Can we talk about the "friend zone" and "nice guys" for a moment?

[Eamar]

Also, I've seen a few shallow bitches posting here, not going to say names, but if all you look for in a guy is attractiveness, guys you don't find attractive are lucky to dodge you, I feel bad for the ones you think are hot. Same goes for guys, of course. Anyone who judges someone based purely off their appearance isn't worth speaking to.

While there may have been some people who meant it in a shallow way, I'd just like to clarify that when someone talks about "finding someone attractive" in this context it isn't generally about looks. When I refer to not finding someone attractive, it means not thinking of them in a romantic way. I can't really explain it, but you must know the feeling- there are people, usually friends, who you just don't think of in that way. They can be traditionally good-looking or not, I don't find that has much to do with it. It's probably chemistry or some shit.

Basically, I think when most people in this thread have been referring to "attractiveness" they haven't meant purely physical stuff.

 

[Xanthious]

So what, am I supposed to just walk up to a woman I know nothing about other than she's hot and go, "will you go out with me?" I don't about woman, but if someone did that to me (and one person did) my first thought would be, "Do I know this person? This is really creepy." I'm really curious about this.

That's exactly what you're supposed to do more or less. When I used to go to the clubs with my buddies, before I became an old work obsessed shut in. I used to see guys see a hot woman and torture himself trying to build up the nerve to go talk to her. The best way to do it is if you see a woman your attracted to you approach her within the first 10 seconds and say something as simple "Hello, mind if I join you for a drink?" If you wait much longer you're only serving to psych yourself out. If you approach quickly you won't have time to scare yourself out of doing it.

The best advice I can offer guys wanting to pick up women in a public setting is first be outgoing and get yourself out there talking to women. If you are outgoing social and making initial contact you are putting yourself out in front of a good half the guys out there right off the bat. Even if you aren't someplace like a bar or club you can still go talk to people. The worst thing they can say is no.

This brings me to the other half of the equation. Don't be scared of rejection. Back in my clubbing days I'd see fellas get shot down by the first woman they talked to and have their night ruined. You'd of thought someone ran over their dog. They were shattered and more or less done for the night. You are going to get rejected, I promise. It's nothing personal. It's probably going to happen more often than you get a date or a phone number. It's not the end of the world. Just shrug it off and keep going.

If you aren't afraid of talking to women and aren't afraid of being told no you are going to have a much easier time finding dates I promise.

 

[Riki Darnell]

as other's have said, it's when they say 'i'd like to meet someone just like you' that is annoying rather than the fact they don't have the same feelings.

As a girl I have used that line but sometimes you have to think about the context in how it's being used. I was friends with this guy since 7th grade and senior year he asked me out. I declined. I didn't find him unattractive or not interesting. I didn't want to chance ruining a good friendship. When I said "I'd like to find someone like you" I meant it. But someone that I haven't spent the past 5 years building a friendship with. If I like a guy I make it pretty clear I'm interested in him after the first few hangouts. That way if he doesn't like me no one really gets hurt cause we don't know each other that well.

On a side note I'd also like to say from my experience females take being put in the "friendzone" easier than guys. I've been rejected by 2 guys and to this day I'm still friends with them. But a few of the guys I've rejected tried to stay friends with me, but eventually stopped calling or wanting to hang out.

I'm in the UK so not sure if 7th grade in the USA is the same as year 7 in the UK but year 7 is11-12 year olds so it's understandable to start as friends but it blossom into something more as you both get older. there's always going on a date to see how things go rather than deciding to jump straight into a relationship. When i was at university I had girls i'd met telling me i would make the perfect boyfriend but they would then go for someone else and then complain to me when things didn't work out the way they'd hoped.

Being friend zoned is like going for a job interview, being told you are perfect for the job, have all the qualifications and necessary skills but they won't hire you. instead, they will use you and your CV (AKA resume) to judge all the other applicants by. when the DO hire someone, it will be someone that's not as good at the job at you would be so when they decide to let that person go, they still won't hire you but will call you to complain about the person the hired in your place.

