Can someone recommend me a good sex sim?

[smearyllama]

Now that's an awkward question.

We've all been asked one of these, or engaged in a really awkward conversation.
For me, a lot of awkward conversations start during robotics, because of the accidental innuendo involved in screwing for two hours.
See what I mean?

So, what was the most awkward conversation you've been involved in, or the most awkward question you've been asked?

 

[Hero in a half shell]

"Don't bother going anywhere expensive or exotic for your honeymoon, You'll never leave the hotel room" I was told this by my mother. AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH not even Brain bleach could remove that one.

 

[darth.pixie]

I don't usually get involved in awkward conversations since I tend to make jokes about them. A relative stranger came up to me at high school one day, put a hand around my shoulder and said "Let's talk about sex"

My answer "Sure, what do you want to know?"

He laughed and patted me on the back. The rest of the people around me looked uncomfortable though. Can't think of anything else. Granted, people know I will laugh or glare if what they ask is stupid or too personal to discuss with an audience.

Edit: I remember when my mom told me she wished she were a lesbian or that she hated kids. Don't remember it being awkward though.

 

[Lyri]

I actually came to answer the title question, god dammit.

 

[That's Funny]

Whenever my Mum gets drunk and talks about how I was born, I tend to dive out the nearest window, no matter what floor I'm on.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

Most akward conversation I've been in was down the pub, when this obviously-hobo man sat down next to me and my mates and started asking us "if we had any tips to help him better please his lady".

It was supremely awkward at first, but cause he was pissed and nuts, we eventually decided to use it as a test of who among us knew the most obscure or disgusting sexual positions.

 

[Onyx Oblivion]

I actually came to answer the title question, god dammit.

No one says you still couldn't...

 

[PureChaos]

Whenever my Mum gets drunk and talks about how I was born, I tend to dive out the nearest window, no matter what floor I'm on.

mine decides to tell me about her sex life

 

[Jonluw]

I had a weird one where I was walking down the street with muh mate, and a guy (drunk, I think) approached us and asked "are you two sweethearts?"

This other time, a lady stopped me outside of my school, asking me "excuse me, am I drunk?"
Jeez, I freaked out. I just went "No, bye!" and left.

Oh, and I was at a dinner party with my parents, and the discussion drifted unto whether people had given their children "the talk" (I was the only "child" there). I now know my mother never got the talk. Why would I ever need to know that.

 

[manythings]

Not to me but when my GF got home (she returned to Canada for the Schoolinz and now is about to start a fancy new job) her parents met her at the airport. I can't remember what she said they were talking about but her mother used the phrase "It's not like I expected you to come back a virgin." I think if one of my parents said that to me I might (hopefully) have a heart attack just to end the conversation.

 

[Arehexes]

My Mom:How do you hit on women at school, do you know how to lie down the smooth lines?

 

[Jamboxdotcom]

sadly (or happily, perhaps?), i can't say this happened to me, but a good friend of mine was dating a woman. they were both recently divorced, and things seemed to be going ok. then he met her mother. the first words she said to him were, "I hope you like sex, because my daughter is really horny!" the relationship didn't last very long.

 

[Armored Prayer]

Me and two other buddies where casually walking when another person we knew walked up and asked "HEY! I jack off, do you jack off?" then promptly walked away.

What was even more funny is one of my friends had no idea what he was talking about, and me and my other friend just busted out laughing.

 

[Fireshot25]

"Do guys watch a lot of porn?"

How do you answer that? I didnt know, still dont. Only made matters worse when we later found out her roommate was in the dorm room on the other side of the wall that manages to block all vision yet let all sound through...

 

[InnerRebellion]

Your thread titles are rather misleading, mate. Rather amusing, if you ask me.

Most awkward moment? That would be the first time I met my (at the time) girlfriend's brother. I knew he was terminally ill and mentally challenged, but knowing that did not prepare me. It felt really awkward for me, but I immediately came to like the little guy, and soon became one of his best friends. Their mom dropped a hint that he was really upset when his sister broke up with me and I stopped coming around.

 

[Jack and Calumon]

When I informed my friend about Rule 34 of the internet after his hour long talk about Redtube. That first thing he asked me was: "Is there Dora the Explorer on there?" I reply with an awkward yes. He then asks if my phone has internet and if he can use it.

It get's more awkward when a few months later, I start to plan to do something. One of my friends suggested making an Abridged series due to my tolerance of editing. I say that's a great idea, but I have no idea what to abridge. My friend (the Dora one) suggest 3 animes, just climbing in horrible inappropriateness.

Spoiler: Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro Chan

Why abridge something with 15 minute episodes chocked full of weird WTF style humour already? Chatroom agrees and continues to brainstorm.

Spoiler: Barefoot Gen

An Anime film about the Hiroshima bombings? A gruesome but accurate film about the Hiroshima bombings? That would be horrible to Abridge! Chatroom agrees on it being a horrible idea and moves on

Spoiler: Boku No Pico

[HEADING=1]FUCK NO![/HEADING]

It's a hentai about Shotacon. Know what that means? It's a show about 10 year old boys having sex. WHY DID HE SAY THIS?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Calumon: Jack's hair is looking shaggy. :S

 

[rockingnic]

My best friend (a girl, I'm a guy for context) asked me if I was a boob, ass or legs kind of guy. That's not the awkward part though, I just said I'm a "everything what a woman has" kind of guy. The awkward part was when we (she mainly lol) discussed about how men's genitalia is ugly compared to women's... I just said "can't argue with that" lol. This was all at work on the busiest day of the week.

 

[Sneeze]

We've had a few times where a drunk person has approached us and starting spouting random crap in a slurred voice that you can't make out what has being said... Yeah thats happened at least 3 or 4 times. We once had one lets say "affectionate" man, not sure where he was from but somewhere where the social norm is obviously more touchy-feely. Anyway he sits down next to out table, talks for a bit wishes us happy new year (it was new year, he wasn't that drunk) and offers his hand, I assume he wants to shake so I accept, he grabs it and kisses the back of it, friends all witness this,we all exchange a few awkward glances at each other and they all avoid his offer when he comes to them, he leaves. They thought it was the funniest fucking thing they'd ever seen. I wouldn't have minded it so much if he had been age appropriate and cute. <.<

 

[irani_che]

On holiday with my dad. we are eating breakfast at the buffet. A girl I was dancing with the night before walks past. My dad, oblivious to who she was, does a very clear look-over-the-shoulder-check-out-her-ass, then, a nod of I'd-tap-that approval before quickly looking at me with a dont-tell-ur-mother and continues eating.
I could barely look my dad or the girl in the face the rest of the day