really crazy. My class was really quiet all the time and, while nice, it was also quite eerie. One of the pupils even placed an apple on the teachers desk before she came in. I later heard that she was so proud of how well the class had gone that she brought back her "victory apple" as she called it. They split it in the teachers lounge to celebrate, only to find a razor blade inside. Luckily no one got hurt there. But I digress.
I still got picked at, my stuff got stolen and I often had my things thrown out the 2nd story window so I had to go down to the parking lot to get it. I remember one year where the bullies in my class had hidden a crate of milk (25cl packages) in the basement over summer so they could get really horrifying. When we got back from the summer vacation, they had turned in early to wait for me. As I entered the main entrance in the school yard, they were standing on the 2nd foor, bombarding me with the milk.
Anyway, this is too depressing to write and I only started writing about 5th grade. I think Ill stop it here. I left out numerous assaults (not just "getting beat up" - regular assaults), pupils bringing knives and a gun to school, pupils loosening the rail on the 2nd floor staircase, pupils trying to burn down the school by the containers while I was at the toilet which is entered behind said containers, thefts, daily/weekly vandalism of my bike and clothes and a bunch of other stuff - not to mention the constant harrassing and psychological torture.
My question to the appologists I guess is this; Do you honestly belive anyone should ever be treated like that ever? I personally dont feel like I deserved it - Im 28 years old now and I still suffer from depression and nightmares and as a result of all of this I have developed socio-phobia which makes living a normal life rather hard.
Edit: This is not in some third-world country btw. This was in the late 1980´s and early 1990´s in Copenhagen, the capitol of Denmark, scandinavia
Edit2: The principal was an alcoholic so in case anyone wonders - thats why he didnt do anything about it. He spend the classes on the corridoors drinking scotch from the bottle and the recess time in his office drinking beer.
My family was always a little off, my father traveled alot and I never had too many close friends. Starting in school, I still didnt have too many friends but I always had my heart in the right place. In pre-school I once told my mother that there was a girl in my class and she was smaller than the other kids so if anyone teased her, I would stand up for her.
There was a kid in my class who some of the other kids loved to make fun of because he always got so mad that he would throw chairs around and the teachers either didnt notice or didnt care. Turned out he had ADHD and he soon transferred to another school, leaving the resident bullies looking for a new victem - and my mothers idea that I should definately go into extra-corricular singing lessons on the school as well as start in the local boyscouts chapter didnt excatly help my "cool factor" so I became their new victem. I will say that what follows is also something I blame greatly on my parents for their inability to realise just how bad it was when their son came home everyday from school, crying and spent at least half of all mornings sick from sheer terror of the thought of having to go to school. That doesnt excuse the bullies though.
They would spread rumors about me, throw snowballs with solid cores of ice after me on the street, harrass me, push me around and make sure I could never make any friends. When winter came, the older kids in school would basically force most of the younger kids out on the lawn and make them dig up gravel which they blended in with the snow for their "snowballs" (which consisted more of gravel than snow) and they would use them to "wash" your face - or to put it more precisely, grind them into your face, leaving scrapes and marks all over your face. One kid even got a permanent scratch on his retnia once. Anyway, guess who was their prime target - thats, right. Me.
I usually survived winter by keeping indoors at the school library when they were open but often they wouldnt be and the school had a policy that all kids must be outdoors during recess so I had to hide behind containers or on the toilet when I didnt succeed in hiding in the classroom before the door got locked for the recess. It wouldnt always work though, so sometimes I would have to just curl up in the snow somewhere and hope to go unnoticed.
Anyway, time went on and I entered 4th grade and I remember being tied to a small wagon we had (basically a box with wheels under it, used to store blankets and jumping ropes), and raced down the long narrow corridoors so my class"mates" could see how fast they could drive me into the walls. One time I got pushed down the 2 story stair case while tied to it. Some other poor guy got hogtied with the jumping ropes and strung up in the corridoor where you would hang jackets. It was the noon recess (2nd out of 3 in an entire day) which was the longest one so he hang there for almost 45 minutes.