Yeah I was 12 when I was in the 7th grade. Well, I had thought about going on a date to see but I didn't think it would matter cause I didn't have any romantic interest in him. Had I met him later in life it might have worked but, (i know this is a cliche line) he was like a brother to me. I'd rather keep him as a friend and continue to have a close friendship with him then date and have it go wrong and loose him as a friend. Like I said from my experience guys seem less likely to want to stay friends after rejection than girls.

The job interview thing kind of makes sense but at a job they should pick you based on your work experience and how well you qualify for a job. But in a relationship someone could match you perfectly but if you aren't feeling the vibe then it wont work. Maybe pheromones aren't matching up or something. And if I picked a different man he wouldn't necessarily be "less qualified" than the original guy who asked me out, although I'm sure it might seem that way from the original guy. But I see what you were going for in your analogy.

 

[archvile93]

So what, am I supposed to just walk up to a woman I know nothing about other than she's hot and go, "will you go out with me?" I don't about woman, but if someone did that to me (and one person did) my first thought would be, "Do I know this person? This is really creepy." I'm really curious about this.

... Yes. You don't need to walk up and say "hi, I find you really attractive will you be my girlfriend?". Just strike up a conversation with her. If it goes well suggest grabbing a coffee to finish the conversation some time.

It's about the most obvious date scenario set-up imaginable. Nearly all women would see this as a sign your interested in them. How you handle and project yourself during the meet will affect how the woman then responds. If it goes well ask to take her out sometime, take her number and go from there. Obviously if the woman isn't into you she will either decline the coffee or decline the date.

If you already know the person, it's a little trickier but at least you have a better reason to start a conversation with them. Be confident, be yourself and be somewhat forthcoming with your intentions. Offering to do things friends do like coming over to watch a film or hanging out and going shopping is not giving a clear message.

Maybe watch a few films or TV series and watch how men approach women. It's not always some mysterious set of circumstances that brings a fated pair together...

Why would going out for coffee be any clearer? It's not like I've never had lunch with friends before. Well it really doesn't matter, I only asked because I was curious, likely since I major in psychology. I gave up on relationships long ago.

 

[archvile93]

So what, am I supposed to just walk up to a woman I know nothing about other than she's hot and go, "will you go out with me?" I don't about woman, but if someone did that to me (and one person did) my first thought would be, "Do I know this person? This is really creepy." I'm really curious about this.

That's exactly what you're supposed to do more or less. When I used to go to the clubs with my buddies, before I became an old work obsessed shut in. I used to see guys see a hot woman and torture himself trying to build up the nerve to go talk to her. The best way to do it is if you see a woman your attracted to you approach her within the first 10 seconds and say something as simple "Hello, mind if I join you for a drink?" If you wait much longer you're only serving to psych yourself out.

The best advice I can offer guys wanting to pick up women in a public setting is first be outgoing and get yourself out there talking to women. If you are outgoing social and making initial contact you are putting yourself out in front of a good half the guys out there right off the bat. Even if you aren't someplace like a bar or club you can still go talk to people. The worst thing they can say is no.

This brings me to the other half of the equation. Don't be scared of rejection. Back in my clubbing days I'd see fellas get shot down by the first woman they talked to and have their night ruined. You'd of thought someone ran over their dog. They were shattered You are going to get rejected. It's nothing personal. It's probably going to happen more often than you get a date or a phone number. It's not the end of the world. Just shrug it off and keep going.

If you aren't afraid of talking to women and aren't afraid of being told no you are going to have a much easier time finding dates I promise.

Well thanks for the help, but I only asked if that works, not how to go about it. I gave up relationships long ago, I was just curious.

 

[Xanthious]

Well thanks for the help, but I only asked if that works, not how to go about it. I gave up relationships long ago, I was just curious.

