Canvey Island school bans triangle shaped flapjacks, health and safety hazard

[MrMan999]

You guys laugh, but there was a kid at my high school who got a concussion from being hit in the head with a chicken nugget. Those things are tough.]

Seriously though this is hilarious.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Given this paragraph from the article:

A spokesman for the Health and Safety Executive said: "We often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this one takes the biscuit."

I'd love to believe this was an April Fool's joke accidentally published a week early, but it's probably not. The Health & Safety Executive must tear their hair out over cases like this.

Yeah, I get the impression that somewhere in some office, this guy was like "Fine, whatever, triangle flapjacks are banned! Are you happy now? Stop sending me these stupid reports!"

This is a special kind of absurd.

Also: mmm, flapjacks.

 

[ungothicdove]

At least where I'm from in US, we sometimes call pancakes flapjacks instead. I didn't see how a pancake of any shape could ever hurt anyone due to it's soft and spongy texture. Hell, it seems impossible to make them in any shape besides a circle when to pouring the batter on the griddle. So I was impressed by the maestros across the pond who seemed to be able to create triangle pancakes with ease. But then I looked up flapjacks and realized my error.

 

[Lonewolfm16]

I spent most of this thinking "how is it even possible to hurt someone with a pancake?" then I realized it might be a British term and googled it. Makes alot more sense now. Well, not by much. How can you hurt someone with food? And even if you are concerned about kids using stuff as weapons, why ban oat-bars? Aren't rulers, or books, especially textbooks, or pens, much more dangerous? By this logic they should just ban students not being handcuffed inside school.

 

[kailus13]

Am I the only one thinking of getting three triangle flapjacks and making a delicious Triforce?

I want flapjacks now.

OT: Well... isn't that silly.

You have to eat them to the tune of Zelda's Lullaby

Well there goes my business for shuriken-based biscuits. At this rate they will ban pens in school (which is probably a good idea because someone in my year was blinded by one).

This on the other hand is a good idea. Two people in my year were stabbed by pens. (I had anger management issues).

 

[chozo_hybrid]

You know, this topic makes slightly more sense when you realize the Brit's flapjacks are actually some sort of oat-bar thing. Round my parts it's just a rarely used word for pancakes.

Even so, it's a piece of food. That means they should ban apples and anything else that could hurt someone when thrown, it's just silly.

 

[Samantha Burt]

With one square piece of flapjack, I can create two triangular pieces of devastating destructive glory, thus doubling my capability for injuring others.

I see no problem here.

Since triangles can divide down fractally, you can make a literally infinite quantity of flapjack-y shuriken. O:

 

[emeraldrafael]

So when the first kid throws a square one like a ninja star, will they ban those? Another win for stupidity everywhere.

 

[lacktheknack]

It had to be done. Imagine if a malicious kid got a triangular flapjack and then figured out how to cut it fractally.

<img width=300>http://eldar.mathstat.uoguelph.ca/dashlock/Outreach/Gallery/Siepinski1D960.gif

Imagine the carnage.

Imagine it.

 

[Quaxar]

But wait square flapjacks have more corners than triangle ones!!! The damn school administration has just put those poor kids in even deadlier peril than they where in before!

Exactly my thought. You'd think the safest form was round only...

 

[GodzillaGuy92]

This has to be one of the most idiotically pointless things I've ever read, there is no logical explanation for why triangular shaped baked goods are more dangerous than square or rectangular ones. Hell they have one more corner to cause damage with so if anything they are more dangerous.

Except that a triangle's corners are sharper thanks to the shape's fewer number of sides compared to a quadrilateral, increasing their offensive potential by a significant margin. Even if the triangle in question happens to be obtuse, the two remaining acute corners will only be more perilous than ever for it. Maybe next time you'll do your research before demonizing the brave crusaders working to protect our children from the worldwide threat posed by triangular oat bars, you monster.

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

Those fucking fascists! They know everything tastes better when it's triangle shaped, and they're trying to make up bullshit reasons to take that enjoyment away from us!

I'm going to immediately take to the streets in protest.

 

[omicron1]

I can't wait until the first serious pencil injury. What'll schools do then, I wonder...?

 

[Melon Hunter]

But wait square flapjacks have more corners than triangle ones!!! The damn school administration has just put those poor kids in even deadlier peril than they where in before!

Exactly my thought. You'd think the safest form was round only...

Well, no, because then they could be thrown like a discus. So, there would be no sharp points, but the flapjacks are now oaty frisbees of death! That could potentially be worse!

 

[SweetLiquidSnake]

Not even the Onion could come up with this shit. So I guess that means Doritos are out too then.

 

[Drummie666]

God damnit George, why are you still so damn relevant?

 

[scorptatious]

Aren't flapjacks supposed to be round? Why square or rectangular?

EDIT: *looks at article*

Whoa. That's different from the flapjacks I was thinking about. :/

 

[Zinzinbadio]

This was the obvious move as triangles are a more dangerous shape, I mean science supports it. A square has a corner of 90 degrees while a triangle assuming they are equilateral will have a corner of 60 degrees I mean come on people that is 30 degrees more dangerous.

 

[BlazeRaider]

I like how nobody here remembers that time the armies of the undead nearly wiped out humanity with flapjacks. It's like you people learn nothing from history. Good move I say.