Cheating in relationships: your views?

[LogicNProportion]

I don't like it.
'Nuff said.

Is it? Plenty of people in this thread have stated as such, but is it right to condemn another person to contempt without being able to articulate your reasons? We understand that it's a violation of trust, but trust in what?. If it's trust in them not sleeping with another, why do you hold that to be important? Even if the facts are self-evident to you, the word 'you' is important. Why do you have trust in your partner not to have sex with another? Or if your definition of cheating differs, as many do, why do you hold the views towards it that you do?

There is nothing gained by anyone through the simple declaration of yes/no. It is, if I might be so bold, not 'nuff said.

I respectfully disagree. The most simple statements hold the most power. Having to break down and explain a reason is honestly for the purpose of having to convince and show what you mean. Thus, the more convoluted answer has less power.

Yes, no, etc, are beautiful words. They hold everything the person is trying to say. It's their consensus, and shortens up the riff-raff that entangles so many situations nowadays.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I respectfully disagree. The most simple statements hold the most power. Having to break down and explain a reason is honestly for the purpose of having to convince and show what you mean. Thus, the more convoluted answer has less power.

Yes, no, etc, are beautiful words. They hold everything the person is trying to say. It's their consensus, and shortens up the riff-raff that entangles so many situations nowadays

But not, strictly speaking, worth jack damn on a discussion forum. And, if I may, there is nothing more convoluted than human emotion. Relationships require communication, not platitudes. Simple statements hold power, certainly, but not meaning. I don't think there could be a greater disappointment than a relationship falling through because short statements hold style but lack substance. What point is there in standing around here declaring cheaters to be varying levels of pond scum without asking each other why? More importantly, what's the point if we each privately have a different image of what 'cheating' means to them?

We're not here to discuss what we would do if cheated on, it says 'your views' right in the title. So share your views, all of them, not simply your reactions.

 

[LogicNProportion]

I respectfully disagree. The most simple statements hold the most power. Having to break down and explain a reason is honestly for the purpose of having to convince and show what you mean. Thus, the more convoluted answer has less power.

Yes, no, etc, are beautiful words. They hold everything the person is trying to say. It's their consensus, and shortens up the riff-raff that entangles so many situations nowadays

But not, strictly speaking, worth jack damn on a discussion forum. And, if I may, there is nothing more convoluted than human emotion. Relationships require communication, not platitudes. Simple statements hold power, certainly, but not meaning. I don't think there could be a greater disappointment than a relationship falling through because short statements hold style but lack substance. What point is there in standing around here declaring cheaters to be varying levels of pond scum without asking each other why? More importantly, what's the point if we each privately have a different image of what 'cheating' means to them?

We're not here to discuss what we would do if cheated on, it says 'your views' right in the title. So share your views, all of them, not simply your reactions.

Actions speak louder than words. As for wondering 'why' on a meaning of yes or no, it shouldn't matter. Someone has given their direct consensus. Maybe they don't feel like sharing personal experiences, because they could be painful. And for the definition of cheating, I think everyone here is under the impression it means: "Going behind your back and fucking 'not you'."

Does that means relationships are all about sex? No. But it does have a degree to it.

EDIT: And to add a new analogy to what I mean by why asking why on terms of such a direct answer: It's like asking a masked man who he is.

 

[Kenko]

I'd ditch them like a soiled cloth if they cheated on me.

 

[Funkysandwich]

I might be able to forgive it in a relationship, but if I ever get married I wouldn't stand for it.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

SNIP

EEsh way to aim an arrow at my dillemma. Bullseye. I like my friends girlfriend. And hes hardly nice to her by any stretch of the imagination. Shes always crying about him and what he does and says. I really like her but she well.... lacks confidense to break it off with him. Im taking her on a date today, i did the same thing last week but nothing happened then, we just had an epic time. I would feel terrible being a cheater with her but... this case blurs all the lines of right and wrong when it comes to cheating.

I dont know really, i dont think its right 99% of the time. I dont even think this is truly right, il just end up confusing her. I think the idea of having someone else invovled with someone special to you is a horrible idea, i couldnt stand it regardless of WHAT side of the cheating im on, iether the one cheated on or the one that assisted with the cheating.

 

[Ultrajoe]

Actions speak louder than words.

This is a text-based forum, however. And, as implied by the use of the word, a forum.

As for wondering 'why' on a meaning of yes or no, it shouldn't matter.