Honestly, if you are in a club or bar setting most women will respond well to being approached by a guy. Naturally some are going to be friendlier than others but as long as you weren't opening with something offensive like "Hey whaddya say you and me go make the beast with two backs" it was my experience that simply approaching them and asking to join them for a drink was usually a pretty good way to break the ice.

 

[Ren_Li]

So, being "friend-zoned" is... not something I personally know a huge amount about, I guess. But hey, if a dude can't see that being friends with an awesome, attractive lady is a win in and of itself- even if it's not exactly what he'd wanted- then his loss.

Why do a woman's looks make a friendship a "win in and of itself"? Sorry, I don't get it.

I never said they do. But if the guy was only interested in the lady for her looks, then being "friend-zoned" is hardly a big deal, is it?

If the guy was interested in the lady as a person, that means he likes her, AS A PERSON. Which makes her a great friend, as long as he can get over the whole "I can't get with her". And that is a "win in and of itself".
Being able to aesthetically appreciate your companions doesn't improve their worth as friends, and I never meant to suggest it did- but if you CAN admire the appearance of those you spend time with, how is that not good? I like looking at nice things. I keep fish and decorate my walls with art for those reasons. The art on my walls doesn't increase the value of my property, but it's kind of nice to look at. Likewise, good looks in the people I surround myself with don't increase the quality of our friendship, or the important things about it. But I'll still appreciate the looks in those friends I find attractive, and enjoy that, in a harmless "art appreciation" way.

 

[Phasmal]

Ha only in this world is it creepy to love someone new and show it.

I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, there. That was a response to a specific incident which I posted about earlier in the thread. Not about `loving someone new and showing it`.

EDIT: Quote bugged.

 

[Saviordd1]

Seriously, these get annoying.

Self confidence is everything, if a girl is only looking for a super hot dude or a popular one she isn't worth your time ANYWAY.

"Nice guys" want a girlfriend? Grow up, stop being what is essentially sexist and try looking at girls for more then their damned looks.

 

[Raven's Nest]

Why would going out for coffee be any clearer? It's not like I've never had lunch with friends before. Well it really doesn't matter, I only asked because I was curious, likely since I major in psychology. I gave up on relationships long ago.

I can't really explain why its clearer, it just is. It shows you are interested in them and it gives them a chance to assess you too. It's the ideal, casual first step for getting to know someone. How many friends have you made by stopping them on the street/shop/bus, striking up a conversation and inviting them out? Not likely very many.

Don't give up on relationships forever. Your what 18/19? Life is long and there are plenty of people out there who are just as shy, with just as much low self-esteem as you (assuming those were your barriers). Don't cripple yourself in the future by not learning how to spark a girl's interest now. It certainly won't be easier when you are 40 and suddenly want companionship.

 

[Onjenae]

Seriously, these get annoying.

Self confidence is everything, if a girl is only looking for a super hot dude or a popular one she isn't worth your time ANYWAY.

"Nice guys" want a girlfriend? Grow up, stop being what is essentially sexist and try looking at girls for more then their damned looks.

problem is most nice guys generally go for the super hot girls i would have more sympathy for nice guys if they actually went for females on their level but they tend to chase after the gils every other guy wants to fuck and gets mad when they are rejected by that girl.


by the way whats wrong with a girl wanting a hot guy ?? its hilrous how men are shallow as hel lbut god forbid a woman wants a man who is decent looking lmaooo men start to *****, whine and complain about it


men have all these crazy standards for how they want a women to look and stuff but the minute a man can fall into most females standards of attractiveness we become shallow bitches lmaoooo thats crazy to me

 

[Phasmal]

Ha only in this world is it creepy to love someone new and show it.

I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, there. That was a response to a specific incident which I posted about earlier in the thread. Not about `loving someone new and showing it`.

EDIT: Quote bugged.

Not sure what you were saying but the fact of the matter is that once you're rejected by a friend, you can no longer be friends in the same way. Its better to just end the relationship there than to make your self suffer through every interaction going forward.