My class wasnt excatly the best one though. I later heard that, at the municipality on the offices behind locked doors, my school would be referred to as "the trash can" and it was basically the place where they put kids who were kicked out of all the other schools - and my class was one of the worst. In the teachers lounge, where I spent time outside the door because it was rare to get bullied there, I often heard teachers trying to bargain off our class to new substitutes. I remember one time we had a substitute where things went really crazy. My class was really quiet all the time and, while nice, it was also quite eerie. One of the pupils even placed an apple on the teachers desk before she came in. I later heard that she was so proud of how well the class had gone that she brought back her "victory apple" as she called it. They split it in the teachers lounge to celebrate, only to find a razor blade inside. Luckily no one got hurt there. But I digress.
I still got picked at, my stuff got stolen and I often had my things thrown out the 2nd story window so I had to go down to the parking lot to get it. I remember one year where the bullies in my class had hidden a crate of milk (25cl packages) in the basement over summer so they could get really horrifying. When we got back from the summer vacation, they had turned in early to wait for me. As I entered the main entrance in the school yard, they were standing on the 2nd foor, bombarding me with the milk.
Anyway, this is too depressing to write and I only started writing about 5th grade. I think Ill stop it here. I left out numerous assaults (not just "getting beat up" - regular assaults), pupils bringing knives and a gun to school, pupils loosening the rail on the 2nd floor staircase, pupils trying to burn down the school by the containers while I was at the toilet which is entered behind said containers, thefts, daily/weekly vandalism of my bike and clothes and a bunch of other stuff - not to mention the constant harrassing and psychological torture.
My question to the appologists I guess is this; Do you honestly belive anyone should ever be treated like that ever? I personally dont feel like I deserved it - Im 28 years old now and I still suffer from depression and nightmares and as a result of all of this I have developed socio-phobia which makes living a normal life rather hard.
Edit: This is not in some third-world country btw. This was in the late 1980´s and early 1990´s in Copenhagen, the capitol of Denmark, scandinavia
Edit2: The principal was an alcoholic so in case anyone wonders - thats why he didnt do anything about it. He spend the classes on the corridoors drinking scotch from the bottle and the recess time in his office drinking beer.
Yeah like everyone else already said, other people are not you, and this isn't some fucking macho power fantasy where everyone can solve everything with violence. Almost all of the time you need adults who work at the school to stop the bullying.
This is the definition of a bully according to Dictionary.com.
a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
Bullies don't give a single fuck about your words (or anyone else's). They don't give a single fuck about your opinion (or anyone else's). They don't give a fuck about your opinion (Or anyone else's). How do you talk to someone like that? How do you communicate with a brick wall? Short answer: You can't. (If you were seen talking to either one I would consider you at the same level of crazy)
Bullying has been around forever and people need to teach their kids how to deal with it. The most effective, and most immediate remedy I found when I was bullied was to hit them in the gut, they lean forward then bring your arm in and elbow their jaw. Excruciatingly painful for them and they wont be able to shove you around or call you names because if you hit them hard enough in the stomach they piss themselves and the elbow shot makes their mouth get all swollen. I tried talking to bullies for years and in private school we were punished severely for physical attacks, we could have been expelled. That never stopped the bullies. That only made the targets easier targets.
Name calling is name calling. That doesn't constitute violence.
a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
Bullies don't give a single fuck about your words (or anyone else's). They don't give a single fuck about your opinion (or anyone else's). They don't give a fuck about your opinion (Or anyone else's). How do you talk to someone like that? How do you communicate with a brick wall? Short answer: You can't. (If you were seen talking to either one I would consider you at the same level of crazy)
Bullying has been around forever and people need to teach their kids how to deal with it. The most effective, and most immediate remedy I found when I was bullied was to hit them in the gut, they lean forward then bring your arm in and elbow their jaw. Excruciatingly painful for them and they wont be able to shove you around or call you names because if you hit them hard enough in the stomach they piss themselves and the elbow shot makes their mouth get all swollen. I tried talking to bullies for years and in private school we were punished severely for physical attacks, we could have been expelled. That never stopped the bullies. That only made the targets easier targets.
Name calling is name calling. That doesn't constitute violence.
But see, he's a proponent of Social Darwinism. He believes it was morally rights for the White man to subjugate all the lesser races from Africa, the Americas and Asia, and naturally the nazi's Holocaust was completely correct.GunsmithKitten said:
Or maybe he doesn't realize that's what he's proposing, and he's just another brave internet warrior who talks tough from behind his computer screen