Really? I think the 'why' part of somebodies opinion is the most important part. And to be more specific, I think 'why' is a pretty important question to ask about declaring how any hypothetical relationship would cease to be at the very idea of a concept. Not to offend, but I think it's somewhat haphazard to push 'Why?' into irrelevance just because the feelings surrounding this are strong. In fact, it's the most heated emotions that need the most introspection.

Someone has given their direct consensus. Maybe they don't feel like sharing personal experiences, because they could be painful.

They don't need to share personal experiences, but some depth to their feelings beyond a single word would be nice. Given how deep the feelings surrounding the concept of sexual betrayal are, don't you find it silly to reduce that to a single syllable?

And for the definition of cheating, I think everyone here is under the impression it means: "Going behind your back and fucking 'not you'."

I know several people who would disagree with you.

EDIT: And to add a new analogy to what I mean by why asking why on terms of such a direct answer: It's like asking a masked man who he is.

This is a discussion forum, not a masked ball. People come here to discuss.

 

[Infernai]

I personally think its kind of pointless in all honesty....i mean, why stay with a person if you are sleeping around behind their back? And no, i don't buy that whole "I still think i love them" bullshit either. Then again some are just heartless asshats who are sticking around until the money dries up, or they are just plain sick people who get a thrill out of doing this sort of thing for whatever weird reason. (at this point i would like to point out that i don't count those kinds of couples who willingly agree with one another to sleep with different people...thats just a bit umm odd but its not what i'm talking about here).

 

[LogicNProportion]

Actions speak louder than words.

This is a text-based forum, however. And, as implied by the use of the word, a forum.

As for wondering 'why' on a meaning of yes or no, it shouldn't matter.

Really? I think the 'why' part of somebodies opinion is the most important part. And to be more specific, I think 'why' is a pretty important question to ask about declaring how any hypothetical relationship would cease to be at the very idea of a concept. Not to offend, but I think it's somewhat haphazard to push 'Why?' into irrelevance just because the feelings surrounding this are strong. In fact, it's the most heated emotions that need the most introspection.

Someone has given their direct consensus. Maybe they don't feel like sharing personal experiences, because they could be painful.

They don't need to share personal experiences, but some depth to their feelings beyond a single word would be nice. Given how deep the feelings surrounding the concept of sexual betrayal are, don't you find it silly to reduce that to a single syllable?

And for the definition of cheating, I think everyone here is under the impression it means: "Going behind your back and fucking 'not you'."

I know several people who would disagree with you.

EDIT: And to add a new analogy to what I mean by why asking why on terms of such a direct answer: It's like asking a masked man who he is.

This is a discussion forum, not a masked ball. People come here to discuss.

The fact that you are posting what you are, is, in fact, an action.

Emotions can often have very little reasoning. Most people don't understand why they feel the way they do. You see something, you feel disgusted, but you might not know why until you look into it. But by that time, you probably have a conclusion and opinion.

Again, no, I don't. A deep feeling is just that, deep, and meaningful. Quality over quantity. A man asks, "Can I kill your children?" You respond "No." He asks "Why?" I know this is over-simplifying it, but do you see what I mean?

Of course it involves other stuff, but that is a simple, mainstream definition. To dismiss it as not being the majority view would be silly.

This is the internet. Your name is not Ultrajoe, mine is not LogicNProportion. We're all wearing masks. In all discussions, there are those who are willing to state the case, and those who are there to plead the case. Plenty of people here say 'yes' or 'no, because they merely want their opinions up, which creates a general consensus and feel of the thread, and if enough topics have this feel, then people start thinking the Escapist feels as such. Not everyone comes here to explain themselves. They were asked how they feel about something. Is it good or bad? In this case, yes or no, is a common, literal, and acceptable response. An explanation is desired, not required.

Example: A lot of people on here feel that the Escapist is pro-atheism. More times than not, in many religion topics, the atheists drown out any other belief, simply because there's a majority.

 

[Ultrajoe]

Emotions can often have very little reasoning. Most people don't understand why they feel the way they do. You see something, you feel disgusted, but you might not know why until you look into it. But by that time, you probably have a conclusion and opinion.

Again, no, I don't. A deep feeling is just that, deep, and meaningful. Quality over quantity. A man asks, "Can I kill your children?" You respond "No." He asks "Why?" I know this is over-simplifying it, but do you see what I mean?