So moral of the story, if you truly value your friendship with a girl, NEVER EVER ASK HER OUT

I'm saying they were talking about creepers cause of something I posted where someone was moaning I had friend-zoned them but they were acting like kind of a dick. So saying it was loving someone new is silly.

And if thats the way you wanna think about it, go ahead. All I can think is if you like a girl, make it known. If you wanna be a friend, be a friend, not a pretend-friend.

 

[Raven's Nest]

Seriously, these get annoying.

Self confidence is everything, if a girl is only looking for a super hot dude or a popular one she isn't worth your time ANYWAY.

"Nice guys" want a girlfriend? Grow up, stop being what is essentially sexist and try looking at girls for more then their damned looks.

Oh look it's that guy again...

7 pages and 5000 views in a day probably means, hard to believe I know, That there are some people that wish to discuss it.

You don't like it, don't open the thread and complain how you don't like it. Simps.

 

[InsipidMadness]

Snip

The comics are meant to be a joke, and if something can't be made fun of, then it's not worth taking seriously.

There's also several perspectives you haven't taken into account here:
First off, have you ever been just friends with guy, over time grew feelings for him, and got shut down?
One does not simply go back to being friends after the heart has been moved.
Secondly, not all guys pursue women for pants-action, and it could be inferred from your argument that women would never go after a guy purely for physical attraction. Yes, there are people who do that, and yes, lots of people want to be Barney Stinson, but no, there are people on both sides who never originally planned on falling for the other person. If you spend enough time with someone, and mix in a few intimate encounters, maybe some drinks, what-have-you, then it will come to pass that you desire to spend even more time with that person, or wish to make them exclusive to your own. Coming out with that and getting shot down draws a huge line in the current relationship and things won't go back. Because she will assume you only want action, and you will want every second you can gather with her while regretting every second missed; admitting your crush only deepens it, and from there you just can't go back. There is a reason why people can't mingle on a "Just friends" basis with the sex of their preference, there will always be a desire, as miniscule as they come, especially at the "Healthy and active libido" age ranges.
Lastly, for teh lulz:

 

[Abedeus]

Well, I got friendzoned once by a girl year older.

She had a boyfriend at that time who was apparently very dear to her.

They broke up.

After a while, she started dating her childhood crush or something like that.

He was horribly jealous of her, and when I took her to a supermarket once, she was afraid someone would see us and tell him. I knew it was poisonous.

Two months later, they break up.

...And just yesterday, she started dating someone 10 years older than her.

Yeah, at this point I pretty much gave up on her. Not because I don't have feelings for her - she is simply making one dumb mistake after another and I wouldn't want to be just another stepping stone for her confused love life.

 

[Onjenae]

Snip

The comics are meant to be a joke, and if something can't be made fun of, then it's not worth taking seriously.

There's also several perspectives you haven't taken into account here:
First off, have you ever been just friends with guy, over time grew feelings for him, and got shut down?
One does not simply go back to being friends after the heart has been moved.
Secondly, not all guys pursue women for pants-action, and it could be inferred from your argument that women would never go after a guy purely for physical attraction. Yes, there are people who do that, and yes, lots of people want to be Barney Stinson, but no, there are people on both sides who never originally planned on falling for the other person. If you spend enough time with someone, and mix in a few intimate encounters, maybe some drinks, what-have-you, then it will come to pass that you desire to spend even more time with that person, or wish to make them exclusive to your own. Coming out with that and getting shot down draws a huge line in the current relationship and things won't go back. Because she will assume you only want action, and you will want every second you can gather with her while regretting every second missed; admitting your crush only deepens it, and from there you just can't go back. There is a reason why people can't mingle on a "Just friends" basis with the sex of their preference, there will always be a desire, as miniscule as they come, especially at the "Healthy and active libido" age ranges.
Lastly, for teh lulz:
youtube=T_lh5fR4DMA][/

i jsut want to know how do i post youtube videos on here?