I just wish I could have casual sex with my GF. Been together for 6 years, and man... has THAT gone out the window.
Casual sex
- Thread starter RaisonD'etre
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People can have whatever meaning they want behind sex, and that includes it being just for fun. Just remember that there is a great invention called a condom. USE IT.
This is the sort of thing that bought me to explore polyamory. One of the wonderful things about it is that you don't find small minded anti intellectual types in the poly social circles.
First things first. I don't care what other people do with their lives as long as whatever they do, they don't hurt anybody else. I have friends who are virgins at 30 and I have friends who sleep around. I have friends in long term monogamous relationships and friends in long term polyamorous relationships. As long as you are honest about what you are in to, practice sexer sex, and don't hurt anybody, more power to you.RaisonD said:
So that said, for me personally (again, this is only for me, I don't judge you). I'm cool with casual sex, but I'm not down with friends with benefits. Casual sex (with relative strangers or distant acquaintances) can be hot and fun, and then when you are done, there are no complications. Friends with Benefits is just begging for some kind of emotional drama from someone at some point down the road. And I hate emotional drama.
Would I date someone who has slept around in the past? Sure, I've slept around. It's all good.
Would I date someone who occasionally has one night stands? As long as they are honest and safe sure. Would I date someone who is having a protracted affair with someone else? Nope.
I'm married and honestly we would like to have a casual sex friend to have a threesome with. All and all if works for you whatever. I won't throw in my lot against it but i would urge you to be careful because that kind of thing could end up biting you in the ass. and not in a good way.
Emotionally, psychologically, we are wired to mate for life. If you take a partner for any length of time, sex with that person becomes associated with the relationship itself. Sleeping around only muddles this and leads to urges conflicting with emotional ties. People often end up feeling cheated even when there was no verbal "you and only you" agreement.
No problem with it whatsoever. I think it's often much more honest. Just because I'm sexually attracted to someone doesn't mean I'm emotionally attracted to them. It's rare I get emotionally attached to a girl enough to really consider my feelings romantic, but that doesn't mean there isn't sexual tension, better to just let it out, I think. These things tend to fester, left to their own devices.
Even if I thought it WAS bad idea, how the hell is what people do with their time any of my business?. People make mistakes, it's part of life, and trying to prevent them will just lead to different ones, all we can do is allow people freedom enough to grow wiser.
And would I date a woman who slept around beforehand?, why not, I'd do it to and it's not hurting anyone. Why would I be upset that the person I plan on having sex with is experienced in sex?, like it's left some kind of evil residue on her(Before anyone mentions STD's, I wouldn't sleep with anyone I didn't know well enough to trust not to give me aids, and I'd use protection anyways). The obsession with chastity is from an age when people would regularly sell their 12 year old's to their brothers. There's no real benefit in practicing it, and there's no real harm in not practicing it. Hell, I'd say that being sexually reserved is actually more problematic then being sexually outgoing.
Even if I thought it WAS bad idea, how the hell is what people do with their time any of my business?. People make mistakes, it's part of life, and trying to prevent them will just lead to different ones, all we can do is allow people freedom enough to grow wiser.
And would I date a woman who slept around beforehand?, why not, I'd do it to and it's not hurting anyone. Why would I be upset that the person I plan on having sex with is experienced in sex?, like it's left some kind of evil residue on her(Before anyone mentions STD's, I wouldn't sleep with anyone I didn't know well enough to trust not to give me aids, and I'd use protection anyways). The obsession with chastity is from an age when people would regularly sell their 12 year old's to their brothers. There's no real benefit in practicing it, and there's no real harm in not practicing it. Hell, I'd say that being sexually reserved is actually more problematic then being sexually outgoing.
Casual sex, I can do. Friends with benefits is a slippery slope though. You may mean it to be meaningless sex, but occasionally the other person may take it as a commitment to something else entirely. That is a good way to spoil a friendship. If you're going to do it, please be VERY upfront about what it is and what it isn't. Friendship is too precious to lose over such a situation. A similar situation would be coworkers getting it on, but instead of possibly ruining a friendship it possibly ruins a work environment. Just be careful guys.
Hey if every consenting party is single, then why not? I personally may not like the idea of friends with benefits, but I don't see anything wrong considering no one's cheating on anyone.RaisonD said:
[HEADING=2] What do you think Noob?
...*sigh* Not the best voice of reason[/HEADING]
If you can pull it off, good for you. If not, nothing wrong with you doing so, its not the wrong thing to do, but its probably not the smart thing to do. To each their own of course, I won't judge someone for that, but I'm not a proponent or sponser of it either.
I myself haven't had sex yet anyways so I cant really comment on my own feelings. The closest I got to though it probably would've been a FWB thing, and seeing how my relationship with that person turned out I'm glad I didn't go down that road. I'm sure sex is nice. I'm sure it probably also feels better or has more meaning when done with someone you love enough to want to do it with, as opposed to doing it with someone because you love that act of it.
I myself haven't had sex yet anyways so I cant really comment on my own feelings. The closest I got to though it probably would've been a FWB thing, and seeing how my relationship with that person turned out I'm glad I didn't go down that road. I'm sure sex is nice. I'm sure it probably also feels better or has more meaning when done with someone you love enough to want to do it with, as opposed to doing it with someone because you love that act of it.
I'm a woman and I've had...two fuck buddies. All of them were men that I knew and loved as friends and it never ended messily for me because we never complicated it with feelings.
I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you're safe and that both you and your friend with benefits discuss your 'relationship' and all the other stuff to make sure that things don't end messily.
I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you're safe and that both you and your friend with benefits discuss your 'relationship' and all the other stuff to make sure that things don't end messily.
I used do sleep around a bit, but I've sorta stopped in favor of this one lady that I love. We've been together awhile now and I gotta say I do not miss the sleeping around. Because honestly, at the end of the day I was still alone. Sure, I had some fun encounters, but I wanted something concrete. Now that I've got it I'm not going back.
Not to disagree, I'm just confused, but... Aren't we wired NOT to mate for life. the divorce rate is like 40% isn't it?, and that's only people who got married.Nieroshai said:
And to my knowledge, one of the monkey species most closely related to humans are Bonobos
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo
Yeah I kinda forgot the origin so I said "source". Now I want to find the true source.... Onward my steed! Google is just through the next valley!