I think if you can't answer as to why you wouldn't kill your children, you have serious problems.

Of course it involves other stuff, but that is a simple, mainstream definition. To dismiss it as not being the majority view would be silly.

This is the internet. Your name is not Ultrajoe, mine is not LogicNProportion. We're all wearing masks. In all discussions, there are those who are willing to state the case, and those who are there to plead the case. Plenty of people here say 'yes' or 'no, because they merely want their opinions up, which creates a general consensus and feel of the thread, and if enough topics have this feel, then people start thinking the Escapist feels as such. Not everyone comes here to explain themselves. They were asked how they feel about something. Is it good or bad? In this case, yes or no, is a common, literal, and acceptable response. An explanation is desired, not not required.

From the forum guidelines;

Starting a thread: Posting is an art; be proud of your work. A good thread will generate discussion. Will it bring something new to the table and will you want to participate in the discussion it creates? We don't expect every thread to be incredibly deep and thought provoking, but every thread should engage the community in a positive way.

Everything past the first sentence of that says that yes, an explanation is required. This is not a poll, this site is not twitter.

Nobody is helped, nothing is gained, from the statement of something so pointlessly obvious as 'cheating sucks'.

 

[Criquefreak]

If by some frightening possibility I was in a relationship and they did cheat, wouldn't just be an opinion, it'd be a breach of contract.

Yes, I'd explicity have a written statement of the rules of the relationship and probably be crazy enough to get it notorized. Having outright discussed expectations of both parties, there'd be no one questioning why the break up occured. Might even get someone forward enough to break up with me before there's even cheating in the first place.

Even if I was able to suppress the obsessively crazy on this, the mere fact that they'd be doing such with someone else is clear indication that they don't want me for such a purpose, so why the heck stick around in a sham relationship. Also, there's the potential health risks involved in continuing on with someone so promiscuous they're probably picking up some stds if they haven't already.

 

[LogicNProportion]

Emotions can often have very little reasoning. Most people don't understand why they feel the way they do. You see something, you feel disgusted, but you might not know why until you look into it. But by that time, you probably have a conclusion and opinion.

Again, no, I don't. A deep feeling is just that, deep, and meaningful. Quality over quantity. A man asks, "Can I kill your children?" You respond "No." He asks "Why?" I know this is over-simplifying it, but do you see what I mean?

I think if you can't answer as to why you wouldn't kill your children, you have serious problems.

Of course it involves other stuff, but that is a simple, mainstream definition. To dismiss it as not being the majority view would be silly.

This is the internet. Your name is not Ultrajoe, mine is not LogicNProportion. We're all wearing masks. In all discussions, there are those who are willing to state the case, and those who are there to plead the case. Plenty of people here say 'yes' or 'no, because they merely want their opinions up, which creates a general consensus and feel of the thread, and if enough topics have this feel, then people start thinking the Escapist feels as such. Not everyone comes here to explain themselves. They were asked how they feel about something. Is it good or bad? In this case, yes or no, is a common, literal, and acceptable response. An explanation is desired, not not required.

From the forum guidelines;

Starting a thread: Posting is an art; be proud of your work. A good thread will generate discussion. Will it bring something new to the table and will you want to participate in the discussion it creates? We don't expect every thread to be incredibly deep and thought provoking, but every thread should engage the community in a positive way.

Everything past the first sentence of that says that yes, an explanation is required. This is not a poll, this site is not twitter.

You shouldn't have to say 'Why" though! It's a stupid question and a stupider request! If I was asked, I wouldn't answer not because I don't have reasons, but because I'd be so dumbfounded that someone would ask that, and needs an explanation.

So the person being asked isn't fucked up, it's the guy asking!

"Do you like eating pine-cones?"

"No."

"Why?"

And to your second point, not everyone does! People may post more than one word; yes/no, but they don't exactly say anything either? Ever listen to a rambling idiot? Sure, they're saying a lot, but are they really saying anything? And keep in mind that those guide-lines saying nothing about NEEDING anything. Just showing that a good thread will be thought-provoking, and SHOULD bring new insights to the table. SHOULD.

 

[N.Manth]

never...there is no excuse

 

[Ultrajoe]

You shouldn't have to say 'Why" though! It's a stupid question and a stupider request!

Why? Do you really not understand your own feelings to the point where you don't know why something should be so self-evident? You're trying to deny the fact that people might feel the same thing for different reasons. That, surely, is more emotionally disturbing than my wanting to know those different reasons. Are you really suggesting that anyone who doesn't know the answer is some kind of sociopath? Children ask such questions all the time.

If I was asked, I wouldn't answer not because I don't have reasons, but because I'd be so dumbfounded that someone would ask that, and needs an explanation.

So the person being asked isn't fucked up, it's the guy asking!

But you can give an answer, yes? Then why aren't you?

"Do you like eating pine-cones?"

"No."

"Why?"

If you honestly think you can reduce relationships to this level, then we've worked out why you can't answer a simple question regarding them.

And to your second point, not everyone does! People may post more than one word; yes/no, but they don't exactly say anything either? Ever listen to a rambling idiot? Sure, they're saying a lot, but are they really saying anything? And keep in mind that those guide-lines saying nothing about NEEDING anything. Just showing that a good thread will be though-provoking, and SHOULD bring new insights to the table. SHOULD.

Yes. Should. I should avoid filling your cranial capacity with otters because it's a fucking stupid thing to do, but admittedly the option is still physically possible. You should try to obey the forum guidelines and actually use a discussion forum to discuss. It's possible to not do so, yes, but still bloody stupid. Not least because the thread will simply be locked.

 

[LogicNProportion]

You shouldn't have to say 'Why" though! It's a stupid question and a stupider request!

Why? Do you really not understand your own feelings to the point where you don't know why something should be so self-evident? You're trying to deny the fact that people might feel the same thing for different reasons. That, surely, is more emotionally disturbing than my wanting to know those different reasons. Are you really suggesting that anyone who doesn't know the answer is some kind of sociopath? Children ask such questions all the time.

If I was asked, I wouldn't answer not because I don't have reasons, but because I'd be so dumbfounded that someone would ask that, and needs an explanation.

So the person being asked isn't fucked up, it's the guy asking!

But you can give an answer, yes? Then why aren't you?

"Do you like eating pine-cones?"

"No."

"Why?"

If you honestly think you can reduce relationships to this level, then we've worked out why you can't answer a simple question regarding them.

And to your second point, not everyone does! People may post more than one word; yes/no, but they don't exactly say anything either? Ever listen to a rambling idiot? Sure, they're saying a lot, but are they really saying anything? And keep in mind that those guide-lines saying nothing about NEEDING anything. Just showing that a good thread will be though-provoking, and SHOULD bring new insights to the table. SHOULD.

Yes. Should. I should avoid filling your cranial capacity with otters because it's a fucking stupid thing to do, but admittedly the option is still physically possible. You should try to obey the forum guidelines and actually use a discussion forum to discuss. It's possible to not do so, yes, but still bloody stupid. Not least because the thread will simply be locked.

*Sigh* Listen, I think we're just from two different world here.

Not saying you're wrong, not saying I'm right. I'm just sick of arguing about this, because it's obvious I can't sway the way you think, and I know I'm far too stubborn and set in my thinking to believe in what you propose.

Good speaking to you, but I'm done...for now. ;]

By the by, I would say, THAT was a good discussion. Now if only what we were arguing about was the topic...hmmmmm...

Peace!

-LnP

 

[Ultrajoe]

Now if only what we were arguing about was the topic...hmmmmm...

Yes. That was my entire point.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

SNIP

EEsh way to aim an arrow at my dillemma. Bullseye. I like my friends girlfriend. And hes hardly nice to her by any stretch of the imagination. Shes always crying about him and what he does and says. I really like her but she well.... lacks confidense to break it off with him. Im taking her on a date today, i did the same thing last week but nothing happened then, we just had an epic time. I would feel terrible being a cheater with her but... this case blurs all the lines of right and wrong when it comes to cheating.

I dont know really, i dont think its right 99% of the time. I dont even think this is truly right, il just end up confusing her. I think the idea of having someone else invovled with someone special to you is a horrible idea, i couldnt stand it regardless of WHAT side of the cheating im on, iether the one cheated on or the one that assisted with the cheating.

Well since you both haven't done anything thus far you're still not a bad friend or cheater or anything by that stretch of imagination.
Sometimes we just end up in situations where there is not clear cut solution...no matter what, someone's going to get hurt. How badly does he treat her?

 

[YourlocalPCsnob]

Cheating on your GF is A ok.
Cheating on your wife makes you a dbag.
If she cheats on you she is a whore and must be removed.
Also dont get caught.